The Irony of Our Love of Dogs, and Our Dismissal of Them
A few years after winning the prestigious Allee Award for “Best Student Paper” at the 1988 Animal Behavior Society Annual Meeting, I was in a hallway chatting with friends at another ABS conference. The career path of past winners of the award came up, and someone, thank heavens I don’t remember who, said that winning the award was a curse, similar to many winners of football’s Heisman trophy who failed to be successful in their sport. “Just look at Trisha, for example. What has she done since?”
If I was the person I wish I was, I would have said, “Hello, I’m standing right here,” as anyone in a decent movie or television show would. But, being me, I just stood in stunned silence at being considered a failure because I had become an applied animal behaviorist who primarily worked, worst of all, with dogs. I remember nothing about what happened next, what others said or didn’t say. I only remember walking back, my face burning, back to my room, where I sat on the hotel bed, staring into space for the longest time.
I am used to it now. Every field has a hierarchy. Literary fiction has more riz than non-fiction, which trumps sci-fi or children’s books by a mile. Theoretical physicists get more attention than experimental physicists (or God forbid, engineers—see Sheldon versus Howard on The Big Bang Theory). Applying the principles of ethology and psychology to save a family’s dog from euthanasia has far less of a cool factor to many than studying a maned wolf in Argentina. Applied science is never as admired as theoretical or experimental, because, it is argued, you aren’t doing anything new. Using past discoveries to solve every day problems is far less impressive than making the discoveries themselves.
There is logic to this. I applaud and respect scientists who break new ground, who, for example, have showed us that positive reinforcement (if understood and applied correctly) is more effective than punishment in influencing the behavior of others. But my colleague wasn’t as concerned about my “failing” because I’d become an applied animal behaviorist, it was doing it with dogs. “Pet dogs.” The horror of it.
Familiarity breeds contempt. It’s an old saw, but it has sharp teeth behind it. Although some familiarity with others can be a good thing (as in facilitating intimacy and social support), research tells us that “same old same old” loses value when compared to the shiny newness of many things. Harvard researchers even found that becoming more familiar with another person leads to liking them less.
And thus, domestic dogs, being everywhere, are as familiar as they can be. Canis lupus familiaris. How much clearer could it be? And, indeed, they are everywhere. The AVMA tells us that there were about 90 million dogs in the U.S., in 45% of American households in 2024. It is estimated that the U.S. population is only 10% of domestic dogs worldwide, although most of them (78-85%?) are not pets. That’s 900 million dogs in American suburbia, African villages, and Mexico City’s massive urban dump. Compare that with the estimated 17,000 Maned wolves in South America.
Rarity, at least of something that is valued, correlates with value. Think diamonds versus quartz. (And note that the price of diamonds has decreased now that lab produced diamonds are more easily available.) Dogs aren’t rare. Understatement.
And yet. They are also our best friends. Not just as generic “man’s best friends,” but as, literally, for many of us, some of our actual best friends. I once wrote this about Border collie, Cool Hand Luke: “I imagine his death as if all the oxygen is sucked out of the air and I am expected to live without it.” I write a lot about why we love dogs so much in For the Love of a Dog, and The Other End of the Leash. But no one said it better than the late Caroline Knapp in Pack of Two:
“It’s (our love for dogs) about attachment that’s mutual and unambiguous and exceptionally private and it’s about a kind of connection that’s virtually unknowable in human relationships because it’s essentially wordless.”
Many writers wax prolifically about what we get from dogs. Gertrude Stein said her dog Basket taught her the difference between sentences and paragraphs from listening to him drinking: “..paragraphs are emotional and sentences are not . . . “. Mary Oliver wrote “Because of a dog’s joyfulness, our own is increased. It is no small gift.” The quotes are from Helen Humpreys’s gorgeous book, And a Dog Called Fig: Solitude, Connection, the Writing Life. In it she says, “The dog walk is not to be underestimated as a source for creativity and life-giving energy.”
This emotional attachment to dogs is not a creation of modern society. Alexander the Great loved his dog Peritas so much that he named a city after him when he died. Winston Churchill had dogs (including Rufus II, who “had breath like a flamethrower”), who was so part of the family he ate with them in the dining room, all served by the same butler.
It’s these two conflicting truths that have been sticking in my brain like burrs. We love dogs, adore them. Many of us consider them to be members of the family, literally, not figuratively. And, as common “pets,” our love for them and our work with them is often trivialized. (Note that the word “pet” was sometimes used as a derogatory term about a spoiled child.) Many of us in the behavior and training world use the term “companion dogs” because the term “pet dog” feels so demeaning.
