Dog Owners? Guardians? Who are we to our dogs?
What are we to call ourselves, those of us who love our dogs like family but respect their, well, dogness? Dog owners? Pet parents? Guardians? All of these titles have pro’s and cons.
Are we dog owners? Well, yes, in that Skip and Maggie are MY dogs, and Ginger or Butch are yours. We take care of them, keep them safe, and take responsibility for their actions and what happens to them. When, before I could stop him, a clinician at a sheepdog training clinic popped Skip on the head with his crook as a punishment I said, “Don’t you ever touch my dog again. He is my dog.” On the other hand, “owner” suggests that dogs can be thought of as objects. We own things, like cars, leashes, dog crates. But dogs are not things–they are living, breathing sentient creatures who have their own integrity, and calling us their owners smacks of an egocentrism that puts humans at the top of the infamous Great Chain of Being, over all other animals.
Are we pet parents? Well, yes, in many ways. For many of us, dogs are part of our family. Dogs are dependent upon us, as are young children. Family and working dogs can’t fend for themselves, take themselves for medical care, or have conversations about their plans for the future. Of course, they can communicate to us, as can young children, but they are still our dependents, who we not only love, but cuddle with, laugh with, and play games with. But yet, adult dogs are not baby people. They are not infantile anything. They are grown up domestic dogs (yes, they are indeed neotonous versions of wild canids, but they are still adults in their own right), and deserve our respect as such. In addition, speaking as though having and loving a dog is little or no different than having and raising children is offensive to some parents. Point taken.
Are we guardians? Yes again. A guardian is someone who protects, and defends someone or something that can not protect itself. You can get into the weeds with variations: A legal guardian is, in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a “person appointed by a court or law to manage the personal and financial affairs of someone unable to care for themselves,” but guardians don’t have to be appointed. A guardian is charged with caring for and protecting not just the welfare, but also the rights of an individual who is incapable of doing so themselves. However, a “guardianship” implies a legal more than a family connection, and doesn’t begin to symbolize the intense feelings we have for dogs who are part of our family,
I am left with believing that we need a new way of describing the relationship we have with dogs, a relationship so unique that I’ve called a “biological miracle.” My favorite way of looking at dogs is skewed more to the way Indigenous people think of other animals–as our brothers, our sisters, or mothers or fathers. We don’t have “dominion” over other animals (note the use of “other”), we have a responsbility to honor them, thank them, and learn from them.
I’m a little late to the party with this question, because I just finished revising and updating The Puppy Primer and deciding what to call us in relation to our dogs was a struggle. I settled on “guardian.” It didn’t feel quite right, but it feels superior to “owner” or “pet parent.” I’m okay in conversation with “owner,” because I can’t imagine thinking of dogs as just things, but I understand the objections. I am least fond of “pet parent,” because I know real parents who are offended by it. But I settled on “guardian” because it is the best of the bunch. But it isn’t good enough.
What do you think? Which do you use? Do you have an alternative? I am soooo curious!
And, not to bury a lead, but the revised and fully-updated version of The Puppy Primer is coming out soon and is already available for pre-order from its new publisher, Little Creek Press! I am over the moon excited about it, and grateful to both Dogwise for partnering with me for years to distribute earlier versions, and for Little Creek Press (literally down the road from my farm) for taking on a new version. The official release date is October 1st, and people coming to the CANIS conference in a few weeks will be able to look at copies at the Dogwise booth, and CANIS+ registrants coming to my Thursday night story talk get a free copy in their swag bags. Lots more of this in days and weeks to come, but here’s the new cover. Squeeee!
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Yesterday it was summer. Today it’s fall. As if overnight, the world has turned green and gold. The soybeans fields have turned the color of an oriole’s belly, and bright yellow sunflowers and goldenrod line the roadsides, set off by leaves still a deep and saturated green. I got to enjoy the colors as I drove to and from the Crook and Whistle Sheepdog Trial, a part of the Wisconsin Sheep and Wool Festival in Jefferson, WI. I was only there one day–lots going on, (see above!)–but loved every minute of it.
I had the pleasure of scribing for judge Nancy Flynn, which means sitting up on the judge’s stand (best view in the “house”), recording the points awarded (or lost) by the judge for each section of each run. In a typical trial, for example, the “outrun,” in which a dog runs in a wide semi-circle from the handler to the back of the sheep, is worth 20 points. A run can lose points for an outrun too tight (harasses the sheep), or too wide (wastes time for one thing), or having a dog bust in and scatter the sheep like pool balls. Nancy is a delightful judge and accomplished competitor in her own right, so it was a joy to volunteer for a few hours, except for the wasps hovering relentlessly over the table in front of us, craving carbs like a lovesick teenager who just lost her first boyfriend. (Speaking for a friend.)
