Years ago I did a personal growth workshop (The Hoffman Process: Amazing!) in which we were asked to look into another person’s eyes for minutes at a time. Our “partner” was someone we had just met. At first it felt downright awkward, as you can imagine, but after a bit (30 seconds?), each of us began to feel a sense of overwhelming warmth and empathy for someone who was essentially a stranger.
“Mutual gazing,” as it is called, is a well-known social phenomenon which acts to bond mother to child, and partner to partner in romantic relationships. Indeed, one can evaluate the level of maternal bonding by measuring the length of mutual gazing, and predict the amount of gazing based on maternal oxytocin levels. Gazing and oxytocin levels appear to exist in a “positive loop,” in which gazing increases oxytocin, and oxytocin increases gazing.
You know where I’m going here… We already know that something similar applies to gazes between people and their dogs. In 2009 I wrote about some interesting research from Nagasawa’s lab which found that oxytocin increases as gaze length between a person and a dog increases. They’ve followed up on this work by looking at oxytocin levels after “long” or “short” gazes in both people, dogs and wolves, and administering oxytocin to dogs to see if it increased gaze length. You can read a summary of the work in the New York Times.
The primary findings were that 1) oxytocin increased in both people and dogs who engaged in “long gazes” with one another and showed high levels of touching, 2) that was not true of interactions between people and their hand-reared wolves, or even people and dogs in the “short gaze” category, and 3) spraying oxytocin into the noses of female dogs increased the amount of time they made prolonged eye contact with their owners, but that was not true for male dogs.
None of us are surprised about the results with wolves, given that we already know that wolves look to and at humans at much lower rates than domestic dogs. However, it is especially interesting that although gazing and touch correlated with oxytocin levels, the duration of gazing appeared to be the factor that drove the increase in oxytocin, not touch. I would have guessed the opposite. It’s also interesting that only female dogs increased gaze time after the application of nasal oxytocin, not males. The NYT article suggests that male “vigilance” might account for this result, but I wondered if it might have more to do with higher baseline levels of oxytocin in female mammals. A close read of the published article in Science suggests just that: That either females are more sensitive to exogenous oxytocin, or perhaps other physiological differences between males and females might apply.
The timing of the news article was serendipitous, because it came out just as I was leaving for a two-day workshop at the National Institute of Child Health and Development on Animal Assisted Interventions (often called Animal Assisted Therapy) but AAI includes both focused therapy and more casual interactions like hospital visits) and Special Populations, or people suffering from PTSD, Autism or ADHD). It was a fascinating two days, in which we focused on state-of-the-artresearch on AAI –what do we know now, and what’s needed in the future? Particularly relevant to this article was a talk by Dr. Andrea Beetz, about possible mechanisms which would explain the therapeutic effects of AAI. She reviewed the literature that has found that oxytocin, in the right dosage, can increase the sense of well-being, increase social interactions, elevate mood, decrease the perception of pain, etc. etc. No wonder it’s my favorite drug.
But she also discussed Attachment Theory, Biophilia (ie, Wilson’s hypothesis that humans have an innate love of animals and nature itself), that animals focus attention (and thus might help people w/ ADHD) and distract people from pain and the feelings of fear. There was lots more to her talk, and several other excellent talks summarizing positive effects of equine and canine AAI for children on the Austism spectrum and those with ADHD.
Here is perhaps the most important set of questions that emerged from the workshop: What is it about animals that creates these positive effects (and increase in oxytocin)? Could you replicate it without real animals? (I myself feel a generalized resistance to that, but think about it: What if you could get the same effect with stuffed animals and provide this help to far more patients?) What is the minimum “effective dose?” What conditions are most helped with AAI? Beetz suggested that conditions that involve “insecure attachment” (trust issues in people with PTSD for example) and those needing help concentrating, dealing with pain, social stress or fear. Lots of questions to be asked and answered; it’s inspiring that so many great people are working on it.
My question for you, based on the work published in Science: Do you engage in long “mutual gazing” sessions with your dog? I would guess that it varies greatly, from person to person, from dog to dog. I look into my dog’s eyes a lot, but I have to admit I doubt that it lasts 100 seconds at a time. My dogs often look at me for long periods, but I’ve always thought they were looking for information about what I’m about to do next or where the next dog treat is coming from. You? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
MEANWHILE back on the farm: Eeeps! Crazy busy. I was gone almost a week, first to Toronto and then to Washington D.C. for the NICHD workshop. Meanwhile, spring is busting out all over, tons of gardening to do, and lambs due any minute. Lady Baa Baa is driving me crazy, I was sure she’d have her lambs last night at the latest. Dogs need lots of work on sheep, house is a mess, company coming, 100 papers to grade… you get the idea.
But I’m making myself take time to smell the flowers. Or enjoy them, as I did these cherry blossoms outside of D.C. last week. I loved the contrast of the soft, frilly flowers and the hard, shiny lines of the building in the background.
We’re not so far along with spring here in Wisconsin, but Polly enjoyed the weather this weekend, perched on a post overlooking the orchard pasture.