I’d love to have a discussion about this with you. I’ve worn myself out setting the stage for it, so I won’t write more now, beyond saying that I suspect much of this discrepancy comes from our western culture’s discomfort with the strong emotions we have for another species. But I very much looking forward to us thinking together about the irony of it all. Join in, I can’t wait to hear what you think.
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: I went to a sheepdog trial and a wedding broke out. Friends Samantha and Jeff decided that putting on a huge sheepdog trial for the first time (at the Wisconsin Sheep and Wool Festival) wasn’t enough, so they added getting married on the field at the lunch break on Saturday. (The dog in the foreground was the ring bearer.)
Now, this is a blended family!
Recently, I had some friends come over to work dogs at the farm. We spent a lot of time talking under the shade of a walnut tree because my sheep needed a rest between each dog. (All the dogs were very polite to the sheep I’m happy to say, but they got run around more than they are used to.) Poor us, we had to sit and chat in the chairs that Jim brought up for us in the pasture we call The Moors (it is smaller than it sounds!), enjoying the cold drinks he brought up. The dogs loved it, they got to work sheep and then hang out with their peeps. That’s friend Liesle with her dog Else, Skip in the background, friend Denise and Donna, with Kai and Wisp hidden behind.
The best part of our yard right now are the zinnias. Besides being the summer’s most cheerful flower, beneficial insects love it. The flowers are covered with butterflies (Mostly Fritillary lately. Based on its banged up wings, this poor soul has been around awhile.)
Here’s to beautiful things, and interesting intellectual exercises: Join in on a discussion of our conflicting feelings about dogs!
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About the Author
Patricia B. McConnell, PhD, CAAB Emeritus is an applied animal behaviorist who has been working with, studying, and writing about dogs for over twenty-five years. She encourages your participation, believing that your voice adds greatly to its value. She enjoys reading every comment, and adds her own responses when she can.
LEARN MORE FROM PATRICIA’S BOOKS & DVDs!
Patricia is known the world over for her clear and engaging books and DVDs on dog training and canine behavior problems. You can also “meet” Patricia in person on her seminar DVDs, from The Art & Science of Canine Behavior to Treating Dog-Dog Reactivity.
Thank you for what you have done for dogs. You and your books have touched more dogs, trainers and owners than you will ever know!
I love your writing so much, and your books about dogs have been a balm to my soul while dealing with behavioral challenges in my youngest pup. I, too, see this ironic dichotomy. I often think the worst thing about having dogs is not sky high vet bills and fear of something happening to them – it’s other dog owners. Next in line are people who dismiss them. I was not able to have human children, and people make a lot of assumptions about me and my animals. (Before my dogs we had 3 cats for nearly 20 years…the endless commentary was ruthless!) I do for my dogs what I believe I would do for a human child or any other family member – when they need help, I seek it, and behaviorists and trainers have been vital to my dogs’ wellbeing, though a lot like therapists, you have to find the right one, and sometimes that means a lot of trail and error. I have spent years wading through a lot of research and theory about dog behavior, and your work as been at the top of my discoveries. I think devoting your life to helping others help their families is beyond beautiful. But you are right that others judge, and I think that human need for new and shiny often clouds a lot of good judgement. I don’t know that my thoughts here are of any use – but I’m offering support! And thanking you. I’m sure my dogs would thank you, too, as I am now a better dog mom to them than I was before. Thank you for sharing your words and expertise and love of animals with all of us!
So many people think that we just play with puppies all day. If only they knew. We are social workers, marriage guidance counsellors, para legals, para clinicals….oh yes, and we also help dogs (cats, horses etc). Those of us who are self-employed are also accountants, marketing managers, salesmen, web site managers – and that is not even considering domestic and personal responsibilities. Sometimes we can prevent people from going to court and being incarcerated and we can save their dogs from death row too.
Sometimes we fail and we are often alone when trying to pick up the pieces and start again.
We don’t always even get support from within our own community – co-operation with vets is all too often a rarity. Our background in science is dismissed as being “dog whispering”. Here in the UK at least, we do not have legally protected qualifications and titles.
On top of all of this, many of us are adding to scientific literature and knowledge.
At the end of the (very long) day, the meaningful accolades come from the relaxed, wagging tail, shining eyes, voluntary approach or animal that has been able to adjust to their home or found a more suitable new one and the humans who hopefully have learned a little more about how to live a fulfilled life with their animal.
Well said Charlotte!
Wow Charlotte. You have taken the words right out of my mouth. You have summed it up brilliantly. I’m also in the UK and have just written a post about how many different roles we play as dog trainers. Maybe we should connect on Linkedin?
I get what you say about the dismissive attitude of people toward dog behaviorist, and trainers. I trained for 60 plus years, many breeds, many different areas of training. I taught public classes for most of those years and volunteered in SAR, 4-H, and community. To.many I was just the dog lady.
