Spoiler alert: I don’t know the answer.
But it is a timely question for so many of us. Including me personally, because right now I am cooking all the dog’s food (more on that in posts to come, no doubt), giving Willie five supplements, scheduling acupuncture bi-weekly and ultra sounds every 3-6 months and carefully monitoring his physical rehab after his oh-so-very expensive surgery. And yet, I still find myself wondering, am I doing enough for the dogs?
Is Tootsie bored? Shouldn’t I be taking the BC’s on another walk rather than watching golf on TV? Am I doing enough to prevent cancer recurring in any of my dogs?
And then, I think about all the other things in life that need time and attention. And all the other animals, people and even issues desperately in need of resources.
I wrote about this issue in a 2010 post, How Much is Enough? In it I talked about what dogs need–mental exercise, novelty, autonomy–and the 91 comments in response make it clear that the question struck a chord. And surely this issue is as relevant today as it was then, if not even more so.
This time I want to focus on OUR end of the leash, and initiate a discussion about this extremely first-world, highly-privileged question that many of us are lucky enough to ask. It’s not just a question about What is Enough? but as much about our tendency to harbor angst that somehow we are not doing enough for our dogs. If your working line Aussie is going twice to Agility and getting 9 long walks a week, is that enough? If you don’t take your dog to a class but teach it some tricks and play in the backyard, is that enough? How much do we owe our dogs, and what do we need to do to feel satisfied that we are doing enough?
I repeat: I don’t have the answer. Here are some relevant thoughts about why this question strikes home to many of us:
One: I wonder if the fact that dogs are both helpless like children (no language, little autonomy, can’t open the door) but also sentient and very grown up best friends creates a kind of a push pull that leaves us feeling unsure of what’s enough.
Two: Our culture is (finally) acknowledging the cognitive and emotional depth of dogs–It’s no wonder we feel more and more responsibility to them.
Three: Many of us have a massive amount of resources, if you compare our lives to most of the peoples of the world. I don’t think of myself as “wealthy” (the very word makes me want to snort), but I will never forget a Kenyan who told me I must be very wealthy indeed if I could afford to buy food for a St. Bernard. When I was in my early twenties I had to have a cat euthanized because the first medical procedure didn’t work, and a second try was unlikely to help. But that knowledge was actually a relief, because I had maxed out my credit card on the first surgery and didn’t even have money to buy gas for my car. There was literally no way I could afford a second surgery. It still breaks my heart to remember how that felt. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that I can afford to take care of Willie now–but that also means that it makes decisions about “how much is enough?” more complicated.
Four: Our culture seems to be expecting more and more of parents. When I was growing up, our parents had their own lives, and we fit into them as best we could. That’s not to say they weren’t good parents. They were. But no one back then expected a parent’s life to revolve around the children. It feels to me that our expectations on parents now are over the moon. How much of that has transferred to our care of our dogs and cats and horses?
These points, I realize after writing them, relate to why we might be feeling that we owe our dogs more than we can give them. They don’t answer the question of “What IS enough?”
Here’s a thought to get that conversation started: “Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.” Please discuss. I think this will be an interesting and important inquiry. As usual, I look forward to your thoughts.
MEANWHILE, back at the farm: Jim and I continued our tradition of coloring Easter eggs this weekend. It’s ridiculously fun. Sometimes we hide them from each other and create our own Easter egg hunts.
The weekend started in Lake Geneva, where 200+ people came out to support libraries and hear about The Education of Will. It was a perfect evening–so much support from the Lake Geneva Library, the Williams Bay Library and the Elkhorn Vet Clinic and… The Geneva Inn, who donated a lake view room for Jim and I to stay in after the talk. Oh my, what luxury!
Here’s the dining room at The Geneva Inn. We had a long, leisurely breakfast there Friday morning and then took a long walk in a near by state park. Only down side was I forgot my binoculars and the lake was full of migrating ducks. I think there were a lot of Bufflehead on the lake… if you live there and are a birder, let me know if I guessed right. I didn’t even have my glasses on, so I wouldn’t bet a nickel on my guess. The best part of all was that I felt comfortable leaving Willie for the first time since his surgery (with our fantastically responsible sitter).
The rest of weekend was spent both working hard on the farm and relaxing. Perfect. Hope yours was good too.
LisaW says
Lake Geneva looks beautiful. It must have been so good to have a change of scenery and sleep in a bed!
Your query is a good one and it is also one for the privileged. I have two different trains of thought as I ponder this question – one for each dog. Phoebe’s care and nurturing looks so much different than Olive’s. Phoebe is much less responsive to me, and she isn’t too interested in the nuances of our interactions or explorations. To anthropomorphize to the nth degree, she doesn’t lead a very self-reflective life but enjoys the simpler pleasures and the most obvious outcomes. She is getting a bit dotty and has some health issues, so her pleasures are more simple and fewer and farther between. She is a peacenik that looks for love, a soft bed, and lots of treats. Even though she was a challenge to raise, I will always be grateful to her for leading me into the world beyond come, sit, stay, no, and into the world that asks questions like this one.
Olive, on the other hand, still makes my heart hurt thinking I have not lived up to her potential. She came as an unidentifiable scruff of crazy. Her behavior and then her physical problems spurred our quest for knowledge and experience and specialists and supplements and hormone collars (who knew?). Around the second year of living with her, I remember breaking down and sobbing thinking I was not going to be able to absorb enough knowledge and then skillfully implement the applicable lessons to help her in the ways she deserved and needed — physically and mentally. Just the other night when I couldn’t sleep, and Olive’s nose was in the small of my neck as she snored, I thought about what she would be like if someone from this blog or someone like my vet behaviorist had adopted her. It’s one of the middle-of-the-night worries that float in and out of my brain. It’s not guilt, but it is a feeling of incompleteness.
But, in the light of day, and eight years later (wow), we all have settled into a life that works for the most part.