Frances says
I do look into my animals eyes, but probably for 5 or 10, rather than 100, seconds. Of all four Sophy is the one who makes and holds eye contact most often, and for her it is chiefly a means of communication. She will gaze at me until she catches my attention, make sure she has it, and then make a small but definite eye flick to indicate what needs doing (a bed plumping up, a cat removing from a favoured spot, an empty water bowl…). The other day she kept staring while I worked through the possibilities – Bed? No… Garden? No… Game? No… – until I eventually realised that I had poured a glass of wine for a visiting friend and myself, but failed to get out crisps and other nibbles that usually accompany an aperitif and are always shared with the animals. I was stared into producing an acceptable substitute!
Poppy gazes for love and cuddles, and will eventually give up looking in favour of snuggling, although she likes to lie on her back in my arms so that she can combine cuddling with gazing into my face. The cats do the classic slow blink, and will continue almost indefinitely if it is returned.
Trish K says
I look into my dogs eyes often but mostly feel the effects of oxytocin when I catch them looking at me. At different times Simon and Bell will sit on the couch and rest their chins/heads on the back rest and as I’m busy doing things I’ll look up to see them staring at me. It happens quite often. I can’t resist hurrying over and loving all over them. What gives me oxytocin overload is when they hug me. Bella hugs me with her forehead pressed into my chest and she’ll stay in that position for more than a minute as I rub her ears and back. Simons hugs by as I caress the side of his face he lays his head into the Palm of hand. I think my oxytocin levels are increasing as I write this
Peggy Lee says
Interesting! I wouldn’t have guessed gazing long periods would have this effect with dogs. I treat PTSD and have used animal assisted therapy over the years. Patricia – we spoke briefly at a conference years ago – I think part of what is so successful about using animals to treat trauma is that they do not automatically trigger the flight/fight response in the limbic system like humans do if the trauma was human caused. If the limbic system goes into hyperarousal or hypoarousal (in humans or animals) progress cannot be made as the executive functioning aspects of the brain are shut down. Also the psychological connections of animals needing to be protected, not having a “voice”, being at the mercy of humans, being innocent, are things that people who have been traumatized relate to on a deep level and allows for greater trust and bonding. It’s an exciting time with the advancements of neuroscience and the brain. Re: oxytocin, I read that it increases in men during competition or feelings of jealousy. Also read that men’s estrogen levels rise when they have daughters. Re: the power of attachment needs, look up a 2 or 3 minute video on youtube called “Still Face Experiment”. It’s incredible to see the level of sensitivity young children have. I always tear up watching it. Thank you for being a pioneer in the field of bridging the human/animal world!
Marilyn Mele says
I love looking into my dogs’ eyes and trying to understand what they think or want or feel. But truthfully, they usually initiate the eye contact and it doesn’t continue for long moments. Dogs trained for some specific purpose seem to be attuned to and watchful of their human and actually seek that connection that starts with eyes but travels right straight to the heart.
Anonymous says
I opened today’s link with hope that it would help me with the my struggle about keeping my newly adopted dog. He’s a wonderful, healthy and handsome dog and is doing well with training but I’m feeling SO overwhelmed and stressed that I’m not finding any pleasure in the experience. I’m feeling like I have an attachment disorder! I thought maybe I was spending to much time “working” with him and not enough time just “being” so we’ve spent more time doing that. It hasn’t helped all that much. I’m really wondering if getting a dog was the right thing at this time but everyone is telling me that it will get better, that I can’t give up, that he’s a great dog, etc. My biggest concern is him – he deserves to be fully loved and attended to and I just am not sure I’m the person to do it right now. Any thoughts?
em says
What an interesting and multi-faceted topic. I have so many questions I’m not sure where to start but I was wondering whether any work has been done to try to determine whether this gaze-oxytocin link observed in pet dogs is a learned behavior or a genetic trait unique to dogs vs. wolves.
I ask in part because my strongly bonded heart dog Otis is one of those who really doesn’t go in for long direct eye contact. When we adopted him at 18mos old, he actively avoided it, and even now doesn’t gaze into my eyes the way Sandy will, though at eight years old, he makes MUCH more frequent, much more prolonged, and much more comfortable eye contact than he did as a youngster. I’ve always suspected that Otis’ puppyhood contact with humans was extremely limited and wondered what effect that might have had on his eye contact preferences.
Lest anyone worry that our relationship is oxytocin deprived, however, I would also note that while he has always been at least somewhat avoidant as far as direct eye contact goes, Otis IS extremely solicitous of physical contact, which seems to serve as our primary bonding expression.
I also wonder what effect my own preferences may unconsciously be having on my dogs’ use of eye contact. Sandy is much more comfortable with gazing and being gazed at, but in both dogs’ cases, the biggest surge of oxytocin that I feel comes when their eyes are closed and their heads or bodies are snuggled against me, which both of my dogs do multiple times a day. Maybe it’s ME that unconsciously fails to reinforce long gazes because I don’t get the biggest bang for my oxytocin buck from them?
Bruce says
Red Dog is more interested in physical contact than eye contact. She is happy to fling herself into your arms and snuggle, but usually breaks eye contact pretty quickly. We have only had her for two months, though. It will be interesting to see whether she becomes more comfortable with eye contact over time.
I wonder what dogs think of eyeglasses? Perhaps they process eyeglasses as akin to “furnishings” that partly cover the eyes on some breeds.
Cathy W. says
I’ve found the Australian Shepherds I’ve had loved long eye contact but my Border Collie didn’t. She much prefers soft touching around her ears and the side of her face. Eye contact came from her as she got older.
Nina Worthe says
I wonder if this is why eye contact heeling makes for such a mutually satisfying exercise?