Well Stacey, you’re a hero to me!
We have had dogs since 1986. We “had” our first 2, 1 at a time. We enjoyed them. Then we retired, moved & got our 3rd dog. Within his first year we discovered agility classes. Life has never been the same. Before that year was out we also discovered rally classes. In the years since, we have found that training dogs is so much richer than merely having dogs. We now have a second dog and we all (me, husband, Marley & Hickory) enjoy practicing & competing in these sports. As I write this, we are on our way home from the year’s biggest NADAC agility trial. Only Marley & I completed in this one and we are curled up on the RV couch, listening to the rain & enjoying each other’s company. For where we are in the agility journey, we did very well. Learning how to guide a dog through the course means learning body language to a degree most humans never thought of. The dogs learn words, but rely heavily on our body language as we spent those 30-60 seconds in the ring. It’s been an incredible journey so far. I with we could have done this with the dogs we had before. But we’re enjoying this new phase of dog companionship.
As a woman well into my 70s, and a lifelong dog owner, I’ve noticed a real upswing in how many younger people interact with their dogs – especially since positive reinforcement techniques have grown. True, in my youth I took care of myself and then children came first, but as I learned these techniques myself, incredible changes in my family’s human/dog interactions have occurred, and I witness this in the younger people who are now involved in dog sports (and how many dog sports proliferate today!). Learning to look at dogs through more of their lens than my primate tendencies has been a life changer for my family and for so many others. Thank goodness you went into your field, Patricia, as your work has changed the lives of hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of people and their canine companions!
After reading your blog this morning, I’m still sitting and trying to synthesize all my emotions. Words are powerful.
First, I’m sorry your feelings were disturbed over hearing the remark years ago. Funny how comments with those feelings attached stick with us. Doesn’t seem logical to be judged negatively on future work based on previous highly success work???
Second, I want to give thanks for all you have taught me through your work and words. Never seen you personally but have read every written word. (Have watched videos though!)
Third, my best friend is a highly reactive German Shepherd named Josie. She was rescued at 8 months with no training but a huge attitude. I cried when I realized how stinking reactive she was to any dog on a leash. Oh my goodness – pulling and baring teeth! Through your work, I learned to “manage” her reactivity. Seven years later, she is still somewhat uneasy when we meet another leashed dog but oh the lessons we have learned about one another! Seems I may have been just as reactive!!!
Anyway, too many of my words. I do want to thank you for sharing your work with us. Our domesticated pups are not only our friends and companions but also our constant comfort. I do not believe that Josie or myself would not be the same without your written words of instruction and encouragement.
Philosopher John R. Searle once said very clearly and distinctly, in answer to a question from the audience after a presentation he gave on emerging consciousness across species, “People who think dogs don’t think don’t know dogs.” I would say the same about people who think dogs don’t love. Who pays more attention to us? Humans and dogs have co-evolved over the ages. We look into each other’s eyes. My almost-4-year-old Aussie and I are more bonded than I could ever have imagined back when she was a wild, demanding, challenging puppy and I was a grieving widow. We are a team now. Partners.
I am so very grateful for the kind comments about my work. Thank you! But I fear I have made this discussion too much about me, or other trainers and behaviorists. What I truly wonder most about is our culture’s deep love for dogs along with our dismissal of them as anything “important.” Such an irony, yes?
I said goodbye to my dog very recently. I am devastated and lost without her. The stigma that “it’s just a dog” tends to make me embarrassed that I am grieving as hard as I am because even though others around me may see her as that, she was so much more to me — she was my child, my best friend, my best companion. I rearranged my life to provide for her and care for her. And the love I got in return was so much greater. Our companion dogs (love this term, btw) deserve whatever effort it takes to mend our broken hearts without judgment from others, perceived or otherwise.
I wonder if some of the lack of respect given to dog trainers (maybe not cause and effect, but correlation?) is that women are often trainers of dogs. Seems that anything women do is less respected than any role typically viewed as filled by men… As to dogs themselves, they do emotional heavy lifting for us, and when has that been respected in our society? “Women’s work” again. The police dog, the search-and-rescue dog, they win the accolades, while the therapy dog, or the dog at home who hangs in there with a miserable kid trying to fit in socially with peers or the person who has few other social connections, are dismissed. We do indeed ask so much of our dogs, and yet most of what they do for us in an increasingly isolated, broken society goes unrecognized. Extra pats and hugs to my pair after work today!
Jennifer, I couldn’t agree more about most trainers being women–so many factors weigh in on this I think. Low pay/low status less attractive to men, and/or, woman more interested and thus low status low pay. Circular no doubt.
Ms. McConnell,
I credit you for helping me learn how to be a good human to my dogs and help them become even better dogs. My current girl is my heart dog, and my breath leaves me at the thought of her ever not being with me, although I do understand cognitively, it will happen someday. Hopefully many years from now.
