Dogs. Babies. Adorable. Unless you’re a trainer or behaviorist, and cover your eyes while watching some of the “cute” on line videos, showing young children at risk of being bitten because the dog was radiating discomfort while the parents cooed and laughed. People like me, CAABs (Certified Applied Animal Behaviorists), Veterinary Behaviorists, and a whole lot of great trainers have been working hard to try to prevent dangerous interactions between dogs and young children for years. One of the best in the business is Jennifer Shyrock of Family Paws, who graciously gave me an hour of her time based on her extensive experience helping families keep dogs and young children happy and healthy together.
I asked Jennifer “What do you wish families knew, that they usually don’t?” Her answer was simple: “Please never allow a newly-crawling baby to approach and have access to your dog. It’s what everybody never thinks not to do. It’s every call I get.”
The problem usually begins after 3 months of age, when babies begin to face outward toward the world. Suddenly, to the dog, the interesting, smelly, lumpy, squally thing, which has been contained and mostly facing inward, becomes a different creature. By six months of age the baby is crawling, and can creep toward dogs and, at minimum, make them uncomfortable. We all know what the maximum is.
The solution is simple, IF parents think ahead. Family Paws counsels lots of expecting and new parents, and one of their most important recommendations is to set up barriers before the baby is five months old. Do a “management make over” when the child is three months old, and set up barriers, play yards, secure gates, comfy crates the dog likes in different rooms, etc. Family Paws offers Dogs and Storks for expecting parents, and suggests the ideal time to do the prep is in the 2nd trimester. “Think 3-6 months ahead.”
Also dear to my heart, after over two decades of seeing clients, is their five categories of supervision. As you can well imagine, just telling people to “supervise” their dog and child is not enough, because “supervise” can mean many things. Here are Jennifer’s five levels of supervision:
Absent: Obviously, no supervision at all if the parent is in the other room. But we all know how easy it is to say “I just left the room for a second!” (As in, when I left the room “for a second” and Maggie ate 1/3 of a double chocolate cake, resulting in New Year’s Day in the emergency room. It took awhile to forgive myself for that.) So, “supervising” your dog and child if you’re in another room, even for a second, isn’t supervising at all.
Passive Supervision: It’s easy to be guilty of this too. You’re in the same room, but you’re on the phone, cooking dinner, etc. The baby starts crawling, the dog is trapped in the corner and you look up and . . .
Reactive Supervision: Passive supervision often leads to the “reactive” kind. The baby is now too close to dog, the dog is starting to growl, the parent yells NO NO NO!!! and the dog learns that horrible things happen when the baby gets close.
Proactive Supervision: Think management and prevention–you know you’re going to be busy/tired/distracted, so you put the dog in the crate/bedroom/backyard long before anything unfortunate might happen. One of the most important things that professional dog trainers learn is that management and prevention is invaluable. You don’t have to train your dog to be perfect in every situation–you just have to know your dog and manage and prevent as well as train. Do your dogs bark too enthusiastically at visitors at the door? Nothing wrong with teaching them to run into their crates when the doorbell rings. Having relatives over to coo about the baby? Rover goes into his crate-happily, because he’s learned going into the crate means good things happen. You then can relax and enjoy your company and your baby without juggling too many actors.
Active, Aware Supervision: Just what it sounds like. Eyes are on the baby and the dog at every moment. Long before the baby gets too close, the parents have picked her up, or perhaps smooched to the dog to call him away, all to prevent the dog learning a negative association to the child. The key here, of course, is to be able to read a dog’s visual signals and know, long before things escalate, when a dog is uncomfortable.
This photo makes my chest hurt.
Jennifer shared a video that a client sent her, I’ve included it below. Both are happy to send it out into the world to continue to educate people about reading dogs. It’s a great example of subtle signs of discomfort from a lovely dog who is not exactly sure how to respond to this strange new creature.
Did you note Jennifer’s comments about “kiss to dismiss?” She believes that face licking can be a way for a dog to increase distance between himself and the lickee. You can read more about it here in a blog I wrote in 2014, or better yet, on the Family Paws blog. I think it’s an interesting hypothesis, and at least can easily see a dog’s licks as a sign of discomfort. There are so many other signs of discomfort here; yay to the parents for learning about them and helping to spread the word.
The video is the perfect illustration of the importance of the phrase Jennifer is trying to get out into the world as much as possible: “Invites Decrease Bites.” In other words, the dog should go toward the child, not vice versa.