Frances says
Anonymous – have you tried simply playing together? Get down on the floor in a playbow, and follow your dog’s lead to work out his preferred play style. It worked like a charm for me and Sophy when life had got a bit too serious, and she now initiates regular play sessions. There is something about sharing silly, giggly play that really gets the oxytocin flowing – I am sure that it is not coincidental that I played the same games with puppies as with babies, from This Little Piggy to Rock-a-by Baby!
Nic1 says
I often find my dog gazing at me when she is settling on the sofa for the evening. She seems really comfortable with prolonged eye contact and I also like to gaze into her eyes whilst stroking and petting. She often leans in for licks on the nose and seems to enjoy it, then leaning in with her body and nuzzling her head against my chest. Of course, I hate it…. 😉
The stuffed animal interaction is interesting. My partner still has his stuffed teddy bear from his childhood next to his bedside…I remember being somewhat ridiculously attached to my stuffed Koala bear, Jimmy, as a child. So much so, if my elder brother teased me by throwing him in the air, I would cry. I have a dog who loves to ‘kill’ her plush toys, but she totes Mr. Fox around and nibbles his fur like he’s a little pal of hers. Perhaps the stuffed animals attachment is like a placebo effect? If you don’t have access to animals or are aperhaps allergic, cuddling your stuffed plush husky after a squirt of oxytocin up your nose may be effective for some.
With regard to eye glasses, I remember a BC we know regarding me extremely warily when I was wearing some large sunglasses one day. She stared at me as if my eyes had grown to be somewhat inordinately large. Once I removed the glasses, she relaxed. Difficult to predict generally, but probably depends on the size and shape of the eyewear?
Laura says
A topic I’m interested in, especially since I’ve always found a disconnect, at least for me, between dog training as a primarily visual work and the fact that I can’t use my vision to help train my dog. I say it’s just me, because I know many successfully owner-trained guide dogs whoo’s handlers have trained them to work just as well as any program dog trained by sighted people. How do they do that? I know they have some sighted help, with traffic training and such, but really, how do they train for food refusal? My sister pointed out to me that Seamus, when we are in a restaurant, will look at the floor while he’s guiding me to see if there is any food he can potentially snatch. I had no idea he was doing that and I can’t see well enough to stop him from even looking. I could do some work with him with a sighted friend, but what would happen when we’re alone? He’s a stinker when it comes to food and will always be a little Hoover dog, attempting to grab any bit he can. He isn’t putting me in danger and I wouldn’t say his work is all that effected, but it is annoying and is something I’d love to work on, but it leads me to another point having more to do with the topic at hand.
I can’t make eye contact with my dog. I can’t make eye contact with anyone and I wonder if we are bonded less because of that? I can feel seamus’s reaction when anyone makes eye contact with him. If he’s in harness, I feel his tail immediately begin to wag when someone is standing in front of him, looking at him and talking to him. I can just tell, they’ve made eye contact with him because, though he doesn’t break his position beside me, something in his body changes. His ears go up, he tenses with excitement and there’s that wagging tail. He doesn’t even pay attention to a person when he’s in harness if the person is simply looking at him and not into his eyes. Sometimes, when he knows someone very well, like my sister or my husband, he will guide me towards them, especially if they’ve made eye contact with him and this can be dangerous. I wonder what to do in that situation? I am at a loss, because I know we make eye contact with our dogs and they naturally respond to it, it’s built in.
I know Seamus is more bonded to me than anyone else. If it’s a choice between sleeping in the bed with me, and hanging out in the livingroom with my husband, where the dog toys are, Seamus will choose me each time. He wants to be where I am, no matter where that is and I can feel that bond, but what to do? Do our trainers, who are sighted, make eye contact with our dogs? Do they train them using it and how does this effect our relationship to our dogs as handlers who may not be able to make the eye contact others do? does this effect our bond and hence our working relationship with our dogs at all? Am I worried for no reason? These are questions I’d like answered by trainers yes, but I know some puppy raisers are on this blog and I’d like to know if their schools talk about this aspect of dog/human interaction and what they say about it.
John Thomson says
My Golden, Bella, is 2yrs 7mts old and will lie on her bed, chin resting on paws staring at me almost unblinkingly for five to ten minutes at a time. I have no earthly idea what is going on, but she seems to be checking me out, quite spooky at times. Sometimes she will sit directly opposite, about two to three feet away, staring with direct eye contact. Like others have said, I go through my mental checklist…pee/poo/tea time/play etc, sometimes to no avail. If I reach out, she gives me a paw (why do dogs give you a paw…because they can’t give you the finger!). After an intimate stare yesterday, she initiated a cuddle by placing her two front legs on the sofa next to me and leaned in for a head/ear rub. When I returned the ‘hug’, all I got was a very quiet growl…oopsie.
Abby says
Recently I’ve been hearing that many owners unintentionally stop or prevent their dogs from watching them… With that in mind I’ve been doing more positive reinforcing of the watch me cue for times when we are working together. Based on this article I’d like to incorporate gazing sessions into massage or other quiet moments.
MF Kapner says
My younger dog (male) totally avoids eye contact unless we are working or playing. On the other hand, my older female loves to gaze into my eyes for lengthy periods of time at rest. I would almost say adoringly. We have many “serious discussions” oogling each other!
But it has always bothered me that it is not so with the other dog. Is it just his individual personality, I wonder? Or is it learned because he is very submissive to the female, who does show a bit of jealousy when wanting my attention? Or . . .??
