Rescued by the Rescue of a Rescue
It’s about 5 AM. Haven’t slept much, neither has my husband Jim. It’s the morning of his mother’s funeral service and there’s a brutal snow storm going on outside. We don’t know if one son and daughter-in-law will make it from California, last we heard they were stranded in the Dallas airport. Jim forgot his suit and pants and has only jeans and a sweatshirt. We are three hours away from home. I am worried about the dogs, cats and sheep, and my cell phone won’t work.
I make some tea in the motel’s sad little water heater, and turn on my iPad. As I often do, I click on the New York Times. I skim articles about politics–none seem relevant, as I’m in that strange, underwater state one is in when grieving and yet helping to organize the detritus of a death. I scroll down, and find an article titled: “The Blessing of a Rescue Dog,” by Margaret Renkl, a NYT Contributing Opinion Writer. I googled her name, and found a face that you just know has to be one of a dog lover.
The essay is exquisitely written, and immediately I am hooked. I am no longer in an uncomfortable bed in a snow storm a few hours before my mother-in-law’s funeral. I am with Margaret’s Millie, described as “a cross between Groucho Marx and a dust mop. . .”.
Ms. Renkl continues: “She doesn’t bark; she has never barked even once, but she yelps at the slightest unexpected touch. It’s more than a yelp, really. Something between a howl and a piercing scream. Soon I am feeling traumatized myself. My dog screams, and my heart starts to pound: What on earth did I do this time?”
I keep reading, and then she says:
“For help, I turn to “The Education of Will: A Mutual Memoir of a Woman and Her Dog,” Patricia McConnell’s superb account of healing, both canine and human. It comforts me to learn that it took Dr. McConnell, a celebrated animal behaviorist, months and months of concerted training to desensitize her own traumatized dog to his fears. Following her advice, I am learning to recognize Millie’s triggers and intervene before they can escalate into panic.”
She goes on to conclude, in the midst of her own angst and sorrow about her own personal losses and the tragedy of much of the world around us: “There will always be ways to help alleviate suffering. This, she reminds me, is no time for despair. This little rescue dog is rescuing me, too.”
And thus, she rescued me too, on a dark morning in a bitter snowstorm on a sad day, with a reminder of how much beauty there is in the world, how good it feels to be acknowledged, and the power of beautiful writing.
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: The relatives made it to the service, Jim bought clothes at the nearby Target, and the service for his mom was everything it should be. The snow stopped before we drove home, and I managed a chilly but lovely snow shoe with the BCs as the sun went down and the snow turned blue.
The sheep wanted to know where we’d been:
Assuming the planes are still flying, I hope to see some of you in Rochester, MI on Friday morning at Oakland University. Come up and say hi, I would love to see you.
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About the Author
Patricia B. McConnell, PhD, CAAB Emeritus is an applied animal behaviorist who has been working with, studying, and writing about dogs for over twenty-five years. She encourages your participation, believing that your voice adds greatly to its value. She enjoys reading every comment, and adds her own responses when she can.
LEARN MORE FROM PATRICIA’S BOOKS & DVDs!
Patricia is known the world over for her clear and engaging books and DVDs on dog training and canine behavior problems. You can also “meet” Patricia in person on her seminar DVDs, from The Art & Science of Canine Behavior to Treating Dog-Dog Reactivity.
I’m not sure you want to be in Michigan Friday. We are forecast up to -45 degree windchills over the next couple of days. Brutal even for us life long midwesterners. I was planning on attending your talk but am dealing with end of life issues of a family member myself. Thank you for the last few beautiful post. They have certainly helped me. Your descriptions of life and loss are poignant and beautiful. Oh those sheep..a reminder that life goes on. Wishing you and Jim peace.
Somewhere between 25-28 below here this morning, with wind chills down to 60 below. So hey, supposed to get all the way up to minus 3 Thursday so hopefully my plane will fly and get me to Detroit Thursday even. But I’m sorry we’ll miss; my sympathy over your end of life issues. Wishing you peace too.
And the rescue comes full circle…I read Margaret Renkl’s beautiful essay as my family grieves for the loss of our 12 year old lab, Clementine. Margaret’s mention of you brought me to your blog and videos, which are perfect as we begin to think about a new rescue. Thank you, especially for your inspiration at this sad time for your family.
I’m sorry to hear that it was the loss of your dear Clementine that brought you here. There’s an amazing village here of knowledgeable, articulate and dedicated dog lovers. We all welcome you.
I read this lovely NTY essay before I read your blog post, so it was wonderful to discover you had enjoyed it as well! My sympathy to you and your husband. These necessary rituals in and out of life…
I couldn’t get a ticket to Rochester but I will be there in spirit! Safe travels!