The good news is that Jennifer has found that, with most of her clients, if things haven’t escalated beyond growling, the prognosis is very good. I’d love to hear about your experiences with dogs and children. We all know how important this is–over two million children are bitten every year in the U.S. by dogs, and if the child is young, it’s usually on the face or neck. Please add to the conversation and tell us about your experiences with kids and dogs; the more the better to prevent future tragedies. And thank you Jennifer for our conversation, much appreciated!
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Hot. Humid. Dry. Pretty awful, really. Jim is getting up extra early to water the endless expanse of grass we are trying to grow after the grading around the barn was finally finished. Basically it’s the worst possible time to get grass started, but if there’s no grass there will be a lot of erosion, so there we are. If it ever rains again that is.
I’m working Skip early in the morning for his sake, as well as my own and the sheep’s. Most nights I’ll work him very briefly in the evening, but not for long. It’s bad enough on any dog, but with his heart condition I have to be extra careful. I keep the wading pool full and ready for him when he’s done.
On Sunday Jim and I escaped to a friend’s house on the Wisconsin River. It was heaven to spend a little time in the cool water.
You might have noticed that I didn’t mention working Maggie in the mornings? Her limp has returned, the one that seemed first to be about her pads. In early May I restricted her for 10 days, massaged balm into her pad, she then seemed fine. 4-5 days later she began limping again, and I discovered she had broken a nail. Ah ha! Found the problem, so kept her quiet for a few days while that healed. She was fine for a few days, and then, bingo, back came the limp.
It’s variable in intensity, duration and situation, so it’s hard for my vet and canine physical therapist to diagnose at this point. (Her Lyme test was negative, checked that right away.) Of course, both times she’s been to her GP vet and to canine physical therapist Courtney Arnoldy she hasn’t been limping. Best guess by Courtney is that it’s her shoulder, possibly a bicep tendon strain. So she’s on two weeks of no play, no sheep and no jumping off of the couch, and her Academy Award winning face of misery is on most of the time. We’re doing some light exercises and lots of belly rubs, and I’m refusing anyone around me to mention the “s” word. (Whispering now: “s” word = surgery. Do not, I repeat, do not, say or write that word in my presence.)
Maggie can’t go in the living room unattended because she’d jump down off the couch, which is a no no. Note the classy barrier (computer box and crate cover). Hey, our Xpen was enrolled in protecting the baby Burr Oak from deer, so what are you gonna do?
The good news is that the fireflies are out, at least I think it’s good. Seems awfully early. There are some early butterflies too, here’s what I think is a high brown Fritillary from this morning:
The Japanese Iris have been having a purple party the last week, although the heat and sun means they’ll be gone in just a few days. Same with the peony in the background. Look fast or you’ll miss it!
Too hot to go out and take any more photos, but I look forward to hearing your wisdom and experiences about kids and dogs. Here’s hoping you have good weather yourself, where ever you are.
Alaska says
Not to go too far off-topic, but one could apply similar categories of supervision to dogs left in yards where there are potentially problematic stimuli (e.g. dogs or people walking by or in neighboring yards). Have you already written about managing dogs in yards to prevent aggressive behaviors from developing or getting worse? I would love to have a good discussion of that to point people to. Thanks.
Trisha says
Good idea Alaska, I’ve made a note of it.
Janice in GA says
Many long years ago, my family had a German Shepherd. Smokey was a Very Good Girl.
One day some folks with a baby (in the sitting up/crawling stage) came to visit my parents. The child was FASCINATED by the dog. I didn’t know a tenth of what I know now about dog expressions of discomfort, but even then, I knew the dog was uncertain about the baby. So I sat on the floor by baby and dog, and watched, and praised the dog for her forbearance. I watched the baby to be sure she was being gentle.
Everything went well, but I was Right. THERE. to keep an eye on things. I can’t imagine not keeping a close eye on any small person/dog interaction.
Luke says
Hi Patricia,
Incredibly timely post as we just adopted the cutest 4-month old rescue today and, although we’re probably still years away from possibly expecting children, my mind races to all possible outcomes and situations (this is our first dog)… it’s always a bit comforting to be armed with some knowledge on the subject!
In preperation for our pupper I read “The other end of the leash” as recommended by many, and I just fell in love with our new family member even more. Applied Animal Behaviorists are saints on Earth. Looking forward to reading your blog posts with great interest 🙂
Amanda says
I’ve always been a firm believer in teaching dogs to tolerate and then how to opt out of small amounts of kid discomfort in doses. I’ve introduced our (slightly nervy) dog to a bunch of very small kids and it’s gone well. I sit right with her, talk to the kid about appropriate ways to pet a dog, and give my dog lots of positive reinforcement for being quiet. In trade, she knows that she can always simply walk away and I won’t keep her with us, and we talk to the kid about how when the dog walks away you should always let it. The bigger problem is that now she generally LOVES kids and can get a little jumpy with them – drive by face lapping is her favorite way to be around toddlers, especially, since they have so many delicious things on their faces. So we watch that too!