I might add that both are trained sporting dogs besides being wonderful pets. Thanks for the interesting article.
Mary says
Since I read this info a few days ago, several times a day I say to Rose, “Oxytocin time!” and we gaze into each other’s eyes (she likes eye contact) for as long as either of us has time for. I find myself looking forward to this bonding ritual and I believe she does too.
Trisha says
Some comments from me: Frances, your comment about dogs staring at us in order to get us to do something is important. Perhaps we should distinguish between “mutual gazing” and “one individual staring at another.” I too have dogs who will stare at me when they want something. Maggie has taught me that she needs to go outside to potty. Willie does it when he thinks it is time for dinner. I love the comment too from Frances that Sophy will lock eyes, an then flick an eye in the direction of what she wants. Such a smart move on the part of a dog. Maggie does the same (but it is almost always toward the sheep!). I suspect that lots of dogs are desperately trying to communicate with their owners, and too often failing to get their point across.
To Trish K: So funny that you felt like your oxytocin levels were rising while you were writing your comment. I think mine went up while reading what you wrote!
To Peggy Lee: Thanks so much for your comment about eye contact, oxytocin and PTSD. Highly relevant, given the discussions at NICHD about what about AAT causes a therapeutic effect. I’ve heard several PTSD sufferers tell me that they were able to calm their HPA axis (fear/flight) because they knew that their dogs were being vigilant for them. So the owners could relax, because they knew there dog was always “on guard.” I’ve sent my dogs into a dark room or barn when I had the heebie jeebies, always a relief to know that they sensed nothing was wrong.
levon says
Wow! How exciting could this be for our dogs and us. I had a training client complain, and want me to fix her dogs long stares. She felt uncomfortable being watched. I want sure why the dog was starting but could tell that the dog was offering many appearing behaviors. After reading this, I think a gazing session would have been helpful.
Joe says
Hmmm! I thought that staring was a negative or agressive behavior in canids. Cocoa (rescue Lab; we’ve had her for going on 2 yrs now) does look at me a lot but I couldn’t call it a stare; it appears that she’s looking for clues as to what I’m going to want her to do/not do.
While I’m at it–This Sunday Cocoa & I will take a test for her becoming a Therapy Dog. I’m not optimistic about her passing, but we’ll see. She’s good on most of the behaviors, but WILL NOT stay sitting when another dog is walked by her. Wish us luck.
Trisha says
To Anonymous: I’m sorry that right now your new dog is feeling like a burden rather than a joy. So many things to know and ask here, because much of how you are feeling might have nothing at all to do with the dog. Too busy? Overwhelmed? Grieving over another dog? But let’s say that it really is simply all about the dog–that something about the two of you together is preventing a connection. What then? I loved Frances’ idea about dropping “obedience” sometimes and just playing around together. Great advice. I would want to ask too: What are your expectations here? I have found myself stressed in earlier years because I felt like I was not doing a good enough job; that dog X should be farther along, that if I was a good person dog Y wouldn’t jump up any more. I’ve relaxed a lot about all that, perhaps because I’m older and wiser, perhaps because I’m older and lazier. I’ve had Maggie over a year now, and she still jumps up sometimes. Oh well. I adore her, I am 100% sure that she adores me. She’s learned a ton in a year. She is the perfect playmate for Willie. Any chance that expectations you are putting on yourself could be a factor?
Trisha says
To Laura and her service dog: Such an interesting set of questions. I wish I was qualified to answer them all. I’m not a service dog trainer, and I hope that some who are might address some of your concerns. But here’s what I can add: If Seamus wants to be with you over everyone else, what’s to worry?! Clearly you have one of the most special bonds possible. I’d celebrate it and be grateful for it every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to sleep. It says a lot about you that Seamus loves you so much whether you can make eye contact or not… I’d remind myself of that and not worry about not being able to make eye contact. Comments from others?
Gotta go check on Lady Baa Baa’s new lambs now! More later.
Megan says
Anonymous — I recently got a border collie, my first dog of this breed. The first month was tough: I felt close to tears each day, and sometimes beyond, and came close to re-homing her; her fear issues, and biting, felt overwhelming. But to add to what others have said here, I had a breakthrough one day. I suddenly “gave up” on solving all her problems. We just played together. And even though I got bitten (thank heaven for bite inhibition) when she got over-excited, for ten minutes it was pure partnership. We were playing the same game. That ten minutes won the day. It is still hard slogging at times — an effort to help her feel calm in a hectic world — but I feel part of her world most of the time now, and that makes all the difference. There is so much literature about raising a dog through positive reinforcement — which on the whole is progress (in my opinion). But it can also add stress to the owner, if you infer that all of your choices will make or break this young (or old), precious creature. I think sometimes we undervalue the “useless” moments together. And yes, I love to look in her eyes. She doesn’t hold my gaze for very long — she’s only 3 1/2 months old — but I love those few seconds!
Mireille says
Dear Shadow has “the Look” when he wants something very badly. He also pointedly looks at what he wants. Occasionally I find him staring at something woth that same intense gaze when I am not in the room. We joke he is practisibg telekinesis on the cheese. He gets praise and a hug though; looking is allowed, self service is not.
