A few months ago I got an email from someone with a great question: Would it distress a dog to have his former owner come visit? I’ve been mulling on it ever since, and my answer, of course, is It Depends. But that leads to the question, “Depends on what?”
Although I’m only speculating, I suspect it depends on how settled and stable the dog is in his or her new home. Here are a couple of examples, one from my own life:
CASE ONE–SCOTT: Scott was the son of my first Border Collie, Drift. I loved him dearly, and then I gave him away to another owner. I did that because I was sure he wasn’t happy here on the farm. Yes, he was loved and well cared for. Yes, he got to work sheep and take long walks in the country and enjoy belly rubs at night. But Scott was an anxious dog, and he hated change. I was traveling a lot, had a lot of different farm sitters, and had a lot of visitors–two and four-legged–when I was home. As he matured, he became more nervous about any kind of change. I ran him in sheepdog trials and, every time, his first run was a disaster, but his second run was so good that people thought he was a different dog. Not theoretically, literally.
I finally realized that Scott was deaf in one ear, a condition that is often never diagnosed because dogs who are deaf in one ear can still hear. Scott simply had no idea where I was on a new field at a new trial, but after he’d been around once he knew where I was and could compensate. Like all unilaterally deaf dogs, Scott couldn’t locate sound, and that tends to make them anxious, if not downright paranoid. Very understandable if you think about it–we count on our bilateral hearing to be aware of the world around us at every given moment. Eventually I decided that love was not enough to keep Scott happy in a home where the only constant was that everything always changed. I needed to find him home where he could work sheep everyday on the same fields, and live a life with a predictable routine, with people who cherished him.
It took awhile, but I eventually found him the perfect home, on a quiet, beautiful farm owned by a lovely couple who were thrilled to have a dog to work their large flock of sheep . Even so, I cried so hard after delivering him that I had to pull over on the way home because I was crying too hard to see. But this story has a happy ending. Three days later I stopped over to check in on him. Scott ran exuberantly to me, tail circle-wagging, eyes glowing, dancing beside me full of joy. Then he dashed back to “Gary” (I’ll call him). Right before Scott ran into Gary, he flipped around 180 degrees to face me, leaned his body against Gary’s leg and beamed at me, tail thumping. I’d bet the farm that if he could talked he would have said “This is Gary. He is my new human. Isn’t he great!!”
Three days, that’s all it had been since taking Scott to his new home, before a visit from his former owner. Would I recommend this in most cases? No. Way too soon for most cases. But Scott wasn’t happy at the farm, and I think he was relieved and thrilled to be in a quiet place where he got all the attention, where he could count on a daily routine, and work sheep in the same place every day. (Note: I have no digital copies of Scott, but am working on it. Sorry I can’t add a photo!)
CASE TWO–PEBBLES: Pepples is a lovely, German Shepherd who was adopted by Maggie early last winter. She had taken Pebbles in as a foster, and moved heaven and earth to heal the dog’s several medical conditions. After a few months together, what often happens with foster dogs happened, and Maggie decided that Pebbles had found her forever home. [Update on Feb 19, 2017: I originally called the dog Pepper, in order to provide anonymity to her owners, present and former. But, sad to say, soon after this was posted in January, Pebbles died of an aggressive, fast moving cancer, and Margaret and her former owner asked if I could pass on her legacy by using her real name. Nothing would make me happier. . . ]
Maggie reached out to me asking if it would distress Pebbles if one of her original owners came to visit. This particular owner, I’ll call her Beth, had been forced to involuntarily say goodbye to Pebbles, and was yearning to see her. But would it upset Pebbles? I answered that I thought it depended on how settled Pebbles was in her new home. Did she seem comfortable with her new routine? Happy and contented, or restless and nervous? Of course, some dogs are simply naturally nervous, but usually you can tell the difference between a dog who is in transition (just as we feel when we travel or move) and a dog who is naturally anxious.
Maggie decided it was worth the risk to have Beth come over to visit. Beth, the original owner, hadn’t seen Pebbles in a couple of years, due to a nasty divorce, and she missed her terribly. I’m happy to say that things could not have gone better. Pebbles clearly recognized her first owner, and was happy to see her. However, she showed no signs of upset when Beth left, which was Maggie’s primary concern. (And in case you are wondering: No, Beth can’t take Pebbles back. Not our business why, but clearly not for lack of loving her.)
A couple of other wonderful things happened during and after the visit. Beth finally was able to stop worrying about the dog she loved, and saw that Pebbles was happy in a wonderful, new home. Pebbles also benefited. The insights that Maggie gained after watching how Beth and Pebbles play together has strengthened their relationship. After watching Beth sitting on the floor and playing tug with Pebbles, Maggie began to do it too, and Pebbles soon became cuddlier and more affectionate.
Do all re-homing stories end so well? No, they don’t. Sometimes it’s just a bad match–a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. But, in terms of visits from former owners, I think what is most important is our best guess as to where the dog’s heart is. In Scott’s case, within just three days he was happily relieved to be in a place that felt like a good fit. In Pebble’s case, I think three days would have been far, far too soon. But after she was settled, the visit appeared to be a win/win. Of course, we can’t ask the dogs what they think. We can only do our best by observing their behavior and making our best guesses.
What about you? Have you had experience adopting a dog and having a former owner come to visit? Or been on the other side of it? I know we all wish that all dogs go to their forever home first time, and never have to move. We all also are aware that life is busy making other plans for us. If you do have a newly adopted dog, let me know if Love Has No Age Limit is helpful to you. It’s a booklet that Karen London and I wrote about bringing a dog of any age into a second home. Some shelters, bless them, are giving them away to all adopters.
MEANWHILE, back on the farm. Strange weather, sometimes it feels like January, sometimes like March. Today we’re living in a farm house surrounded by an ice skating rink. A hilly one. If you’ve ever ice skated, you know how that would go. It rained/sleeted last night, and the entire farm is now one big, horrible accident waiting to happen. The sheep went up the hill to graze on dried grass, but now find themselves stuck in a low area that requires going up hill to get out of. I simply can’t help them. (Want to carry each one of them up a steep, ice-covered hill and then carry them down a steeper, icy trail through the woods? No?) They are well-fed (okay, fat) and all I can do is hope that they don’t get too chilled in this horrible weather and can get back down the hill tomorrow. I’m letting the dogs outside on leash only, which has them looking all slumpy and miserable in the house. I’m going out only with yak tracks on my old boots, and even then it still feels ridiculously dangerous. Hopefully it will change soon. It’s supposed to be in the 40’s by Wednesday, which is both a relief and a disappointment. Forty degree weather in January is going to play havoc with animal and plant life. But at least I won’t have to teach the dogs to ice skate.
Ah well, nothing I can do about the weather outside. But I can enjoy the garden that’s blooming inside, which is in full bloom right now. I obsess over it hourly when I’m home. I’m considering buying some new bulbs for February/March. Heaven help me.
Here’s a close up of my forest of flowers:
Maggie has given up on having any fun today. Poor kid. It’s a tough life.
Here’s hoping that the weather is better where you live. And I’d love to hear about your experience with re-homed dogs, from whatever perspective you have to share. Meanwhile, be safe.
Michelle says
I loved every paragraph of this post; thank-you! Couldn’t help but think of “A Dog’s Purpose” when you talked about dogs meeting former owners; my goodness, that book hooked me!
Diane M says
My parents adopted a dog, Muffles, from their neighbours many years ago. The neighbours didn’t want her anymore, after 13 years! (Can’t understand how you could share your home with an animal, and want to get rid of it for no real good reason.) It was a little tricky at first, because Muffles’ old home was right next door, and she kept trying to run back. She settled into her new situation pretty quickly, however, and had a great “retirement.” She stayed pretty healthy, until her death at age 16.
I enjoyed your story about Scott. When I was growing up my aunt had a farm. She had two Border Collies, a male and a female. I adored the female, partly I think because everyone else preferred the male. He was more outgoing, and a bit of a clown, The female, Lady, was a bit neurotic, but I adored her, and whenever, we went to visit, she would attach herself to me, sleeping by my bed, following me everywhere, keeping me safe from the cows…. You never know, they might have stampeded me! When they first got Lady, my mom worried that she would bite me, because she was a nervous dog, but I knew this would never happen.
My aunt seriously considered giving Lady to me, but we lived in town, and she was a farm dog. I just couldn’t picture her away from her work and all that space. Even though I was quite young and wanted her really badly, I agreed to leave her where she was. This isn’t the same as having to give up your own dog, of course, but it was hard being away from her, and she still has a very special place in my heart. As a child, I kept a bit of her fur in my locket! Never told anyone about that before.
Kerry M. says
I’ve puppy raised service dogs and that, “Hey, it’s you! That’s awesome. Have you met my new person? Aren’t they awesome?” is exactly what you hope for. The group I used to raise for takes the pups into the kennel for about six months of advanced training and you can’t see them while they are there, but when they have gone through two weeks of personalized training and have a strong bond with their new person, you get a little bit of time together to say both “hi” and “bye” before you turn the leash over to their new person. It’s about as emotional a ceremony as I can imagine but it’s a beautiful one.
Chris from Boise says
Rancher friends gave us Bandit, their 5 year old Australian shepherd, to be a mentor to our socially-ignorant, extremely anxious border collie Habi. It turned out to be a great match. When they came to visit several months later, Bandit was thrilled to see them, but made it very clear that he was Home.
We never met the former owners of Habi, but I have often wished I could thank them for turning her in to the shelter in hopes that there was a better family out there for her. And we’re so glad that we were the family she ended up with! Obi was a stray, picked up by animal control; they contacted his owners who didn’t want him back, and lucky us, we did want him!
(I have to share an Obi story here. He’s getting very good at Sit-To-Stand, so last night, just for kicks, I asked him to Down, then cued him to stand. He thought for an instant, then his hind end stood up, while his front end stayed in a very nice down. What a clever boy! He did exactly what I asked him to, but not exactly what I had intended.)
Helen says
I am always anxious to meet up with dogs I have fostered in the past afraid of confusing them. I will be more open to it in the future. Yak Traks are the dog walkers best on icy days
Bruce says
I have a relevant story. Red Dog’s foster had a great deal of affection for her, so I gave him an open invitation to visit. He was able to stop by after Red Dog had been with us for about a year.