I will be theee with 4 other trainers and I can’t wait to see you again. Beautiful and meaningful blog
Promise to come up and say hi!
I’m in Cleveland and would love to see you as well, but am dealing with the brutal weather in addition to looking after two elders…one is going on 102 and is like a teenager who is deaf…and the other is my mother who is 96 with dementia. My pup is snuggled beside me as I contemplate going into the office to keep my boss company for a couple hours or so. I’m glad things worked out for you. And that your husband is that rarity who buy pants off the rack. Eventually you get to the point where you realize what you wear is less important than being there…take care and be warm….
Oh my, my best wishes are with you on this journey. Love the 102 year old teenager comment (no doubt far more amusing in theory!).
I’m glad it all worked out. Thank you for such a warm, caring post to read today.
Just…. lovely.
Thank you for your posts from the heart. We all needed those two pics this morning!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Death in winter is so surreal.. Thankyou Patricia for all you give, do and educate. One day I’ll be able to attend your talk. As for your beloved animals, let them grieve with you. They can help as they feel your energy. Peace
First of all I wish to express sympathy for your family’s loss. What a stacking of stressors. The animals save people once again. Over many years of working with dogs and people to improve their lives together I have heard many people say their dogs “saved them ” or gave them a reason for living after the loss of a loved one. I think your books help many people to understand their relationship with their dog(s), Thanks for all your efforts.
Blessings to you and yours, Trisha. There is such beauty in the world, even in grief.
I also stumbled on Margaret Renkl’s essay while searching for insight into living in an empty nest (empty of kids, still full of pets). It brought me to your blog, and now I feel a little less worried about the universe….
My iPhone can use WIFI assist and call when cell service does not work.
And again, as I have been so many times before, so glad that you are in this world. Beautiful post…
I love this blog. I love the invitation you give us to share your world. I love the gentleness I always find, in this crazy world it is a welcome respite. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Did you read Ms. Renkle’s previous essays about her dogs? Especially the one, “What it Means to be Loved by a Dog.” I have looked for her work in the NYT ever since. I am glad you saw this one, especially so well timed.
Thanks! I will be reading her work from now on. 👏
She also has a book coming out in July, according to her website http://margaretrenkl.com/. I think I will like reading it. I* hope you all are doing okay in the polar vortex.
I’m glad your hard day worked out well, and I send sympathy to all who loved your mother-in-law.
One of my mantras is “Almost always, almost everything turns out ok.” (Hard to remember, in times of stress….)
Thank you for sharing Millie’s beautiful story. How lovely that you had a hand in helping her and her family understand each other better!
Our last dog was stray for the first year of his life, as far as we know. Many bad things happened to him before we got him (he was shot, we learned when xrays for an unrelated issue showed metal in a rib, and in one leg). He was the only one of our dogs who had nightmares….
Over time, he learned that he got to come back in the house after we let him out in the fenced yard. He learned that two squares a day could be counted on. He learned that a person picking up a chair was not a threat. He learned that if the other dogs got a treat, he got one, too.
He came to LOVE a collar. Show him collar, and he would stretch out to slide his head through. It seemed to me that he thought of collars, and square meals, and couches with blankets as a package deal. I believe there were times when he missed the open road, but I believe, offered a choice, he’d have leaped on the couch and not looked back.
Lucky dog!
Your book is very compelling: painful and charming throughout. I was brought to it by the NYT article.
A question: our Shetland Sheepdog, 15 mos., can’t stand it when anyone leaves. That includes deliverymen, etc, He leaps into the air and spins in circles, barking desperately. It is genuine grief. He is a wonderful pet and we adore him. He has a comfortable, stable home with much attention. Everyone loves him. Can you suggest something we can read to help him? He has a good trainer but so far all we can do is shield him from a departure – lure him into another room & distract him. When he comes out he is ok & seems unconcerned that the person has gone.
We live in Latin America, where dogs are popular but where knowledge of their histories, etc., is nonexistent.
Oh, I wish I could send a great trainer to you! Best plan is to figure out the very first trigger… someone getting up from the couch? And then Counterconditioning that. (Get up from couch, say lie down (taught earlier with lots of reinforcement), reinforce. Sit back down, get up from couch… repeat many times, then add ‘get up + walk one step toward door….) In other words, decide what you DO want him to do, and train that. Good idea would be to go on line and look up articles on Operant Conditioning, emphasizing ABCs (Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence) and go from there. Good luck!
Catching up on the blog news. My heartfelt sympathy extends to you, your husband and family. Sometimes I feel I jump into the blog too late to comment, but I wanted to extend my wishes for good memories and healing. How wonderful the article acknowledged you. You have helped so many by opening your life and sharing your experiences and wisdom with all. Thank you and be well.