The soulfull gaze.. That is Spot’s turf. But he does nit like staring into each other’s eyes. He prefers foreheads touching pose. We lie in the ground often, foreheads touching, noses too
Kat says
I rather suspect that one of the reasons Ranger is so incredibly popular with everyone is that he naturally makes and sustains eye contact. It doesn’t usually last more than 10-20 seconds but there is no doubt that for those seconds he is entirely connected to the person he is exchanging gazes with. He gazes into your soul and he likes what he sees–how could anyone possibly resist that.
Finna on the other hand needed to be trained to make eye contact at all. It took weeks and weeks before she’d engage any anything more than the briefest flick of eye contact. She’s gotten steadily better but it’s still not an entirely comfortable behavior for her. After reading this post I looked over at her across the room relaxing on the futon and caught her eye. As an experiment I didn’t break eye contact when she started getting spun up by it and after going through her usual steps of tensing and wiggling she got off the futon and came over to put her head on my knee relaxing when I reached out to touch her. What a long long way she has come from the time when eye contact and touch were completely overwhelming to the point where she responds to sustained eye contact by soliciting touch. I may need to experiment with the Oxytocin time cue mentioned above.
To Laura, You don’t need to make eye contact with Seamus, you have something even better you two are so in tune that you can feel when he’s happy gazing with someone. And I know what you mean, I can feel it when we’re visiting as a therapy dog team and Ranger finds someone who really knows dogs to interact with. All I can see is the back of his head but I can feel the change from him doing it because he loves his job to doing because this person is special. It’s hard to put into words.
To Anonymous, As we struggle with rehabilitating our profoundly damaged Finna I can sympathize with the feeling of not bonding with your dog. There’s so much to adjust to all at once although it sounds like your dog has very few issues which is a huge plus. I found that actively looking for the good things no matter how tiny was a big help. Anytime your dog makes you smile even a little bit or does what you ask or anything else that you can consider good, take note and celebrate it. And remember some dogs are just more independent by nature. Ranger may be my heart dog and my perfect partner but he’s also very independent minded. He figures as long as we’re within a few counties of each other it’s fine. Finna thinks being 20 feet away from me is pushing the envelope. It can take time to figure out who your dog is so be gentle to yourself and give it the time it takes.
And re: glasses, I wear glasses and I’ve never had any dog react as if it is odd. My glasses are photo sensitive and darken in the sun. I have had dogs react when the glasses get dark enough that my eyes aren’t visible anymore.
Rachel says
Of our two pups, Sieger (the older, almost 12 months) makes much more significant eye contact. He has an incredibly expressive face and will gaze into my eyes and I can see his face getting this relaxed, dopey expression. When we’re walking he regularly looks up from his surroundings to make quick eye contact with me. When I’m busy around the house, I often turn around to see him watching me with the same relaxed expression on his face, and when he sees that I am returning his gaze he immediately perks up, tail waving (he is much too dignified for a full on “wag” in most circumstances). In the morning, on the rare occasions when I do not have an alarm set to get me up early, he will jump up in the bed and lay on top of me, snuggling me awake when he’s ready to start the day, and making enthusiastic eye contact once he’s licked and snuffled me awake.
Remus is 5.5 months old and make occasional eye contact. He is still much too busy watching the world most of the time, so when he does make eye contact it tends to be brief. he checks in with me, then goes back to scanning his environment for the next thing to play with. That said, he is an incredible cuddler, and will take advantage of any time I kneel down to bury his head in my lap and snuggle for all he’s worth. I’ll wrap my arms around him and he’ll stay for several minutes, come up for air and maybe a kiss, then snuggle up again. He is my velcro dog; it doesn’t matter how boring whatever I am doing is, he is probably asleep on my foot or sitting up at attention, studying what I’m up to.
Both dogs make me melt. I do deal with a certain amount of anxiety, and the dogs are far more calming than anything else I have tried. I don’t think a similar effect could be achieved with an artificial substitute (maybe to a much lesser degree). While soft fur and deep liquid eyes and something to hold on to are soothing to a degree, a live dog is warm and responsive in ways a stuffed animal can never be. I think a lot of what makes me feel so much better with my dogs is that they are living creatures that interact in a dynamic way that is similar to what we need from other humans. The ideal human relationship is built on trust, involves some degree of appropriate protectiveness, includes common interests or activities… Some degree of these things are present in a human-dog relationship, minus a lot of the less positive components of some human relationships. (I hope where I’m going with that makes sense. It makes perfect sense in my head, but its harder to articulate.)
Sieger’s beautiful face:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10101664950303202&l=bbffa77792
Heesun Andes says
Trinity and I are constantly gazing at one another. Sometimes for several minutes at a time. I look at her at least every five-ten seconds, and I always marvel at how beautiful her perfect green eyes are and how dainty her eye lashes are. Can you tell I’m in love with my dog? I definitely look at Trinity more than I do my own husband, and she’s always looking at me, wondering how I’m feeling and what I’m up to. Such an extrodinary creation these canine companions.
lin says
The Foster Dog does not like long eye contact. When she’s on the couch and I’m rubbing her tummy, if we look at each other, but she quickly breaks eye contact and looks away, and is reluctant to engage that way again (although she’s quick to snuggle). Interestingly, she has no problem with staring into my eyes if she’s trying to figure out how to get a treat or what to do so she’ll get a treat (she’s a cattledog mix).
I’m better at exchanging long gazes with the cat, who will often do the slow blinks with me.