And, we did have a good weekend. We had our annual doggy bone hunt. We get lots of different treats and hide them in the yard. The dogs are then let out and “find” them. Hmmm, I guess I may have to revisit my angst 🙂
em says
What a complex question! My answer is admittedly coming from the perspective of a person whose personal decisions about doggie lifestyle would be considered bananas by a good chunk of the world, but I also like to think that I have at least some healthy perspective about my own choices.
I’ve always felt that the first and best thing that anyone can give to their dog (or their child) is their own happiness. No one’s life is peaches and cream every minute, and there is so much we have no control over, but generally speaking, my first priority as a dog owner has been to shape a life and include my dog in activities that *I* am happy with- not just satisfied- happy.
Dogs are so sensitive to their humans’ emotional state (if I had any lingering doubt about this, Sandy the canine emotional barometer has disillusioned me for good), and while I think most of us are aware of the negative effects that being grumpy, tired, angry, grieving, etc. have on our dogs, it’s easier to forget the uplifting effect of sharing space with someone who is truly enjoying themselves (whatever it is you are doing together). I suppose that’s a roundabout way of saying that I think there are a lot of roads to “enough” and a lot of different versions of what it looks like when you get there.
I don’t mean to imply that ‘anything- or nothing- goes’. There are basics that are pretty non-negotiable, in my view of “enough”. A dog that never leaves the house, or spends 23 hours a day alone, or doesn’t get basic physical care is certainly not getting enough. I’m just trying to say that the dog doing seventeen thousand activities with a harried, testy, anxious human may not be as happy as the one who had a leisurely walk and a cuddle on the couch with a happy one, and we should be kind to ourselves as well as our dogs.
I also wanted to note that the sense of obligation that comes with dog ownership has a double edge to it in my life. Yes, I spend time and money and energy on my dogs that I could be spending one myself, but I ALSO find that having dogs helps me set boundaries and establish routines that benefit ME. A waiting dog means I leave work on time, instead of letting my job swell up to eat ever more of my hours. A dog needing a walk means I carve out time for exercise and sunlight and fresh air, and don’t succumb to the temptation to skip it in favor of housework or TV. Having the dog at home is the perfect excuse to leave the party when it gets too much (introverts, represent!). It’s also the perfect excuse to spend an hour a day chatting with my friend(s) as we walk our dogs together. Yes, the dog does benefit, but sometimes things I “have to” do for the dog could just as accurately be described as something I’m choosing to do for myself.
I can’t wait to read what everyone has to say on this issue.
Margie Beldin says
What timing! Roxie, our 11 almost 12 year aussie was diagnosed with a tumor in her abdomen on Dec 1st. Do we do surgery? She is happy, she plays, slower than before but she is also older than before. She also has canine kidney disease. Which do I let kill her?
We’ve x-rayed twice and the tumor is growing. We can do an ultrasound. Depending on that, we could do surgery. We can afford all of this but should we?
She is an aussie one month shy of 12; aussies live 12-15 years on average. She has canine kidney disease, do I want to watch her suffer from that in her last days? Right now she has good days, great days and an occasional not so good day–not wanting to run and fetch–but those are few and far between. We take daily walks which she enjoys tho some days she is slower; we go out to play often but some days fetching the ball is too much to ask, but this is rare so far. She loves to go bye bye, so we take her (she is not an only dog, we have two younger aussies too).
The tumor is pushing on her stomach, so we now feed 5 small meals a day. The tumor is pushing into her rib cage, breathing will become more difficult. What do we do when we go on vacation this summer? Will someone else be willing to feed her 5 small meals a day?
We need to do the surgery soon while she is in good health so she can recover but if she is in good health, do I want to risk losing her sooner than we needed to?
If the tumor can’t be removed after they open her up, they will euthanize her on the table. Do I cut her kind-of-fun-okay-life short now in hopes of having a few more years with her or do I let her go when it is too late to do any more?
Am I doing enough? Am I doing the right thing? I honestly don’t know! I do know that if she were younger, like one of the other two dogs we have, I would have done surgery as soon as we were given the diagnosis.
Frances says
All the above comments ring so true to me, as does the concept of dogs as both dependent child and competent adult (cats veer more towards the adult, I find). I chose my dogs carefully to fit the sort of life I had to offer them, but things don’t always go to plan. Papillons may not need as much mental and physical exercise as working sheep dog breeds, but they need a lot more than the books imply – long walks and challenging games have become one of my great pleasures, too.
Should I have done more with Sophy – even something competitive? Don’t know, but competition makes me stressed and miserable, so probably not. Would Poppy the toy poodle have been less nervous in other hands? Possibly, but she could also have become a complete wreck, rather than the mostly happy, mostly confident little dog she is now. As it is I cook carefully balanced meals for them that they love; groom them gently and thoroughly when they need it; we go for leisurely walks whenever the weather permits and play games when it does not; I try not to be “busy, busy, boring” too long or too often; and at night we all sleep in a warm heap of pillows, duvet, animals and me; and I hope all that makes up to them for the occasions I get stressed and cross and generally horrible.
Then there are the cats. Have I done the right thing having Pip’s hyperthyroidism treated with radio-iodine, given his advanced arthritis? Why did it take me so long to build a ramp for him, and how can I put ramps to all the other places he jumps from and hurts himself? Should I control his pain and risk kidney damage, or give him a safer half dose; spoil his meals with supplements he doesn’t much like but that may (or may not) help; am I actually doing too much, rather than not enough? But he is warm, well fed, has access to the gardens whenever he likes, and, now that he is out of radioactive isolation, spends hours snoozing on my lap or close to the rest of the family.
And we are a family. I adapt my life to make them happy, they make many accommodations to keep me happy, and we all find contentment in each other’s good humour.
Jan says
What a thought provoking question. I think my attitude is a mixture. Your comment about children fitting in our parents lives historically, compared to the now generation of parents lives revolving around their children’s activities resonated with me. I think that parenting change contributed to the change between self-reliant responsible children, to today’s helpless generation. So, when we apply this concept to our dogs, who stay the equivalent to a child their whole life, what is our responsibility?
