How many times have you heard about a dog who behaved one way in one home, and substantially differently in another? My answer: Lots. Lots and lots and lots.
I’m writing about this because the universe asked me to: On Saturday I went back to my post of June 22nd (2020), in which I asked readers what they’d like to talk about. Nan Kujolic made a comment that she’d had a dog who was dog-dog aggressive, seriously so, until she rehomed him into a place in which he would not be a danger to others. Where he became a model dog who got along with everyone. She was surprised, and also a bit ashamed. What did she miss? Did she do something wrong? I think all of us can relate to those feelings.
On the same day I talked to a friend who said that one of her dogs behaved one way while staying elsewhere, and exactly the opposite when he came back. What could explain that, she asked? I couldn’t answer that question, but, in true Piled higher and Deeper PhD fashion, I could say this: The number of dogs whose behavior changes substantially from one environment to another appears to be infinite.
Of course, there are many reasons for this: Different humans, different pack structure, country versus city, quiet versus noisy. And on and on. I can cite a gazillion examples in which an obvious change in the environment results in a change in behavior. For example, I had a client with an aggressive Aussie. In spite of the owner’s high-level training skills, she couldn’t turn him into a dog who was safe around others. She lived in a small, cramped apartment by a busy road, and after months working together we began a discussion about safely placing him in a different home. He found a quieter home with lots of space and autonomy, where he wasn’t in a constant state of over stimulation, and all of his behavior problems faded away.
Rehoming a dog you love is difficult to say the least. The client above adored her dog, and finding him another home was one of the hardest things she’s ever done. She’d adopted him from a shelter, and felt at first that rehoming him was like abandoning him. However, I told her, as I have hundreds of clients, that being a responsible dog owner means knowing your dog well enough to know what he needs, and then finding a way to get it for him. If that means another home, then greater love hath no woman or man.
The changes in the environment that led to a change in behavior for the Aussie were obvious. He went from living in a cramped and over stimulating place to one that was spacious and quiet. However, perhaps more often than we acknowledge, a dog changes his or her behavior for no reason that any human can discern. We all want to know the reason, of course we do, because then we might be able to learn something from it. And, of course, we feel torn if a dog’s behavior problem magically goes away when it goes to another home with no possible explanation. What did we do wrong? What did we miss? How did we mess up?
Perhaps the answer is “nothing.” That it had nothing to do with us, or even the usual and obvious environmental changes. I will say right now that the tendency in the dog world is not to think that way. Rather, it’s to blame the original owner. I’ve heard over and over again that “She just didn’t understand him” or “If he hadn’t been nervous about the dog biting he wouldn’t have bitten.” And yet, I’ve seen countless examples of dogs changing their behavior because of changes in the environment that have nothing to do with the owner–perhaps going from being the only dog to one in a house with five dogs, or moving into a home without windows facing the street. I’ve also seen numerous examples of dogs, moving from Place A to Place B, with no discernible differences between them. Of course, there are always differences. Just because we don’t know what they are doesn’t mean they aren’t important.
This is a huge and complicated issue, but for this week, I’d like to focus on three things: 1) The environment in which a dog lives has a substantial effect on their behavior. 2) Sometimes the factors that change a dog’s behavior are obvious, sometimes they are subtle and impossible for us to perceive. 3) These factors often have little to do with the humans involved. It’s hard for us to acknowledge that “It’s not about us,” us being at the center of the universe and all, but it’s often not.
What I’m trying to say, having well and truly buried the lead, is here’s to a world with less blame all around, and kudos to those who learn what their dog needs, and then do all they can to help them get it.
I’d love to hear your insightful (and compassionate) thoughts and experiences on this issue.
[* Please note that I am not advocating passing a dog around like a toaster if it has a behavior problem, nor sending a dangerous dog into an environment in which anyone is put at risk. Rehoming has to be done with complete transparency and a thorough understanding of what the dog needs to ensure its safety and that of those around it. That said, there’s no question that sometimes it is the kindest and safest thing to do for all species involved.]
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Whoops. The frost killed all my Zinnias before I thought to cut them and bring them into the house. Not to mention the two large basil plants I’ve been nurturing all summer for the pesto to come. Now the pine nuts in the cupboard and the parmesan in the fridge are lonely. Poor things. But ah, life goes on, and the asters and even some anemones are loving the weather.
I’m soaking up all the color that my eyes can manage before the world turns brown and grey. This Mandevilla looks a little frost bitten, but is still full of color. I’m going to bring some in and see how they do over the winter.