LisaW says
Phoebe will often stare at me, which is different than gazing into my eyes as previously mentioned. I work from home and there are times when she has spent a good part of the day staring at me (which is also different than watching me, staring seems to have an implied I want something and until you figure it out, I will stare you into compliance whereas watching is more like whatcha doing? Anything I might be interested in?). Some days it doesn’t phase me and other days it drives me bonkers. I can distract her for a while but then she goes right back to it. Both dogs will stare at me when it’s time for their evening “cocktail” (a rawhide chew).
Olive does less staring and much more watching me. She doesn’t miss a trick. Once she learned to feel more safe and confident, she began to initiate eye contact. She does gaze into my eyes and there are times when we are looking at each other that I can feel my eyes tearing up a bit. If we were playing that game “blink,” she would win every time. Her gaze is so intense, and the fact that she trusts me enough to look at me without fear or worry is amazing.
I’m wondering what if any influence teaching them both the cue “focus” has on their ability to either stare or gaze. I mostly use focus to get and hold their attention while we are doing our daily trick sessions. But, they have learned that eye contact is a good thing and predicts a better thing coming soon.
To add to the good ideas and advice already offered to Anonymous. I, too, had moments where I truly thought I was not up to the task of raising Olive. She has issues I didn’t even know were possible, and as we worked on those, she developed some physical issues that prevented us from redirecting and giving her other outlets for the mental issues. I kept imaging a home for her where the people were as smart as the ones on this blog and could guide her and give her exactly what she needed exactly when she needed it and she would blossom. I knew I was still on the bottom arc of the learning curve and she deserved more. (It wasn’t that I was exhausted or worried or using every available resource to do the best I could.) We’ve come out the other side, and you know what, she is the best Olive she can be, and I am okay with that and I think she is, too.
Elizabeth says
The “stuffed animal” part of this is what got me the most. Though maybe an squirt of oxytocin would be a temporary fix, I can’t imagine that it could do as much good as a real dog/human bond. I believe there are enough dogs out there that they could be used more often for people who need this kind of therapy. A program where people/families need a therapy dog to bond with. Where these families/people go through a training themselves on pet ownership and responsibility and in the end get to take this dog home with them. Seems it would benefit the families and the dogs immensely.. There are so many homeless dogs out there this could be a wonderful program.
Laura says
thanks so much for the comments from both Kat and Tricia. Bye the way, how are the lambs? Both of you reinforced my over-all feelings about the situation, but I guess these worries come out because I can’t see and I know how much others use their vision in interacting with their dogs, be it training or just day-to-day. I sometimes get afraid I’m not good enough, that there’s something missing in our relationship because I can’t see. I know I don’t have anything to worry about with my happy boy, and if I feel like there is something I do need to work on, I can always get help. At Anonimus, just adding on to the great advice being given, perhaps time is something else that can help? Just from my experience with my second guide, Torpedo. Ours was a professional relationship when it started. I mean he was a great guide dog, and I liked him and he liked me, but we didn’t have that bond I had with my first dog and he was aloof to begin with. It wasn’t the work that bonded us, but just spending time together. I’d sit and pet him and talk to him, or play with him. He had a tug toy he adored and we’d play lots of games of tug. After about a year we finally began to bond, but it took that long for the bond to become something resembling what I’d once had. Hang in there and keep up the good work you’re already doing.
Trish K says
For Anonymous and everyone
https://www.facebook.com/Workindog/posts/10206626024192114
mireille says
@Nina Worth: I love it when my dogs look at me while we are walking and reward it lavishly. I was kind of intrigued though by the physical aspect of looking & heeling. I saw slow-motion footage of dogs healing with eye contact and especially small ones do put extra strain on their neck / shoulders. It interferes with their normal movement. And a dog does not need to look at you to know where you are. We tested it with us being where the dogs couldn’t see us and yet the still responded to our movement. (It’s the nose 😉 )
mireille says
uhm.. freudian… healing should be heeling 😉
em says
After reading others’ comments, I’m struck by how many dogs are at least mildly averse to long eye contact, even if they are otherwise highly affiliative.
I wonder what accounts for this preference- breed? type? personality? early socialization? Part of me (the “instinctive” part that I can’t always fully trust to be accurate but which often does lead me to fruitful analytic paths) tells me that unlike cats, where the slow blink is an inbuilt part of their emotional communication, long, loving eye contact is “not natural” to most dogs. I’ve never, ever seen two dogs gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes, not even mothers and pups. Gazing at each other, sure, but not into each other’s eyes. The study above seems to indicate that it is not something that wolves do (which of course, simply indicates that the very distant ancestors of dogs don’t instinctively practice this behavior- not that DOGS do not).
So where does this behavior come from? IS it unique to the dog/human bond, or do dogs actually practice it with other animals and I’ve just never noticed? Is this quality, found in dogs, an inherited behavior, or an inherited capacity to learn a behavior? What I mean is, would a gazer gaze into his owner’s eyes regardless of human reinforcement, or do they learn to do it in response or as a form of “mirroring” human social signals?
Regardless of the answer, it’s absolutely fascinating to me that it functions in much the same way in dogs who do it as it does in humans, spiking oxytocin levels, but I’m a little concerned that people may be mislead into thinking that staring into a dog’s eyes is a good way to show affection when for many dogs this type of eye contact seems to be uncomfortable, even distressing, rather than pleasurable.