I think I do both . . . I feel it is my responsibility to provide the best shelter, nutrition, and exercise for the breed I’ve chosen, and love dog sports, so keeping their minds and bodies active with training and dog sports and just the pleasure of long walks is critical. But, on the other hand, they must fit into my life. I’m battling that now with my younger dog who, when I’m home from work, pesters me to go outside because he’s bored and wants to bark at rabbits, squirrels, etc. He’s been fed, let out to potty, but I still have an hour or two of work to do. He’s finally understanding that he has to lie down and wait, play quietly with his toys or wrestle with my other dog. When I’m done working, and he’s ever so alert to those subtle signals, then I’ll let him out again already, and when he comes in play or train, etc.
Lainy says
This certainly is a complex question. I think this is a question a lot of dog people have worried over. I am very grateful that I had the resources for hydro therapy and then ACL surgery when it didn’t have a favorable outcome, for my Aussie/Catahoula mix. Tho it wasn’t a life threatening problem, the cost and walking a lively three year old on leash for almost a year was rather daunting. Thankfully the outcome has been wonderful. Being As I am retired now I can honestly say my world does revolve around my dogs, which some people just don’t get. I sometimes worry that the time I spend visiting with my Therapy Dog, a Border Collie mix, leaves my Aussie/Cat mix home by herself too much. But they both seem very happy and well adjusted to our routine. And I am very happy and comfortable with my life and I do think that reflects on my dogs. Thank you Patricia, I’m sure this will be a lively discussion with a few of my doggie friends!
Barbara says
Sometimes when I am (literally) up to my elbows mixing 20 pounds of meat and dehydrated base mix, followed by weighing portions for the freezer, I am jealous of those who pour kibble in a bowl. I spend a huge amount of time and money on food and supplements for my three German Shepherd Dogs. The payoff? Miley’s IBD is non-existent since I started her on real food and she looks and acts great. Ten year old Mindy’s coat glows and she starts every outing with a bouncy prance. Three years old this month Casey has the shiniest black fur I’ve ever seen although we are still dealing with allergies that pop out as tiny scabs. Raw food was supposed to solve every issue, wasn’t it?
Mindy recently started dragging her back toenails. A DNA test ruled out degenerative myelopathy. My husband and I decided against an MRI. We both agree that we would not do surgery for any other spinal condition. We’re talking $$$$ and months of recovery. She has received two acupuncture/chiropractic sessions which haven’t changed anything so far. Other than the toenails getting rubbed she hasn’t changed her behavior. Happy play and running (but not as fast or far as the younger dogs) during our outings on our large acreage interspersed with long naps on the couch fill her days.
Mindy (who has retired herself) and Miley have been through years of training and trialing with many titles in Rally, Obedience, Tracking, Barn Hunt and Nose Work. Casey has his CGC and does Nose Work. I am now 70 years old and as much as I loved Rally and Obedience it is so much less stressful on me to just do Tracking and Nose Work with my moderately dog-reactive dogs.
Am I doing enough? My dogs seem to enjoy training (or all the extra treats!) and they certainly enjoy romping through my woods and field, but they also seem to enjoy just hanging out with my husband and me. Casey and Miley choose to lie close to me. Mindy and my husband have their private ritual. He gives her the last bite of his every meal.
I do so wish I could understand Casey, who is extremely intelligent. He has solved several complex puzzles including opening the front door. Usually he stands in the open doorway and looks at us expectantly to come outside and play with him. Sometimes he looks at me with his big brown eyes and it seems like he is trying desperately to communicate with his uncomprehending mom. Me, “What? Do you want to play with your Wubba? Do you need to go out? Do you want to go to your room and go to bed?” And Casey gives me a little whine and looks at me harder, like why don’t I “get it”. In those moments I definitely feel like I am letting him down.
I think my dogs have a great life. They bring me great joy and purpose and a reason to vacuum every day.
lak says
If you asked me 5 years ago if I would spend close to 3 thousand dollars on a rescue dog, or any dog for that matter, to have a leg repaired I would have said NOOOOOO!!!!! But 2.5 years ago I did just that when my dog had a grade 4 ccl rupture. And I had taken her to 3 vets prior to the rupture because I knew she was having a slight difficulty getting up at times, I was right.
I bought my home because of the courtyard for the dog, without even realizing it, and gave up other alternate condos because they did not allow dogs or had BSL. I waived to every passer by and neighbor when we moved in so that they would get used to the “nice lady” with the “is that a pitbull” dog. We walk a minimum of 12 miles a week; through rain and Michigan winters! And to this day I make bone broth weekly for her to have over her kibble, and when I get my vacation from work she gets a steak. What can I say…she’s Family!!!
Grandma says
I think this is simple….you do what you can. There are always going to be some limitations of time or money but I think dogs seem to just accept the way things are. Exercise, games, self-prepared food…great if and when you have the time. Life challenges us humans; time is fleeting so…. quit fussing so much and JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN. The pure companionship of dogs is the magic.
Tozolon says
No, of course we are not doing enough for our dogs, our cats, our children, ourselves. It’s like perfection (there’s no such thing!): once you add more things to do for or with your dog, you begin to realize how much more than that there is to do. I do as much as I can, knowing that I can do more, but not in a pit of angst that I do not live 24/7 on 100 acres.
Re food: I feed my dogs and cat a raw-meat diet. I won’t begin to rhapsodize about the benefits of that.
I think often of these lines from “The Outermost House”:
“We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals. Remote from universal nature and living by complicated artifice, man in civilization surveys the creature through the glass of his knowledge and sees thereby a feather magnified and the whole image in distortion. We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate for having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein do we err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours, they move finished and complete, gifted with the extension of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings: they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth.”