The Coleus is not so happy, which is another way of saying it’s dead as a door nail. I’ll be putting my rooster plant holders into the barn this afternoon. Sorry to see them go.
In the dog world, here are Skip and Maggie competing in this year’s “Best in Alternate Ear Poses” contest:
And finally, from Skip: “Have you seen the cat? I know she’s out here somewhere. Somewhere close by, I’m sure of it.”
May we all find what we are looking for this week.
Kat says
D’Artagnan is one of those dogs who is doing far better in his new home than in his previous one. It’s fairly easy to figure out what changed and made his behavior better. In his previous home he was alone for most of the day and when people where home they had little time for him. He was a destructive digger, incessant barker, escape artist, and regularly chewed sores into his flank. Here he digs but mostly in areas I’ve agreed are his to dig, he barks when there’s something he feels we need to know about, he’s had zero sores, and has never tried to escape. The difference is simple, here he has people pretty much any time he wants them, he has a job (actually two, alerting us to things that are out of the ordinary–guarding the property–and being a Therapy Dog), he goes for long walks daily frequently in novel places, he gets training sessions, he has access to the outdoors or indoors as he chooses, and generally isn’t bored anymore. He was very loved in his previous home, loved enough that they wanted him to have a better life than they could provide. His problem behaviors disappeared instantly in his new environment. I have nothing but respect for his previous family; as much as they loved him they recognized that their changed life circumstances were less than ideal for him and made the hard choice to find a home where he could live his best life.
Mary says
I loved this article because as a veterinarian I am seeing different behaviors in so many of my patients with this COVID situation. Most of the dogs are behaving so much better just because there is less noise and less people in the building. It makes us all dread the return to normalcy. And I have had to rehome a dog. Probably the only thing that gave me courage to do this was reading your articles and your books. Because it was heartbreaking.
Terry says
Agree entirely. Especially for those of us who consider ourselves to be trainers – we think we can “fix” everything, but sometimes it isn’t about training or us. Nor is it past history or “bad” owners or experiences. Thanks for helping us to drop the blame and pay attention to what’s in front of us.
KB says
I have a very reactive rescue dog, so reactive that behavioral euthanasia was suggested to us when he was about 6 months old. We’d adopted him at 8 weeks old after he and his littermates were rescued from city streets. Now, he’s almost two years old. For almost 17 months, we had three dogs, an old blind and incredibly friendly male Lab, an 8 year old female Lab, and the reactive dog. Much of the reactive dog’s aggressive behavior was directed toward the old and blind dog. We guessed that it was because the blind dog didn’t pick up on body language signals from the reactive dog, or it may have been male-male aggression.
We made steady progress with him for almost a year and a half, becoming less reactive toward strangers and all sorts of random stimuli. But he was still a long shot from being a normal dog. Then, we made a big decision to move to a very large ranch where no random people, cars, or neighborhood noises reach us. On the day that we bought the property, our older blind dog collapsed and died.
We proceeded to begin staying at the new place, with the result that 2 huge things had changed simultaneously. We were very careful with the reactive dog, expecting an escalation in his reactive behavior. He could be off-leash at the ranch – playing with his sister or exploring during hikes – which was a huge change for him.
Within a week, his hypervigilance began waning. It is now close to 8 weeks later, and he has days when we think that he seems almost like a normal dog. He barks at people who visit our ranch but then relaxes if they follow the rule of never looking at him. He falls asleep when they are near him while we all chat, he will snuzzle their hands as they walk with us, and he plays with his Lab sister beautifully. Daily outdoor play with his sister, a new thing in his life, seems like a game-changer for him.
We don’t know which it was that made the bigger difference, the death of his brother or the move to a quiet place. It was probably a combination. We adore how he’s becoming a different dog.
Thanks for this blog post!
Trisha says
Wonderful story KB, thanks for sharing it. And “snuzzle”? Best new word ever.
LisaW says
I’ve thought a lot about this over the years. It’s a tough one because it requires objectively looking at a situation full of emotions. Rehoming an animal that has shared your life even for a brief time feels a lot like admitting your loved one has an addiction problem and must go to rehab. Both are truly necessary and both incorrectly reflect internal shame and/or guilt. In fact, both are the most courageous thing to do. Courage has its share of shame and blame before you are able to act.
We have rehomed a few dogs over the years. One had emerging behaviors that were over our heads in terms of time, cost, and talent (ours). She ended up with her birth mom’s family (her mom had died) and lived a good long life as the only dog for many miles around. I didn’t know all this until many years later when my niece was dating someone who grew up with that family, and he remembered the dog fondly. Such a nice surprise to hear how her life turned out.