Red Dog normally bays when visitors are outside, and then bounds up to greet them when they enter the house. Much to my surprise when the foster walked in Red Dog appeared startled, and then gave him an intent stare and half-hearted growl.
I interpreted Red Dog’s response as “No, I am not going back with you, I like it here.”
We jollied over her initial response with a few treats. Shortly Red Dog seemed quite happy to see the foster, playing with him and licking his face, but also checking back in with me regularly.
That was the only time I have ever seen Red Dog growl at a visitor. I suspect her response had more to do with the other dogs at the foster’s house. He had a big male retriever who would regularly discipline Red Dog over competition for toys, petting, etc.
Overall, I think the meeting was positive for the foster and for Red Dog.
Judi says
A friend of mine gave me a 4yo Malinois bitch when I was looking for a second dog. I went to look at a few rescue dogs she had, but there was no match there. She brought in the Malinois because the weather was cold. When the Mali came over to see me, my dog, who normally didn’t like other girls near me, wagged her tail. My friend brought the dog to my house a week later, and things went well enough that I kept her.
After about 6 weeks, I took the Mali to a show where my friend was going to be. The dog wagged her tail and was happy to greet her previous owner; however, she never took her eyes off me when my friend wanted to take her to show her to someone else. For the rest of her life (nearly 10 years), the dog was happy to see my friend but clearly had no desire to live with her again. When her previous co-owner moved to the area, the dog had the same reaction to her. Nice to see you, but I am not your dog anymore. At age 13, I had the chance to meet the dog’s breeder and show her how well the dog had aged. I saw some glimmers that might have been the dog remembering that the breeder had somehow been important to her, but we didn’t have enough time to see if the memories would work their way up to the surface.
CJ says
What a lovely post. Got a bit tearful at certain parts. As to your query concerning Love Has No Age Limits, the shelter I fostered, then adopted, Bess from gave me a copy. I found it incredibly helpful. Bess was between 4-6 years old, confiscated from a fight bust, and little was known about her past other than she passed her evaluation with flying colors and had had several litters of puppies. I found out she wasn’t house broken, wasn’t keen to step on grass, or even walk very far for that matter. The chapter on getting to know one another and being being patient was fabulous. Bess is now house broken, has earned her Canine Good Citizen and completes in Barn Hunting during the summer. She is the joy of my life.
amy says
I volunteer with a breed specific terrier rescue. While, for many reasons, we are rarely able to reunite former owners and their dogs, we do have an annual reunion for our volunteers (we run on the foster model) and our adoptive families. It’s interesting to see our dogs, some who have been with their people for many years, get to see their foster family for a few hours. Some seem to remember well, others less so. Either way, it’s a fun experience for all.
Frank Hashek says
Great food for thought! I do a lot of foster work, for 3 different rescues, and prefer to take in the “head cases” because so few people either can or will help them. Usually, the issues are extreme fear or defensive “aggression”. We always have 1 – 3 foster dogs here. I keep in touch with a few of the adoptive families and had been concerned about this issue. Now, I can think things through and make a better decision, should an opportunity to visit come up.
Iris Menachem says
I adopted a year old mixed breed from a shelter. She had been badly abused & required a couple of surgeries. And has a leaking problem as well, but it’s pretty much controlled with meds. While the young man who abused her called the shelter to inquire about her, they assured him she is in good hands. This is definitely a case where you don’t want a former owner to visit. I’m sure this holds true for any abused animal.
Suzanne Rogers says
In my late 20’s I found myself without a dog as she had passed after 15 years. I told myself I wasn’t ready for a new dog. A friend had a co-worker that had a 2yr old lab mix (Sandy) that they were looking to re-home. The wife was pregnant and was now allergic to the dog. The dog, even though he used her for hunting, was use to being in the house and a family dog. I knew another friend that was looking for a dog. So I went over to the job site to do an evaluation of the dog to see if it would be a good fit for my friend. Sandy walked right up to me and placed her head on my lap and then climbed right into the back seat of my car. I called my friend to tell her to find another dog. This one picked me. I had her for 15 years and she was a wonderful dog. The original owner never reached out but if he had I would have let him visit. Sandy was secure with me and I expect it would not have been a problem.
Caroline McKinney says
This is not really on topic, but I really like STABILicers so much better than yactracs. I find them much more “stable” and not as slippery. Very icy here in N. VT.
Marcia McGinnis says
My husband and I took in a 13 yr old foster PBGV a year ago. We have two PBGVs, ages 3 and 7, and this added a third. In our area, we have only met one other PBGV. We did a meet and greet a few weeks before deciding if Twiggy would fit in our household, and decided we could do it. Twiggy had been moved from friend to friend after her owner became bedridden, and in that time Twiggy had suffered some emotional stress, a chronic yeast infection, and possibly poor eating habits.
The previous foster did a wonderful job getting her weight under control, and took her to the vet weekly for special baths due to the horrendous yeast infection. Twiggy would begin to stink after a week if she didn’t get this special bath. At our house we have a dog grooming room so baths are an easy remedy. I did a little homework and decided a small capful of apple cider vinegar in her food might help. In the year we have cleared up her skin issues enough so that she finally looks like a PBGV again and doesn’t smell as much!
I keep her last foster and owner informed of all of Twiggy’s progress, her health and how well she has become a part of our household. It may be a little loud–they are hounds and love to “aroo!” when they see a rabbit or squirrel outside–but it has been fun to see Twiggy learn how to be a PBGV. Her owner cannot travel, we have offered to bring Twiggy for visits, but she always declines. The former foster has visited, misses her, but I think Twiggy is now content and knows she has a forever home. I think that the former foster and owner have chosen not to see Twiggy as much due to their own distress of missing her, and that as long as they know how well she is doing, they are content. Twiggy’s personality has developed and the dogs get along, healthy respect as much as anything. I train my two in obedience and agility, and the 7 yr old is a conformation grand champion, so I think their socialization training benefitted in Twiggy’s integration.
Emily Williams says
As I do Bloodhound rescue the question of visiting after placement often comes up and I’d be very interested in hearing the responses given.
Julie says
I had a border collie I got at 9 weeks old from a friend in another state who had a litter of pups. She became a friendly and well socialized young dog who liked everyone. But a year later when my friend came to visit, she was startled and seemed very confused when she saw him. Within a short time she got over it and was friendly to him, but the initial reaction surprised me.
Christine Johnson says
Relevant post for me too. I recently rehomed my 7 yo retired show champion bitch whom I loved (and still love) dearly. I work away from home and have six other dogs, and she was simply not getting the attention I felt she deserved. A wonderful home was suggested to me, she now lives with another dog of her breed, sleeps on the bed, goes to work everyday with her new person. I visited about three weeks after she went to live with her new person at her shop. She was delighted to see me and we had a fun time together. When I left she sat in the open doorway and watched me leave with no interest in coming along, smiling at me with her beautiful smile. I call that a good placement!
Patty says
We are fostering my son’s dog for a year as he was unable to keep him in his current apartment. The dog is a lab/Bassett mix, 3 1/2 years old. The dog had 3 different owners before my son got him at approximately 13 months. Dog has a good disposition, housetrained etc. From what we can gather, he just had previous owners who knew nothing about dogs. (Yes, they will dig holes if you leave them in a fenced yard by themselves all day while you work) My son visits about once a month and every time, the dog just appears sad when he watches him leave. No doubt, this dog would hop happily into the car and never look back at us. At least that is what I am hoping. I would hate to confuse this little guy one more time.
Jayne says
A friend contacted me just a little over a year ago, despondent because she had decided that she had to find a new home for her 5 year old border collie, Etta. The BC had been attacking her 9 year old dog with increasing frequency and aggression to the point where the older dog hid behind the furniture most of the time. Knowing how much she loved Etta, I offered to foster her until a good home could be found. No surprise that Etta is a permanent member of my family now and gets along well with my two BCs. What’s unique about this situation is that we (the humans) have worked out a joint custody arrangement that covers all 4 dogs. While each dog lives in a particular home, he/she will occasionally do an over-night visit at the other home. Sometimes it’s because one of us is out of town but often it’s just for fun. We usually meet every week or two to walk all the dogs together (along with other friends and their dogs). And if one of us is sick or bogged down with work, the other takes over the daily romps. We waited about 6-8 months before Etta stayed overnight at her old home; the cue was when, on a group walk, she ran up to her former person and kissed her and then ran back to me and my dogs to finish the walk. I don’t know if this arrangement would work in every case but it’s been wonderful for us.
Kelly says
I’ve been on the visiting end a few times. When I was 7 my parents gave our family dog to my mother’s co-worker. We did get to go visit a few times in the following years, I always cried, but was so happy to see her. I was a kid, but don’t remember her wanting to leave with us.
A few years ago I raised a collie SDiT from when she was 10 weeks to 18 months. She was disqualified from the program for health problems, and I placed her with an older lady who lives and breathes collies. I’m still in touch with her owner and visit once every year or two. I’m told willow is happier to see me than the average person, but she certainly relaxes quickly and I’ve never seen any distress when I leave.
Whitney says
I got my cocker from a good friend as a 10 week old puppy. We see him 3-6 times a year at the different shows, and every time, she turns into a super Wagger and get so excited! Even though she only spent the first few weeks with him, she remembers him and greets him differently than other people. But she always comes back to me with a goofy grin, “That was great! We can go play/walk/show now!”
Kathy L. says
I raise puppies for Leader Dogs for the Blind in Rochester, Michigan. We know from the start the puppy is not ours, but we raise them as if they are our own. The 2nd dog I raised graduated as a guide dog (December 2016) and I had the opportunity to meet the person who received her and a chance to see the puppy I raised for the last time. Leader Dog arranges this on their campus as long as the client is ok with meeting the puppy raiser. This is after turning her back to Leader Dog for her formal guide dog training 5 months previously. I was nervous. Mostly because I didn’t want to upset the puppy I raised and set the team back. They had only been together 10 days, but they spent lots of time bonding, getting to know each other and working on their skills. I went in to the meeting focusing on the fact that this was not my dog (but she will always be in my heart) and belonged to the new owner. When they came in the room, I did not look her in the eye and waited for her new owner to let me know it was ok to pet her. I stayed calm and petted her and talked to her briefly and did not get excited or cry which would distract her and confuse her. It was good to see that when the meeting was over, he told us we could pet her and say our goodbyes. I guess I wanted to make sure her new person understood that I knew that was his dog and that their bond was crucial to their success as a team. She was totally focused on him which was heartwarming to see yet also hard for me. But I had a goal in raising her and I couldn’t be prouder of her and how she transitioned to the next phase of her life. I could tell she was content and happy and I couldn’t be happier with the person that is now her life’s partner!
