(This is a post from a few years ago, but it is so important that I thought it was worth posting again. I’d write a new one, but, well, everything I want to say is here, so I’ve posted it again. I’d love your feedback, stories, etc., on what works (or doesn’t work), for you.)
No doubt there are lots of dogs out there who love the holidays. New chew toys! Pieces of ham or turkey dropped onto the floor!
But I guarantee you that many dogs are not a fan of holidays, especially Christmas and New Year’s. Here are five reasons why:
I. The Dreaded Christmas Photograph. Posing for family photographs is about as fun for some dogs as it is for three-year old children. Don’t believe me? Check out the photos scattered throughout this post from the commercial photography site, Big Stock.
Between the closed mouths, turned heads and whale eyes, it’s like a seminar on stress signals in dogs. (For an actual seminar on reading signs of stress in dogs, see my Facebook Live Seminar or the For the Love DVD.)
Solution? Lots of treats while taking pictures. Very short photo sessions. Phones instead of big camera lenses. Avoid putting your dog on stay. Let him turn away from the camera. . . Didn’t you say he has the cutest butt of any dog, ever? And, always, don’t hug the dog!
II. Your Dog Hates Uncle Arnold. Although we often expect dogs to love everyone equally, that’s not realistic. Our Willie adored visitors, and in general had rarely met a human he didn’t love. Until “Uncle Max. “Uncle Max” isn’t an uncle, but he’s a man who we run into on occasion, who is loud, speaks aggressively and is pissed off much of the time. Willie’s eyes got as round as basketballs when this guy was close by, and hid behind me when he was around. Was I ever going to “fix” Willie and force him to make friends with noisy-angry guy? Nope, because it wasn’t worth the few times they were together. I simply protected Willie by keeping him far away. If this guy was a relative visiting my house, Willie would have been in his crate in the study, while Angry Uncle Arnold would be kept in the living room. Possibly on a leash.
Sometimes it’s not one individual, it’s just the sheer number of people who are together in one place. Or the noise level. (If you have three kids under the age of five, you know what I’m talking about.) The fact is that lots of friendly, well-behaved dogs are overwhelmed by holiday crowds. They need us to help them out, not set them up for failure.
Solution? This is what crates in quiet rooms are for. I don’t hesitate to put the more sensitive Border Collies into their cozy crates when large numbers of visitors come over, especially when they first arrive. Or you can put your dogs in the bedroom. Or take them to your neighbors. Really, just because your dog is friendly on walks and at training class doesn’t mean she is comfortable in a cocktail party for 30 when your nephew starts doing karoake on the dining room table.
III. What Happened to My Morning Walk? One great thing about holidays is that they allow us to get out of our usual routine. The bad thing about holidays for dogs is that they get us out of our usual routine. It might be fun for us to skip the long walks at the dog park or enjoy that our agility class is cancelled over the holidays while we’re baking and wrapping and cooking and eating. But not so much for dogs. Especially if they are young dogs who need the mental and physical exercise of getting out and about. Or the dogs who truly need the comfort and security of a daily routine.
Solution? The simple solution is obvious–go on that walk anyway. Or drive to the dog training class facility and do some tricks in the parking lot. However, that can’t always happen if we’re baking and wrapping and . . . You know what I mean. This is when new chew toys can save you. I just bought some new ones for the dogs, and am saving them for the extra busy days to come. Be sure that they are safe, extra hard to resist, and stuffed with the best food ever.
Or perhaps you have a dog who loves to rip plush toys into shreds. Why not give them a present that no one cares if they destroy? Every holiday I buy the BCs some plush toys that are in shreds in a few days (I know–it’s hours or minutes for some dogs). As long as what remains is safe and won’t be ingested, I let them have their fun. (Some people buy super inexpensive toys at discount stores or places like Goodwill. Suit yourself, just watch your dogs to be sure they are not swallowing anything. New Year’s Day at the Emergency Vet is not recommended. Just saying.)