Another was a naïve choice on our part when we chose a hunting hound and didn’t give him a proper job or room to run. After a year of trying to fit in, he told us in no uncertain terms it wasn’t working. He went to live with a hunter on a large piece of land in the mountains (really).
As I have aged, I feel that I will devout as much of my heart and soul and resources to a dog knowing it still may not be enough for that particular dog. I just hope it is.
KC Wilson says
This story hits home. Many years ago I volunteered to foster an adult Border Collie named Duncan. I had two children and 4 dogs at the time. Duncan would not only escape at every chance but run as fast as he could from our home. Luckily, we got him back each time but it was clear we were not the right home. The agency found him a home, and we learned he never attempted to run away again. I could have felt guilty and inadequate, but my immediate thought was, “He was now in the right home for HIM.” Lucky for me, he was a foster which made it easier to re-home him. He had a good long life.
Chloe De Segonzac says
I am a petsitter and I bring my dog with so I know for certain dogs feel different in different homes.
My last dog Border Collie female Baruch was extremely anxious her entire life. She loved being in a quiet house and she adored being at the beach. And I don’t mean on the beach She was a different dog from being very quiet in the home she became a high energy dog throwing toys around wanting cuddles etc. I have to say I did fail her there. I should have rehomed her with someone who lived there.
My present Border Collie a 2 year old male from non herding line (I made sure and he was not isolated as a pup on a ranch!) is a happy go lucky dude but still I noticed recently he had his favorite houses for sure!! Ones he can see outside. And if there is a cat he’s in heaven.
BAB says
I have a similar story to KB’s. We have a very reactive Border Collie mix (Sherlock) who, at about six months old it was suggested to us, has the kind of aggressive behavior that can’t be modified (that it isn’t fear, but aggression). We were told it wasn’t a question of *if* he was going to attack us, but *when.* Euthanasia was also hinted at. Being told these things actually changed *MY* behavior and I basically lived in fear of this dog, even though he was trying to be my friend. I was mis-reading everything he did. Well-meaning people constantly asked us why we would want to keep him.
Finally, after many weeks of tears over this dog, going back and forth about whether we should return him to the rescue or not, we firmly decided that he was our dog and we were going to do whatever we had to to make him a part of our family. With that decision, I also decided (and more importantly observed) that his behavior was not aggression, but fear. I’m no expert, but having had a fearful, gentle angel of a dog before this guy, I recognized it — it just took getting that attack warning out of my head to see it.
We live on two acres in a mostly rural, quiet neighborhood. Sherlock still reacts (barking, lunging at the window) to cars driving on our super quiet street, neighbors walking the same street, and he can’t really meet new people without a barrier between them, etc. But we have learned how to redirect his fixations. He has a few trusted friends/trainers, our vet is amazing and handles him (muzzled) with no-nonsense, and Sherlock is a total complete pile of love with my husband and me. I’m grateful every day that we made the choice to stick it out because I know he’s safe and loved. But I also recognize that it would have been completely OK to re-home him, and understand that is often the right choice. If I hadn’t had the help I did (from my husband, and the trainers we are lucky to work with), I wouldn’t have had the choice to keep him.
It’s certainly not easy being Sherlock’s people — we have to always be hyper-vigilant, have to keep him in a separated part of the house or in his kennel when we have visitors, etc. We’ve had him for over two years now, and every day I come closer to accepting and being OK with the fact that he’s just not going to be a people dog (I have a golden mix who is ALL ABOUT THE PEOPLE). But he’s cute and we love him.
Jill Leggio says
Our Lucy, a Bossy (BC/Aussie) came to us from city streets at the age of two. She was vetted by the rescue group as great with everything. She was great with nothing. We used to travel in the summer in a motorhome, but had to give up that idea because she was leash reactive and hates golf carts. I did everything to “fix” her. One summer, as I sat in the shower with her during another thunderstorm, I was done and began investigating rehoming her. The more I researched, the more I realized the likelihood of finding her a good placement were very small. One day while out walking, she gave me her regular look that said, I want some water. I gave it to her and knew at that moment that I couldn’t let her go. My husband and I decided to just love her as she was and we’d figure the rest out. Who changed? Everything settled down. Now at 9, she still hates golf carts and most dogs on leashes, but she’s an affable, sweet girl living in the same home.
Barb Stanek says
LOL , Skip!