Layne says
This is a question I’ve been thinking about for 6 months since my former foster dog, Drift, was adopted by a wonderful couple.
Drift had spent a good 5 months with me recovering from near starvation. He had Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency which had gone diagnosed until his former owners abandoned him. I really loved him and I knew he wasn’t the right dog for our family.
On adoption day, his new parents invited me to drop by anytime to visit him. I remember telling them how much I appreciated that offer and that I wouldn’t consider it until they had had at least 6 months for Drift to settle in to their family.
A couple of days ago I received an update email about Drift. He is very happily involved with his new family and all their neighbors love him. I couldn’t be more happy.
After reading your post, I may go for a visit. I’m pretty positive that he would be happy to see me and not at all fussed when I leave. Thank you for posting this question.
Cathy says
We adopted a very insecure dog from a living situation which wasn’t a good fit fit him. About a month after getting him we had a visit from his old family at a neutral place. He was fine with it and it gave his family (who were tearful when we picked him up) some closure. That was several dogs and over 15 years ago and we are still Facebook friends with his old owner. I always felt we co-owned for the 11 years he lived at our house.
Lisa says
Ten years ago I went through a divorce and was living alone with my two dogs (my ex got the other two) and working long days. Because my anxious little beagle mix Sammy did not like daycare, I had a dog walker coming in to get them out midday. Despite this…..and his previously good relationship with my larger, older and very placid shepherd-chow mix Albie…..Sammy began exhibiting resource guarding aggression of me if Albie even got close to me as well as high anxiety. We tried herbs, massage, even anxiety drugs because in my world at the time you didn’t rehome your dog….you had made a lifelong commitment.
My best friend lives a mile away and worked from home. She was raising two kids and dotes on her animals. Her old dog had just passed so when I needed to go away for a weekend she offered to sit Sammy. When I returned two days later, he was snuggled on the couch under a blanket with one of the kids and told me with one look he was home. My friend asked if they could keep him and he is still going today at 15 (his buddy Albie is 17 and still with me). Through the years we have visited both houses often and in many combinations of people, kids and dogs. Sammy loved to visit but was always more than ready to jump in my friend’s car for his ride home. Whenever I visit his house he is immediately in my lap and happy to see me….I have no doubt he knows exactly who I am….his Auntie.
Sammy helped me learn that my responsibility was to help him find his happiness, even if that meant a different living arrangement.
Tamar says
I have fostered and trained many dogs over the years, some of which I’ve been lucky enough to visit or bump into later on… I’m happy to say all have been happy to see me, but also seem quite happy to trot back to their new owner and lavish in the joint love for them. The most uncomfortable situation was in a park when a dog I recognized ran up to me and I immediately greeted him (Oppie) and talked to him not realizing that the new owner coming up a few yards behind had no idea who I was or what sort of crazy person was getting his dog so excited…
As for “love has no age limit”- I use this as required reading in the prison dog training program I work for. Our inmate trainers get shelter dogs and this book really helps them understand that even the older and seemingly more damaged dogs have a lot of love to give and need a gentle approach before transforming and going on to their forever homes.
Sami Gray says
Thanks for this. I’m an unrepentant dog-obsessive, but I feel that humans do dogs a great disservice by assuming canine cognitive and emotional dynamics to be identical to human ones.
I encountered a situation a few years ago in which an elderly man was being placed in a convalescent home that did not permit pets. After an unsuccessful bid to find an independent foster home for his beloved cocker spaniel friend of 16 years, the family placed the dog with a rescue that specializes in old dogs. The rescue had a policy, based upon faulty dog psychology and, I felt, underlying hostility toward humans, perhaps specifically the elderly– that surrendering owners could never again see their pets.
The old man had not been accused of abuse or neglect, he loved his dog, he called the rescue in a panic when he feared the dog would be living in a kennel. I felt that the policy that forbade any contact between these two old friends, neither of whom were likely to live many more years, was simply brutal.
Minnesota Mary says
Having been a foster home for (mostly) huskies for over 10 years, I do always wait at least 6 months to visit, and only at the invitation of the new owners. I will occasionally meet the new owners at a dog park (neutral territory) prior to that 6 month marker if requested.
That said, there have been a couple of instances where the new home did not work out and my repeated efforts to help them via phone or email did not work. At that point, if the dog is not successfully integrated into the new home and the new owner appears to have given up, I will come and take the dog back.
I have a pretty good routine to help fosters understand that my home is temporary. They are not allowed all the privileges and right that my own dogs get (like sleeping in bed with me for example). Also I talk to them a lot and tell them I’m going to find them a really great forever home and that, while I love them, this isn’t their forever home.
My old fosters seem happy to see me and yet content to stay in their new homes when I do see them. Some wiggle their way deeper into my heart than others. It’s those that are hardest on me, but it’s also those that go to the very best homes. For example, I turned down a home on several acres of land with kids for a recent fearful husky in favor of a young couple who live a mile from me and who were looking for their first dog together. They are both runners and the exercise is key to helping fearful dogs get over their fear. Also, the proximity enabled me to do a long, slow transition to the new home where the first candidate would have wanted a simple hand-off of the leash (which was not the best thing for this particular dog)
Evie says
Our neighbor attempted to talk a friend into relinquishing her GR who was kept outside in a small run with rare walks and even rarer house time. By the time she was successful, the people who had agreed to adopt Chase has found another pup so we agreed to welcome him as the fifth member of our fur family. The previous owner called our neighbor saying how much she missed Chase and promising to provide better care so arrangements were made for her to pick him up over the following weekend.
When she arrived, Chase stood at the door, ball in mouth just looking at her. Then he began stepping out and back in as if saying “See what I’m allowed to do!” She began throwing the ball for him, he would fetch it to her but always with an eye on me. To her credit, the previous owner accepted that Chase was where he wanted to be and he spent many happy years with us, opening any gate or container left unlocked, doing his job of bringing in the morning paper and chasing lizards around the tree trunks.
Kim says
My little dog came to me from a former neighbor who had her for the first 5 years of her life. He adopted her as a rescued puppy mill survivor at his local shelter when she was 6 months old. He went through a lot of turmoil in his life during the 5 years he had her, attempting suicide and eventually getting help for chronic depression and bipolar disorder. During a complicated part of his life he called me up to ask me to take her as he could no longer care for her and he was afraid of the trauma she might endure if she went into a shelter. I agreed, thinking I would eventually rehome her (which I didn’t). Giving her up was hard for him, and while he clearly loved her, he was barely able to care for himself, much less a dog. So I left the door open for him, or his new wife, to visit at any time. I wanted them to see that she was well so that they could feel good about their decision to give her up. His wife visited a few times over 2 years but my little dog made it abundantly clear that she neither cared for the woman nor wanted any interaction with her. He visited just once in those 2 years… he kept calling her by her former name and tried to pick up her several times (which she has ALWAYS hated). She treated him as a scary stranger and wouldn’t allow him within 20 feet of her. I respected that and asked them to not visit again as it clearly wasn’t in her best interest. I suspect that the trauma she experienced while living with him had a lot to do with her being happy to not be living that life anymore. He loved her dearly, but he just couldn’t take care of her like she needed. She’s been with me for 4 years now and has found her forever home with me.
Kim says
I should also add, that instead of cutting them off completely, they instead follow her and how well she’s doing on the dog blog that I keep. It was a good compromise…they stay in touch from a distance and I didn’t have to hurt their feelings nor alienate them.
Holly Tedor says
I love reading the topics you post. This particular subject really got me reflecting. A few years ago my husband and I were in the process of adopting a french bulldog that a family needed to rehome. The environment in which he was living was far too stressful for him. The family had young children and foster children that stressed him out and even pushed him over his bite threshold on 2 occasions. On top of that, they had another dog in the home that was repeatedly attacking Rolo (our frenchie) despite their efforts to keep them separate. They made the difficult, but absolute right, decision to find Ro a new home. When we decided to adopt him, we of course told the family they could visit. It was an emotional good-bye for them. I wanted to keep my word, but seeing how Rolo was blossoming I was nervous about a visit causing any setbacks (for him AND the family). I left the ball in their court. As time passed, we agreed it was be too difficult for the family to see him again and say good-bye again. I thought it would be too much for Rolo as well. It was a good decision for everyone involved. However, I post pictures of Rolo and his silly antics all the time for them to see. In this situation, I think this helps. They can still see him and see that he is doing fabulously. I know that is what I would want if I were in their shoes.
Sherry S. says
we adopted a German Shepherd from a rescue organization. Ruby had “many” issues when we adopted her altho her foster mom had worked with her to modify them and she was bonded to the woman and other dogs I the home.
. My husband fell in love with her despite those “issues” (aggression and fear). After being with us for
several months the foster mom/rescue manager came to visit. Ruby was visibly upset and aggressive towards her, hugging close to my husband and barking fiercely at any overtures the woman made. I think that Ruby was worried that she meant to take her away from “her guy”. It was not a very successful visit for the woman but we were able to assure her that Ruby was being well cared for and loved. For the record Ruby went on to live with us for more then 11 years and altho we were able to help her overcome many of her issues she remained a dog who required careful management all of her well loved life.
Joanne Small says
I have adopted two dogs at five years old. The first a Lab cross was owned by a teenager that through circumstances beyond her control could not keep Sascha To start with she would see Sascha regularly and train her at agility but as time went on she saw her less. When she did come to see Sascha , Sascha showed clearly her joy to see her ( different to any one else) and she would often take her off for the day. When Sascha returned home she was quite settled as she knew ours was her home.
Our other dog was a German Shepherd and his owner moved overseas. She was only able to visit occasionally but again Khan was overjoyed when he saw her, it was wonderful to see. Again though when she had gone he was quite settled in our home.