Your work is so important and I am collecting all of your works. I’ve gifted The Other End Of The Leash to a friend who is a recent widow and even more recent first dog owner.
Dogs are so important and so is our understanding of them. Thank you for all you do.
Especially the irony of people accusing others who are nice to their dogs as anthropomorphic, yet those very people treat them like naughty children or worse when their normal yet undesirable parts of dog behaviour is seen through their human filter, assuming the dog ‘knows it’s been naughty’ and electrocute them, hit them etc as a result when the dog can’t even rationalise why. In my opinion people don’t appreciate where the overlap actually is between the two species – of where we differ and where we are actually quite similar. Us primates are too obsessed with our colour vision and just don’t have a clue about a dog’s primary sense aka the nose and how their brains are wired through it in terms of life experience. People like yourself, Ian Dunbar, Victoria Stilwell – dogs have a lot to thank you people for by pushing the much needed narrative for positive training
On Monday 8th September I had a total hip replacement. On Sunday 14th September I had to say goodbye to my elderly papillon, Sophy, just two months shy of her 17th birthday. She had been getting wobblier but had a full vet check 10 days before and a vet visit for Librela on the 9th – the end came very swiftly in the last 48 hours. On Saturday night she looked into my eyes and we shared the message and the promise, no words needed. Thanks to a kind friend who was prepared to get up repeatedly during the night to do any lifting I couldn’t manage post op Sophy spent her last night on my bed, mostly sleeping peacefully with her head on my shoulder – a precious gift of memory. There may be those who think “just a dog” but they had better not voice those thoughts in my presence – instead people have shared with me their own experiences of living with and losing both dogs and cats, and what shines through over and over again is how overwhelmingly important those relationships have been.
As for a hierarchy in animal behaviour, studying the habits of some rare and difficult to locate forest creature might give the kudos of being the world’s pre-eminent (and probably only!) expert in that species but it is very unlikely to have much impact beyond a small and rarified academic circle. Research into companion animals and livestock is going to improve countless thousands of lives, both animal and human, and reinforce what so many of us know already – these are sentient beings who deserve our respect as well as our love. But like art versus crafts, “pure” science versus applied, academic versus practical, Mary versus Martha, paying celebrities a fortune and nurses a pittance, I am afraid the world simply does not sufficiently value all the useful people who actually work to make it a better place.
Oh Frances, I am am so sorry about Sophy. And what a storm–major surgery and major loss. I have never forgotten the fact that grief is recorded in the brain in the same place as pain. I tell people to treat themselves as if they’ve had major surgery. You managed a two-fer. So sorry. Warm wishes for recovery, in all senses of the word.
Frances, we’ve followed Sophy’s journey with you for many years. So sorry to hear the news. Even when it’s expected, and even when it’s time to release them, it is so hard. Bless you for holding to your promise. Hugs to you and Freddy, and may your hip surgery heal well and quickly.
I think that nowhere is this dichotomy more apparent than with pet loss. As you say in your poignant line about Cool Hand Luke, how are we expected to survive? Yet we do, with little fanfare or understanding from others. Who am I without this dog at my side? How can this hurt so much, when I knew this day would come the day that I got her? I, like many here, I imagine, have cried much (MUCH) more over the loss of a dog than I did over human loss. I barely cried when my mother passed, although I loved her deeply. My dog – sobbing in the shower for weeks.
The connection – profound – is beyond any that I’ve had with humans in my life, and their presence is the only thing that keeps me going most days. The solace they provide in these turbulent times, the (mutual) adoration, the propping up they do of me just by being here, is no small thing. We laugh at the old “work like a dog” phrase, looking at our beloveds snoring off breakfast, getting up to stretch and turn and settle back down with a contented sigh. (Mirrored by me, with a deep-seated happiness observing their contentment.) It seems that my “working breed” doesn’t do much work. And yet. The seemingly invisible heavy lifting they do to keep me on an even keel is no small thing. I don’t label them my emotional support animals, but surely that’s what all of them are. I let them enjoy life, with few expectations or demands, knowing their presence is what makes my life worth living.
Maureen F: So very much agree about the immense sense of loss when we lose a dog. I think partly it is because, unlike our relatives or dear friends (except for spouses or partners we live with), our dogs are with us in our homes all the time. All the time. The loss of them is felt always and everywhere in the house. And, as Carolyn suggests, a wordless attachment is profound in so many ways. Stripped of the complication of words, our connection feels deeper with our dogs (and cats, horses, etc) than so many of those we love so very much. Just deeper, more primal. Below and beyond words.