― Henry Beston, The Outermost House: A Year of Life on the Great Beach of Cape Cod
Barbara Anson says
I struggle with this daily. After maxing out my credit cards on my first two dogs’ medical issues ($18,000 maxing out), I purchased pet insurance. Still expensive, but it gives me some peace of mind. I have Goldens. Cancer is my biggest worry. I just lost my 8 year old to lung cancer and although I’d only had her 4 years (rescue) I tried to do everything right. I still have a 6 year old and a new to us 16 month old Golden (rescue). I fuss with their food all the time. I don’t do raw, just don’t have the space, time or desire to deal with it. I do a freeze dried food in the morning and evening is a mix of high quality kibble with add ins or home cooked chicken or beef with lots of healthy stuff thrown in. I don’t vaccinate except rabies, use minimal chemicals in the house or yard, give both dogs supplements for immune boosting and give them a lot of exercise and mental stimulation as they do lots of dog sports or at least the new one will when trained (he is also a rescue we just adopted). I see people going insane over food and so many other things. There is a balance where we have to say, I’m happy with my choices and my dogs are as happy and healthy as I can make them and take comfort in that. Lily, my 8 year old, was a breeder dog when we got her. What her life was like in those first 4 years I don’t know. I know with us she was loved, had adventures, good food and minimal chemicals and she still got cancer. You do the best you can, but you will always wonder….is it enough?
Terrie says
Sometimes, “doing enough” is about our own mental health. I recently lost one of my dogs to gallbladder issues. It was a very expensive surgery, and I knew there were some very significant risks, which my little girl sadly succumbed to. Many people I know would not have made the gamble and just let her go once the issue was diagnosed. But doing the surgery was only partially about doing enough for her. It was about doing enough that I could live the choices I had made.
I also think about a comment from someone who runs the foster program for a local rescue. “Many people think they can’t foster because they work full time and can’t offer these dogs what they need. These dogs are coming from shelters where they are alone in their kennels for as much as 23 hours a day. Anything you can offer is an improvement.”
My dogs are loved. They do not live in fear. They have shelter, food, health care. I am committed to keeping them safe, free of unneeded pain and secure. Hopefully, that’s enough.
lynn says
Great list of factors. I’m especially intrigued by the first one, which is such an interesting take on the nature of pet ownership.
Speaking of first-world problems, I’ve also been thinking about the impact of the internet on this question, and of the pitfalls of having access to so much information. We can google medical/vet questions and scare ourselves silly, or stumble into the over-abundance of training/behavior information that’s presented in a “what you may be doing wrong” way (which pushes my anxiety buttons like mad), and so on. And online, it’s always possible to find someone who is raising the bar higher, especially since we don’t always get the whole messy human picture.
Rebarka says
Huge Sigh of Relief! It brings great comfort to know that a professional dog person has the same question as just an average dog owner.
i think so many of us do our best to give our fur-kids the best life we can. and sometimes we may feel that we fall short, but i believe that dogs are ‘in the moment’ people. They don’t gossip through the fence with the neighbor’s dog about all they ways we’ve let them down. They aren’t looking at images in magazines of dogs with tennis balls airbrushed into their mouths… They don’t care that the grass may well be greener on the other side of the fence. No dog would hold a grudge because a well meaning owner gave them a tainted treat that made them sick. We worry so much about doing the best and providing the best – which i fully admit to losing sleep with worry – and in reality all dogs hope for is a fountain of meaty goodness, but will settle for just a scratch behind the ears.
Corie says
What a wonderful conversation. Some may offer advice to choose a canine companion not by appearance but by lifestyle needs. But does not appearance attract us in the first place?
After several Golden Retriever senior rescues (who were Angels on this Earth) without hesitation we (of not young age) bring home a lively Golden Retriever puppy who is so excited about life that he overstimulates with happiness.
Sporting bandages on our hands/arms for the first year, we raised a wildly playful youngster. Dedicated to daily walks, puppy socialization, enrolling in every available training class, adding private training and cooking a formula that adds an hour to every morning, we exhaustedly devote ourselves to this young life. And gladly so.
A previous comment mentioned that having loving canine companions encourages outdoor exercise and healthy habits. We agree. There is such a health benefit to both human and canine that the payment in all that extra time is acceptable. Additionally we are reminded that sending love out to another (canine and human) echoes back in volumes.
But balance is the objective. Keeping our youngster and ourselves satisfied makes for a happy home for all. Since our young Golden was left behind by two very old senior Goldens we arranged a daily 3 hour playdate with a neighbor’s young lab. What a joy to watch them romp. And some relief for us.
In the end, even if your choice was by appearance and personality (forgetting the high energy needs) you find yourself deeply wrapped in love with this unique being. And, as we all have realized, that is priceless.
Karen says
Tricia,
Before I tell you about my dog I want to express how much your book For the Love of a Dog helped me understand not just dogs but my own development and brain! I read this last summer after having it for 2 years. I had delayed picking it up because I was so afraid to actually know that Luke had left you. I fell in love with him in Other End of the Leash. I cried as I read of his illness and departure to the Bridge.
My Shih Tzu Dixie was gifted to me in 2010 at 16 months of age. She had been returned to her breeder because she has congenital megaesophagus. Her esophagus is mishapen and doesn’t work properly. It took me several years with the help of a Yahoo group to figure out how to best feed her and manage her condition. She is now almost 9 and regurgitations are extremely rare. I had also brought her through 8 instances of HGE when she was 3. She and I have settled into a nice routine but lately I have been feeling she lays around the shanty too much and I need to think of creative ways to engage her. I wish she would play with other dogs but she doesn’t like them anymore! She adores people and little ones though!
Linda says
I believe that anyone who takes on the responsibility of having an animal living in their home will do the best they can , depending on their personal circumstances, finances, time, ability, commitment, motivation, etc. I think we should be careful not to judge “are you doing enough for your animal friend” because until we can walk in another person’s shoes…..
Maria says
For me ‘enough’ is when both my dog and I are happy, healthy, and stress free. If my dog seems anxious and pacing because he didn’t get enough X that day something in our life has to change. However if I spend so much time with my dog that I didn’t have time to get Y done, I’m going to stress about that and our relationship may suffer.
I’ve also learned that many little things can indeed add up to more than one big thing, in terms of things which improve my dog’s life with me.