IV. Exhaustion. Think you’re the only one who is tired when your family finally waves goodbye? Parties and crowds and long visits even with a few visitors can tire dogs out as much as they can us humans. Surely dogs can be introverts too? Or at least need a break from constant conversation and interactions? I can’t tell you how many heartbreaking stories I’ve heard from clients whose lovely, dear dogs ended up snarling or biting after too many hours of putting up with raucous laughter or running children.
“But he was fine all day!” I’d hear, after listening to the story of how Brownie or Blackie nipped a grandchild on the face after dinner. This, after eight hours of happy shrieks from three-year old boys, and parades of kids tromping through the house, and the loud laughter of people just having a good time. This is when I explain that I too am in danger of biting after a certain amount number of hours of interaction, in spite of the fact that I too “love people” and “love visitors”.
Solution? Long before you think Brownie might be tired, simply put him away into a back room or a crate. If Brownie is the kind of dog who will bark his head off if taken away from the party, you can try the car if the weather permits. (Not to hot, please, and not too cold.) Dogs who are used to car rides are often happier to hang out in the car rather than in a crate where they can hear the party going on. Or try a stuffed chew toy like a Kong. Or tell your visitors to go sit in the car once you think Brownie has reason to be getting tired. Kidding aside, the trick here is to be pro-active. Don’t wait until it is obvious that your dog has had enough, because the first obvious sign of that might turn into trouble.
V. Bad Presents. Okay, maybe there’s no canine equivalent of an ugly tie or sweater that you are never going to wear, but I can imagine dogs “opening” up an enlarged, framed portrait and thinking “This does not look good to eat”. Or, a new hat and booties like the dog below. I am a firm believer that if we are going to give family members holiday gifts, then we should give some to our dogs too. Ours get home made treats and new tug toys, cuz I know the dogs will love them.
Perhaps you have received well meaning presents for your pets that you’re not crazy about either. How many of us have been given treats for our dogs that, uh, we’d rather not feed to our dogs? In that case, what a great opportunity to donate the treats to a food bank, or a shelter, or a friend who is not as picky about what they feed their dogs.
Solution? Smile and donate presents that neither you or your dog want, and buy or make your friend’s dogs something you know that they’ll love. For your own dogs, I’ll bet the best present is spending more time with you. So wrap yourself up in a bow and give your dog the luxury of you and your attention as much as you can–because that’s the greatest gift you can give them.
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: If you can count on me for anything, it’s being authentic, so I’m not going to tell you that all is well. My dear sister and brilliant poet, Dr. Wendy Barker, just had two life-saving surgeries. It looks like she is going to make it, but she’s been through hell. I’m actually in a hospital in Texas right now as I write this, sitting in her room with her as she recovers from the second surgery. Jim, my hero, is home taking care of everything. I should be back, if things go okay, early in the week. A good reminder to hold those we love close.
But did get these videos last week of Skip and Maggie playing tug and got it up on YouTube. I’m calling it the “Maggie as Gal Gadot” videos. Watch carefully and you’ll see that Maggie drives the play sessions. I can never get enough videos that showcase her athleticism, but you’ll see that she initiates just about everything, and drags Skip, who has almost 10 pounds on her, around like a rag doll. It makes me laugh every time I watch them play. It’s my version of “play therapy,” except it’s for me. It’s especially gratifying because Skip, as you know if you’ve been following for a few years, played so rough with her at first that she stopped playing with him. She wouldn’t even go up the hill for awhile, until I used counter classical conditioning to get her back up. (I’d toss chicken in front of her, so she got reinforced for moving forward, at first a few steps at a time.) I taught them to play tug together and that stopped most of the body slamming. He’s learned to self-handicap some; she’s learned that her athleticism can counter his freight train of a body. Think offensive lineman versus a ballerina.
