I am writing this on Monday, January 2nd, the year two thousand and twenty three. An arbitrary date, of course, depending on the whims of history and culture. Yet, I love the ritual of dipping into the river of time, and the gift it gives us to reflect and look ahead.
You all know, no doubt, that New Year’s Resolutions are an excellent way to disappoint yourself–given how quickly they tend to fall off the table. I stopped making them years ago, (see my “Not Resolutions of 2010” for example) but still love the idea of setting intentions for the year to come.
I did a lot of reading over the holidays, and was inspired by an article authored by Amanda Morris about NY’s resolutions, inspired by people with disabilities. Claire Richmond, who has a rare liver condition, said she thinks about how she wants to feel in the new year, not what she wants to do. I love that. LOVE IT.
What about you? How do you want to feel in 2023? Interesting question isn’t it–and of course, it drives what we do anyway, right? Here is my list; I’m looking forward to yours:
I want to feel LOVED AND LOVING. If I could pick only one thing, this would be it. There are lots of reasons for that, including the knowledge that feeling loved and loving make me happier than anything else in the world. A girl can’t live on Chocolate, Cosmos, and Netflix alone. Besides being happy, feeling loved turns out to be a critical predictor of overall health, according to a study described in The Good Life, based on a long-time study of people from both wealthy and poor neighborhoods. Most New Year’s Resolutions, by the way, turn out to be primarily about health, according to one study. Exercise more, eat better, etc.
But why? Why exercise more? Why eat better? To be healthy right? But why be healthier? I don’t know how most people would answer that, but I’d say to live a long, and happy life. Of course, exercise and nutritional food are crazy important, but . . . so is feeling loved and loving, and according to the study above, more important than anything else.
Speaking of feeling loved, you know I’m going to the dogs now, right? I don’t want to discount, in any way, how much Jim’s love, and the love of friends and family mean to me. They are the best things in my life, hands down. But, close behind are my dogs. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through the long, dark winter of a painful divorce without a dog to curl up with at night. I love watching Skip and Maggie play together so much that I get depressed if one is injured and they can’t play. I love them so much sometimes it hurts, and their love for me feels boundless, pure, and unspoken. (All the better that they can’t, on occasion, blurt out something cutting, as I write about in For the Love of a Dog.) I could go on about dogs and love for pages, but I’ll force myself to stop here, after feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for all they they give us.
Feeling loved. Yes. Feeling Loving. Yes. Now my job is to figure out what behavior to encourage to support that–more talks with my nieces, more visits with family, more time laughing with friends. I’d say “more telling Jim how much I love him,” but I do that multiple times a day (and he does for me), so we’ll just be sure to keep that up. Feeling loved and loving also makes me feel grateful, one of the best feelings of all.
I want to feel AMUSED, CURIOUS, DELIGHTED, and AWED. All of which, really, is about feeling JOYFUL. I get bored really easily. Really, really easily, which is why I LOVE traveling to new places, seeing live performances, learning new things, laughing at great comedy–including the wit of many of our friends. This year, while still being careful about Covid and The Next Horrific Health Scare Lined Up to Terrify Us, I am going out of my way to create a world that includes travel, learning new things, laughing with friends, and being awe-struck by the beauty that surrounds us. I’ve already planned a few things, some big, some small, that make me smile just thinking about them. You?
I also want to feel ENERGETIC. This might be another way of saying healthy, but I love that it focuses on the feelings I want, not the actions. I love so many things in life, and the fact is that they take energy. Feeling full of energy is harder if we’re ill, or in bad health, full stop. It’s also harder as we get older, something staring me in the face lately after my 74th birthday. Focusing on feeling energetic makes it easier, for me anyway, to think about what I eat, rather than some generic “eat healthier” mandate, or even something more specific and measurable (good things for effective resolutions) like “eat more beans and nuts.” I am working on that very thing, (Amy’s French Country Vegetable Soup for lunch, just saying), but framing it as feeling energetic versus being healthy works better. But that’s just me. You?
I want to feel RESPONSIBLE and ACCOMPLISHED. I just can’t live in this world without being an actively-involved citizen. I just don’t feel like I have the right, with my reasonably good health and reasonably good resources, to ignore the problems around me, locally and globally. I was very active last year in a number of issues, and after a brief pause, I’ll be back at it in 2023. My challenge is to accept that I can, and will, only do so much; that I can’t solve climate change and suffering and abuse all by myself. Neither am I willing to dedicate my life to it, although others do and I applaud them for it. I’ll be working on forgiving myself for not doing more, and being compassionate about my choices. (You never hear about much of this work, because it’s political, and it is SO important to me, and many of you too I hear, that we keep politics out of this space.)