Sasha says
Wow! Amazing topic and comments and such a diverse set of contributors to the conversation. Each time we adopted our current two pups I spent a couple months reinforcing C/T quick eye contact but I never insisted on prolonged eye contact as I understood it to potentially be an aggressive behavior towards the dogs and never wanted to make them uncomfortable. Even now 5 years later, my eye contact is so purposefully brief that I don’t know if they’re comfortable with prolonged contact. That’s not to say we’re not constantly visually checking in with each other, but my eye contact is a quick eye connection with a slow blink and look away. I’m going to have to go home and test the duration of eye contact during our initial couple minutes greeting ritual where they sit on the top of the couch (small dogs) and place their front feet on my chest and I scratch their backs and chest/heads/faces. That’ll be the perfect opportunity to look into each others eyes while we’re all relaxed.
Mireille says
@Em: I must say that Spot is much less aversive to eye contact /stares than Shadow – it’s even difficult to get him to look into the camera lens. Het stares at me when he wants something but does not gaze into my eyes. They are brothers form the same litter raised in the same house, so I would say that personality plays a role, Spot being a much “softer” dog than Shad. Spot will lay at my side all evening if given half a chance, Shadow will come for a cuddle but prefers to spend time alone, even alone outside. They were castrated yesterday and Shad fought sedation all the way, no way he was going to sleep in that environment with all the exciting smells etc. whereas Spot just cuddled up to me and went to sleep. I would not say that Shad is a more independent dog – in fact he obeys better than Spot but he is a more ‘private’ dog.
And well… I guess this guy simply is better at stimulating the oxytocin http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1RGPGTwJheA/VOECTQezHzI/AAAAAAAACkQ/TjKfHR4CCvU/s1600/IMG_8618.jpg than this guy http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WDlvyJtoLCs/VOECHj-7X-I/AAAAAAAACjg/lD8FF3oSMGQ/s1600/IMG_8611.jpg
HFR says
Strange thing. Neither of my dogs like to look me in the eye and I must say I wouldn’t feel any oxytocin high from it if they did. BUT when I give my younger dog his marrow bone, he will take it from my hand and then point his eyes up to meet mine before he walks away with it. Every single time. I try really hard not to think it, but it looks just like he is thanking me. It’s a deliberate roll up of his eyes to look at me. Very strange, but endearing.
I agree about the stuffed animal not working. For me, rather than a look, it’s touch that gives me a jolt of joy. My large dog, sleeps on my bed and if I wake up in the middle of the night , I find myself reflexively reaching out to touch him. I sometimes leave my hand on him and feel his warmth and breathing. (I would never admit this to anyone else but you guys!) When I look at my dogs, all I want to do is touch them, even slightly. That is my gaze, I guess.
Susan Tolchin says
My dog has been comfortable with eye contact since she was a puppy and appears to enjoy it. She does gaze and does it in a kind of extreme way. When she greets people, both friends and strangers (AKA potential best friends ever) and they get down to her level, she practically melts. She won’t break eye contact while they are petting her or scratching her chest. She looks almost mesmerized. People invariably comment on her “trance.” She will do this until the person stops petting her. Then she sometimes gets an attack of the zoomies and bounces between me and them and whoever else is nearby with a big grin on her face. It’s totally endearing and now I know why: we’re all on oxytocin flooding.
Nic1 says
It’s interesting reading peoples comments about stuffed toys. Oxytocin is also known as the cuddle hormone. For me, cuddling is definitely what makes me feel gooey, more than eye gazing perhaps? People cuddle pillows. Why do they do that I wonder? Why do grown adults buy each other soft, cuddly toys? Oxytocin is also released in response to pleasant mental experiences and not just touching and gazing. ‘Think of me when you hug this’?
http://journal.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01529/full
My partner’s grandmother has a stuffed dog because she is too old and frail to look after a real dog (she is in her 90s). She occasionally pets it and it reminds her of her dogs when she was a younger woman…..I would think that the reason she does that action is because it makes her feel better somehow.
A small study looked at the benefits of children cuddling teddy bears and social isolation. The conclusion was that the toys may increase oxytocin or decrease cortisol.
http://www.psmag.com/books-and-culture/teddy-bears-soften-pain-of-social-exclusion-30208
Nothing could replace a real animal or dog for me, but it’s nice people are considering alternatives for some people who may not able to access animals due to a number of reasons. It would be interesting to have some more science though.
There is a company who allows people to borrow other people’s pets here in the UK which could be a great alternative for people who can’t look after a dog full time, providing the dogs involved are comfortable with the arrangement. Share the oxytocin boosters!
Kat says
At the dementia care, nursing homes, and rehab centers Ranger and I visit many of the residents have stuffed animals or baby dolls. They are very attached to these and clearly derive comfort and enjoyment from having them. However, they’re all happy to abandon their stuffed friends temporarily to engage with a real dog. I suspect that a living creature offers interaction and engagement that no stuffed toy can ever match but that in an environment as socially isolating and stressful as such a place can be a stuffed friend is some help.
Rachel says
I think one of the things to think of when it comes to the beneficial effects of a stuffed animal or doll is the level of awareness of the person cuddling it. My kids loved their stuffed toys when they were small, and the toys were as good as alive to them. I don’t doubt that they reaped the benefits of oxytocin from cuddling them. Now that they are older, they like their toys, but there’s not much cuddling going on, unless they are sleeping in an unfamiliar environment. Then the toy seems to soothe them because it is a representation of the “usual.”