I never regretted letting the previous owner see their dogs and it bought tears to the eyes to see the love they still had both from the human and the dog.
AT says
I’ve often wondered if I handeled a request from a former owner of our adopted dog.
Our dog, Miss R, had been rehomed several times (3 homes, 2 shelters) due to her high energy level. The pervious owner and I had applied to adopt her around the same time. They were chosen for a home. She lived with them for 6 weeks before they decided she really wasn’t the right fit. They believed she needed another dog to be happy. We were contacted and said we would love to take her. Miss R was a different dog, very nervous and her “high energy” was really more of manic anxiety about new environments. She finally settled into our routines after about 3 months. Around the time she settled, we were contacted by the pervious owner. They indicated they missed her so much and wanted to see her. After some thought I very guiltily said no, I didn’t think it was in our dog’s best interest to see them. I did offer to email them pictures and corespond online about her, they denied that request and I never heard back from them.
I understood their sadness and desire to see their former dog. I knew they had regrets and missed her, but I just felt like it was going to upset our dog. It was very challenging to say no, I felt guilty. Now, years later I don’t regret it. She’s a lovely older dog now. She’s happy, settled, and truly loved.
Shawndra says
I would love to someday have a visit with my GSD Scout and her first owner. She decided I was her human the day we met, when her second owner my best friend’s mother brought her home. I had been dogsitting their two dogs while they drove to get her from her first owner. I fought it for six months and lied to myself that she was just a foster when I finally took her haha. Her first owner had extenuating circumstances that forced her to give up Scout and the male dog she’d gotten to keep Scoutie company. I don’t know that she’ll ever get another dog, but I feel bad for her being sold a very challenging hoarding bust puppy by a rescue. I’m sure she would say oh no as she’s a very nice person, but I really feel like a I owe her a normal shepherd. Scout is delightful and very sweet, but she is far from easy with her nervous temperament and obsessive nature with people/animals she bonds to.
My younger cat, whom I’d gotten because it would have been cruel and unfair to move my older cat with me when I graduated from college… and to be fair I took her from my parents’ barn cat population, had to live at my mom’s for geeze quite a few years after I moved out of my post graduation rental house after two years. I was transient and home at their place a lot for two of those years after leaving the rental house. The time I spent living in a little apartment in town after that I decided not to bring her because she’d gotten used to being indoor/outdoor again and the neighborhood cats were really rough and tumble plus traffic. Finally March of 2016 when we built our house on 5ish acres way out of town I finally moved her in with me again. It was totally seamless, she and I have been just tickled! To be fair she also rides in the car awesome and we totally take her to my mom’s along with the two dogs when we both go up there. My mom said that when she lived there and I was coming up every weekend she would sit and wait my the door for me every Friday night. My older cat was never thrilled about sharing space, but she got over it mostly. She lived to be 16 and the younger one is now almost 12. 🙂
I fostered a mini Aussie years back. It took quite a while to find the right home. The first post adoption visit he was still pretty interested in following me around, but the next one he totally ignored me. He bonded HARD. Really happy about that match.
My parents’ young kelpie is scary bonded to me. She totally ignores everyone else when I’m there, much to my old husky’s chagrin. It’s good because I made the decision several years ago that I need to wait to get my next dog until after the current two are gone. So playing with her now and then gives me that fun drivey dog training outlet with the rescue baggage (well genetic monkey on her back in Scout’s case, it doesn’t both her she’s just not a sport/working dog 😉 that mine will always carry through no fault of their own. Love that little punk!
Their old Border Collie definitely considers me part of the owner package too. He’s oh geeze 13 or 14 now. Just like the previous BC he likes my stepdad most, then me, then mom, then everyone else.
It fascinates me how dogs recognize their old dog/cat friends as well as former humans in their life. My girls are really tightly bonded to my friend’s two Rhodie mixes and even if its been a couple years they still act like they’ve never been apart.
Alison says
We had a dog for two years that had a touchy relationship with our older dog and she just couldn’t seem to bond with any human in the house. It felt more like she was always just a visitor, not part of the family.
We found her a new home with two other dogs that didn’t mind letting her be the boss. This was her third home. Less than two weeks after her arrival there the gate wasnt latched properly and the other two dogs took off, but she was found lounging on the porch even though our home was nearby and she could have wandered back if she chose to.
I visited her on several occasions over the years and she recognized me and was happy to see me each time. Never did she try to leave with me. She was clearly home for good.
Lin says
We fostered a cattledog mix for 20 months before she finally found her home. Except for being crated at night, Sandy the Foster Dog was treated as we would have treated our down dog: snuggled with us on the couch, went on outings, got a frozen Kong at bedtime and a rawhide on movie night (we had no other dog at the time). She may very well have thought we were her forever home. Sandy certainly showed only polite interest in meeting other people.
A couple had kept their eyes on her, but when they took her when we went on vacation, she just wasn’t a good fit. The next year they again offered to take her for two weeks, and maybe because of the familiarity, she behaved much more calmly, and they adopted her.
About 4 months later, I asked if I could drop off a couple of bottles of home-brewed cider that I had labeled ‘Sandy Syder’ (with a picture of her). When I rang the doorbell, Sandy charged the gate barking, which changed to tail-wagging glee when she saw me. In the visit, Sandy went back and forth between us, which I was heartened to see, since previously, she would hardly leave my husband’s or my side. When I left, she accompanied me to the gate, but at a word from her new owners, went charging back to them.
I think Sandy was already familiar with the couple and their home, so that probably made her settling in even faster. And that home didn’t have a cat, so all the more attention for her!
Lin says
Addition: Sandy was a fairly confident dog, and would have transitioned well to any household that understood her. As Minnesota Mary points out, different dogs have different needs.
Claire says
My sister’s dog has been living with us for a few months, on and off. She may not be able to keep him and it’s killing me to think that if we adopted him, would she still want to hang out with me? Would she be able to come over like she used to knowing her dog was here? He loves her so much and is very attached to her, not as much to me yet. I feel like it would be very stressful for him having her come over and then leave without him but I definitely want my sister in my life. This is hard! Your post about this couldn’t have been more timely.
Ellyn Kearney says
About five years ago, I was searching for a dog to train to be my third service dog. Though my previous dogs were both pure Labradors, I was feeling like I needed a slightly smaller breed. After what I thought was thorough research, I chose to seek out an Australian Cattle Dog, for both their intelligence and size. Marble was 2 months old when I found her at the local shelter. She had been found at Walmart. The shelter and I together determined she was a cross between a Cattle Dog and Beagle. This was the smartest dog I’ve ever met. She understood her place was with me and that I needed her help. She watched others assist me and immediately tried to do what they had done, down to helping me change clothes! Once old enough, she went to the trainer to learn specific skills. She excelled. She was even able to comprehend commands she had never been formally taught, but occurred in the moment. Once her training was completed, she began to get bored and act out. Soon, I realized that Marble required much more activity than she would ever get in my home. Re-homing her broke my heart but it was right for her. Now she lives with people who hike 10 miles per day, though she’s still not tired. After a few months, we visited and it was a joyous reunion. She greeted me in our special way, played with my new dog quite well, and went home with her new family happily. Still miss her but I have peace that she is where she should be.
Jenny H says
We took on my Sisters ‘Problem Child’. She actually came here as a favour to stay while my Sister and her Husband were overseas.
One thing and another when my Sister returned to Australia, she couldn’t come up to collect her and I was neither prepared to drive or fly to return her. So she stayed for quite some while (I suppose something like six months altogether).
When my Sister and B-I-L came up here for their Christmas holidays, Milly took one horrified look at them and disappeared! It is not that she loves us, but we had then three other dogs and she was in seventh heaven living with them.
Nancy B says
I adopted a Seeing Eye dog from my friend, who was ready to retire her at age almost 11 so she could have a good retirement time after hard work for so long. She is a lab/retriever mix and is now going to be 17 in February! She seemed to follow the bag of food from my friends house to mine and didn’t look back. My friend visits and at first, she would jump around when she was here. As time has gone by, she doesn’t seem to notice her too much and goes over for a scratch, then waltzes away. Old dogs are the best! thanks for your blog.
carole orr says
I adopted a dog from our local shelter. I knew the family that gave him up, in fact, they lived on our street. They’d got him as a 2-year old stray several years before. He was intact until the age of two. He was a darling dog, but never totally. ‘got’ house training. His family — dad, mom, children — loved him but they were a busy family and the dog peed in the house when left alone. Not always, but often enough. After several years, they couldn’t take it. I knew this issue when I adopted him but I was home all day so it was rarely a problem. I only had him 3 years until he died of cancer but every Christmas when I went away, his original family brought him home from the boarding kennel and loved on him. The family loved having him with them and dog loved being with them. He was never confused or sad to come back to us. Not for every situation, but a beautiful tradition in this case. God, I miss that boy!
Erin says
I’ve often wondered, and feared Chloe’s reaction to one of her former fosters. Thanks to this article though I don’t think I’ll worry anymore though. After all, I’ve realized that she’s been with me longer than she’s been with them.
Her former owner was in another state and I’m sure the rescue would not put her into contact with me or even tell me if the woman tried to inquire about it. Also the woman had giving her up because she had too many dogs to care for. Given how attached to me Chloe is and how she loves the attention I don’t think Chloe would want to have to go back to her former owner.
Chloe De Segonzac says
I Petsit for a living, walk dogs and train general obedience. I would say overall dogs don’t want to leave me. I think it’s really fun for them and I used to do Agility and Obedience so I get them working and playing. We have long walks and hikes on the weekend they come with me almost everywhere. I try to understand their needs and give it to them as much as I can.
After a week or two they are very happy to see their people but they want to stay with me. I think it is because they live a dog’s life with me. I always reassure the owners. Give your dog a few hours and I lie a little and say it’s only a routine thing.
The exceptions are the lap dogs and the service dogs. The very small lap dogs often have all their needs taken care of, carried, pampered etc and of course I do my best it is not quite what they are used too so they are always ready to go home.
The service dogs or dogs that live with a human they need to track all the time come to me exhausted. First three days they need to sleep and I teach them there is no need to track me. Then I can see how they relax and really enjoy being on vacation. But the minute they hear their car or their person they are back at work and leave me without hesitations.