I also like to accomplish things. The roots of this no doubt began a long time ago. Like so many of us, it was my accomplishments that got attention and praise while growing up. We talk about this in my Meditation class, how common it is to be seen for what you’ve done, versus who you are. One useful phrase in our class is “Nothing to Be,” as in “You are enough just being alive.” I treasure this concept, and . . . it’s challenging for me, because I love checking things off, and looking back at what I’ve done. Right now, I’m excited about finishing a first draft of my mystery novel in a few months. So . . . that’s my challenge for 2023–how to hold together both liking to get things done, and not needing to get things done together, and savor that they can live side by side, harmoniously and in contradiction.
I want to feel PEACEFUL. Okay, this might seem truly contradictory with all above, but it’s not really. I want to have peace about the choices I make. Peace in focusing on what I’m doing rather than “monkey minding” my way through doing the chores, making dinner, washing my hair. This will always be a intention for years to come; I’m working on it now–savoring the breeze and bird song while walking the dogs, enjoying the feel of my dog’s fur while brushing them out, rather than what I am making for dinner–but I’ll never stop needing to focus on one thing at a time for the rest of my life.
WAIT, DON’T DOGS DO ALL THIS ALREADY? I did not design this post to summarize with this, but it literally occurred to me while writing in the last paragraph that dogs do all these without any thinking about it. They are as loving, most of them, as any creature on earth. They seem especially attuned to receiving love from us. They are amused, curious, and delighted much of the time, at least the dogs that I tend to love. Whether dogs can experience awe in the same way that we do is up in the air, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they can. Accomplished and Responsible? Did I mention that I have Border Collies? I wish I could bring you all to the farm to watch Skip throw his heart and soul into getting the single, sick ewe into the barn for treatment, or Maggie’s face when she wins the tug toy from Skip. You don’t have to write To Do lists to feel either responsible and accomplished. I admit that not all dogs fit into this category–our Cavalier Tootsie’s accomplishments were warming our laps (and well done too!) and reminding us, very responsibly, when it was dinner time. But still, dogs, pretty much embody it all.
And you? Are you reflective this time of year? Thoughtful about the year to come? Make New Year’s Resolutions, and keep them? Or not? I’d love to have a village-wide conversation about this. Please ask your dogs to chime in if they could. (Perhaps I should write a separate post based on their resolutions? I can see it now: “Find ways to encourage Trisha to drop more food on the floor.” (Maggie) “Work sheep twice, not once, a day.” (Skip.)
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Today, surprise!, was one of those days that did not begin as anticipated. Life happened, and my plans of spending a few energetic, curious, and delightful hours taking photographs for this week’s post are off the table. (And I’m so peaceful about it!) So, I leave you with these photographs, including a classic southern Wisconsin winter woods scene, complete with a dog (Skip) somewhere in it. I did not take this with any intention of playing canine Where’s Waldo, like many others have. But after I got back from our walk, I looked at the photos, remembering I’d taken one of Skip on the Woods Trail. But, where was Skip? I was sure he was in the photo.
He was. And is. Your job, if you want it, is to find him. I will give you a hint: He’s there, but very small. Look very, very hard. (No cheating in comments if you’ve seen this on Facebook!)
Here’s another scene when we still had snow on the ground–we really did have a winter wonderland for awhile:
We got very lucky in the big storm–cold yes, very, and windy yes, very, but no serious damage and only 4-5 inches of snow. Whew. And now we have my least favorite–ice mud. Almost all of the snow is gone, except patches of slippery ice and snow where you least expect them, framed by the kind of mud we don’t usually see until March. Lots and lots of towels, because lots and lots of muddy paws. Sigh.
I will leave you with the Oak that I call the Mother Tree. I walk by her on our Woods Trial, and love her like a friend. May you feel as loving, and loved, as I do, and inspired by the beauty of nature around us.