Hannah M. says
It was wonderful to see you in Lake Geneva! My father and I were able to make the trip from Door County and Green Bay, respectively, and it was great to finally meet the voice behind Calling All Pets and my favorite training books!
I grew up on a farm. Loving animals, but living easily with the realities of death, whether natural or planned, of the various creatures at our farm. We butcher chickens ourselves to this day, and I never had want qualms about consuming the meat of a cow I named and fed and stroked.
That said, I do all I can for my German Shepherd pup, Stella, and I’m constantly worried I don’t do enough to give her the best life I can. I think any responsible pet owner wants the best for their animal companion, and we all do our best to make sure it is “enough” without spoiling them into bad behavior. Because we love them 🙂
Megan O'Connor says
One thing I’ve learnt from dog training is the value of knowing, beforehand, your criteria. The question “What is enough?” seems tailored to create anxiety, because it lacks key information. Imagine saying to a student, at an exam, “you will pass if you write enough.” Or cueing your dog to “move to an exact location somewhere roughly in that direction.” With our dogs (and families), we’re given no rubric of time, money, or equipment to measure our efforts against. Sometimes I wonder if we use the question to prompt more effort — in ourselves or others — because it signals an end, without telling us where we are. Or maybe it’s just another way of saying, “I wish I knew, for sure, that I am a good person who did the right thing.” When I got my dog, at 8 weeks, I had no clue what lay ahead or what choices I’d make. I still don’t — because it’s a moving target. So for me it comes down to a feeling. Do I think I could do more for her? Yes, of course, because there is always more. Do I feel as if I give her a large share of my time, energy, budget, and love? Yes. “Large share” is about as quantifiable as it gets, for me — and it moves, like breathing, to adapt to the needs of other beings I love.
LisaH says
I absolutely love Em’s take on the importance of our happiness on our companion animals 😃. So true, everyone is more relaxed when I am happy & relaxed.
This past year has tested my limits as to how much I will do for my dog. My BC was diagnosed with lymphoma a year ago this week (he was 10 yr, 3 mon.) and I instantly went to UW-Madison and started the 19 week chemo protocol. I simply could not wrap my mind around the idea of him dying within months if I had options and resources to treat him. $4,700 later he was alive & well, sweet & playful, but had a poor appetite, was slow to gain weight, muscles were wasted & I kept thinking he just needed time to recover from chemo. Well, 2 months later, in late Oct., he is diagnosed with Stage 3 renal failure & I’m told the prognosis is not good so just enjoy him.
If we hadn’t just been thru chemo, I may have accepted that, but, I didn’t, and now it’s early April & though his labs are now showing late stage 3, he is doing better & better every month. And thinking it was short-term, I instituted a lot of measures that are time consuming, costly, and restricts my life in many ways. He has monthly acupuncture & chiropractic, biweekly B12 injections, sub q fluids most days, sleeps with a belly band at night, is given 2x a day CBD capsules, and is hand-fed 4 smaller meals a day. He gets filtered water and two shorter off leash walks a day & sleeps on my bed. He is now 11 yr, 3 mon. and his old self (minus training & competing in agility) and the majority of the time I’m fine with our routine, BUT I also question what I’ll do when he declines further – reality is that either the renal failure or lymphoma will most likely be his cause of death. I don’t want to lose him (ever) & since late Nov. he’s been very active & happy, eats well, etc., but this routine is restrictive & difficult to sustain long-term, especially doing it alone, & I have another younger BC, family & professional responsibilities, etc. I intend to let him go while he’s still “okay” vs. incapacitated, and in the meantime try to stay in the moment.
So, yes, I think a great deal about this issue and how much is enough and how much is too much. I don’t know right now.
Charles G. Couturier says
Early into her puphood, I feared having to wonder about this question for years to come. So got her a cat, just in case 😉
I got criticized for that, and I recon there’s a bit of a gamble in this decision. Mind you, I had a plan, a solid one.
Best decision I made.
Part of the happiness in our dogs, lies in their routines. The best, is to be able to dress up their whole day with routines happening pretty much at same time, every day. If they can go from one routine to the next, to the next. Add a touch of surprises and different things being thrown every once in a while, et voilà.
And some of these routines, could include some boredom. It’s important to get bored, and still feel good. As long as boredom don’t occupy too much room.
All this is not “the” answer, but it was mine.
Charles G. Couturier says
The other thing is mission.
What do our dogs dream about. We got to have a fairly clear idea. They’re probably dreaming about some mission, things they bite in, things they live for (or almost). Every dog should have one.
That’s 50% of “the” answer that I’m sure. My neighboor’s lab lives a fairly calm life. But he knows…. he knows they’ll go back hunting these ducks. A single escape yields 6 months worth of dreams.
Diane says
Thank you Grandma. As I struggle over the loss of my wonderful dog (did I do enough), and welcome a new dog (who needs so much and yet I am now more restricted with financial resources to do what I did for my last dog) But we do what we can and give the best…love.
Liz F. says
My guess is, those of us reading a blog such as this one do far more than “enough” for our canine companions. That to me sounds like a minimum threshold. And I also recognize that there are others out there, with lesser means, who have a dog that thinks they are the world even with grocery store kibble (gasp!) and one modest collar and dog tag. We all have our own barometer of care and, with our hearts and minds in the right place, we are more than most dogs would ever ask for.
Andy says
My first instinct is to defer to ethical philosophers…which basically means giving up. I value rationalism, but will never master it, and will always fail some ethical test or another.
The second is to think about what I would personally wish from someone I loved. That’s of limited use as well, since I think Cecil’s answer would consistently be “MORE!”, which is not how I behave. It’s a big part of why I love him so much, but not very useful when answering, “how much is enough?”
The best I can do is to try to synthesize what Cecil is showing/telling me. Is something off? Can I get him to settle happily without another zoomie, or walk, or another round of food toy play? If I left something novel but maybe a little unadvisable (e.g. crumbs from Popeye’s Chicken) would that experience make the day a good one?