I love when I haven’t seen a dog in a year and they see me and go straight in the car ready for their holiday. Makes me happy.
Kim says
We fostered and ended up adopting a 12 year old basset hound 3 years ago. He is 15 now and I have never regretted a second of it. Every day with him is a gift.
I have the address for the family that relinquished him. I have considered and decided against contacting them more than once to let them know he was ok, loved and thriving with us. They had him for 7 years, didn’t keep up with vet visits for financial reasons and he bit the 5 year old. He was on a rabies hold in a shelter and was going to be put to sleep because they didn’t have the funds for the hold and vaccination. I understand hard financial times and I am not in their shoes. The important thing to me is that when they found out they could surrender him to a rescue and that he would be in a foster home and adopted, they were very relieved and did it immediately. When I took him to the vet, he had a horrible ear infection, and 6 teeth that were so rotten they were falling out on their own.
He gets so excited when he sees a certain type of car that I’m sure it is what they had. I would be ok with a visit from them, but am still not sure I should take that first step.
Debbie S. says
Your post brought back a memory of when one of my Springers went to live (across country) with my brother and his family when he was about 7. A year later, I went to visit my brother. Magic, upon hearing someone enter the house, came running excitedly toward us. When he realized it was me, he turned abruptly around and rapidly exited the room. I admit to having a moment of hurt feelings, but that turned to a chuckle as I interpreted his message as “HELL no, I am NOT going back with you; I’m happy here”! He warmed up to me during the course of my stay but it was very evident that he had become totally devoted to my brother.
em says
I only have time for a quick comment, but wanted to chime in. I may have mentioned this before, but we adopted Sandy the shepweiler from a family member who dearly loved her, but when she moved from his household, where she was almost totally sedentary, living with a small baby, a small dog, an aggressive cat, and loud,stressed, and sleep-deprived adults into our home where her life suddenly included daily off-leash hikes, a large, gentle, and confident companion dog, a home prepared diet heavy on actual meat, and two quiet, calm humans with lots of time for her, it must have been like hitting the jackpot. Our home could not have been a better fit for sensitive, mildly noise phobic, cuddle-seeking, slightly insecure, frustrated athlete Sandy if it had been tailor made for her.
Because her former owners are family, we do see one another regularly, and the first time that Sandy saw her former family, she acted very uncharacteristically- usually a social butterfly and over-the-moon at seeing familiar people (she goes into transports of joy at spotting ‘grandma’), she was nervous and avoidant, looking scared and staying well away from them. When I went to the truck, she bolted for it and leapt through the door practically before I had it open. I made light of it, but it was clear that she wanted very badly to stay with me and was worried about the possibility that she might have to return to her former home where, not through any lack of love or kindness, she had nevertheless been much less happy.
On the bright side, though, once she came back home with us the first time, every time she has met her former family since she has shown no anxiety at all. She greets them with happy excitement and obvious pleasure, even if she shows absolutely no inclination to go with them when it’s time to leave.
The whole thing is very interesting from a canine cognition point of view- she didn’t react warmly at all when she was uncertain about whether she might have to GO with her former owners, demonstrating, possibly, that she both remembered enough of her former life compare it to her more recent past and just possibly, to speculate on a possible future more like the more distant past than the recent one. Once she felt confident in her permanence, it really did seem it was nothing personal-she greeted her former family as warmly as she does her other beloved but only occasionally visited humans. After the first time, I think the reunions have been nothing but pleasurable for both sides.
Sarah says
I have a couple of experiences with this that might be interesting.
We adopted a 9-year-old dog, Alice, from neighbors two doors down who’d had her since she was 8 weeks old. Her first week or so was a little difficult, with two dogs, two cats, and a new household of humans to get used to, but she settled in remarkably well. Her male previous owner came to take her out every week for the rest of her life—they’d take a walk or a ride, play fetch in and out of the canal—and she came home tired and happy every time. She quickly learned the routine and waited for him at the door every week on the right day; the only thing that caused her distress is when the schedule changed from Tuesday to Thursday, but she adapted quickly. She was a happy part of our family, and I don’t think there was ever a downside.
I also had a long-term foster who became one of the family, then was adopted and after a few weeks, brought to a class I was teaching. He greeted me happily, kept his eyes on me, and did seem a little distressed as they left class the first week, trying to come back, but by the second week, he was no longer worried and had the new routine down. He was actually returned a couple of years later and came straight back to my home instead of going back to the shelter. He fitted himself right back in until a perfect adopter came along, and he lived the rest of his life happily there.
Kat says
I confess to reading these comments with some bemusement as I imagine a meeting between Finna and the people she previously lived with. She would undoubtedly attempt to seriously hurt them and I’d be inclined to stand aside and let her express herself. I see in her every day the amazing dog she should have been had she come from better beginnings. What was done to her makes me very angry as I try to undo it.
Ranger on the other hand would no doubt be delighted if he could meet his previous person. Sadly that’s not possible because that person is dead. I’m pretty sure today he’d choose to come home with me rather than the previous person but I also think it would have been a hard choice for him for the first year or maybe even year and a half that he lived with us. He lives an amazing life with us but it was clear from the beginning that his previous life had also been pretty great. He had amazing socialization and excellent communication skills from day one. We taught him manners and gave him a job he adores. Poor guy is depressed this week as he hasn’t been able to visit anywhere. It’s hard to explain to him that Mom and Dad have the flu so they can’t take him for visits. Fortunately this too shall pass and he’ll be back to work next week sometime with any luck.
Margaret McLaughlin says
My experience is a bit of a twist on these. I raise guide dog puppies, & several that didn’t make it (elbow dysplasia, fear issues, sniffing obsessively, lack of work ethic, harness sensitivity–I know that sounds like a high failure rate, but I turned in #24 in September, so it really isn’t) have been adopted locally, since we used to have the option to take them to place. They all come to stay with me when their people are out of town, & it really has been a best-of-both-worlds scenario for the dogs, who are always ecstatic to be here & see me & Nina, & even more ecstatic when their people come back to pick them up. All of them seem to slide seamlessly between their two worlds. If I happen to meet the dogs around town they are always *very* happy to see me, but there’s no whining when we part.
FWIW, except for the dog with fear issues (who was donated to the program at 9mo, & came from a breeder who keeps her dogs outside; her socialization window had clearly closed, & it was all just too much for her) these are all sound dogs with few issues & not much in the way of previous trauma. They are also all “only children” in their homes, & being able to run & play with Nina & the guide dog puppy du jour is a big attraction.
Ana says
I’m not sure it’s on the same level but we adopted a puppy from a Breeder and we went several times to visit her. Every time our dog is very excited to see her ! I would say that she is special to him by the way he greets her but he’s very content to leave when we leave ^^. He surely loves her but his life is. Ow with us ^^.
Very good article none the less ! I hope the weather will be better soon
Diane Lavett says
King had to be given up by his former owner, and I was lucky enough to adopt him. A week later, King’s former owner stopped by. King was delighted to see him. but remained attached to me. There were no ill effects at all.
Lee says
Word was out that husband and I wanted to adopt a male BC. I was contacted that a family had decided to re-home their young, male BC because they realized they couldn’t give him the attention he needed. We adopted him directly from the family and a few months later were contacted by them, asking how he was and would we be willing to visit. We agreed. A friend was horrified because she once had a terrible experience adopting a dog whose owner later wanted back, but I assured her we were his legal guardians, and they just wanted to be assured that he was happy.
We spent a lovely day together on their farm, and the family was thrilled that the boy was happy and very much loved. He didn’t seem upset or necessarily over joyed to be at his first home–just acted like he did visiting any other place. He was off leash throughout the day and made his own decisions about whom to walk by, sit by, play, and snuggle with.
At the end of the day (literally; I cringe at the cliche), he made it clear to everyone that he was happy to be with his second family by running and jumping in our car when the first door was opened. Everyone laughed because we were busy chatting, while he and the other dogs were playing and had not called him or our other BC to leave.
Scott’s story brought tears to my eyes. Because you loved him, you choose to do what was best for him. Knowing he was happy and relieved from much of his anxiety provided relief for you, but I know your heart still ached by not having him in your family. Tears of sadness, tears of joy.
Thanks for sharing this story. Your writing elicis visualization and emotions like no other author. You really should write a book. I kid, I kid!! Counting down the days until Amazon delivers your memoir!
Jaye Mier says
Our boy, Robbie, came to us at two years old when a colleague of my husband showed up at work in tears with him at the end of the leash. Her husband was very ill with a degenerative disease and told her the dog had to go. Apparently Robbie had been regressing with his house training which now I suspect was due to the changing situations and growing tension of his environment.
We eagerly agreed to take Robbie (best decision we ever made). She brought him to us the next day, extremely grateful but very upset. Robbie immediately jumped up on our couch, curled up and went to sleep. When she left he didn’t bat an eye. I felt so sorry for her but was relieved to see that it was promising to be a smooth adjustment.
Robbie’s previous owner came to see him a few times and each time he treated her warmly…but no more so than he would any other person (he definitely was a people loving dog). My husband and I often commented after these visits that it didn’t seem like he even remembered her.
Robbie left us at the age of 16 and a half….a wonderful, noble dog who lived a happy life.
Jolene says
Great post and spot on! We adopted Buddy 2.5 years ago. The previous owner had the condition that she could come visit once or twice to make sure he was loved, well cared for, and adjusting well. She clearly cared very much about him and wasn’t giving him up because she wanted to.
Anywho, we agreed and about a month in she came to visit. He was happy to see her (as was she) but he was also totally fine with her leaving. She visited one more time to say goodbye and even though we’ve since moved out of state, she follows buddy on instagram and facebook so she can see the wonderful adventures we take him on. In our case it worked out. He settled in almost overnight with us but if he hadn’t been ready we would’ve held off longer.
Jackie Duckworth says
My two are both poundies so no idea who their previous owners were.
I picked up on the unilateral deafness thing though. How did you spot that he had a hearing problem and take him for testing?
One of mine has become increasing anxious over the past year; it’s not her eyesight and she is under investigation for pain issues, but I hadn’t considered hearing problems. She isn’t obviously deaf but if it was only one ear…?