Catherine Price, the indefatigable woman who basically keeps most of the trials in Wisconsin running like clockwork, also kindly sold copies of my novel, Away To Me, and I had the joy of hearing from folks who said they had loved it. The protagonist has a Border collie, sheep and runs in sheepdog trials, so there were a lot of connections.
Here are a few photos from the day:
Shannon Wolfe’s good dog Rhys below was one of many whose job was to move four sheep around a course, under time pressure. The sheep were healthy and hearty, but young sheep like these, older lambs really, are hard for dogs to move around. Without their wise, elder mommas to take charge, they behave as if they simply have no idea what to do. So they gobble up your limited run time (often 6-8 minutes on a course like this) while they stand and stare at your dog as if flummoxed about how to proceed, or dash away like deer. But they were a great test for a dog–which dogs have the knowledge, power, and patience to handle these kind of sheep?
Retired from running myself (bittersweet, more on that sometime), I also spent some time enjoying the Festival. Lots of beautiful sheep were there, competing for ovine honors. This was my favorite moment in the sheep barns–two young girls over-the-moon enamored of this patient Border Leicester.
Sheep get bored too, even when rocking a royal purple robing. Makes me want to yawn myself.
I loved these cheerful women in a craft barn, some learning to spin, some old hands at it:
Needless to say, there was gorgeous wool everywhere, here is but a tiny sample:
I wish I had more photos of the dogs, but I needed to get home–lots going on! As in: Why am I going to the Arthur Murray Dance Studio between now and October 10th? [Come to the CANIS dance on Saturday night to find out!] Not to mention final arrangements for the official launch of the fully-revised and updated version of The Puppy Primer. Plus, lots of talks coming up. Stay tuned!
Have a great couple of weeks, friends. May the wasps gather their carbs away from your picnics and patios.
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About the Author
Patricia B. McConnell, PhD, CAAB Emeritus is an applied animal behaviorist who has been working with, studying, and writing about dogs for over twenty-five years. She encourages your participation, believing that your voice adds greatly to its value. She enjoys reading every comment, and adds her own responses when she can.
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Patricia is known the world over for her clear and engaging books and DVDs on dog training and canine behavior problems. You can also “meet” Patricia in person on her seminar DVDs, from The Art & Science of Canine Behavior to Treating Dog-Dog Reactivity.
I have always considered myself a steward. My dogs are gifts. It is my privilege to give them the utmost care and love during the time they are with me.
Rebecca, someone else suggested steward. Thx, I hadn’t considered that.
Thank you for this post! Now I’ve marked my calendar to look for next year’s Canis AND Wisconsin Sheep and Wool Festival! In answer to your question, I still use “owner” most of the time, but I really like the word “steward.” To me, it brings out the idea that current “facts and circumstances” have given us “dominion,” but that it’s our spiritual and ethical responsibility to use that dominion wisely.
Teddy–“steward” — interesting! Thx!
Personally, I HATE ‘dog parent’ or ‘dog mom’. My dog has parents and neither of them are human. I am child-free by choice and resent the implication that my dog is some sort of baby substitute. I have no issue with ‘owner’. He is mine and I am his.
I agree compleet with you. I am my dog’s human and my dog is my doggy.
Excellent question! I find the term ‘pet parent’ annoying. Not because I am a parent, but because I consider it a disservice to dogs. In my experience of working with problem dogs (read owners/guardians) the people who refer to their dogs as ‘my daughter’ or ‘my son’ have absolutely impossible expectations of their dogs. Expecting your dog to behave and understand you like a child is unfair to the dog. Dogs are animals… wonderful incredible animals… but they are not furry little humans. They are incapable of behaving like a child. I agree that ‘guardian’ is the least offensive, and most apt, of these three choices. I usually refer to my two as *my four-legged roommates who contribute no money to help support their lush life.*
Carole, I share the sense that “pet parent” is a disservice to dogs–they are not baby anything. And your “roommates who contribute no $ made me laugh. Thanks!