We do have one set of kids in the family with hysterical parents – picture them being picked up and whisked away immediately from anything that even threatens to slightly interrupt their equilibrium – and the dog has always been confused and worried around them. So generally I am very very active in managing her when we’re around them, because the kids are prone to losing it with little to no provocation, and I don’t need my careful work with my dog undone by her confused reaction to that.
Kat says
My experience with dogs and babies comes from Therapy Dog work. Taking a dog to listen to kids read to him at the library you never know what you might encounter. What I like least is the crawling babies and I know my dogs are endlessly patient and are going to do everything possible to get away before they feel the need to use their teeth and the dog and I both know I’ve got his back and will do my utmost to prevent anything bad from happening. Even knowing all that I hate having a crawling baby around. They move faster than seems possible and once they latch onto fur or ears it’s really hard to pry them loose and they are so darn unpredictable. I try to have the baby sit in front of me next to the dog where I can manage how they interact and encourage them to pat the dog preferably on the shoulder. That seems to be the safest interaction available. Usually after a several seconds the baby is bored and I can encourage the parent to play with them at a distance while the older child reads.
I do have a funny dog and toddler story from my dog park days. One day I was there with Ranger and a Boxer came who had an enormous pink tongue. Think of the tongue on a Newfie and double that size. Someone brought their dog and toddler to the park. The toddler was toddling around, lost their balance, and abruptly sat. The Boxer, happily panting, went over to see what was happening. The child picked themself up, looked at their dirty hands, looked at the Boxer’s tongue which I’m sure appeared the size of a hand towel to the child, reached out and wiped their hands on the dog’s tongue. The Boxer stepped back looking very surprised, swallowed, and went back to playing. The child toddled off again. I would never have brought my toddler into a park with a bunch of unknown off leash dogs playing but in this instance the worst that happened was a Boxer was very surprised to have his tongue used as a towel. I’ll always remember that interaction, especially the poor dog’s look of “what the heck just happened?”
Diana says
Many years ago while visiting relatives in Spain, I witnessed a large GSD bite a 3-year old child in the face when the toddler approached the dog while the dog was eating its dinner. What ensued left a horrific memory — the owner beat the dog with a belt unmercifully, the parents jumped in their car with the bleeding child, driving insanely through narrow streets (barely missing other cars and pedestrians) looking for medical care. To this day, I can’t stop thinking about it. And, perhaps for this reason, have NEVER let children approach our Shiba Inu, who goes berserk when she sees/hears children being children.
I don’t think that we have approached this correctly over the years, and perhaps we “over manage”, but the trauma of what I witnessed many years ago still, to this day, affects what happens when kids even appear to approach our dog. Total avoidance and removal of our dog from even the remote possibility of just a growl. What I saw so many years ago still haunts me today, and I now totally avoid children when out walking our dog.
Lynda Costello says
We have neighbors who bring their children down to our house and see nothing wrong with the children standing up against the fence yelling at our dogs, sticking their hands through the chain link etc. and sometimes throw sticks at the dogs. Their kids just love dogs. So we ask the children not to do same. And dogs are now never out without us when it’s that time of day that Dad brings the kiddies down to see the dogs. Sad that no awareness of how children should interact with dogs.
Frances Holloway says
Many years ago when my children were 2 and 5 years old we bought a Welsh Springer pup into our family. It was extremely hard work 24/7 but I was determined that my children would understand and love dogs and that my pup would grow up to think children were kind. Two things I did which I think helped:-
– My pup was always with me or in his crate or the other side of a child gate from the children- if I went to the bathroom pup came with me, if I was cooking pup was with me in the kitchen with a gate between us and the children. I did this for years.
– I “spoke” for my pup – I gave him a voice so that I could “say” what he was thinking (e.g. “I like that – that you for that gentle stroke!” ” Oh I am so excited I can’t stop running fast” ” I am so tired” etc. I think it worked (and I carried on doing it for years!!)
Bringing things up to date my gorgeous Welshie grew up to think children were kind and he was great with them (but I NEVER allowed this to be “tested”) and died at 15 years old.
My “children” are now young adults, both love and are very aware of dog behaviour/positive training. My daughter is a trained vet.