But wait, a reward if you’ve kept going! Here’s a zoom in of Skip in the woods, easier to see him for sure. He’s not in the foreground, but closer to the beginning of the sky, up against some wood. See him now? No? I’ll send an easy version next week!
lak says
Happy New Year! Love the find Waldo er Skip photos. I have a new dog that was a foster fail and I am smitten, even better so is she. I had to put my dog down in October after an injury that she could not recover from. I had always said that if I lost my dog I would get another within 2-3 weeks, not because I am heartless but because when I got Noel out of the shelter there were so many more dogs that needed good homes. I decided to foster a dog this time and after a 6 weeks decided to adopt her. So back to school we go, obedience classes for both of us, goal is to get our CGC and AKC Urban Dog Certificate! Looking forward to much fun and companionship during the training. And this dog likes to get on the couch with me an snuggle…I am over the moon!
Barbara says
Good question! I want to feel more accepting of what life has in store for me. I want to feel calmer. It’s so easy to worry about things that may or may not happen. I want to be more aware of what I can or cannot change and have the courage to make those changes. There certainly is enough to worry about; the state of politics in this country, inflation, climate change, war etc. and I have an elderly dog I’m not yet ready to lose. I do feel hopeful that 2023 will be a better year.
I think I see Skip but can’t be sure!
Michelle says
Love this post, as I love all your posts. Yes, dogs are the answer to nearly everything, right after “God” to me (I consider them His best gifts). We added a new adoptee to our family recently, too, after fostering brother and sister French bulldogs to see which one fit here with us and (more importantly) our Decker Rat Terrier first (no surprise, it was the boy). He’s very biddable and smarter than I expected; I think he’d be great at agility if I could afford classes for two dogs!
Frances says
Such a timely post! I have come to the decision that it is time to downsize from this big, expensive to run, rather remote but beloved house and find something more suitable for life as an Old Lady, and sorting through so much accumulated clutter and memories is making leaving even more difficult. A very wise friend told me I need to think it as moving TO something new, rather than focussing on the loss implied in FROM, and you have reminded me that the animals will all come with me and I will quite possibly be closer to family and friends, and their love is the most important thing in my life. And after all it doesn’t HAVE to be a beige bungalow with grab rails…!
Lisa says
I love your list!
Lisa says
I also love the photos of you by Steve Dahlgren.
Charlotte Kasner says
I want to feel that I’ve made a real difference for as many dogs as I can this year, which of course means changing peoples’ attitudes to dogs too.
The special difference will be to my first puppy; going to meet him at last tomorrow after waiting 5 years – thanks Covid-19 (not). Oh the responsibility!
Lorna Steele says
Your words resonated with me on so many levels. I read an article in the New York Times this morning, based, I believe, on The Good Life. It spoke of the single biggest factor in happiness and health as being a network of positive relationships. Friends, co-workers, etc. But surprisingly, no mention of dogs. Dogs model the best of relationships: givers of unconditional love, quiet supporters, readers of mood, encouragers of fun. My life is infinitely richer with their presence.
And, by the way, after much scrutinity I think I found Skip, but it’s entirely possible it’s a chunk of wood. Haha
Amber says
A lovely post to begin the day. Thank you.
My plan for 2023 is to enjoy all of the little things I’m usually too busy to notice.
Thank you for the post and for the glimpse of your winter wonderland.
Elizabeth Dougherty says
I’m so glad I decided to read this post before anything else this morning. I usually spend some focused time deciding on a few specific resolutions for the coming year. But our family is going through a very difficult time right now, and I’d skipped any kind of resolution making without realizing it. Your post helped me focus for a few minutes on how I want to feel, on making peace and awe and wonder and joy a part of each day, despite our current challenges. And when this is really difficult, I know I can always re-center by just sitting and petting my dog.
Bonnie Yantis says
What wonderful and inspiring goals. I admire my dog’s ability to give unconditional love, especially to kids and me. I hope he can always feel my love for him. Sometimes when I look at him, I am overwhelmed by my love for him. As it should be.
Wishing you a marvelous New Year!
Lisa Jonassen says
Ditto, ditto, ditto. I feel the same way as you this year. Focusing very much on love and gratitude. The Stoics believe the only thing about this world that we control is our perception of it, how we choose to see things. I will be working very hard to focus on the good and positive in my life. But yes, I too want to “feel” my way through this year in a more conscious way. Thank you for your words.
Jean K Carr says
Have you read The Boy who talked to Dogs? Taught me some stuff…did you know that looking away and yawning tells them to go away? Anyway – great book!
Susan Hoppe says
My last day on the job I thought I would retire from was 18 November. My feelings about this have been swinging up and down since the official last day, 15 December.
For this year, I want to focus on the upside off the swing: Relief at being given the opportunity to do something different, to find a fulfilling job, no matter what that looks like.
rHeather says
I started thinking this a bit before the New Year, but being more ‘comfortable’ is what I’m aiming for and it’s turning out to more wide ranging than I thought!