By the way, as soon as this was posted, several people asked about the toy. It’s a great one, one of my favorites ever. It’s made by Tuffy, but sadly, I couldn’t find a replicate on their website. But I did find something made specifically as a tug toy, so check that out. I can say this toy has lasted a long, long time, although you can see it’s not gonna last forever. It also is a poor choice when it’s wet outside; it takes forever to dry out.
I might write again next week, who knows what the future will bring. We’re all sort of in that state now anyway, aren’t we? But the village would love to hear how you handle keeping your dogs (and cats and ferrets and rabbits) safe and happy over the holidays. Here’s to holidays full of love and compassion for what’s important–friends and family, two or four-legged.
Frances says
I am holding you and your sister in my thoughts, and hoping for a steady recovery.
Tammy says
Trisha, sorry to hear of your sister’s surgeries and hope everything gets much better from here. Will be sending warm thoughts from New Hampshire
What is the toy Maggie and Skip are tugging with in the 2nd video? I like the looks of it and have two dogs that love tugging with each other.
Judy says
Not sure if the part about your sister is from the original post or if her hospitalization is current. I do hope she is well. Sisters are precious.
I’m not overly fond of large gatherings myself and usually leave my dogs at home or in another room. Even my social butterfly seems to get overwhelmed and over the top (think overtired 3 year old spinning out of control) in crowds. So they stay out of the fray with stuffed kings or good chew toys.
I too have the issue of a young exuberant and very strong and forward border collie paired with a very athletic but a bit older and smaller border collie. The youngsters play can be very intense. To the point where the older has a shoulder injury that I suspect was exacerbated by the youngsters play habits. I love the idea of channeling that play into tug rather than stalk, attack and run. As soon as the injury is healed we will be working on tug. Thanks for the idea!
Stay warm and healthy. Happy holidays to you and yours.
Ruth Ann McLaughlin says
Thank you for all your wisdom shared. 🙂
PJ says
When buying stuffed animal toys at Goodwill — or probably even when buying them new, but I don’t do that, because they don’t last long enough! — read the label carefully and avoid any that are filled with tiny plastic pellets. Really. But even the soft stuffing can be bad if your dog eats it. Luckily for us, our dog destroys without eating, and even when he mouths glass eyes from stuffed animals, rolling them around in his mouth and clicking them, he never swallows. At least, hasn’t so far. But it’s good to be wary and watchful.
Megan Landauer says
I think everyone would like to know where to get that tug toy!
Hope all its well with your sister and you are safely out of Texas.
Happy Holidays.
Carol Skalky says
Sending positive energy and thoughts of healing to your sister via you.
Thank you for the great repost on dogs and the holidays.
Carole says
Good thoughts for your sister’s recovery. Love the videos! Whenever we have a houseful of family, all the bigger dogs are crated. Brody is so enormous (150 lbs.) that I’m afraid he will inadvertently knock over the little kids in his dancing happiness…or blind someone with that whirling tail! Dusty loves everyone, especially kids, but her hips are so bad, I worry that she might snap if one of the small people leaned or fell on her. Jax (the former feral) has no use for anyone he doesn’t know really well and crates himself. (It takes him a day or two of searching the house after everyone is gone. He seems sure that one or more ‘strangers’ are lurking somewhere.) This year we had a new resident rescue – a senior blind Shih Tzu named Baxter. Baxter hates the crate so I let him stay in his kitchen cuddle bed, while keeping an eye on him to see how he handled the crowd. He toddled around investigating all the new potential friends, wagging his tail and greeting all like the house concierge. I explained to my grandkids (ages 15, 6. and 3) that Baxter couldn’t see and they needed to be careful around him. The kids were great, Baxter spent a great deal of the time being passed from lap to lap, and we discovered that he absolutely adored my three year old grandson. It was a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Lynn Ungar says
Holding you and your sister in the light–that sounds deeply scary. I hope she’s now on the mend.