Love your thoughtful posts and never stop learning!!
Nancy P Carpenter says
When my step-granddaughter, Hazel, was about 2, there was a potentially disastrous interaction between her and my older Husky mix, Dante. Dante was a rescue and had obviously been tormented by small children. He was afraid of them for many years. At the time he met my Hazel, he was about 10 and quite mellow. However, when she toddled towards him,, saying, “Woof! Woof! Woof!”, hands out for petting, he backed up, turned his head, and softly growled. He was instantly rescued & shut into the bedroom with a PB bone for the rest of the visit! My step-son had not grown up with dogs so really had no knowledge to draw on for this situation. I’m just glad I was right there! Sometimes a small house is good thing!
M.H. D. says
When I was 3 or 4, my mother, a dog person, got a beagle pup from a NJ breeder of hunting beagles. Prince was terrific, always my mother’s dog; he lived for about 16 years with many adventures stimulated by his nose. As a kid – I threw him down the basement stairs where he landed on a pile of papers – I was bitten several times by him, never around the face, in circumstances my mother always considered my fault. We never obsessed about dog bites and I was never bitten, when occasionally bitten as a child, by strange dogs.
Prince had a mind of his own which kept score on humans. My father, who walked him daily, was given to shoving with his foot Prince away from an open refrigerator door. Years later when Prince could be “trusted” to walk in the yard without a leash, he walked up to my father, who was standing in the yard, bit him in the leg and walked off. My bewildered father asked “why” while I laughed. Prince was evening the score.
Children of all ages, including teens, are heedless of dog warnings. On one occasion when my mother was gardening in the front yard with Prince tethered nearby, a high school kid soliciting came by. Prince barked while wagging his tail while my mother warned the kid not to go near the dog, advice which he failed to heed. After he was bitten while my mother tended to his wound, she asked why he went up to Prince when she’d warned him not to. His defense was that he’d heard a barking dog never bites. To that my mother replied that he now knew that wasn’t true.
Julie H. says
I like “Kiss to Dismiss”. It’s like when you are trying to clip an untrained puppy’s nails they will often lick-lick-lick your hand. I tell clients that’s a nice puppy way of saying “Please stop that, I hate it! Don’t make me bite you.”
I’m with you on the horrible weather (next door in MN). Didn’t we just go from 36F one night to 98F in about a week? Watering gardens 2X/day. As soon as we get rain we will send it east to you!
Joann says
OMD, that is just brilliant. Thank you, thank you!
Kendra says
I have a 12 year old Chow/Aussie mix. He was born into a home with two small children and came to live with me at 7 weeks. We attended many Sirius puppy classes which often had small children attending with their parent. So he had exposure at a young age. But as an adult he’s terrified of and doesn’t like children of any age or size. His reaction is always scary barking and lunging. I learned right away that management was an essential tool and also learned how to read his body language well. Luckily we don’t have small children in our family. But walks can be challenging. Any incoming child, stroller, skateboarder, prompts us to cross the street or change direction. Children in the waiting room at the vet means we use the back door. I’m always on guard for my sweet boy, as I want him to have as comfortable a life as possible. I can’t tell you how many people have said to me that they’ve never heard of a dog that didn’t like children! I hope they never have one. Thanks for this post. Always something new to learn. Kiss to dismiss was that for me today. Makes sense.
Jess says
Thanks for sharing!
I’d love to see more strategies for encouraging positive or neutral coexistence in the same room. I’m with baby all day, and she’s very young and high-needs, so it can be tough to make separate time to give the dog the attention she deserves.
Being in the same area lets me throw a toy for the dog or practice commands while meeting baby’s needs.
One strategy I’ve been using is teaching a “space” cue: our dog is learning that she gets a reward for moving a few yards away when I say “space”.
Lisa Grambihler says
I love puppy phase soooo…..much dogs have short time with us. I planned my dog around my family growth. Also like teaching little ones to explore but prefer to enjoy them separately it goes by fast I was more than happy to wait until school age to teach both to respect each other. Had all day to enjoy puppy time during school. Supervision and proactive prevention so much easier.
Admire the ones who can juggle well. Cringe at the less than ideal situations I come across.
Barbara says
I was so ignorant, stupid and very, very lucky years ago when my daughter visited with a newly crawling baby she was baby sitting. Mindy, my German Shepherd Dog, was lying on the floor with one her soft toys between her paws. Daughter and I were watching happily (as in “oh, isn’t that cute”) when the baby crawled over to Mindy. Then the baby grabbed the toy and patted Mindy on the nose with it. Thank God and all lucky stars for Mindy’s reaction. She calmly removed herself to the kitchen. Supposedly had been around her breeder’s grandkids before I got her when she was six months old. Whew!