Well, I agree that “guardian” seems to be the most accurate descriptor of our relationship with our pets. But I’m certainly not influenced by the “real” parents who are offended the phrase “pet parent..” I’m offended by lots of stuff in this world, but I don’t get to make the rules for others. Labels are conveniences, not certifications.
Kinzie says that my title is her Designated Beast Companion.
Lynn: Kinzie is a wise dog.
I will use ‘owner’ when talking with people I want to appear ‘professional’ with – as in your experience with that clinician. No problem saying ‘Step AWAY from MY dog. NOW.’ If I wanted to be more descriptive, I might describe myself as my dog’s ‘caretaker’. To my mind, my husband & I are my dog’s People. We are a tight knit small community, a family in a loose sense. American English doesn’t have a word that adequately describes the relationship indigenous people understand us to have. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to pronounce the indigenous words for that relationship.
Oooh this is a big one! I suppose it’s a very personal decision as to which term raises hackles and which suits – one man’s meat…
I am personally comfortable with owner because it is a legal definition and avoids the anthropomorphism of “parent”. So many people who have dogs behave irresponsibly, and I feel that owner puts the onus squarely back where it belongs. I admit that guardian is a softer term, but I’m not comfortable with it for the reasons that you outline; it implies that we are expecting our dogs to attain complete autonomy as soon as they reach adulthood; something that we don’t allow them precisely because our companion dogs are kept dogs and not free-ranging. It’s a good fit for many village and feral dogs though as the relationship can be much looser, but people still look out for the dogs to varying degrees.
“Parent/mother/father” really bothers me. (I may be a bitch but I am not my dog’s mother). Of course people use it to imply the family relationship that pertains to many companion dogs intending to convey how much they care, but I feel that it denies dogs their “specieshood”. I like living and working with dogs precisely because they are another species with which we have a unique relationship, not because I wish to try to shoehorn them into being quadruped humans. I have never wanted children, so I have no need to substitute the lack of them with a dog. Disney showed how that can pan out in “Lady and the Tramp”.
“Who are we to our dogs” is a whole other issue. I plead the Wittgenstein’s lions defence on this one!
Charlotte: I love that you made me look up “Wittgenstein’s lions defence.” (If a lion could speak, we wouldn’t understand him.)
I think that dogs may assume that we are their pack members. I know that sounds like Cesar Milan. But in a dogs Umwelt aren’t we members of a group that shares territory, feeds, sleeps and plays together?
Jean, yes, I would imagine that might be what dogs call us! And we call them families in our species.
I call myself Boo’s Kahu. A beautiful Hawaiian term that sorta covers it all.
Luann, thank you! Can you translater Kahu?
I use Companion. We are very close companions.
Loved, loved. LOVED your book. Surprise ending. Wait. WHAT ??? Didn’t see THAT coming. Beautifully written. Congratulations !!!
MaryAnn: Companion works on so many levels but we are also their protectors, caretakers, yes? And thank you for the kind words about my novel! Soooo good to hear! Please help me spread the word, getting fiction noticed beyond one’s circle is so so sooooooooooo hard!
I see that Luann beat me to my favorite term, Kahu. I can elaborate. It is a Hawaiian term meaning an honored attendant, guardian, protector or caretaker entrusted with the keeping of something precious. I am using it when I do dog and cat adoptions at Oregon Humane. I will emphasize, “you are now your pet’s kahu.”
Patricia, I absolutely love this! Kahu. Let’s get it out in the rest of the world beyond Hawaii!
I am my cats’ attendant LOL. That doesn’t fit quite as well with a dog.
Linda, feline attendent assistant or peasant works for me re cats!
Legally I am my dog’s owner, and responsible for any damage done by him or accidents caused. Interestingly under UK law the same responsibility does not extend to my cat – cats have always been considered to be beyond human control! The law also sets out certain elements of care that must be provided – bringing in elements similar to those that define responsible parenthood or guardianship of a child. Socially there are also some elements of parental responsibility – I try to ensure my dog is reasonably polite to other humans and animals, for example, and to avoid encounters where this may be a problem.
But mostly I am Freddy’s human and he is my dog. He was raised by Sophy as much as by me – wonderful, bossy Sophy who gave me the long, long look that said ‘Please help – I have had enough’ almost exactly a year ago now. It did not take long living with Sophy to realise that I neither “owned” her nor was I her “parent” – she was a dog who knew her own mind and how to gently but firmly ensure humans knew it too. In time Freddy may need another human – I was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer earlier in the year and while manageable it is not curable. That is raising some of the same issues as parenthood would, with the added need for approval from Freddy’s breeder should rehoming need to be outside my immediate family. It is complicated – I hope the translation of Kahu means that it is the word we need!