I’ve found on a couple of occasions that border collies make the perfect playmates for my Aussie pair. Usually I make sure that we keep our distance from other dogs at the park. But there’s a lovely BC girl who seems to spend a big chunk of the day paying ball at a field near our house. And it turns out that you don’t have to worry about two Aussies being overwhelming when you can easily outrun them. Sophie likes to be chased, my two like to chase, and no concerns about unwanted physical contact because she’s always out ahead.
Trisha says
Megan, it’s a Tuffy toy, one of my favorite toy lines.
Trisha says
Good points PJ, thanks for adding them in.
Trisha says
Thanks for asking Judy. Yes, everything after “Meanwhile” is always current, but I should make that more clear. And oh yes yes yes, sisters are precious beyond words. I am so lucky to have two wonderful ones.
Trisha says
Judy, one more comment: I am concerned about the effect of all that extreme tugging and shaking on their necks, so I take them every month without fail to a great canine chiropractor who, lucky me, is only 20 minutes away and very skilled. Just in “an abundance of caution”…
Chris from Boise says
I too am sitting with you and your sister (and Jim, holding the fort) in the light. Glad you’re there with her!
“The fact is that lots of friendly, well-behaved dogs are overwhelmed by holiday crowds”. We were always very careful with our late, great, reactive Habi at the holidays. Not so much with our late, great, lover-of-all Aussie Bandit, because “lover-of-all”. Till the Christmas morning that a four year old niece fell off the couch onto him. Bless Bandit’s large heart. He awoke with a fearsome roar, which scared the daylights out of all of us – and stalked away to his crate. That taught us to monitor situations for everyone’s safety and comfort.
The tug videos made my heart swell. There’s nothing like watching joyful dog play. (12 year old Obi is finally occasionally engaging in tug with 4 year old Rowan – but only with a 4 foot long tug, with my hand in the middle, to keep her over-aroused teeth away from him. My hand finds it a bit nerve-wracking, but so far so good…).
Again, my thoughts are with you and your sister. Big hugs from Boise to both of you.
LisaW says
Here’s to deep healing for your sister and you. Hold each other close as I’m sure you are.
We recently had a fairly large gathering (large for us and with all boosted/vaxxed) at our house. I have to say, Olive was a rock solid star. She checked everyone out as we gathered and then ambled back to our bedroom, hopped on the bed, and snoozed! This was at the end of a few days of visitors in smaller quantities (something she wouldn’t have cared too much for before), so I was worried about stacking. A few years ago, she would have been as nervous as a first-time cook giving a dinner party for Uncle Arnold, but she took it in stride for the most part and removed herself if things got too much. We kept our eyes out for any sign of distress, but she handled it. Hooray for her!
That evening, we fed her in the bedroom and did her normal after-dinner routine of taking her out and then playing ball with her on the floor. Mid-way through the ball session, she took two balls in her mouth (her favorite trick) and sauntered out to the living room to show our guests how talented and cute she was! A friend said Olive came in and stood in the middle of the room with the two balls and looked around with an expression that said, “I’m not too sure here, but I’m hoping you’re impressed!” Then she walked back into the bedroom and resumed play with us. Turns out, she may be a ham after all!
Love the videos–I miss having dogs that can play so hard and so reliably without worrying about injury or a scuffle.
Take good care.
BARB STANEK says
I’m sorry to hear about your sister. Sending positive healing energy to both of you. May your next post bring good news about her recovery.
Jane says
Trisha,
I love your books and your blog. I have 2 dogs and appreciate all of your expertise and insights regarding life with dogs. I have been silent on this blog, but I am a fan of your writing.
But I am finally moved to write to you in response to your mention of your sister, who was my much beloved high school English teacher in AZ. I have been in touch with her only once or twice since then. Please give her my love and wishes for a speedy recovery (my full name is in my email address). And thank you for being there for her.
HFR says
Sending healing vibes to your sister.
Trisha says
Jane Jane Jane, how incredibly wonderful to hear from you. I will send her your wishes, she will be so gratified to hear from you!