Lisa R says
I’m not inclined to deal with little kids, but when the non-profit I volunteer with started up a program for kids to learn empathy and compassion for animals, few of the other dogs we all had (lots of ‘foster failures’) were not good candidates to be amongst a bunch of kids – so we tried my big and tall 80# rescue boy for the role.
He never missed a beat, enjoyed every second of it, and got so many tiny treats from tiny hands after each kid asked me if they could pet my dog, and I said they could – on his neck, that once I had to take him out of the classroom so he could have a quick vomit! Didn’t bother him, and we came back in where I had him lay down, with his head in my lap, and had 10 kids surrounding him (also on the floor) to “feel how soft his ear is”,” is his tail longer than your arm?” “how many toes” “see he has two white and the rest black toenails” and go thru a list of “would you like a stranger to come hug you? would you like to have your hair grabbed? “he looks thirsty – what should we do?”
He just loved it. I was at his head with my hand on him the whole time, “in case”. I was not hesitant about telling a kid to stop rubbing his hair backwards or getting too close where a foot could be pinched. I trusted him completely – but was 100% vigilant at prioritizing his comfort – and the safety of those kids.
And this from a dog who wouldn’t let me put an arm around him (I know… but) a few years before, when I first brought him home from the shelter. He always pulled to go near kids. We’ve met 100s of kids on walks – most of whom came to us after their parent and I discussed if their child wanted to say hello, some of whom I’ve stepped in front of so they couldn’t get to him because they obviously didn’t know how to greet a dog safely.
He’s always had a worthless recall, but he’s never met a kid he didn’t expect to like. Now, at 18 he’s a little more tentative with a too much energy approach, but I’m there to make sure it is OK now that he’s a bit fragile. I’m very lucky to have had Solomon with me all these years. We always said we named him Solomon because we hoped he’d be smart – but he is very sweet and we’ve learned to love that more.
Cathy says
As a nurse and dog lover, it is so hard to hear the stories behind so many dog bites. People just don’t have a clue sometimes. One of the worse bites I saw was a 2 year old with the length of her nose opened up. Parents visiting with a friend who had a Lab. You know Labs are the perfect family dog right? No need to worry. The owner asked the parents to stop their child from crawling on the dog. Nope they didn’t.
This is just one of so many stories in the last 30 ish years.
Labs, shepards, boxers, border collies, mastiffs (that was a scary, almost fatal if the dog bite an inch in a different direction), pitties, mutts and those little demon dogs (dachshund and chihuahua) all have the potential to bite humans of all sizes.
When I talk to people I like to put them in the dogs situation. How would you feel right now if out of no where I grabbed and pulled your ear? How about if I pinch you or stick my finger in your eye? Can I shove you?
Unfortunately people know more about electronics that they do the magnificent canine
BARB STANEK says
Quite frankly, with all of the things that people don’t listen to from a trainer, not listening about young kids’ safety with dogs is the one that shatters my heart. I have wanted to throw a real time tantrum, falling to the floor, pounding my fists, and yelling, “Your child is most probably be hurt by your dog if you don’t change your behavior. And the incident will not be the fault of the child or the dog. It will be your fault.”
There. Got that off my chest. I have never had said tantrum in real life. But the scenario that calls it to mind is all too common, as I know you all know. Thank you all for trying to abort the inevidible tragedy.
Alice R. says
The dog bites and internet pictures terrify me. I often find it amazing how unaware people seem to be about their own dogs.
The grandchildren never materialized, I had limited access to children, and a 5 year old who was gently talking to my dog as a puppy suddenly screamed directly into his face and ran away. It was horrible. Surprisingly, my dog still likes kids after he’s been around them for a while and sees they are not likely to grab him, but are likely to throw his ball. Since I don’t know the kids, that means no petting by stranger children, but I’ve found a solution that works for us all. My Arlo loves trick training so when kids ask to pet him I tell them “he doesn’t really like petting, but he’d love to do a few tricks for you”. The kids are delighted (I’ve even overheard them pointing him out to other kids: (that’s the dog that does tricks!), and he gets safe exposure to them in a way he enjoys.