I think one difference between dogs and human family is that our dogs rarely develop close relationships with humans outside their household. We may be close to various family members but they usually have close ties with other humans too. No one else loves our own dogs the way we do.
Even though many people own dogs I often feel like my non dog-loving friends think we’re crazy to seek out a housemate who will shed, have dirty paws, bark, demand attention and be an inconvenience as we plan our lives around our dog’s needs. So, we may feel both defensive and ashamed that our lives are incomplete without canine companions. When others see us grieve over the loss of our pets I think they cannot fathom repeatedly exposing ourselves to such feelings. Why get a dog you know will sicken and die?
For people with a strong social conscious there is some guilt that we spend money on our pets that we could or should be sharing with humans in need. We attempt to do both, donating to a food bank after giving money for medical needs of a dog rescue. We are often apologetic about where our resources.
I understand your post but am also somewhat confused by it. Each individual dog is rare. Those who don’t recognize that might very well not fully deserve the beautiful friendship of a dog. That is those humans’ problem, not ours-those who truly care about dogs including those who hang out in the comments of this blog. I do understand recognition from our own kind. But I also know, when it comes to dogs (or maybe just in general for that matter) recognition from the dogs themselves is more important. Can’t y’all feel that in your bones? I think you can. Between dogs and humans who are deeply bonded, teachings go both ways. What would your dogs say in these comments? I know mine would say “I love you, my dog friends love you because you are a good human I taught you well. That is plenty. Now lead by example and be happy.”I do not say no too my dog ever when he makes this much sense.
Please just remember that we have treated our dogs more humanely because of you. Thank you for all your work.
Maybe I’m used to the irony. I taught post-secondary English/Communications for thirty-four years. I want to assure you that every single student who walked into my classroom was sure that he/she could teach. Most if not all of my students were equally sure that they could teach English/Communications. After all, they all had spent at least 12 years being subjected to people like me in courses entitled English/Communications! How hard could teaching be?
My supervisors required an evaluation of my teaching from every single student every term. I asked them to evaluate the class at least one other time during the class. Were we empowering them to think that they knew what good teaching was?
I think that it’s the same with dog training. We all know dogs. Many of us have had dogs. Most of us have arrived at a good place with the dogs we have. We come to the conclusion that we have a successful, mutually satisfactory relationship with our dogs. So how hard is it to be a “dog trainer”?
Because I did teach and have trained dogs, I know that these activities are not “pieces of cake.” However, I understand how people who haven’t invested time in learning how to teach or how to train a dog could conclude it’s easy work. Looking at the two professions from the outside is the age old “judging a book by it’s cover.” Alas, we humans are prone to that type of thinking.
Good points Barb, we humans do indeed think that things are simpler when we just see the icing on the top of the cinnamon roll. But I think that added on to that is the hierarchy born of The Great Chain of Being–God at the top, free men next, women, children and animals barely above plants.
My mouth was hanging open and my eyes wide with “wait, what?” after that first paragraph! When I think of the most influential leaders who came before us in the dog behavior world, you are at the top of that list!!! Those of us who had companion dogs (not just pets!) and needed help, and we didn’t know where to turn, had books penned by Dr. Patricia McConnell to guide us! NO one knows how painful it is to watch your “pet dog” struggle with reactivity, separation anxiety, phobias and more except those of us who have experienced it with our beloved dogs. YOU saved many of us, and I would suggest that member who made those comments is the failure…failed to see what true connection is with a canis lupus familiaris. You helped save my life, and the life of my little Welsh Terrier, so you are far from a “failure” in these eyes. I’m pretty sure you recognized that not long after you returned to your hotel room. You are loved by many and I am blessed to have seen you work in person!
Kathi: You are so kind! You are right, I am long over it, but I wrote about it because it is such a good intro to the irony I pointed out. There are so many people who work with dogs, and other animals, in a multitude of capacities, who deserve more respect than they get.
I have experienced this first hand, most recently at the point in my M.Ed. studies with a research emphasis in Human-Animal Relationships, when I was ABD and realized that I did not want to spend my work life in a laboratory counting how many times a dog blinked when being petted (sic). I am a practitioner at heart, and so I pursued being a trainer working with Vet Behaviorists, doing workshops on dog performance events, and teaching an extensive and intensive course on therapy dog visiting. My family was aghast (“wasting your education”). I ended up working for an insurance company as an OTJ trainer, because it’s hard to earn a living as a dog trainer.
Here’s what I have learned: In my classes for therapy dog visiting, the fundamental rules are two: If the dog is not comfortable and relaxed, a good visit doesn’t happen. And, dogs are speaking to us all the time.