Alice R. says
Trish, you saved me by sharing about rehoming a dog or returning a puppy. I had waited six years after I lost my beloved lab before I got another dog. The puppy I got was adorable, and a little older than I usually get, but that happens sometimes. She settled in fine, however, within a month began showing frequent aggressive behaviors. They were rewarded very quickly as people would look at the cute puppy then withdraw in horror at the snarling mess she became. She even snarled at a toddler across a giant room I was in once at my mother’s facility. She loved to visit my mother, but there were people in the hallways! I worked with my vet, the breeder, a trainer, and did a ton of reading. She just got worse and worse in spite of my attempts to distance and counter condition. I could not take people out of the whole world! One day we had to have an emergency heater electrician visit while I had to deliver a walker to my mother (I had a window that had to be met for both). I was the trainer so I took her with me knowing I could keep people away while we just ran in and out. She began barking and snarling nonstop at people entire long hallways away. Finally, I just pushed open a door to a nurses station, blurted I need help, and asked if someone could take the walker to Mom’s floor then called my mother to explain from the car. Returning her to the breeder had been discussed by all the professionals as they respectfully reminded me that it was my decision, and that day I knew. I kept it together until I drove home, and then fell apart knowing it was the right decision and that I was not the right home for my dog that I loved so much. All the professionals reassured me that I was making the right decision, but some of my dog loving family turned on me. It was all my fault, “how could you think about just throwing your dog away!?!”, etc. I reread and reread your books, and returned my sweet pup. There was a horrible scene where she cowered and growled at the breeders husband, but I guess memory caught up because I could see her in his lap as he drove away, and the breeder called me later in sympathy reassuring me that she was doing fine with her. She has adapted beautifully. She only likes a few people, but has free runs on the farm, and the ability to leave the house when people come. Knowing she can means distance is usually enough. She has appointed herself policewoman of the place, and keeps a careful watch on all the dogs’ manners. With freedom from people, and a job, she thrives. I have scars that I pushed down, and very real memories of that painful time when those I needed turned on me instead. Those spots will always hurt when I poke them which I try not to do. Your writings and books gave me the strength to do what was best for my dog, and the reassurance it was a loving action when I felt so down. My current pup (now 5) is a real clown, and very happy to be here. He’s not as brave as he could be, but that is absolutely my fault. I was so afraid that I had unknowingly caused the problem and feared creating it again by botching socialization so I was not as thorough as I usually am. He’s happy though, and we are too. Thank you for the lifesaving hand up when I needed it. You were such a gift to me when I was hurting so badly.
Love the ears!
Lorie Coenen says
I would like to reply to BAB who tells us the story of her reactive border collie, Sherlock. You are not alone. We live the same life with Murphy. We love him with all his issues and he loves us back. Murph is now 12 years old and I’ve never regretted having him in our lives. Many dog behavior classes under our belts. We’ve learned so much. It was just meant to be that Murphy was ours.
Chip Gallo says
I expressed to my daughter that I observed dogs exhibiting a different, subdued personality in shelter situations. Then when they were brought into a home and after some time had passed, they revealed more of their true personality. This makes me wonder if the profiling that is done by shelter staff can sometimes be misleading. Any comments?
Nana911 says
I’ve shared with you before about the Westie that we had that began showing aggressive tendencies at 7 months. He began biting and resource guarding…and I was his resource! Any time my husband came near me, the dog tried to bite him (and he was successful on several occasions.) We worked with a dog behaviorist, our vet, and a Westie rescue. We tried very hard to “fix” him, but to no avail. When he bit our adult daughter, I was done. I knew that it was only time before he bit one of our precious granddaughters!
With our vet, we made the decision that he needed to be euthanized, because we just couldn’t pass him off to someone else. The risks were too great, not the least of which was the issue of LIABILITY if he attacked whoever he ended up with. (I am the daughter of an insurance agent, so I’m well aware of what we might have faced, had we re-homed an aggressive biter.)
We received mostly positive support over euthanizing him, but there were several rude comments on social media. (No more sharing on Facebook or Instagram!!)
The ending (new beginning?) of my story is that we now have the sweetest, goofiest, cuddliest 8 month old female Westie! She is so much fun, and although we had previously decided that we were done with any more dogs, we’re both so happy that we changed our minds! She is a ray of sunshine. 🙂
Anne says
I got one dog because he was nipping the other family’s children. Then I had a baby and this was the best dog ever for kids. He was perfect. For one he was older and calmer by then and also I was into 100 % supervision, not just put them out in the yard to play together with a pack of kids.