I used to work in a dementia care unit. I can’t tell you how many residents were soothed by cuddling a doll. It didn’t have to be particularly realistic. But having someone to hold- they usually believed the doll was a real child- took them out of the fear and confusion of the moment and gave them someone to care for. Interestingly, the use of dolls in dementia care is controversial within the industry because some feel that it involves lying to the patient (by leading the resident to believe that the doll is a real child to induce them to stop whatever reactive behavior they are engaging in and care for the “baby”).
(More on dolls and dementia here: http://www.alzheimers.net/8-6-14-doll-therapy-alzheimers)
I’ve been thinking about this post all weekend, and paying more attention to how the dogs and the rest of the family interact. I think both dogs are definitely getting a rush of oxytocin from eye-gazing. The kids get their rush from cuddling with the dogs (and everyone else). When interacting with my husband, there’s little eye contact or cuddling, but lots of rough and tumble play. I’m less sure of the oxytocin in that setting, but all three (husband and dogs) seem to be enjoying it; Sieger and my husband are closely bonded, but Remus is not as close to him.
Becky says
I have three dogs (female pug, female dachshund, male large mixed breed) and all three enjoy gazing. My pug gazes almost constantly – she is the biggest attention seeker out of the three and will gaze at anyone she thinks should be petting her. Once she is being pet, she usually faces away from the human. My dachshund and I gaze at each other often, but she doesn’t usually gaze at anyone else (she is very shy and aloof around strangers and eye contact usually makes the strangers try to initiate physical contact which she doesn’t appreciate). She and I will gaze for 20-30 seconds, touch or look away, then gaze for another 20-30 seconds. This goes on until one of us gets distracted. She will also gaze to get my attention or to ask for something (treat, water, to be let outside, to get in the car, etc). My male dog will gaze for 10 seconds tops… then (since he’s a high energy 8 month old puppy) will move in for physical contact. If he’s tired enough he will gaze longer. He will also gaze when he wants something (to get on the bed) or if he’s confused about what I should be doing (should I stay next to you or go sniff something across the room?). I like gazing with my dogs, the dachshund the most because she doesn’t necessarily demand physical contact, the gaze is enough 🙂 It makes it seem as if we are thinking the same thing at the same time – one cohesive thought between two beings.
Lynn Burgess says
Trisha, first of all I want to thank you for being you, and of course for all of your work on canine behavior, and the way you tell a story, yours and those of dogs and their people. We adopted a one year old Vizsla/redbone coonhound (?) mix soon after her broken leg was repaired. We (husband, Jackson, a 12 1/2 year old poodle, 2 11 1/2 year old cats and me) are riding quite a tide and sometimes feel like we’re drowning.
In fact, I started this post earlier in the day and now am finishing it at 10:15 p.m.! Caroline is a barker, afraid of most people and a bit aggressive with her “siblings.” But your blog, and the folks who comment, give me hope. Thank you! (And we do a lot of eye to eye stuff, sometimes nose to nose. Soul to soul?) Thank you, Lynn
Opal says
I’m curious about what happens with this process if oxytocin production is impaired. My son has panhypopituitarism, and while his endocrinologist admits that my son probably doesn’t produce oxytocin there also isn’t a way to provide it medically in an effective manner. Our stumbling block is that most techniques to manage behaviors in children depend on the child being able to develop a strong, reciprocal relationship and experience pleasure from relationships. I haven’t been able to find any research on what happens if that process is biologically impaired (as opposed to disrupted because of adverse childhood experiences).
Gordon says
I can’t believe I missed this one when it first was posted, so now no one is going to see my comment, but so be it. Ima gonna comment anyway.
I decided to engage Atka in a “mutual gazing” session when we first moved out here from Seattle and all of us were staying in Randi’s tiny commuter apartment near the MSP airport while we looked for a house. However, I said to Randi, regarding the “mutual gazing”–“I’m gonna stare him down.” Almost as if on cue, upon hearing that, he stood up, lifted his leg and peed on my side of the bed. I guess that was all the “information” he needed.
Trisha says
Ha! Well, I read it anyway! Reminds me of when my cat peed on my chest when I asked a guy I was dating to feed him dinner. Cat was right, guy wasn’t a great choice after all.
Gordon says
They know, don’t they? It’s amazing how much they can teach us if we only take the time and make the effort to pay attention. And then believe what they’re telling us.
Jenny H says
I understood that it very much depends on the breeds and muzzle length (as it affects eye anatomy). Generally brachycephalic breeds gaze into eyes, sight-hounds don’t.
I’ve also found that it does depend on individual dogs.
My two current German Shepherds look me in the eye when I talk to them, but prefer to smell my breath or tuck their heads down and lean into me. Kelpies on the other hand “Look” to mesmerise you/the sheep/the stone/the ball. Our current Kelpie (now 16 and legally blind) used to look at what he wanted me to throw/give him, and just briefly flash a look at me to see if I was responding/understanding. In Agility, he would run looking at me but going to whatever I was looking at. Forget signals and cues — “You look — I go!”
I used to see people making the mistake of looking AT their Border Collies at Agility trials and the poor dogs just spinning on the spot. (And them to add insult to injury blaming the dogs!!! 🙁
Jenny H says
Oh, and Mad Millie, the Speagle, looks into my eyes to charm food from my hand!!!