It’s making my at home clothes (since I’m retired and at home all the time!) fit better and fixing tears before they get out of control.
And realizing I was being irritated with the various animals for acting like animals! So now I before I get bent out of shape I’m asking myself, is that a (dog, goat, pony) behavior and going from there to either manage or accept.
Its turning into a way to minimize the irritations I can so there’s more brain left to deal with stuff I have no control over.
Happy New Year all!
Donna Baker says
I love every one of your posts, but I think this might be the one I love the most. Such beautiful, heartfelt, inspiring, caring words, that reflect on our best selves in relationship to other people and our beloved dogs. In fact, you might add “your readers” to the list of people that you show love to, as certainly those of us who have never met you in person, feel that we know and care about you from meeting you on paper/online. As for me, I am making plans to add more volunteer work to my life as I have the time and believe very strongly in the mutual value of sharing one’s time, knowledge, and experience with organizations that may benefit. I tend to be a bit selfish with my time (and unlike you, I don’t get bored easily so can be content to simply hang out at home with my pup), but I do want to feel that I am giving back more to society and find that sense of purpose and accomplishment you referenced. And I want to meditate more each day, which I have hopefully jumpstarted by purchasing a lifetime membership to the meditation app I use (and love)! Happy New Year to you and your wonderful family (human and canine) and thank you for always inspiring us with your words.
Molla says
It is hard to read your blog. right now. A few months ago we lost the last of our three senior dogs. I miss them so much. The only way I have gotten through the death of a dog is to bring another one or two dogs into our family. But here is the problem. We have a daughter who just had twins and she lives in Amsterdam and we are in San Diego. We are older so we want to do some traveling before we can no longer do it. When we are gone it could be for a month or more. I am hoping I can find someone who will adopt from the same litter, who will be willing to take care of our dog for a month or more one or two times a year. I would be willing to do the same. Is there anyone in the San Diego, North County Coastal area who is in the same position who would be willing to do this? This is a goal for this year, to find a partner. It probably is not realistic. Maybe it is selfish. Just thought I would put it out here in the chance that someone in my area is in a similar position. If you have an idea for me, I am all ears.
Debbi says
I LOVE this picture of you with your pup! I miss my boy so much my heart aches every single day, multiple times a day. But since my husband had a stroke and needs more help from me, I just don’t have the bandwidth to add a dog to the household right now. (Had to put our 16yo boy down 3 weeks after husband’s stroke … it’s been a Bad autumn.) But husband is getting better and stronger, needing less help, so my intention is to feel GRATEFUL. Grateful that I had my wonderful boy for so many years and grateful my husband is improving. My other intention is to be STRONGER. The demands of caring for him were truly exhausting, and I felt every way how I had neglected my strength. Life may hit us hard at times, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up! Love you Pat!
Trisha says
Debbi: You sound like one incredibly strong person already to me! I’m grateful to you for sharing your story with us, and for reminding us how fragile life is. Cyber hugs…
Trisha says
Oh Molla, I’m so sorry about your losses. I hope you can indeed find someone who can take care of your dog while you are gone. I’m optimistic, lots of people enjoy house sitting, especially in such a beautiful area. Best of luck.
Trisha says
Donna, you are too kind. And back at you: It occurred to me how much support and love we all give each other in this village. I consider myself the lucky one.
Trisha says
rHeather: Comfortable good! Especially for clothes. Sweat pants rule!
Trisha says
Susan Hoppe: Retiring is HUGE for many of us. It just is. Totally get the up and down, but glad you are looking forward to so many new possibilities. Exciting!
Trisha says
Jean K Carr: Haven’t read that book yet, but thanks for the reference! Looks fascinating. Many others, including myself, believe that looking away especially is a way of cutting off immediate contact with a dog. Makes sense too when you think about it, right?
Trisha says
Elizabeth D: Here’s to peace and awe and wonder and joy, daily. Sorry about what you are going through. Ah life. What a trip.
Trisha says
Lorna, I loved that article too! I’d love to hear where you found Skip! Tell us… 🙂
Trisha says
First puppy Charlotte, oh oh oh! The joy! The exhaustion! The sweet skunky puppy smell! Keep us posted!
Trisha says
Frances: I picture you in the sweetest new house!
Trisha says
Good luck Michelle in Agility! Hope you can manage classes for both!