Chris Wells says
We adopted our rescue Golden after our first Golden passed away. Molly turned into a good dog. We got our CGC and we live a pretty quiet life in the country. But she never liked our older dog a half lab/half dachshund. But Molly never really liked any dog. If friends or family brought their dogs to our house within 10 minutes of play, Molly was showing teeth and was done with play. And she was so protective of her toys! On outings she could walk right passed a dog at Lowe’s and never even glance toward it. After our older dog passed, a rescue I follow on social media showed this pitiful beat up terrier that a rancher had picked up as a stray. He could no longer keep the dog because his dogs were trying to kill it! They needed a home ASAP. This dog’s picture just spoke to me and I agreed to foster. From the moment Chili stepped foot (paw) in our house, he and Molly were BFF’s. They shared toys, slept together, chased each other around the yard and sometimes the play gets pretty intense. So Molly finally found a dog she liked and Chili found a dog that didn’t try to kill him! Who knows??
BAB says
Thank you, Lorie. I’m always comforted hearing that there are others who have made a similar choice. We get a lot of questions and comments about that decision. I have to remind myself that the dog other people see is kind of scary. They don’t get to see him relaxed, at home, doing trust falls against us on the couch, chasing his tennis balls, or bringing me his favorite squeak toy at dinner time.
Liz Smith says
I had a purebred rescue from a great breeder. We’ll never know why she was dumped at Animal Control at 10 months. I pulled her & she ended up staying. She was a high stress, highly reactive dog & the older she became the worse she was, eventually becoming aggressive toward other dogs in the house. I rehomed her to a good friend, where she is the only dog. He is retired , so is essentially home 24/7. She has thrived, become much less dog aggressive & has a great life. Rehoming can be very hard but can be absolutely the best choice for the dog and owner.
HFR says
Thankfully I’ve never had to rehome a dog. But I’ve seen many situations where I thought it should be done so I know it can be the right thing to do. My heart goes out to those who have had to make that hard decision and I am in awe of those who embrace their difficult dog and manage to create an environment where all can thrive.
My example of different behavior in different places is of much less consequence. My very old, arthritic dog will only lay on dog beds in other peoples houses. In my house, no go. I’ve spent thousands buying the dog beds he’s used elsewhere. For the life of me I can’t figure out why. Maybe it’s the scent of the other dogs? Most likely he just thinks it’s funny.
Jenny Haskins says
I did a massive turn around with my ‘reactive dog. when I tried Paul Owens’ Complete Breathing exercise.
I didn’t really believe it, but I had three clients (in a group) each with tearaway adolescent male dogs. I had them stand about two metres apart and do the breathing exercises, and we were very surprise to discover when we opened our eyes that the three dogs had circled up beside their person and gone to sleep.
Ever since them I have has less reactive problems with my own dogs. Though I find it had to convince others to try it.
So, I think that the turn around with ‘rehomed dogs’ is probably strongly related to going to a less stress household.
Jenny Haskins says
PS.. One day I found myself hurtling through the traffic and feeling irritated. I decided to try the ‘complete breathing’ (but without of course shutting my eyes) and I found that not only did I slow down, but all the other traffic on the road stated behaving itself!!
Jenny Haskins says
Another anecdote. When we loved in the Kimberleys (Australia) we used to come back to the east coast on leave during the height of the wet season, Small planes in and out and big dogs, so we left out young male with one of field hands.
Unfortunately when we came back we found that this bloke was proud that he had “taught” Genghis to fight and now he could “lick any other dog in town”. 🙁
When we came back to the City and suburbs we found his behaviour horrific. Dog clubs and ‘Chief Instructors” (Height of check-chain training 🙁 ) made his problems worse.
We finally decided to ‘just give up’.
Best decision we ever made. Without us being afraid that he was going to attack, he settled back into the easy going dog he had originally been.
(Another thing that makes me feel certain that it is so often stressed owners who create the nervous reactive dogs.)
Maureen Finn says
As a rescue volunteer (Rottweilers only), a lot of this resonated with me. We frequently get problem dogs in (usually reactivity in some form, but far too many of what I call “bubble dogs” – who can’t be around other dogs or animals, no kids, and stranger danger issues). We know most of this is fear aggression, but we’ve also had some nice dogs fail in good homes. I take every failed placement to heart, knowing how stressful it is all around, but especially on the dogs.
Generally the failures are because the humans expect, and act like they got, a “plug and play” dog and tend to do just about everything wrong in that first week (overstimulation to the max for the dogs), no matter how much we tell them to take it slow and provide structure and routine (handouts, phone calls, etc.). Sometimes I hear about things people do and think the dogs that *don’t* have issues are truly the exceptional ones (and of course they are), not the dogs reacting to the expectation that they just roll with the sensory overload people subject them to as they try to figure out which end is up.