Jenny Haskins says
I can never understand why people include their dogs in ‘family Christmasses”. It seems to me to be a recipe for disaster. Well, coming from a family of four girls, each of with 16 grandchildren between us, family Christmases were always a nightmare.
In fact the very best Christmas I’ve had as an adult, was when we had a blackout on Xmas day – so NO water or power. I got in the car with my heart dog, drove until I found a service station open, bought a take away mug of coffee and then drove to the leash-free area. We were the only ones there and we had a most beautiful peaceful morning in the park.
Carrie V says
I love everything about this post (lol’d at Uncle Arnold on a leash), except the news about your sister. Wishing her a speedy, uneventful, and full recovery. Sending virtual hugs your way also, as I am sure you are frazzled with all the worrying.
We have not had large gatherings since we got the dogs. The house is fairly quiet and calm, which suits Booker (fearful Catahoula) just fine. He loves when my son & his wife visit, but does get a bit stressed when they first get here. It’s so exciting to see them! They say hello to him calmly, then he goes for his chew-toy and calms himself.
I especially like that you mentioned ferrets. Sadly I don’t currently have any. (They’re so much fun and so loving.) When I did and we had guests [read ‘relatives’] over, they were in their cages in a closed room – no one allowed in – for the ferrets safety. The occasional person would be allowed a supervised meeting with them in the room, but no ferret was ever brought out into the company area. If it was a couple of very ferret-knowledgeable friends, then they were allowed out to play.
MinnesotaMary says
Best wishes for a full recovery for your sis. I’m glad she has you in her corner. I love all the photos of stressed doggos. I sure wish people could read dog language better. As for the stuffed toys, I had always understood that in the US, all children’s toys are required to have antifungal and flame retardant chemicals in them. These can kill dogs if they are ingested. In fact, a vet I know showed me pictures of the intestinal tract of a dog who died from eating too much stuffed toy material. It was horrible. I have always suggested to friends that dog-specific stuffies (instead of kids toys) are the best for them if their dog ever ingests any of the material, just to be on the safe side!
Trisha says
Thanks MinnesotaMary, always good to be cautious. I’m lucky in that my dogs have no interest in ingesting anything. However, I can imagine that if dogs spent a lot of time mouthing on material with flame retardants it could not be good for them. I would guess too that any massive amount of material ingested, no matter what’s on it, could be dangerous for dogs, especially stuffing like material. I have to admit that I buy only dog toys, and not many brands at that, but then I’m not struggling on a small income with three kids and two dogs to feed.
Tina S. says
Higs to you and your sisters. I get on a plane in a few hours to go visit my two sisters. I’ll squeeze them a little extra hard. Thanks for the reminder!
I live with two human and across the country from family, so we almost never have visitors. Our 4yo rescue will put himself in his crate, but the 1yo husky mix loves to be around people and is slowly learning to be calm for pets.
Susan B. says
I hope your sister heals quickly and has a full and uneventful recovery. Big hugs to both of you.
Thanks for this article. I’m having a party here this weekend and am also hosting on Christmas Day. I have two laid back and super friendly labradors – but they are both older and have some old dog aches and pains. One is completely deaf. I tend to feel guilty when I lock them up and don’t let them participate in the party, but this makes me realize I may actually be doing them a favor. I think I will let them say a quick hello and then take some yummy chew treats to the laundry room for the duration.
Honestly, when the whole family is here, there are times I wish I could disappear to the laundry room as well.
I hope you have a great Christmas.
Irene Stoller says
We have one border collie who can sleep through anything and could have been a Lab in another life. Our other one, however, would need to be kept away from any large gathering if we ever had one again. Her particular trigger is laughter. It drives her beserk.
j says
May your sister be well along the road to recovery very soon!
Emma says
My two dogs don’t really like getting out of their routine so much, which obviously Christmas time tends to do that. On Christmas morning I take them for their long walk, a to make sure they keep their routine and secondly to hope they are a little tired! Wherever I go for Christmas, they always come too, I take some antlers and chews which keeps them entertained for a while.