I suspect having a BC is a little like having Cecil: they’re not going to show you their hand, and will take every bit of love you offer them. I know you hear this a lot, but it bears repeating: you have very, very lucky dogs, and we’re lucky to get to read about them.
Frances says
I am laughing at myself a bit. Yesterday I finally finished the hand stitching on a small Edwardian tub chair, chosen as it was just the right height and size for arthritic Pippin to be able to climb onto easily. I had great fun working on it at my upholstery class, will be relieved to get rid of the IKEA chair with the wobbly leg it replaces, and am pleased with the fabric I chose from eBay, and with the tiny round footstool I finished just in time at the last class of the term (not just a cat chair, but a step up as well!). And Pippin likes it so much he has not even stirred for breakfast…
So did I really upholster a chair for the cat, or was it an enjoyable project with the added benefit that the cat likes it? And now I am smiling even more, because he has just got down, carefully using the footstool to spare his painful shoulder. Positive reinforcement at its best!
Mason says
I’m most interested in the “put the oxygen mask on yourself first” part of this question. Those of us with what I (semi-ironically) refer to as Exquisite Attunement To Others Syndrome often find this really hard, especially if one of our dogs suffers from physical or emotional troubles. Energies — and anxieties — get focussed on the dogs’ tangible medical/ physical/ mental/ needs, and our own are either a secondary consideration or mysterious, unknown territory. I’d say that pretty much describes the first fifteen years of my life with dogs.
In retrospect, a colossal error, for me and the dogs. I did not convey the message or embody the experience that “everything is OK,” and I missed the opportunity to be really present with the dogs and myself. Now this is my priority, more important than what goes in the food bowls or whether I skipped a training session. So, to give a mundane, concrete example, the question of how much energy I have for a dog walk (and how enthusiastic and positive I can be about it) is as important, or more, as asking how long a walk my dogs need.
Of course, sometimes I fake my ‘everything is ok/ radical acceptance’ vibe, and I’m sure the dogs know this, but it seems better than going down the rabbit hole of rumination over whether I’m getting things right. I believe most dogs are extremely sensitive to our ‘things are not, or might not be, OK, and I should be doing better/ more’ feelings. And that they are more stressed by them than we ourselves are.
Sadly, a lot of dog media deploys our fears about being good dog parents and getting things ‘right’ as click bait or as a hook to get us to consume information and products, and this can promote anxieties that then shape how we interact with our dogs. I’m very grateful for the open-minded, both ends-of-the-leash, no right answer forum that Trisha’s blog provides.
Trisha says
I expected there to be some insightful comments, and, as always, the village never fails. Such interesting reading for all of us. The concept that rises up in me now after reading and re-reading every comment is this: Balance. At the core of this question is our health and our happiness. When I say “our”, I mean all of us in the family, including our dogs. If one conflicts badly with the other, then I wish everyone feels enough of a sense of their own value to put themselves first. Several of you commented on this already–if we’re unhappy then it is doubtful that our dogs will be. I don’t mean “unhappy” in the sense that we’re not thrilled about walking our dogs in the rain, or tired from yet another vet visit. I mean deeply unhappy. I struggled with that when I brought home a BC puppy years ago and was miserable for an entire summer because I knew he was the wrong dog, but couldn’t find the emotional energy to deal with it. (I write about this in The Education of Will if you’re interested.) Eventually, extreme care for an older or severely ill dog can lead to emotional exhaustion that has to be considered.
Balance. I’m going to mull on that all day today.
Marni says
I can attest to the truth of “Put the oxygen mask on yourself first”. I have a schip and a rattie. Not long after I got my rattie my then partner started exhibiting some truly strange behavior. So here I was with sleepless nights trying to train this incredibly sensitive little dog who picked up on everything wrong. It was a mess. I was stressed, my dog was stressed and for the year it took to fix the situation no progress was made with his myriad behavior challenges despite “doing everything right”.
The change came with not just teaching my dog to relax but myself as well. I dumped my partner, took up daily meditation, and shortened training sessions. He’s still a terrierist but where he was once impossible on leash, he now happily trots along beside me to “go do learnings”.
I see the stress of ridiculous expectations in other people a lot more now. Knothead is dog reactive–of course–but keeps it together well with calm direction. I’ll see people being reactive to their dogs for not behaving perfectly on leash, forcing the dog into a sit and desperately putting on a show to “please God shut up and don’t act this way I swear this never happens!” out of fear some stranger will cluck at them and tell them they are a terrible dog owner.
Chloe says
First, I am so glad to hear that Willie is recuperating nicely and that you were able to get away.
I never worried about my dog’s needs until Rook, the BC I now have. 12 plus years. Very anxious, will take off if there is a loud bang or a crackling fire or the wind picks up or rain on a tin roof…
I got her for agility which she loved of course but it wasn’t safe for her as she would have taken off if she got scared.
I worried still do. Should I have rehomed her in the country at a ranch? But spending time in such places I realized folks hunt and a gun shot carries for miles. Probably the reason why we get so many BC’s at the Oregon Humane Society, dogs found on roads lost.
I know there is more I could do, but I sat down with her a few years ago and told her that I would do what I could, that this life is not perfect for either of us but that I would try to give her long hikes off leash (I go very early in am to reduce risks of big noise etc) I told her I would try to mask scary sounds and that this is the life we would have together in the city.
I walk dogs all day she helps me with puppy training she get to meet many people and dogs we are active she has a comfy bed in the closet and her safe spot in the basement, she eats a raw diet I prepare has excellent vet care.
In the end I had to make peace with what I could do and what I could not do for her.
Since I work with dogs all day tho I know there is quite a bit of misunderstanding between our species. I would say that most problems I encounter derive from pushing our needs to a place where the dog cannot adapt, and folks not understanding a dog’s basic needs. I often say “if you had a rhinoceros in your back yard you probably would have at least 10 books about them on your coffee table”.