But in all of this I also think we forget to factor in the dogs wishes and emotions in the match. With a house full of my own rescues, I know that each of my own dogs’ journey to me was not only serendipitous, but sometimes downright spooky. I do believe that the dogs we have are often as much the dog’s doing as our own. They are trying to find their person, we are trying to find our dog, and not just any home will do, nor will any dog do. I know this sounds goofy/woowoo – like a romance or something – but I know that the dogs that made it to me had as much to do with it as I did.
Melanie Hawkes says
I know I don’t have the right environment for my dog Upton. He reacts to the dogs barking across the road and next door, traffic, birds etc. I tried rehoming him but haven’t found a home suitable yet. My brother is building a house on some property on a quiet street so I’m hoping Upton can live a good stress-free life there.
An interesting thing happened in July when I went away for 3 nights. My parents stayed at my house to look after Upton. They said he was an angel, didn’t bark at anything, not even the delivery van that came the day I left! Is it me then? Or could it be he just got to be a loving companion and not my working dog, doing jobs for me all day (he was my assistance dog but failed public access testing)? I’d really like to know!
Charlotte Kasner says
I visited one of the best rescue centres that I’ve ever seen yesterday with a client. They re-home border collies and a few BC crosses. Not only was their breed-specific expertise palpable, they had an excellent screening procedure, asking open questions on their written questionnaire that were potentially very revealing about the suitability of potential owners for such a sensitive, high energy breed.
They were very open to my client’s desire to have a dog even though he is not young and is relatively inexperienced (he has never had his own dog) and lives in the city, when other rescues dismissed him out of hand.
Sadly, in an unregulated industry, only a minority of rescues are this good. Anyone can set up a “rescue” and many do, armed with just a sentimental desire to get dogs into a home. Support resources are at best limited and at worst non-existent. The worst ones are the ones from which it is easiest to get a dog: turn up, pay and go, few questions asked.
Whilst I understand the aim of not apportioning blame, the fact remains that many, many owners get dogs without understanding what is entailed and without needing to take responsibility for the consequences. Sadly, some people re-home them with as little knowledge too.
Trisha says
Ah Melanie, if we only had a crystal ball! It could be that Upton behaved differently just because your parents were a novelty. Or, because he feels he needs to guard you because he’s your working dog? It sounds like you know Upton needs a different home (good for you!)… we all wish you the best finding it. Paws crossed for your brother’s new house!
Rebecca Rice says
As an assistant at a dog training class, I watch dogs and their owners and often wonder about some of the pairs I see, and whether the dog is going to thrive or not. The couch potato who decided to get a high-energy-breed puppy so that “they will be more active”. The young active couple with the bulldog who is panting heavily by the end of class. The perfectly nice person, with the perfectly nice dog, where there just seems to be no bond between them at all. I often wonder if they would be better off deciding to rehome their dog, or if time will change things between them. Quite often these are the people who take the Beginners class, and then don’t go on with us, so I have no way of seeing how things eventually turn out. I have seen a few of them prove me wrong… sometimes the training and games can build a bond as the dog matures into a much-more loving and bonded pet. But I do wonder on the ones who don’t keep coming back.
It’s easy to say that a dog should be rehomed in a situation where there is aggression or obvious stress. But what about these kinds of situations, where it’s just a case of the fit not being great? The ones where the owner and dog seem to be more roommates than friends? Or, like the case with the active couple with the boxer, where they really do seem to like each other, but are both going to be living a life of compromise, when in a better fit they wouldn’t have to compromise as much? What then?
Julia says
Do folks have advice on how to start to look for rehoming options? We live in the suburbs with our 3 year old very reactive dog (barks and lunges at other dogs, people, unfamiliar inanimate objects) and as much as I love her (sooo much) she would do better someplace quieter, without neighbors 10 ft away and people walking their dogs by constantly. For example, our nextdoor neighbors were done for a week and she did so much better, but now that they’re home and in their yard a lot our dog is much more on edge again. I don’t know how to start putting out feelers because we don’t know anyone in a suitable living situation, plus our pup has quite a few medical issues, which make finding a new home even more complicated. Difficulty seeing through the tears to the computer screen also makes it hard to make progress when I’m thinking about the topic 🙁 Any advice is welcome!
Gayla says
I think a lot of dogs feel overwhelmed by their perceived responsibilities and those perceptions change with the environment and company they are in.
Andy says
I really like this post and it’s something I think about a lot. In sheltering staff are under great pressure to label dogs and predict risk, but so much aggressive behavior really is very context-dependent so sometimes it feels like a pointless exercise.