Konnie Leffler says
I have always been very careful when my dogs are around children or my children/grandchildren are around dogs. If someone came over with a baby (well, first of all, I would put the dog in his safe place/kennel when they came in), and the baby went toward the dog, I would pick the baby up and move it away from the dog (and then put the dog in his kennel). Whether it was my baby or my grandbaby or some stranger’s baby. As I explain it to anyone who will listen, “I don’t want to put my dog in a position where something bad could happen. I don’t think it will and he’s never bitten anyone, but I don’t want to set a situation up where that might happen.” It’s important to protect children, but it’s also important to protect the dog.
Susanne says
what kind of heart condition does Skip have?
i recently found out that Ayla, my 5 year old Podenca Valenciano has a heart condition.
Trisha says
So,sorry,Susanne. Skip,has a leaky mitral valve, which iscongenital.
Frances says
One of the best things I did when my tiny dogs were puppies was to train all the local small children to sit on the ground and let the puppy come to them. So much safer all round – the dog chose when and how to approach, I had time to set things up safely, and if a child should try and pick the puppy up it would only be a few inches off the ground. Before long it was almost Pavlovian – see puppy, plonk bottom on the ground.
I was also very impressed one day when we unexpectedly met a child around a corner in what Poppy considered”her” courtyard. Poppy let out a flurry of surprised alert barks and the child instantly went into the safe tree pose – absolutely still, head down, hands tucked up and in, unthreatening and uninteresting. Something that every child – and adult – should know.
Sandra McKee says
I taught our friend’s 6 year old daughter to cross her arms and turn away from our 8 month old aussie who is very over exuberant at greeting the little girl and her mother, ( our pup just adores them). After the dog settles, they can interact without a problem, though the girl is very quiet and respectful which helps immensely. That said, Holly did nip/attempt to bite another girl recently which had me puzzled. Both girls (8 and 10) were kneeling on the ground and let Holly approach them, I was sitting right there, and they were very gently stroking her and she reached out and grabbed at one arm, but luckily just got some pyjama sleeve. She had lots of room to move away and everything was very low key and she had approached them and was laying in front of them. Not sure what triggered it, I just quietly removed her and apologized to the girl. Love your books and this blog! Thank you!
Sherri Regalbuto says
Pro Active and active aware, great words. These are the level I explain in depth to my clients. I agree with the kiss to dismiss explanation as well. Having an amazing Nanny dog and having 5 grandchildren she has been the most amazing dog. As the children get older she does the kiss to dismiss. Of course they are NEVER, EVER alone on my watch. You can NEVER be too careful with dogs and children as far as I am concerned. I really don’t understand how some people get so angry when you explain these things to them. Great blog, great explanations. Hope everyone reads it. Off to train.
AmandaL says
I adopted a Great Pyrenees – Beau – from the local breed rescue about 6 months after I’d lost my first Pyr to osteosarcoma. Beau was supposed to be good with kids; his previous home had given him exposure to grandchildren and there had reportedly been no incidents. My daughter was 5 at the time and had good manners around dogs – she knew to wait for them to come to her, she knew not to get in their face, she knew not to bother them when they had a toy of any kind or when they were eating, she knew to go into the “tree” pose someone else mentioned.
I think Beau was with us about a week before I started noticing behaviors that seemed off to me – he didn’t like it when she and I would hug, for example – and then we had a biting incident. My daughter was playing with her toy dinos on the floor; Beau was also on the floor and had a Kong toy that he’d been chewing. My daughter went to reach for one of her dinos that was just too close to his Kong and he got her arm. I grabbed her immediately and moved her out of the room, but as I was walking away holding her he kept trying to get at her feet! Her arm was bruised, no broken skin, but we were pretty shaken. He stayed with us for about another week with a LOT of proactive supervision – that mostly meant that they were never alone in a room together, and were almost always separated by a gate. We had one more incident where he attempted to bite her and I was able to block it – again, he had something of high value and thought she was going to take it.
I had been in contact with the rescue as soon as the first incident occurred and was also looking for a behaviorist to see if we could salvage the relationship. I was lucky to get a video of the second incident and it was pretty clear to everyone who viewed it that this wasn’t a dog who should be around small children. His body language was incredibly tense, and he was striking without any kind of warning – I don’t think he ever growled at her. He went back to the rescue, and they modified his profile to indicate that he had to be adopted to a home where everyone was over 18. He was such a sweet boy to *me*; if I’d been childless, we wouldn’t have had any problems at all.