Anne says
I have lots of experience with this. My mom and I both raise Australian Shepherds and we have had adult dogs move from one place to the other with no trouble. And since we visit a couple times a year (we live 400 miles apart), we still see those dogs irregularly. They always remember the former owner, but never seem distressed by visits.
This is a different issue, but related to separation/bonding I think. I was down there for Christmas, and one of my dogs was freaking out every time she was left alone. She trashed a few crates freaking out. In the house loose when I went out she refused to stay in the kitchen (baby gated) but instead ran all around where she wasn’t supposed to go. My mom was worried that she had separation anxiety, and I almost took her with me when I went to see another relative who doesn’t allow dogs in their house because I didn’t want her to be trouble. Well, then she would have been my trouble, not my mom’s, but anyway… I did leave her with my mom for a couple days. As soon as we were out the driveway, my girl stopped doing all those destructive or worrisome things. It was like she knew I was gone so she didn’t have to look for me. There was no huge excitement when I came back either, just kind of a “Hi, you’re back” welcome. You know how some dogs get “You’re back! I almost DIED, I’m saved!” She wasn’t like that at all.
I attributed this whole thing to her love of working. My mom has sheep, cows, ducks but I am the only one who has ever taken this dog out to work. As long as I was on the place, my girl was SURE that I was out working without her and she needed to escape and come find me. But once I was gone, she knew she wasn’t missing out, so she settled right down. I don’t really know what else could be the reason.
Chris from Boise says
Speaking of unilateral hearing – that’s what I have. I compensate pretty well for it, but if I’m trying to locate a bird by sound, I perceive its location as 90 degrees from its actual location. It’s frustrating to me (though I’ve learned to laugh it off), so I can see how this could be distressing for an anxious dog.
em says
@Anne,
Your story put me in mind of my Dad’s oft repeated tales of his youth with his German Shorthair, Betsy. Betsy had no separation issues to speak of in normal circumstances, but if he or any of his brothers tried to leave the house with a gun, she’d howl and yelp and climb the walls in a struggle to go with them. My grandmother would keep her in as long as she could stand it, but the instant she was released, she’d beeline after him, following his scent.
Fortunately, all this really meant was that my Dad was never able to hunt deer, since he couldn’t go out with a gun without his gun dog tearing through the walls to go after him. So he stuck to pheasant and she lived a long happy life, accompanying his every outing.
Law says
I had a dog that was a foster fail for over a year. The dog had major anxiety issues and I had to change my apartment situation two times to try to accommodate the dog. I tried help him become a city dog (and so did my other dog who was best friends with him too). His anxiety issues were enough where I almost got kicked out of a third apartment, a pending surgery and I work overseas which he would probably never adjust to. It took a lot for me to give up the dog. I worked really hard with him on his agression issues with treats, redirection and other techniques. I worked with a few trainers on him and lived him dearly, but it was clear he would be happier on a farm or a less stressful situation then city life. The rescue I got him from and frequently volunteer for told me that myself and my other dog could not visit him at his new home. But I hear he is very happy. It did upset me also that the rescue did not listen to me about his issues, how he was with other people or dogs when taking him back or his disposition so he ended up biting someone. But thankfully, they kept trying to rehome him and work with him. I wish rescues also took into consideration some of the human elements and not just the dogs.
Jessica says
Thank you for writing and sharing this article with us. I have the most beautiful, well behaved, affectionate, loyal girl named Angel. She is a 5 y/o pitty and I was honored to adopt her this year in July. Her previous owner, I’ll call her “Ash”, had Angel from the time she were only a pup 3 months old (if I’m remembering correctly, but definitely as a young puppy). I won’t go into ALL the details of how I found Ash and Angel, but will say it was 100% magical, meant to be, and to be honest the fact that her name is Angel was like icing on the cake (I had lost my dog Daniel to cancer, ultimately liver failure, only a couple months prior, and had him for almost 11 years). My bond with Daniel was very strong, he had always been the only dog, getting all my love and attention… he was my buddy so of course it was a hard loss; I started feeling like an “empty nester” within a few weeks after his passing, because I not only missed him, but our daily routines. (Most of my grieving took place during the last days of his life and the days following, I leaned in and gave myself the time to grieve and say goodbye). When I met Ash, Angel and Ash’s husband & baby of 5 months, after talking at length with Ash for several days leading up to THE day we all met, it was a match made in heaven, Angel was excited to be here in a new house, lots of room to run, cozy furniture and beds to snuggle into, and she liked me right away. As they were leaving, we all hugged and were elated / overjoyed, I did need to hold Angel’s collar to keep her from running out the door to go with Ash and fam, the only family she had known for five years of her life. That was tough, although I tried my best to just be calm and comforting, I was imagining how she must have felt (mostly confused, and sad…). Luckily it didn’t take long for Angel to really warm up to me, she followed me from room to room, snuggled up to me wherever I sat, and she ate — but only as long as I was in the kitchen with her where I keep her food/water bowls. After a week she felt right at home, didn’t follow me around as much, and she was finishing her meals even after I’d leave the kitchen — that is when I realized she was definitely adjusting to her new forever home and feeling completely comfortable, and safe. Ash and I continued chatting/texting with each other throughout the following days, then weeks, and before long we had become really good friends, we had a girls night out for dinner and a couple drinks, a week or two later I had invited her to come over to my house to hang out for a couple hours, order in, and it was so sweet for me to see Angel snuggle up with her on my love seat! It didn’t bother me at all; Ash asked if I was okay with it: “she is your dog now and I don’t want you to feel bad or anything” but I was and still am totally cool with Angel giving love to her previous “mom” of 5 yrs! At this point, Ash and I have hung out a handful of times, the last few here at my house (dinner, wine, conversation and laughs), and I just love our friendship! She only decided to seek out a great new forever home because several life changes caused a realization that Angel would live a better life in a home as the only dog and only child for that matter. After Ash’s baby came, Angel and Ash’s other two dogs (the other two are twice Angel’s age and have health issues) had spent a lot of time crated up away from the baby and each other. The older two weren’t particularly nice to Angel, and she was nervous around the baby — that’s why Ash chose to look, and boy did she get a lot of interest but she was very particular, this wasn’t a girl just “getting rid of her dog” she was Ash’s kid and she wasn’t about to let Angel go with just anyone — I’m so glad she and Angel chose me! Anyways, the last two times Ash has been here, Angel gets out the door (or like last time she was already outside with us on the front porch when her husband pulled into the driveway) and tries getting into Ash’s car… This of course feels how it probably feels when a divorced couple is exchanging a kid, and this kid (Angel) doesn’t want her other parent to leave her. It’s heart wrenching. After getting Angel inside and Ash drove away, Angel this last time even let out a little whimper which made me question myself… Even though it’s great that not only do I have this amazing, affectionate, loyal fur baby companion, I’ve made a great new human friend in Ash, (which is awesome!!), am I doing Angel a disservice by having Ash over, and having her sad to see Ash leave each time? Of course I’m never going to make the same mistakes again; I’ll never allow Angel to be outside or get outside when Ash actually leaves here, to prevent that whole scene from playing out again (where Angel literally jumps in or tries jumping into Ash’s car…) but am I putting my precious girl Angel through the sad experience of when she first came here and had to stay behind watching her human leave, being sad and confused, all over again each time she sees Ash, and sees her leave? I hope not, because I love spending time with Angel AND at least sometimes with my great new friend Ash! Thanks for any feedback you may have, I want to do what’s best for Angel 😇
Eileen says
I have just taken over a 12 year old Jack Russellcross Chihuahua. Had him for5 days now.The lady who had him for the biggest part of his life,had to give him up because of ill health,on top of the fact that her husband died a few days before christmas. Inbetween me and her a friend of hers had him about 2 weeks. He is acting normally and eating the same,but when he is asleep on the settee at the side of me,he will start whimpering,so I stroke him and talk softly to him,this seems to calm him down and he stops doing it,seems to happen quite a lot and usually when he is asleep. Sometimes if I dont get to him in time the whimper will work up into a head back howling. It is distressing for me as well. Could he be pining for his established owner. I am hoping this will sort itself out in time,also I will tell the vet when I visit him.Can anyone throw any light on this matter.
I take him on 3 longish walks a day to work his energy off, as this breed are quite energetic dogs.
Melissa Jaggears says
A friend just gave my husband and I her gorgeous 7 year old Lab, two weeks ago. He had been a yard dog and was not allowed in the house (due to family’s allergies), which of course, distressed this sweet, loving Lab. My friend knew this, and since her almost-grown kids are now too busy to give him enough attention in the yard, she asked me to try him. He is doing well in our house (we are empty-nesters) but I know he is mourning his family. My friend stopped by today, (it has only been 2 weeks) and it was way too soon. He was upset when she left and has been looking for her thru the gate off and on today. I told my friend about his reaction and I think we are going to give him a lot more time before any more family visits. She said if we went on a trip that they could keep him but I think this would be terribly confusing for him, so I asked her to discuss this with the vet.
Nancy Grundy says
All my life I have had a golden retriever in our lives. I raised two daughters as I was a single parent, forced to work two jobs, run a relatively sane home and squeeze in a bit of social interaction.
I just recently celebrated my 74 birthday. My daughters have married, had two children each and I’m fortunate to have them local and I’m privileged to have four grandchildren. At one point I had my last golden Maggie, kitty my devoted and beautiful Persian, and hola my Maltese. We were a happy loving family, and all my fur family interacted well with drop ins with my family.
They all have passed on and my home is empty and lonely. I am still working. I enjoy what I do, but I’m forced to do it to maintain my home. Thank
Last night 5/25 I went to bed and caught up with reading five days of newspapers. To my amazement, here is an ad for an English golden retriever, 5 years old, however it had a hefty rehoming fee. Still unsure if at my age I should add any extra expense and commitment I called on LUNA. Her owner, a lovely woman from New England as I am, was so very welcoming, even tho the call was later than I would ever call anyone. After 45 minutes on the phone sharing stories, concerns, and finding out they lived 15 minutes from me, raising 5 children, both working , she said I was who she wanted LUNA to meet She drove her over. Her husband, and my local daughter thought we were crazy. Who knows what either one of us was walking into, or our safety.