Oh Frances, first . . . damn about your diagnosis. I don’t know what to say except that I am so sorry, and that I send my heartfelt wishes for things going as well as they could possibly go. Nora, in another comment, said the same thing–we are their humans, and they are our dogs. I think of it exactly the same way, use those terms quite a bit. There’s still a need for a term for us collectively though … and I love that we are in conversation about it. Thank you for all you contribute to our community, I look forward to many with you in the future.
Thank you for this thoughtful post, Trisha!
I would like to add another perspective, because we don’t really discuss what the dog in this relationship would be called. Part of the discomfort with all those labels, for me at least, arises because they all have a counterpart, and none seems to fit the relationship I have with my dog: parent – child, guardian – ward, etc. In the discussion above, the dogs are simply called “dogs”. By the same logic, then, one could argue that we are the human part of the relationship. So I like to think that Pontus is my dog, and I’m his human.
Nora, I love this! I actually use it often in my speech. Thank you.
I love “we have a responsbility to honor them, thank them, and learn from them.” From now on, I will call my dogs “those whom I honor, thank, and learn from.” Hopefully, they honor, thank, and learn from me as well.
Well said Barb!
I like to use the word “butler”. It is the most descriptive term for what I am to my dogs. These dogs here put a different spin on the term “dog trainer”, so I obey.
And speaking of sheep, have you seen the delightful movie The Sheep Detectives? So good!
J.Hass: “Butler” for your dog cracked me up, AND The Sheep Detective is just THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE.
I am Daisy’s person. Full stop.
I refer to my dog as “family”. She is a member of my family. Several years ago I rushed my previous dog to the ER and the vet who admitted her and was giving me all the dire info kept saying “ok mom” . I did not correct her but it felt off to me. My dog and I are family. We travel together, walk together, lounge together, eat at nearly the same time and share a house! When I lost my last dog I was walking in my neighborhood and a neighbor man remarked “it is so strange to see you without a dog”. I hope to never be without a dog in my life! My current dog is now in palliative/hospice care, following her breast surgery she has never been the same and tests have revealed that she has a grossly enlarged heart pushing up the carina; Dilated Cardiomyopathy. The treatment for this disease has so many restrictions that her life would not be worth living; little exercise, air conditioning, keeping excitement low. She is treated as my human family members who were diagnosed with a terminal illness; with care, respect, sharing in decision making by allowing her to do the activities she wishes to do when she wishes to do them, medicine for comfort, and a close eye to determine when we reach the “more bad days than good days” mark. . No less than any family member!
Oh lak, I am so so sorry to hear your news. Sending love out to you, and many more good days.
I am a member of their family and one of their humans. In addition, I am their attachment figure. (Here in Germany, dogs have a legal right to time with their Bezugsperson, and apparently attachment figure is the English translation.)
“Parent” bothers me for an additional reason: the first two dogs I had as family members were older than me when I met them and the second was my service dog, so took care of me as much as I took care of him. With that service dog, I also sometimes called myself his charge. Maybe I would be the allomother (hate the gendering of this term) of a young puppy, but certainly not of an elder who is taking care of me.
Danke sehr! Please may I steal this one? The best description that I’ve heard yet. Encompasses the whole ownership/caregiver/responsible person in one go. (German is so brilliant for hitting nails on the head!)
My dog is no different than any of my other relationships in terms of language. My husband, my daughter, my friends, my dog. I see little value in any of these adjectives. They are just language clutter. If someone asks me if I “own” Clover, I respond, “she is my dog.” No need to affirm the “owner” label. Now if your dog or other animal has a relationship other than companion, I see value in adding labels like service, herding, working, search and rescue, bomb, etc.
I don’t have a good answer for the best term to use, but I do object to “guardian” for what in most states are the legal responsibilities of a guardian. I’m sure everyone here has had to make the heartbreaking decision to euthanize a beloved dog, and then to agonize – was it too soon? did I wait too long? could I – should I – have done more? Then think if we had to answer to a court as to whether the decision was correct, the way legal guardians must. Think of the legal ramifications to shelters and rescue groups regarding the decisions they must make every day, if legally responsible as guardians. In a perfect world, laws would protect our companion animals from cruelty and require adequate care, which would mean being an owner was the best term. For me, it’s best friend.