A couple of weeks after we returned him, we were introduced to our current Pyr, Casper, who was being fostered by a family with children of varying ages and was an absolute lovebug with all of them. It took a while for my daughter to warm up, but he was great from day 1. I took video of one of our first evenings at home, she and I sitting on the couch, and he went over to her to be petted, laid down in front of her with his nose on the couch – it was just obvious that he wanted to get closer to her. We’ve had him for just over 2 years, and he’s so happy to see her when she comes home from being out of the house, or even when she gets up in the morning. He asks *her* to let him out the back door, he sits by her when we eat (mostly because he knows she doesn’t pay attention to food that drops on the floor or that he might be able to snatch – he’s a thief!)
Shivani says
I clicked the link to read your post from 2014. That video was too hard to watch all the way through. Amazing behavior from the dog, so very lucky.
I’ve only had my rescue dog for 6 months, so I feel like I’m still getting to know him. He missed out on normal socialization, and I don’t have much opportunity for him to become used to kids. I’m so careful in general with all people, because I’m learning training skills and he’s learning socialization skills. Both of us are novices.
He licks me a fair amount, and it does seem like it means different things at different times. He sleeps with us and when we wake up in the morning he’s so happy and wiggly, and he licks our faces. Its very sweet. Other times, when he seems either anxious or agitated, he will lick so insistently that you want to move away.
When I reach down to pick up his bowl, he licks my hands with really short, rapid licks. My husband interprets it as sweet, sort of a thank you for the food that’s about to come. But it seems different to me. It always makes me a little bit nervous.
I’m reading books and I’ve ordered videos on dog body language. For now, I try to be very consistent and to never do anything too quickly with my hands.
HFR says
It’s also traumatic for the child and will probably create an adult who doesn’t like dogs. I remember standing in a neighbor’s driveway with my toddler cousin who I was babysitting. The neighbors had a dog tied up in the backyard who was barking but he was tied up so we weren’t worried. Suddenly the dog snapped its leash and charged my cousin. Thankfully he only managed to knock him over before I could scoop him up. To this day my cousin, who is married with grown children of his own, is afraid of dogs and would never dream of owning one. I’m sure his kids are not dog fans either.
The second story is also one of a close call. This video of the child touching the paw reminded me of it. I brought my dog to work one day and my assistant brought in her 8 month old daughter. My dog was literally the sweetest natured dog in the world. I used to call her my bowl of sugar. My dog was lying on the couch in my office and my assistant brought her baby over to see the dog. For some weird reason I reached over and just lightly grabbed the back of her collar. The baby reached out and touched her paw and my dog quickly let off a sharp bark right in the poor child’s face, which of course caused the baby to start wailing. I really think if she was a different dog and I had not been holding onto her collar she would have gotten her face. I’ve always wondered how she felt about dogs as she grew up. Who would blame her if she had no use for them. Lesson learned.
margie hillenbrand says
“Lick to dismiss” is fascinating for me. So many questions! Who first talked about that? Jennifer? It has worked here to keep interactions relaxed and positive; quiet, gentle, calm; dog (or child) always able to move away and be left alone; relaxed grown-up always between dog and child able to block as needed; one child at a time; no faces in faces; keep it short (as in seconds, not minutes) one – done – see if dog comes back for more; dog or child behind a baby gate so they can watch but not have to interact. Pre-trainer I am a mother-of five in 9 1/2 years with dog. My current people-loving 2 yr old Sheltie/BC rescue is learning to stay on the floor, quiet, for my 5 and 3 yr old grandchildren because she wants so much to interact with them. They are learning not to be afraid of her barky/vertical bounciness. We’ve looked for things they can do together safely (someone for kids, someone for dog), keep it short so no one gets over-stimulated, and give them time away from each other. Lest you set your child up for a dog bite from someone else’s dog, if not your own, I am a fan of teaching children to treat their dog the way you would want them to treat an unknown dog, and not just try to convince your dog that he/she should tolerate everything/anything an unsupervisied child can dish out.
Jan E says
Thank you for another great post. And with further reading. Fabulous!
I hope Maggie’s ok now. When my dog had a broken nail he had also broken a bone in his toe. It kept improving and the limp would go temporarily, but would be aggravated and took forever to heal because of the ligament (if I remember correctly). I’m sure you and your vets have already considered this.
Gayla says
I really had to think this one over. Her ‘Kiss to Dismiss’ is an interesting theory and I’ve certainly never studied the behavior to the extent that she has…
Naturally, it needs to be read within the context of the situation, just as with all of their attempts to communicate with us. But I’m struggling a bit with it being a distance seeking behavior.
I agree that it seems ’emphatically submissive.’ So what are they trying to convey? If they shout it out, THEN would we please stop?