One way that those of us in sheltering/rescue could perhaps improve the situation is to focus a little less on trying to predict outcomes in particular households, and a little more on *intervention* if something truly seems to be going awry. And often intervention should mean taking the dog off their hands. Adopters should feel safe asking for help and receive timely, comprehensive support if it comes to relinquishment. Of course, many people will never reach out regardless, but the default for rescue should still be easy, supported relinquishment in aggression- or suffering-related cases.
I’ve spent a lot of time reading people’s stories of euthing for behavior and it’s brutal, and I’ve decided often times the right question isn’t “what is wrong with this dog?” so much as “how can we end this awful situation for this family, regardless of the dog’s final outcome?”.
PMcMichael says
I had a reactive shepherd and rotti mix. She would bark and bark if my mom vacuumed in the house. She would chase my mom’s feet if she was wearing slippers. She would bark at me if I vacuumed, but would then stop. We began to realize the behavior was very situational and person related. I asked my cleaning person if she ever barked at her – the answer was “no, never”. It was the nature of the game; it was situational specific. It made me realize how much I need to look at the entire situation when trying to understand my dogs behaviors. My mom would squeal and make more of a game of it …. made it reinforcing for the dog. It wasn’t necessarily a case of fear of the vacuum in this particular case.
HFR says
I know this is off topic somewhat, but maybe for a future blog subject (if it hasn’t already been one). Many people have mentioned a rescue’s descriptions of their dogs. I follow a lot of dog rescues on social media and volunteer at a local shelter. I’ve come to notice familiar phrases in descriptions: “quirky”, “takes a while to warm up”, “needs his space”, “is particular about who he lets in his space”, “selective with other dogs”. I understand that rescues can’t describe dogs too bluntly or they’d never get adopted, but sometimes I think they should maybe be more honest. Perhaps they are when they meet the adopter in person? Obviously, this has a lot to do with whether a dog will be successful in its new home.
Lynn Erckmann says
I have been working with Sheltie rescues for over 40 years and find this article to be so valid in that a new home and environment usually extinguish previous bad or annoying behaviors. A prime example was a Sheltie adopted from a shelter that was kept in a very stimulating environment with less and less time outside (because she barked and annoyed the neighbors) to being crated and muzzled so much of the time. She was extremely protective of the owner and lunged at people, dogs, vehicles when being walked on leash. The owner was so emotionally involved with this dog she couldn’t part with her and yet the dog was miserable. She finally turned the dog over to my rescue and I put her in a boarding kennel for a week, a very quiet place where I visited her daily to get her out of her run and let her stretch her legs. She was very good and well behaved. I placed her in a wonderfully quiet country home with a large fenced yard and an owner who had some experience training dogs and every single bad behavior she had previously just disappeared. No one could believe it was the same dog. I have found after these many years of rescue that often all it takes is a change of scenery to help a frustrated dog become a relaxed, content canine.
Trisha says
Great idea for a topic HFR, thanks!
liz says
Shelter/rescue/animal control behavior is a massive topic. Nebulous too. I assisted behv’r assessments for 2 yrs at animal control, and resource guarding was particularly ‘misdiagnosed’ due to setting. Indeed tricky to relay accurately to adopters… say the dog guarded in the shelter with a woman tester but may be fine at home with men (or vice versa)? Is testing worth the bother if so limited and context-specific? Ultimately, my takeaway was that it was time for an animal out of its enclosure, interacting with a human, and another tool to help with adopter expectations. Not that it was quality time necessarily. Who you met on a blind date- after you try to take food from their plate- is definitely not always representative of who you marry.
aLaura says
Hi Melanie,
Having been through earlish, retirement of my last service dog because of behavior issues, I understand and admire your thoughts about your dog. We ought to always do what is best for them, and in my case, he just couldn’t take the pressure of making a mistake and it lead to me managing his behavior instead of having a good working relationship with him. I believe, with working dogs, the relationship is paramount, and if it doesn’t work, sometimes you can’t be together anymore. This leads me to my other thought about this topic, which is great btw, and I love all the comments so far. I think, if the behavior is frustrating, it can become a vicious circle between the human and the dog, and then communication breaks further and further down until the two of you aren’t talking anymore. Sometimes, rehoming is the best option, but I’ve loved the comments about people hanging in there because they just love that dog so much.
Andy says
HFR – I think about this a lot as well. A lot of shelters right now are emphasizing a clear delineation between marketing and counseling, so potentially negative behaviors aren’t disclosed until they’re in the counseling process. This makes sense in some ways, in that you want to lead with an animal’s good qualities to generate interest, and presumably during counseling the potential adopter can decide it’s not a good match.