So, a lot of my curriculum is about getting people to learn dog body language and respond in ways that the dog does not have to struggle with. A lot more is in how to respect and meet the dog’s needs. To wit—if a dog is sound sensitive, visiting in a social room full of gregarious seniors or active children is not a good fit. If a dog is constantly in contact with the owner (petting or leaning against a leg), it is not likely to enjoy going up to another person. You might want to visit with senior citizens; your dog might have a sensitive nose and be rude about pursuing the source of various smells.
Here’s the kicker: the hardest part of the training is not teaching the protocols, signals, or routines. It is getting the handler to read what the dog is signaling and then do what needs to be done. Sound sensitive? Gradual desensitization. Dog getting antsy during a visit? Calming touch in the proper places on the dog’s body.
Why is this so hard? First, human hubris that mistakes linear, verbal thought for superiority. We can thank Turid Rugaas for her powerful documentation of the thousands of clusters of canine body language that have clear meanings to other dogs. Why has it taken us so long to learn these? Why do we disregard them? Because we are ignorant, and too proud to admit that we don’t well enough speak the language. Because we confuse verbal language as intelligence and the basis of rights.
Second, I believe that in some ways, dogs are the superior beings, because they are not distracted by video games, big cars, and fancy sneakers. They concentrate always on the most important aspect of life: survival. Survival in its essence is the Three S of sustenance (food), shelter (protection from threats), and security (acknowledgement by the leader). This frame of mind leads to a step-wise thought process that values efficiency. Humans, on the other hand, tend to look at the end result as the only desirable outcome. Take fetch: Humans want an object delivered to hand. Dogs need to learn wait, see, go, take, carry, and deliver. Skip any one of those, and the result is failure, i.e., not survival. And yet, when humans grasp these fundamentals steps, they are better equipped to teach a dog variations, turn left or right, go back, etc. Which is a better foundation? Ask any pro of any activity if skipping foundational steps is a good basis for success and you have your answer.
Third, we see dogs as accoutrements to our “end result”—the perfect life, the constant companion, the guard dog. We see them the same way we see cows for milk, or chickens for eggs, i.e., what we can get from them. What we denigrate or disregard is the unique position of dogs as pets, i.e., that they accept humans as essential parts of their social group to an extent unmatched by any other species. There is nothing natural about heeling, for example. The dog wants to explore the territory. Think of the skills that would be needed if you were to live among giraffes or elephants, and the intelligence needed to do so, and your view changes. Think of how much effort would be needed to curtail your natural instincts (just as a dog learns not to bite in play) in order not to disrupt the life of the herd. Sadly enough, as long as we look at verbal language as supreme and at the end result instead of the importance of daily well-being, we likely will never value the miraculous existence of the pet dog.
Kathryn M: Thank you for this thoughtful addition to our discussion. Keep fighting the good fight.
Academia stands on hierarchy and there is a lot at stake if the system of “higher” the species, “higher” the reward falters. As things so very slowly turn toward interlearning, experiential experiences, etc., as med students are required to take an empathy course (we’ll leave that for another day), then perhaps Canis lupus familiaris will be more widely accepted as “worthy” of as much research and respect as the Pangolin. Paws crossed.
The only irony I really see is how long it takes the academic and scientific worlds to catch up to what we “regular” people know and live every day.
During the past two years, I’ve lost two very close friends, my mother-in-law, my sister, my mother, and my dog, Olive. It was Olive’s death that did me in. Literally fell me to my knees. For weeks. Now, you could say it was the culmination of so much loss, and that would be true. And you could say that Olive’s life was so intertwined with my own, that it felt like part of my brain had died. The right side. That would also be true. And you could absolutely say that she depended on me as much as I depended on her. Not much room for presumption or assumption; it was hard, real, and amazingly loving.
Carolyn Knapp’s book, Pack of Two, was the first book I read that described the human-dog relationship in a way that I could emotionally relate to. It was so intimate and telling. After her death, her best friend, Gail Caldwell, wrote Let’s Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship. It’s about love, loss, addiction, and dogs.
News Flash: Daisy has been such a wonder—her ebullient spirits really have changed our household’s moods and outlook. So much so, we are getting a puppy from the same breeder—yikes! The Puppy Primer has been our shared required reading and the more we read (we had forgotten some of the puppy stuff 😊 funny how that happens)—the more excited and exhausted we are. Hank will be here in a few weeks. Get ready, village, we’ll need you.
LisaW: What incredible news!!!! Daisy the Darling AND another puppy coming! Be still my heart. And yes yes, Gail Caldwell’s book is gorgeous. I had the pleasure of meeting her in Boston and hearing more about her remarkable friendship with Carolyn. Two very special people.