Martin says
One thing I believe is really important to remember is that there’s nothing magic about turning 18 (or any other age). What age people are when they can safely be around dogs without supervision varies widely. Some preteens can do this, whereas some adults should not be trusted with a dog. Now, I agree that babies and toddlers shouldn’t be left alone with a dog – but I think M.H. D.’s comment goes too far. Certainly, that teen acted recklessly. But this sort of behavior can also come from adults, and, importantly, isn’t found in all teens.
Another thing to remember is a dog bite isn’t the only outcome to avoid. Just because a dog can be trusted not to bite doesn’t mean it’s okay to make them uncomfortable, much less cause them pain. And having their fur pulled, their tongue repurposed as a hand wipe, and their boundaries otherwise ignored does just that.
Frances says
Sophy uses “kiss to dismiss”, but also licks to indicate “please don’t stop” – context is everything, along with the other tiny tells. If I am doing something potentially unpleasant – brushing out a tangle, clipping nails, etc – and she licks it is pretty obvious what she means: “I am too polite to use teeth, even gently, but I don’t much like what you are doing”. If it is something she usually likes – a massage, ear rub, gentle snuggle – I remove my hand, and if she licks take it as a request to continue.
Bruce says
Cute baby and dog videos often make my stomach twist into a knot, because it feels like things could go horribly wrong any second. No thanks.
We never had to deal with infants and dogs but we did have a house full of children and dogs for many years. There were three things I tried to do that seemed useful.
One: Choose adult dogs that enjoy meeting new people, or at least don’t react to people with fear and aggression. I am aware of my limitations and I do not want someone else’s safety (particularly that of a child) to depend on my dog-training ability.
Two: Regularly walk our dogs in areas with lots of people, including children. This depends on the first point – walking in crowded areas not being overly stressful for the dog. It also allows me to see what situations might be stressful and work on those (drunken people spilling out of a bar, street music performers, people McGruff the Crime Dog costumes, young men with with foot-high orange mohawks, etc.).
Three: When we do meet children who want to pet the dog, treat it as a mutual training opportunity. I explain to children that the dog really likes when they pet her gently on the shoulder. I reward the dog for patiently tolerating the children. Where suitable I show the children how to give the dog a treat, or how to tell the dog to perform a simple trick (kids particularly seem to love telling the dog to “roll over”).
On one occasion this work may have prevented catastrophe. Spouse was walking the dog and ran into a mother with a small child. Child loved dogs, mother asked child could pet the dog, and everything went well at first.
When the mother told the child it was time to leave, the child screamed “No!” and put the dog in a headlock. Dog was not happy about the situation, but remained calm(ish) while spouse reassured her and the mother pried the child’s arms off the dog’s neck. Apparently this took quite a while, and needless to say, that situation could have gone horribly wrong.
Good dog!
Rebecca Rice says
Hi!
I ran across this article/series back when I was looking up information about introducing kids and dogs, and thought the approach is interesting (if entirely counter-intuitive to dog lovers like us!) That’s because her advice is: you don’t. Until kids are old enough and have enough emotional and physical control to interact safely with dogs (apparently around age 5), you don’t really let them interact. They coexist in the same house, but you don’t draw undue attention to them, much the same way you don’t let your kid interact with ceiling fans or sharp knives. It’s an interesting series of articles to read, and I’d love to know other people’s opinions of it!
http://www.dogsandbabieslearning.com/2011/01/24/mamas-dont-let-your-babies-get-magnetized-to-dogs/
Jenny Haskins says
I’ve never had problems with my dogs and my babies. I had dogs before babies, and the dog were introduced to the baby immediately on the baby coming home.
In fact they got to “meet’ baby before baby came home, I would go outside he hospital to meet my dos when my family visited and I would have had baby smell all over me 🙂
The dog was present when I fed the baby (breast fed) and got any expressed milk, the dog was present at nappy changing time. The dog got to meet baby in the bouncy net and in the playpen.
Once baby was on ‘solid food’ the dog got any left overs or dropped food.
Keeping the baby and dog\s separate until the baby is x months is a recipe for disaster.
Remember too, that all these cute photos are not of unsupervised kiddies.
I found the biggest problem was with my nieces and nephews who had NOT grown up with dogs — even up to almost adulthood.
On the other hand, I really really do NOT like leaving my dogs alone with anybody who doesn’t know them well (and is NOT afraid of them — that goes for vets too 🙁
Sandra Caldwell says
I think the same general prinicples apply but is there anything different to do when it is the dog approaching (and jumping over) a pre-toddler? In this instance, it appears the dog is “wanting to play” with the child according to the parents. What would your general advice be in that situation?