As with so many things, though, in practice it can be a bit uglier. At my shelter the wait for counseling can take hours on a busy day, and people may spend that time bonding with a dog with, say, a mild bite on it’s record. By the time they are interviewing they may not be in a position to dispassionately assess if the dog is a good fit for their household. The worst situation I witnessed was a dog with multiple bites adopted into a home with children, because of course by the time they were in adoption counseling the children loved the dog. Sure enough, the dog bit the kids, placing a pretty awful set of decisions on that poor family.
I prefer dogs that require additional management or behavior modification get advertised through groups that specialize in such dogs. If the group is forthright, the potential adopter knows before they start looking that these dogs may require special care and placement. One advocate I know is extremely forthright in advertising regarding specific incidents and challenges, and yet people still want to help! And she has a really good success rate. There really are people who can and will take on tough dogs. It’s just really important they know in advance what they’re getting into, before they’ve had a chance to bond.
Melinda Jacobson says
Blame is just not helpful! We love, we try our best, sometimes we just can’t make it work. Why? Because we are human. Beautiful blog post, and thank you for having the courage to publish these ideas. IMHO, the animal-loving community who embrace this thinking make the world a better place for everyone.
Madison Finley says
That is an interesting question, I have seen dogs act differently, depending on who they are with. Sometimes the owner seems like a loving parent to the dog, but the dog would be thriving with another family. Maybe it’s more of a connection that only they can feel?
GGof9 says
What a great and special article. I recently decided to give up a precious dog, not because I didn’t want her or love her dearly, but because I knew she was better off with another family. She needed someone who could spend more time with her and provide the training she needed. I know, without a doubt, I did the right thing but I certainly do miss her. 🙁
Emma says
I know this is an old post but it really hits home with something I just experienced.
I adopted a young dog 2 days ago from the shelter and unfortunately had to bring him back today. We were so excited, he seemed like the right fit, but from the start something felt off. Previously I had a dog for 15 years (PWC since I was 8) who I was completely trauma-bonded with, who had a myriad of issues ranging from handling aggression to extreme resource guarding and reactivity. And with this dog, I could feel everything going in that direction again but with different symptoms. He always wanted me and not my boyfriend even though we’d all just met. We had to keep our beloved dog-friendly confident cat in the bathroom for the slow introduction and I felt like I couldn’t move faster than that because I could tell there was a lot of prey drive in him that the shelter hadn’t been able to suss out. Our cat was miserable, and honestly so was this dog.
To top it all off, we live in a busy apartment complex and while he was lovely with any and all people, he was completely inappropriate in his reactions to other dogs to the point where my gut felt he wouldn’t be happy here. Even my previous dog, the reactive corgi monster Max did better here than anywhere else. And yet, this dog clearly loved me already and wanted to make me laugh and I truly considered keeping him all this morning just for my own sake before our appointment to take him back. I sent the surrender form at 4am and by 7am I knew he absolutely couldn’t stay.
On paper and on meeting at the shelter, he was perfect. But almost as soon as we took him home and I observed him I knew in my gut that if I kept him neither of us would ever be happy and we would wreck each other. He would always be trying soooo hard to please me and I would always resent the things he couldn’t be.
And so when we brought him back I emphasized about 100x that while he wasn’t our dog, he was a GOOD DOG and that there was a better family out there for him, probably very close and very soon. A family with kids and loving dog-knowledgeable parents and no cats.
I’m sad. And a little embarrassed. But I know this was the right decision for Jack Flynn. He is a good little tripod dog and so eager to please that I know someone soon is going to be glad I let him go so they could find him.
It has made me consider fostering until I find the right dog, because I can think of several people off the top of my head right now who would love little Jack.
Alex says
Trying to decide what is best for our 3.5 yo rescue pooch now. We are moving 5,000 miles from a 5-acre piece of fenced land she roams at will to a busy suburban house with a small, non-fenced backyard. She is a bit anxious about separation, and barks at all visitors and cars (she must think this is her job), but is very sweet with our small kids and loves other dogs. Will she adjust to suburb/city life? Will the 12 hours of flying be harmful? Will she be ok in more extreme temperatures? A friend has offered to take her and it is definitely a lifestyle upgrade: no 12 hours of flying, another dog in the house, no small kids, can sleep in owner’s bed and gets rice and chicken for dinner instead of dehydrated kibbles! BUT we love her to bits, even though we worry about how much her barking will bother the new neighbors. How do you know what is best?