I do think dogs suffer from that lack of understanding. The 2 Vislas who live in the small apartment condo across the street come to mind. 2 half hour walks tops a day. The young one has a shock collar. Ugh that breaks my heart.
Lisa W. I loved the description: “an unidentifiable scruff of crazy” 😀
Em: “anyone can give their own happiness” so true
Charles: I have two clients who got a cat for their dogs. Beautiful friendships in both cases!
UrbanCollieChick says
My working line kelpie, Tucker, is an easier keeper than many. He can sleep many hours a day. I dare say this “working” dog is of a nature that I think many pet owners would appreciate in a companion animal. He can sleep quite a bit, but any time you are ready to roll, he’s up and happy. He can just as easily do an all day hike too. Very flexible boy, and a great student of tricks and training.
We took agility and nosework classes and though I did not compete, I still practice with him.
Some of my friends only see the “on” side. At least two of them used the phrase “It would never be enough” when talking about how much activity time he would need. In truth, one thing I notice is that if he’s been on for long enough, calming him down takes a little time; a gradual downplay in energy levels. It sort of becomes like landing a plane. You can’t just turn it off. You gradually descend, and lower the speeds a little at a time.
Otherwise he has tics, like swinging his head backwards and nibbling himself, or pacing.
Gotta watch that.
So, is it ever enough? To his thinking, perhaps not, the way a meth addict can never get enough; substitute meth with activity.
Getting adjusted to “just enough” can be a good thing. Even the true working dog, in working hands, has to be managed. Going overboard to madness can make handling a tough deal. Pacing onesself is a thing too.
There are only 24 hours in the day. For a dog that thinks it’s never enough, well, sleep eventually must come anyway. May as well practice.
My buddy and I spent a rainy day mostly on the sofa yesterday as I stayed home sick. We watched movies, then enjoyed an hour’s evening hike, plus practicing a hand nail trim on the dewclaws, plus a few rounds of learning to get his leash.
That’ll do Tucker. That’ll do.
HFR says
My immediate reaction to this question is, of course, we do enough. We are a community of not only dog lovers, but well-informed and sensitive dog lovers. Whenever I feel guilty about something pertaining to my dogs (which usually has to do with leaving them by themselves) I remind myself that probably 2/3rds of dog owners in this country (world?) give their dogs some food, put them in the yard for most of the day and have no idea that raw food for dogs exist. That doesn’t make them horrible people, they are just typical dog owners, who, when asked, would tell you they love their dog very much. I also tell myself that I don’t think my dogs are thinking “Boy, this sucks, I’d rather be chasing a squirrel”. I think we know they would rather be chasing a squirrel, but I’m not sure they compare it to their present.
To me, the most important thing is being with your dog. Leaving them alone for long periods of time is its own special kind of cruelty. I work long hours and so I spend almost almost every minute with my dogs on the weekends and at night. I give them my time, which I believe is what they most value.
Mowgli’s mom says
Enough…
Enough is knowing that you and your canine companions are physically, mentally and emotionally cared for to the best of your ability.
Kat says
I never really think in terms of am I doing enough. I do ask my animals regularly if there’s anything they’d change about their life if they could. A few months ago Ranger said he’d like his back end not to hurt getting up and down off the floor. Fair enough, that was something I could try to do something about so off we went to our integrative vet . Some diet changes, chiropractic and massage coupled with cold laser treatments and judicious use of anti-inflammatories and he hurts a lot less. I did what I could to meet his specific need to improve his quality of life.
Finna says she’d like it if we were hermits living on 20 acres with the ten acres in the middle fenced so she could roam. I seriously thought about whether she’d be better off if I could rehome her to someone with that life. “What do you think Finna, would you give me up to have that life?” Finna says no way would she want that life without me too so she’s stuck with our suburban life and we do our best to make this life work for her. She says the restrictions this life place on her are a small price to pay for living with the best human in the whole wide world who understand her and loves her. I can be content with that.
Similar conversations take place with the cats. If there’s something I can reasonably do to meet their specific needs I’ll do it; if not they get to cope.
Basically what I’m doing is thinking critically about their quality of life and whether that quality is working for them. At the end of the day I want to be able to say I did my best to give them lives that were comfortable, happy, and fulfilling. I don’t need to keep trying to do more or better or measure myself or them against some imagined standard. Sometimes I think people get their seeking centers locked in the on position and never get to be satisfied/content with what they have; they’re too obsessed with wanting more or better or …
Casper O' Hane says
I think we all should do the best we can for our dogs while still taking care of ourselves and our families. Some people can’t afford expensive food (or another freezer to store it in) or don’t have time to make it. Some can’t afford training classes, and other such things. We should do the best we can with what we’ve got and beyond that, well, unless you have extra time and extra money you don’t know what to do with, (which I think most people do not,) don’t worry about it. And think about it; if you’re doing the best you can, you can’t do more than that.
Barb Stanek says
Oh the guilt!
The past two weeks have been centered on me. I’ve been gone more than usual, and when I’ve been home, I’ve been immersed in non-dog activities.
Yet each dog (I have 2) has been to it’s nose work class and agility class each week. In addition, I have an acre fenced outside my back door. The back yard includes the usual collection of country smells including turkey, deer, muskrats, raccoons, and whatever else wanders through. I also have an automatic door opener — me! The dogs go in and out at will and do what dogs do in the back yard when and for as long as they want to!
My dogs get the highest quality food that I can afford and are safe and warm when the weather warrants. They are cool in the heat of the summer. They go on field trips to trials and on hikes and visits to their breeder in warmer weather.
I still have to talk myself out of the guilt that I’m doing enough for them. Maybe it’s because I am fully aware of their unconditional love for me which I can only return, never repay. Maybe it’s because I would like them to say when they die, “She gave us the best life!” Maybe it’s because both of my dogs want to be with me and do things, no matter what, where, or when!
In any case, neither of my dogs’ enthusiasm flags when I say, “Are you coming with?” I agree with them that a new adventure is around the next corner, and we will enjoy it together. Nix on the guilt. We’re all doing the best that we can.