LUNA was a love. Trained, friendly, excited to view new surroundings, and quickly layed over for belly rubs. A perfect match. I felt my nerves relax, my smiles and love bubbled over and I was sold.
Now to figure out the money issue, the new life I will be sharing, and hopefully a beautiful golden can settle into a more serene home. I’m excited, nervous, double thinking everything, but knowing there was a reason I read that newspaper dated from my recent birthday. I cannot assure LUNA I will outlive her, but know my family will step in should my health change. Today I will speak and meet with other members of LUNAS family as well as negotiate on money. I will let you know the outcome.
J K says
Hi Patricia, and all,
I was really touched by your writing, and think it is so wonderful that Scott ended up with such a great match. Also, to other people who have posted, I really have enjoyed your stories.
I am writing this as I am considering rehoming my husky mix dog.
I was a “foster failure” after fostering her since she was 8 weeks old from the shelter. When she had to go get spayed and i asked when I was to pick her up and they said, “you don’t” I immediately said, “but i am adopting her”, as I could not even think of having her face that operation and then have to be put in a kennel to recover. I took her with me everywhere-we live in a city- on the bus(in a stroller) when she was too young to walk on the streets (too young for shots), everything. I went with her to two different month and a half puppy training programs , i have been with her nearly 24/7 for the past year and change. I do love her. But I also am alone in a city sized studio apartment, do not drive, do not have support, and am currently going back to school. I have been able to incorporate a schedule of walking her for at least 20 minutes then she goes in the crate with Gilmore Girls to watch and classical music playing in the background until I get back (never longer than 4 hours). Then the rest of the day its all about her. I also need to get a job as I have been unemployed this whole time in my dedication to training and caring for her.
We both got attacked at the dog park which we went to every single day for 6 months. It was a massive blow and months later, though I think she has overcome her anxiety from it, I realize I have not. I see her around people while we walk or hike and she loves people and kids and other dogs and animals so much-she is such a wonderful spirit and makes people happy. But, I don’t think I can offer her what she truly needs. I have been told that love is all that matters, and I believe it, but at the same time, when I see her with groups of people, families, etc. I feel like that is where she needs to be. In a family with a yard and a house full of more than one person to give her attention. I have done my research, and got her DNA early on when she was a few months old to help figure out what best way to raise her was- I do not think I would re home her with anyone without husky specific or high energy dog experience and she would do great in a home with another dog (of any breed)as a friend . Huskies thrive on freedom runs and I don’t go to the dog parks anymore after what happened (the attack was near fatal for her) and do not have a backyard for her. Though we go on many walks a day, I feel like there is something missing for her.
Next semester I must get to school by 6am and lasting until 1pm every day for 4.5 months. Some of those days I may have to go back to campus for a night class. I will have to leave my apt at 4:00am as I take public transportation. I looked into doggie day care but she got a bloody eye at one (she was attacked there- she is extremely submissive, and just wants to be everyones friend which is why- i was told- she gets targeted ) and also most do not open until 7am. Someone has told me I can drop her off at that time at their place (other side of town) as they will be sleeping and my dog is so good at her house the times she has stayed over, there is another dog there for companionship. But even then I just wonder how realistic that is and how will it affect my dog.
I feel guilty even considering any of this rehoming, but I am just wondering if anybody has any advice. I do not have the biggest social network and I would not have the heart to post my dog on craigslist and I follow animal rescue groups on instagram and would never want my dog to end up in a shelter due to my rehoming. She is sensitive, sweet, playful, extremely energetic, fun, happy and has never met a stranger-everyone is her bff. She is experienced around city distractions, noises, etc. , she is a city dog but I bet she would thrive anywhere as long as she was around stimulating people and places. I am so proud of her. I feel awful even considering it but it has been on my mind for a few months now and I sense myself feeling so overwhelmed more and more every day.
Thanks again for your blog.
Sandra Dominguez says
Hi this is not related to the stories I read I don’t think it is. I had a dog for 5 & a half years since she was 5 wks old well last year I had to make a heart breaking decision: I had to take her to the shelter cause I didn’t have no where to live or stay if they let me stay I couldn’t have my dog. So now she is adopted and my question is is there any way I could see her just to see how she is doing??? The only problem is that no one will tell me where or who adopted her. One thing for sure I do know is that whoever adopted her lives here in same city I do. Just wanted some advice. Ty
Trisha says
Sandra I’m so sorry that you had to give up your dog. My heart breaks for you. What a wonderful thing you did to make sure she had a good new home. Most agencies won’t indeed give out the contact info of her new owners, but I’d suggest that you write a letter to them and ask the agency to deliver it. Include your contact info and ask the new owners if they would consider at least sending you some news about her. Get a communication started that way and see where it leads. Even if it doesn’t work out, please be proud that you did what you needed to do to take care of her. I hope things are better for you now.
Corinne Schnur says
I became a volunteer at a no-kill rescue. The first time I took “Little Girl”out of her small kennel for a walk, I thought she was like a Pogo stick, jumping up and down with excitement that she was getting individual attention. From that amazing beginning grew a relationship that included getting used to plastic bags blowing in the wind, seeing and reacting to her reflection in store windows, agility training (great at it until graduating to off leash, when she simply ran marathon speed circles around the perimeter of the equipment). Over time, we started meeting other dogs and people at a fenced off-leash park. The first day, she was terrified when the other small dogs all came up to her to sniff. She soon realized she wasn’t in danger. Eventually, she got acquainted with another dog about her same size and speed. They would take off around the perimeter of the park, with a lot of small dogs trying to keep up. That other dog won her friendship, and she chose her new owner, who was the guardian of that dog, by sitting in his lap one day. Giving her to a new home was for me both a happy day and a day of teary goodbye. I did see her at the dog park after that. She had been renamed Katie Lynn. But one day I felt she wanted to go with me. Perhaps she missed our old adventures? I couldn’t go back to the park for a while after that. I feel blessed to have had her in my life for quite a while. I learned a lot from her. She must have gone to heaven long ago, but I always say that if I never do anything else in my life, my relationship with her is the best of who I am.
luke van der merwe says
i am a white man living in a multi-cultured society and have adopted a dog that previously belonged to an african man. now when i take the dog out for a walk she tends to go to the black people and do not listen when i call her back. how do i get her to stop doing that?
Trisha says
Simple to describe the solution, but a bit of work on your part. Your new dog just hasn’t been trained to come when she is distracted, that’s all. Use positive reinforcement–food, chase games, toys–to teach her it’s fun to come when you call. One description of how to do that is in my booklet, Family Dog Training, at http://www.patriciamcconnell.com. Just go step by step, never asking her to come when it’s over her ability until you get the previous stages (coming with less distraction) down pat. Good luck!
Lisa says
It’s been so heartwarming to read these stories. I have a 7 year old golden retriever who is extremely phobic with serious general anxiety. We are trying medication after being in contact with the local GR rescue but I’m heartbroken and afraid it’s not enough. Without going into detail, I believe the medication may be causing paranoia. Long story short, I’d love to hear any details of how rescues go about ensuring the beloved pet is going to a home who is prepared to detail with the extensive issues. My hope and prayer is that a home with other dogs will help distract and ease her anxiety. Any thoughts would so very much appreciate. This is such a sweet, sweet girl and she’s absolutely beautiful and a wonderful dog other than the anxiety and phobia that is causing her to harm and injure herself, not to mention the constant state of despair she’s in. Thank you so much for the heartwarming stories about how dogs who’ve been rehomed can be so much happier than she could be in the current situation, even though they’re so loved and well cared for.
Kellie says
I just transitioned my foster dog to his new forever home today. I pulled him from the shelter 6 months ago right before he was going to be euthanized. I’m in tears as I write this and it’s taking everything I have in me to not go back to pick him up. I have my limit as to how many dogs I can have in my county so that is not an option. He has had health issues since day one and would sleep with me so I could watch him closely after he had his stroke. He is an amazing little guy with a big personality and would follow me everywhere I went. His big eyes would just stare up at me and he would search for me if I was out of his site for even a second. Now he’s in his new home and I can only imagine what he must be going through. It’s heartbreaking. Needless to say, I will be going to visit him. I will, for his benefit wait a few weeks but I can’t wait to see him again.
Carol Olson says
I have just found a wonderful new home for my 9 month old Cocker and I am actually grieving I have also a 6 ur old Havanese. I will explain.
I got my Cocker from a backyard breeder when he was 7 weeks old and what a bundle of energy!! As he got older he never settled down. Jumping and chewing and barking and much too hyper for my little dog. On the flip side, he was so very affectionate and very much attached to me. His temperament was extremely sweet. However, I am in my 70’s and even though I am relatively healthy, Stanley was just too much for me to handle. I even sent him to a 2 week training facility to no avail discovering that they used a shock collar which I disapprove of. Understand, Stanley was lovable and just loved life. He was such a good little boy with kids, other dogs, cats. I couldn’t ask for a sweeter dog but he was so hyper and required much more exercise than I could give him. So, after pondering hopelessly, and emotionally, I decided to find a more active but also loving home. Which I have. His new Mom and Dad are wonderful. They are in their early 60’s, beautiful big home, huge wooded yard across from a park. His new Mom works but his new Daddy is retired and is home all day with him. We have talked every day. It’s only been 4 days but his new people says that Stanley is doing great. That he whimpers a little at bedtime but has been eating, sleeping, playing and cuddling up on the sofa with his new Mommy. Probably because all he knew was a woman ( me) for his first 9 months of life
I adored him and he received lots of kisses and affection from me along with me yelling “No Stanley “ at least 100 times a day because he was so ornery and hyper. His new parents have invited me to call and visit anytime I wanted and I’m thinking about a nice little visit maybe once a month. I’m taking time to think about this though being that the last thing I want to do is upset him. I know he adored me as much as I did him. I miss him so much that I haven’t been eating or sleeping well and he is all I can think about. If I still had my husband ( I’m a widow ) there’s no way I would have Re homed him because I would have had the help I needed to exercise him and and someone to share in the patience it takes to withstand the exuberance of an active healthy puppy. I feel that I failed him
However, he seems to be transitioning well and his new people love him dearly already. Their family dog died 2 years ago and they had him for 15 years. Also, Stanley is the ONLY dog so he can have all of the attention a needy puppy requires
I thought I’d begin my visits around Christmas. This would be a month after he moved to his new home
I’m wondering if that’s too soon. I know that I will cry even if I wait a year. I don’t want to confuse Stanley but then again, he’s always been well adjusted and a very happy little dog. His new Daddy is playing and exercising him daily and said that Stanley has even begun bringing him his leash asking for a walk. What do I do ? I’m not worried about my emotions because I know already I’m gonna cry when I leave him but knowing how wonderfully he is doing and with the knowledge of knowing I can continue visits it’s not really a Goodbye. I am concerned about Stanley’s feelings
I thank God for his new people and for them caring and loving him . He is like their child. He will be raised lovingly, with warmth, good vet care, all the good food he wants and has a Daddy that loves to play fetch and frisbee along with a Mommy that will continue cuddling him as I used to do ( which he loves ). Should I or shouldn’t I see him ?? I definitely want to if it doesn’t set Stanley back
Carol olson says
Would love some input on my situation
“ Sleepless in Ohio “
Trisha says
Since he so clearly loves his new family so much I think you should go visit. It helped me tremendously when I’m rehomed a dog. He ran up to me, then ran back to his new guy, flipped around to face me and looked up at his new guy with devotion. I saw it as “Look what I found! Isn’t he great?” I left crying but oh so happy. I hope that will be your experience. Best of luck.