I’ve always felt that people who have the mentality of “it’s just a dog” have never been open enough to truly observe them and what complex and wonderful beings they are, and to be able to understand and appreciate what truly empathic and insightful people (like yourself Patricia) bring to the table to try to help people “walk in their paws” as it were. I agree with many, many comments here, the shortcomings are ours and ours alone most of the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at training situations etc. and thought…dogs truly are geniuses to be able to figure out what the heck it is we’re asking of them! I was watching a DVD of Buck Brannaman, who is known as a horse whisperer, working with horses and kept wondering how he knew what to do and when to do it, as he seamlessly worked through an endless array of problems with wonderful results. I’ve seen other “horse whisperers” do the same thing and then it hit me, they’re picking up on ques that I just don’t see b/c I don’t know what to look for. I realized later that “whispering” of any species is just being open enough to observe and learn their language and what they are trying to communicate and then work with that knowledge in as positive and stress free way as possible to bridge the gap between us and them. I remember another “whisperer” that took on a horse that was regarded as dangerous, as it had started behaving aggressively towards experienced horse people. When he first started working with the horse it was fractious and acting aggressively, by the end of the first session beginning of the next it was a different horse, relaxed and much more open to being worked with. I don’t think we would be any different if we were in a position where we were dependent upon another species to care for us and that species did not speak our language. Actually I think we’d be worse!
All your work with dogs is important and appreciated. I try so hard to practice what I’ve learned from you and many behaviorists, and it’s not easy depending on the circumstance at hand and the personality of the dog. But if it weren’t for you, I would be even worse!!! (hopefully I’m not that bad – but I am dealing with an adolescent at this time who is very persistent in trying to get everything he wants!). Thanks to all the researchers and practitioners out there!
I recently purchased a sympathy card for someone who lost their dog after 15 years. I bought a “human” sympathy card, because I couldn’t get past the word “pet” in the cards designed for the loss of a non-human family member. Pet just didn’t seem to cut it knowing the pain they are going through.
I agree with the comments above from LisaW and “J” about academic hierarchies and about the fact that any work that’s primarily performed by women instead of men in our screwed up culture tends to be automatically downgraded . (For example, historically most teachers were predominantly male – but when women began to dominate the field, the respect — as well as the pay — plummeted. Your life’s work, not to mention your eagerly awaited observations of dogs, people, and nature and your beautiful photos, are a gift, especially valuable in these difficult times. Moreover, I must confess that the older I get, the more I believe that many if not most dogs are far superior to most humans! (Like some of your other commentators, my husband and I — now in our 70’s — responded to the loss of a beloved “canine companion” by inviting a puppy to share what remains of our lives — some of our neighbors think we’re crazy, but our grandsons and our adult children are thrilled!)
Oh Francis, I’m so sorry about Sophie. Thank you for sharing her life here.
Perhaps because we’ve shared our lives with dogs for millions of years, many humans take them for granted. None of us on this blog do. Perhaps it takes a special ability to see the unfamiliar in the familiar, as do the best poets, to develop as a canine companion behaviorist or even a good trainer. As a child, some 74 years ago, I disagreed with what was then the “only” way to train. The dog obedience training I first encountered came out of a male-dominated field–the training of military and police dogs. (I believe it ironic that lots of that kind of training still goes on in male-dominated training today. Can’t be “soft.” Yet these men are just as affected when they lose their dogs.)
I recently attended a workshop run by a man who advised using only classical conditioning to train “because you don’t want your dog to have a choice.” He has a long history of training dogs for the military. No surprise there.
A few women I know are pediatricians. There are two strikes against them in the physician-world status. Instead of valuing their dedication to patients that can’t tell them what hurts, they are devalued because they work with babies and children. How idiotic. And of course veterinarians are even lower on the status pole since they don’t even work with humans.
I see the irony. I’ve spent lots of time pondering it. I don’t know that I can add any original thoughts to this heartwarming discussion but I’ll try to share my thoughts.
I’m an introvert with an excruciatingly deep connection to dogs, creatures and the nonhuman world. Some part of me opens, can breathe in the dynamic, nonverbal world but it’s not a safe space; everything has to eat or sometimes attack to survive. I’m thinking of Redback spiders and eastern brown snakes in my back yard environment, crocodiles in some of the rivers I’ve fished, bears and mountain lions in places I’ve walked. We are preditors and prey.
When I look outward among the human environment, the pull is hierarchy, competition, a focus on the ways humans communicate that leaves this primate feeling a need, a primary need, unfulfilled.
I suspect dogs, and other domestic creatures are a bridge that we as animals need but think we can live without, sometimes trying, sometimes not.
Karen, this: “I suspect dogs, and other domestic creatures are a bridge that we as animals need …” Yes yes and yes. Thank you for your thoughtful insights.