Tricia says
Our dogs are essentially our prisoners. They can’t go out when they want, can’t eat when they want, no longer get to wander the neighborhood. They are well treated prisoners, and willing prisoners, but they don’t have any agency. Add the now constant pressure to adopt a dog, even if you are not well suited to have a dog because you work 60 hours a week, and it becomes even more extreme. Add to that the fact that most are more attached to their devices than to their dogs, and it becomes even more extreme. Add to that that street dogs are now being imported from their lives to become city and suburban pets, and know that they have traded some freedom for better groceries. I don’t know the answer either, but I sure do feel badly about so many dogs. They are, luckily, the most flexible species there is.
Chris from Boise says
Kat’s comment is really helpful to me. By re-framing the issue, it removes the “enough” vagueness and changes the question into a discussion. I’m going to take that idea and run with it. Thanks!
Rebecca Rice says
This is a fascinating question. My first dog was bombproof. For my second dog, I wanted more of a challenge. So I got a dog with severe fear/anxiety issues. She pushed me to grow and learn a lot about dogs and training. She died just after Labor Day this year, quite suddenly, most likely from hemangiosarcoma. Definitely from bleeding out into her abdomen. And that was an extremely stressful day of “what’s enough”? Given her extreme neophobia, I decided the kindest thing to do was let her go instead of doing surgery. She got a lot happier and more confident during her life with me, but I constantly struggled with the “I could do more” and the “maybe she would be better off with someone who could devote more time and effort to her rehabilitation”. Which is when talking to my trainer was very helpful, since she quite bluntly said that I had done more with her than almost anyone else would have.
I sometimes wonder if this issue is also linked with the relatively new belief that “you should be the most important thing in your dog’s life”. I know dog enthusiasts who believe a dog should be in a crate, conserving energy, until they are allowed out to put that energy to work. If that’s your belief, then I think it puts a lot of pressure on the owner to ensure that the dog’s quality of life is acceptable. I think back to my childhood pets, where we let them out in the morning and just assumed they would be back in the evening. No one questioned whether we were doing enough for the dog. The feeling was that the dog would entertain themselves, and as long as you gave them attention, food, and vet care, things were fine. I have been wondering whether the advice we give people thinking about getting married should also be applied here: yes, we should be our dog’s best friend, but there is no way that we can fulfill all of our dog’s needs on our own. It’s important that they have a chance to be independent, to have their own friends, and have some autonomy. The more that we insist on being THE most important thing in our dog’s life, the more likely we will wonder on “am I doing enough to fulfill my side of this bargain”.
Jenny H says
I consider myself VERY wealthy — compared to others in this world We own our own house and three cars (one my classic 1963 VW). We have 3 dogs and one cat and enough money to be able to provide any medications they need. We can help our 4 kids out of trouble, we have no problems affording the food we need or paying the rates/bills.
The only time I do NOT admit to being insanely wealthy is when friends say “Oh how lucky you are! We could only afford ONE overseas holiday this year,” or complain of not being able to afford a house but go on cruises regularly and buy their kids expensive throw-away toys.
We do NOT go on overseas holidays nor even jaunt around Australia. I repair clothes. And cook good meals from inexpensive ingredients. (I must admit not though that just about any meat seems exorbitantly expensive. All of out cars are OLD by today’s younger generations values.) We don’t smoke not do any drugs but pain killers and alcohol and prescribed drugs.
Hey I did do a few expensive things though — one going to one of your Seminars in Sydney, a few other sminars and now my one extravagance — Snare Drum Lessons. (dogs are not an extravagance — they are a necessity — we don’t carry home contents insurance 🙂
Jenny H says
I do think my dogs can be bored quite a lot. They let me know by starting up a bark-fest.
But they do enjoy basking in the sun. They should get out and about more, but current regulations re dog in vehicles means that I can only take one dog out at a time, not do any shopping or anything else on that trip. I don’t have the time, nor the energy, to get each dog out daily. (in fact I don’t really have the energy to one dog out daily. Luckily we are on acreage and one a week I have friends over with their dogs.
Trisha says
Love your perspective Jenny H. Thanks for chiming in.
Trisha says
Love the connection to other relationships… no, we can’t be everything to anybody, even our dogs. Well said.
Anne says
My thoughts: after about 35 years of living with Australian Shepherds, usually more than three at a time: if your dog is generally driving you nuts, you aren’t doing enough with him/her. “Enough” changes with the dog’s life stage. As a pup, they need quite a bit, but they also need sleep. As an adolescent, they need more than almost humanly possible, it seems. But then they settle into adulthood and “enough” is not that much for some dogs and still quite a bit for other dogs. Then they are old and “enough” is just sleeping next to your chair while you type away.
Anne says
And to add to the comment above about Aussies: I bought a farm and sheep for my dogs, but they don’t get to work that much in the winter- too much snow. I know they miss it, but we tromp around in the snow and visit parks. They like to go for car rides with me and they have enough fur that cold doesn’t bother them (reasonable amounts of cold- I am cautious with extreme cold).
Marnie says
This is such a great topic, and a question I’m always asking – and always feeling like I fall short. One reason I think about it so much has to do with the level of autonomy/independence our dogs have today versus years ago. Our family dog growing up was let outside in the morning to spend the day doing whatever she did, and she returned at dinner time to spend the evening/night inside with us. We loved her immensely, but she also developed the skills that I would imagine most dogs had in years past – figuring out how to walk for miles and then navigate her way back home, learning about the dangers of cars, etc. – and as a result, she also had a large amount of freedom. Of course, I wouldn’t dream of doing this now with our dog/s since we live in an urban environment, but today we essentially control our dogs’ lives, in some ways making them willing captives because we are unable to give them that level of pure freedom. So, I do think we should always be considering this question and hopefully finding many ways to give them independence/autonomy within the confines of the world they live in with us today. This whole subject of autonomy is one of the reasons I love Ted Kerasote’s books so much – it gives me great joy to read about dogs like Merle and Pukka who were/are still able to live in such a free way.