Julianna says
I had to leave my dog that is 12 with my ex when I left an 18 year relationship. I still need to return to get my belongings and don’t want to upset my dog Trixie 😢 any more than I already have by abandoning her . Will she be okay by seeing me come and get my belongings?
Trisha says
Yes, go get your things. Just try to be upbeat! (And so sorry….)
Robin says
This was one of the first results in a Google search I just did, asking if it was traumatic for dogs that had been rehomed to see their previous owners again. My husband and I are nearing a meet and greet for a potential new owner for our GSD, and this helped put our minds at ease, both about the process of rehoming and potentially seeing our dog in the future someday, so thank you for this post.
Our girl is seven and despite our best efforts has not been able to adjust to life with our toddler; each day is more stressful for her than the last. We mulled over the idea of rehoming for months, after a full vet workup (to make sure there were no medical problems causing discomfort) and anti-anxiety medication trials. She has always been somewhat fearful and anxious so it didn’t come as a complete surprise, but we have been heartbroken for months as we’ve tried to find a home for her. We’ve been talking with someone who is pretty much the dream person with the perfect lifestyle, but the reality that we’re really rehoming her is starting to sink in.
I can imagine the before, with our dog here, and the after, without her, but I can’t picture the transition where we take her to her new person and walk away. What can we do to ensure that day is the least traumatizing for her? Besides trying to appear happy and relaxed (and holding back the tears until later). Should we let her see us leave? Should we meet somewhere neutral rather than her new home? I really want to get as many of the details right as possible. I would appreciate any insight or tips you might have about how to go about that day.
Leah says
I had two dogs with my ex, a male and a female Shiba Inu/American Eskimo mixes. He had the male before I came along and then we got the female together. Male is about 4 years older than female. We all lived in Seattle that whole time.
Five years later I decided to end the relationship and move back to Southern California. It was a bad breakup and he refused to let me take the female with me. I was heartbroken but I knew I couldn’t stay there anymore. Leaving my dogs was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The guilt was nearly unbearable and I missed them terribly but I slowly moved on. I ended up changing careers from working in restaurants to working with dogs in daycares/boarding places. Working with dogs helped me cope with issues even beyond just missing my own dogs.
Given the distance and the fact that although my ex and I were able to make amends and occasionally communicate amicably with one another, I knew I’d probably never see my dogs again. I had moved on and was in a relationship with a man who has two male cats and moved in with them.
A few months ago my ex contacted me out of the blue to ask if I’d consider taking the female dog back. I couldn’t believe it. He was very sad to have to ask me to take her, but he had fallen on hard times and felt he could no longer give her the life he wanted to. Also the male dog was now 12 and completely blind and the female was beginning to show aggression towards him. He simply felt she’d be happier with me.
I explained that I now lived in a smallish apartment with my boyfriend, his two cats and his sickly mother. It wouldn’t be a good environment for her but I knew my mother’s house could work out. She has a dog of her own but he is a sweet and playful if not timid Chihuahua, and she has ample room and a small backyard. I talked it over with my mom and she agreed to take my dog in. After some planning we drove up to meet my ex to pick her up. That was a long and stressful drive.
When we met my dog barked at me at first, but after I greeted her and she got a better look at me, smelled me, she remembered me. It took the male a second because he’s blind, but he quickly remembered me too and began nuzzling and “talking” to me in his little dog grumbling way. I was so happy and so sad at the same time. It was hard for my ex to say goodbye but she came with me easily. The car ride home was long and she was anxious and panting. She seemed very comfortable with my mom and I though.
Once we got to my mom’s house (my dog’s new home) she ran around frantically for a bit but finally settled. The next day I took off work to be with her and she followed me everywhere and doesn’t like when I leave. Last night I left her so I could go back to my home and my mom told me she didn’t panic but stared at the door leading to the garage where I left and continued to wait up for me all night. I know it will take some time for her to adjust and I just hope she does because it’s heartbreaking to see her so upset and confused. I also don’t want the process to be too draining for my mom because she is getting older and still works full time. I do feel that she will adjust with time. I try to work on her separation anxiety by not making a big deal about my comings and goings. I’ll slowly begin putting my things into my car and then coming back in, putting my shoes on way before leaving, etc. Just so she doesn’t associate my leaving with it being such a negative or final act. When I come back she is squealing excitedly and running around but I just stay calm and don’t feed into the excitement too much. Once she is a little calmed down I finally pet her and talk to her and give her love. It’s so hard not to be excited with her though! I am so happy to have her back. I just hope she can start calling this place home soon.
Sylvia says
Hello… asking anyone for an opinion ever since I adopted my neighbor’s jack russell Tina, it was meant to have the dog to myself at most. The previous owner is a neighbor, quite close that the man is able to through his living room window and checks at my place habitually. I was frank with him about my space is essential for me and enjoy my time alone. That being said, he frequently likes to stop by which I cut down with time, let him take the dog for weekend that turned into 5 days except he still tries to come over with the dog to some time for company and enjoyment. I couldn’t refuse at times and now I’m really tired of it cause the man is alone but there no hockey or basketball night, he walks over to my door unexpectedly.
He’ll offer some money since my budget is tight and I’ve refused at the beginning for a year cause I feel that he is manipulating me. Not just to see Tina but to hang around with me which is a no-no in general. I would like to add that the reason I adopted Tina was when the man wasn’t allowed pets when he moved in as I dog crying out from the car which led me to cross the street to see what was happening. He signed a lease and was ready to take her to the SPCA (lack for better words, ”I’m taking her to SPCA where she can find a new family to adopt her” also says ¨she was given to me as a gift anyways”. Tina reacts enjoyably when she sees former master but she is so easy to handle that anyone who pampers her, well she will just go along. The man, by the way, indulges her with kisses to comfort him but I just don’t right anymore with this scene.
Unfortunately, I became irate with him these last couple of weeks when he shows up at my door since I am moving somewhere else.
Sylvia says
Sorry folks, I should of re read the above comment missing an in between word here and there but surely you will get the message.
Debra Brindisi says
Just having a hard time with a divorce n my caden has not seen my husband in 6months I am not sure if him seeing my husband again would depress him more or help . He was used to walks everyday with my husband but since has not waiting for him to come . Can anyone give me some clear choice for my dog I don’t want my dog to go thru this all over again if I let my ex come n see him .
Bonnie says
Hi, reading your story will help me. I feel it will when my own healing starts. It’s only day 2 without our beloved Great Dane who we rescued at 5 months old. A year and a half later we made the hard decision to put him with a foster because his anxiety in our home was hard on him and ourselves. His fur sister I’m sure misses him but I don’t know how dogs think. They were so close. Our male yorkie was the reason for all the anxiety. He’s older and aggressive so our Dane had to defend himself and it almost ended badly for our yorkie. After that we kept them separated and if you know Danes they do not do well without freedom from closed doors or small spaces. We love him so much that we had to let him go and it’s killing is but the new owners are so great they said we can visit anytime and even take him for a play day if we want. We are emotional and not ready but I want to so very much. If I’m not ready then it will surely affect him in a bad way and hinder any progress (he already does not cry with anxiety) he has an acerage to go on long walks with his new fur sister and owners. He loves the horse too! We got to see him play there for 2 hours and then the following day we stayed for an hour before saying goodbye and leving him there. They stay in contact daily to let us know how happy he is. They seem like amazing people and invited us for a bbq in a week. Will it be too soon for him? I know for me I will need to be strong and no more sad tears before I can go see him. I know that what we did for him was the right thing. But there’s a void here now and everything makes me cry. I wanted us to be his heroes, his forever home. We are left feeling broken without him.
Trisha says
Bonnie: But you WERE his heroes! You “saw” him, saw what he needed, and knew you couldn’t provide it. You found him what sounds like the perfect home. Grieve for missing him yes, but be proud that you were his rescuers and found him the perfect home. It’s no one’s fault that it wasn’t your own.
Bonnie says
Thank you Trisha. I know we will see that when we are past the grieving. Waiting until we are strong before visiting. The daily videos are sure helping me though. We could not have asked for better people to foster him. And the best part is that if something does not work there for him then he comes back to us instead of a shelter. Thank you again for sharing your own experience. I needed it.
Bec says
Hi Trisha,
Thank you so much for these informative posts, they are incredibly helpful! I have made the absolutely heart wrenching decision to rehome my baby after trying to resolve her extreme separation anxiety for 2.5 years. She is going from a small inner city apartment to the most lovely retired couple on a big block of land and will live close to her favourite thing ever – the beach. I know she’ll have a better life in this environment but I’m trying to figure out the best way to transition her. Should I drive her to her new home and spend a few hours with her while she settles in? Or should the new owner pick her up and drive her home? It’s a 2.5 hour drive and I don’t want her to feel anxious on the drive there but I’ve heard it can be bad for the former owner to drop them off because then they wait for them at the door/gate to come back for them.
Thanks so much for replying, if you get the chance!