I have had six dogs in my adult life mostly more than one at a time. Four were purebred labs and two were lab mix rescues. What has amazed me was how different they were.The first mix was largely untrained, but behaved better when my sister rehired her dog from New York City, where he was reactive and had apparent seizures. Moving to the suburbs calmed him, and he never had another seizure. When I got my first lab puppy, fortunately his breeder recommended taking him to a puppy class, which introduced me to the world on dog training and sports more than 20 years ago. I joined a dog club with a variety of different but good trainers, who were involved different ways of training for agility and rally and a wonderful road with competing with some of the nicest people I know with a variety of dogs. I learned how a good trainer can spot a problem with your relationship and know what to do to mitigate it. My current dog and I are both old now, and I got a scare when he developed a severe vestibular problem and couldn’t walk. He sent ten days in the hospital, but is recovering thanks to the care of, his primary vet and the neurologist at the specialty hospital. Fortunately specialty care was a viable option for me so I didn’t have to make a terrible decision if I couldn’t take care of him. (My dog gets better medical care than I do!)
This resonates deeply. It’s so true how our hard work is dismissed, yet the bond with our dogs is undeniable. Thank you for sharing your experience and for all you’ve done to honor that connection.basketball
I will chime in here with just one anecdote. On a three-dog-walk the other day, as one of the trail walkers I’d seen a few times was sitting on a bench, my dogs started heading his way. Normally I would keep the dogs on course but this guy seemed interested in them so I let them go over and say hi. Many sniffs and some kisses and head scratches ensued. Along with that some smiles and chuckles. As we turned to continue our walk, the man said, “that just made my day so much better”. I replied simply, “yes, they do that” with a smile. This small, 1 minute interaction is an example of the real, proven truth that companion dogs enhance well-being, and not just for us, but for others around us. This interaction made my day much better as well. I decided to look into some kind of program akin to “meals on wheels” but for dog pets for people who have none of their own and aren’t exposed to therapy dogs anywhere. How much nicer the world would be if we could all just wag our tails together sometimes. Anyone who downplays the impact these relationships actually have on the us is limited in their understanding of connection and human behavior. Too bad for them!
What a wonderful story Amy W–and a powerful reminder of how small moments can have large effects. I am wagging my tail with you in appreciation and mutual joy.
This has been a lovely discussion – I have come back to this post several times to see the additional comments. For me it boils down to until you’ve walked in another person shoes you really don’t have a good appreciation for what they’re feeling. So most typically the “it’s just a dog” people are folks that have never had dogs. And I equate it to myself to the fact that I’ve never really thought much about chickens or cows or reptiles, etc.… mostly because I’ve never had them. But when you talk to someone that raises chickens or cows or owns a reptile or whatever the animal happens to be, they describe the relationships so much deeper and different than I could ever imagine it to be. Trust me when someone’s lizard dies I may not say it but a bit of “it’s just a lizard” is in my head. And then I tell myself hey their lizard is my dog so if they brought them joy and love, their grief is real and should be acknowledged.
Unless you’ve walked the walk most jobs are underpaid and under appreciated.
Thank you Ollie’s mom for such a thoughtful comment. You are so right that it’s easy to dismiss s/t that isn’t familiar to you, lizards and all.
Wow! Reading all the comments spoke volumes about this topic and encouraged me greatly that I’m not alone! Thank you for sharing!
My own experience is similar. I was involved for over 20 years in Christian missionary work and dog training was my hobby. When I became disabled and began vocational rehabilitation, I was encouraged to turn my hobby into a career, so I went to a dog training school to make it official. So I added book learning and being officially mentored to my experiential skills.
Over the years of dog training, I’ve often been asked, “what are you doing in ministry?” When I reply I’m a dog trainer, it’s usually dismissed as not being “spiritually valid”! To which, I often convey that as dog trainers, we save marriages, we give the lonely a reason to get up in the morning, we teach children reading skills, we assist the disabled, we comfort the sick and dying, and so much more! I’m not “just” a dog trainer!
The “hierarchy of the Great Chain of Being” really gets to the source of so much of this discussion – the source of so many ways modern society and cultures struggle.
I have worked as a dog trainer/walker/sitter, house cleaner, caregiver, janitor and nurse’s aide – all jobs given little credence in this world. So, at 64, I intimately understand the absence of validation from the ‘world’ after a lifetime of alternately seeking it and dismissing any need for it.
In this moment, as I am stepping back from my working life, I would tell my younger self how proud I am of her and her proclivity to search out work of service – work that engaged her heart. I would encourage her to never doubt the worth of such a path – of how it would teach her and cause her heart to open beyond imagination. The worth she was forever looking for from outside of herself would only truly be found in the countless moments spent in the trenches with other beings – not from the hilltop – not from any spotlight – not from the culture at large.
AJ: Please add “eloquent writer” to your list of work and accomplishments. So beautifully said.