Trisha says
lak: No such thing as a foster fail in my book. It’s a Foster Fantastic Festival!
Diana Smith says
Reading this was like taking a deep breath and resetting. Thank you for your insights so many of us share especially regarding the dogs! My dogs fill a space in my life not understood by nondog people. Their steadfast optimism, playfulness and affection are so valuable to my daily life. They are also pretty. I have 3 Tollers. My intention this year is to go forward filled with purpose not driven by extrinsic pressure.
Gayla says
Insightful and inspiring… as always. I’ve long believed that the key to attaining my own inner peace was to be able to love others without judgement, and I’ve always felt that was easier for me to do from a distance. The Harvard study has me questioning the wisdom of my self imposed, “loner with a dog” stance.
Thank you for another thought provoking post AND for your list! Couldn’t improve on that if I tried.
Irene Stoller says
I want to feel at peace again after the massive loss we suffered this past year and the difficult years that preceded that loss when our younger daughter passed away in Madison last February 15. We moved there with our two dogs three years ago, giving up life on our farm in Colorado for a house in Madison. This July we were back home and our goal for the year is to pick up our dog activities again with joy and with our two bc’s who went to Madison with us and our new guy who is growing fast but who still too has too much of a puppy brain to start with sheep yet.
Linda Lipinski says
Thank you for the wonderful inspirational words/thoughts.
Kat says
My goals for 2023 are health related. At the end of November I fell and both fractured and dielslocated my left shoulder. If you’ve noticed my silence during December that’s why. It’s only been the last couple of days that I could put my hands on a keyboard again. I didn’t even get a good story out of the fall. I was taking D’Artagnan to work and realized I’d forgotten my mask in the car so we were going back to grab it. It wasn’t his fault (he didn’t pull or bump me or anything) and it wasn’t my fault (I didn’t trip over anything) it was the asphalt. I somehow took a misstep and fell down.
I want to be able to move freely again and actually walk my dogs and play with them. D’Artagnan and I are finding ways to continue working but it’s requiring some interesting accommodations. Thankfully my family is willing to step up and make things work since I can’t get him out of the car by myself. He uses petloader stairs which are great when I’ve got two working arms but not so easy right now.
Once nice thing to come of this is realizing just how much D’Artagnan and Catpurrnicus love me. D’Artagnan and Catpurrnicus are not demostrative in their love the way Falkor Bash and Furbonnaci are. But it is D’Art and Niccus that have chosen to spend their nights with me rather than in the bedroom. I’m currently sleeping in the recliner in the living room as that’s where gravity is least painful on the shoulder. Niccus who is not a cuddly cat sleeps on my lap and D’Art who generally chooses to spend most of his time on his own seldom left my side for over a week. And he’s still choosing to sleep close to where I am.
I’ve got a couple more months to go before the bone is healed. In the meantime I endure PT a couple times a week with a wonderful Physical Therapist with the goal of regaining full mobility by the time the bone is mended.
So my goal is to be well and able again and not having to put things on hold.
Trisha says
Oh, Kat, I am so sorry to hear about your injury. Shoulders are so complicated and hard to heal. It’s just hard to function without using a shoulder. So sweet to hear about D’Art and Niccus changing their behavior. I fell three weeks ago, screamed when it happened and in less than a second Jim, Skip, and Maggie were all over me. Skip was especially upset, and wouldn’t leave my side for the longest time. I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you Kat, sending healing energy to you.
Christine says
Happy New Year my dear friend. You make me laugh so much! Love your thoughts on the New Year. The photo of finding Skip was so entertaining and such a beautiful photo (actually all of them are beautiful!) In fact, I love to do jigsaw puzzles and can see that this photo would be a fun and challenging puzzle with the added twist of a treasure hunt!
If you decide to make it a puzzle, I would buy it!
Thank you for sharing your life and your thoughts. I think my pup Buddy (rat terrier mix) shows awe when we walk to the park and he discovers another dog to play with. And he loves the new human as much as other pups!
I truly think my dog Buddy is as happy as he is due to the fact that I have learned from you how to be a good pet owner. Thank you for all that you have done for me and Buddy!
Trisha says
Aww, thanks Christine! What a lovely comment to start my day! Warmest to you and your very lucky dog, Buddy!
Chris from Boise says
Trisha, I’ve been thinking about this post since Jan 2. I agree with Donna B – maybe the best post ever. It’s a view I had never even thought of before, and has given me a lot to ruminate on. After reading the comments, it’s obvious that your goals resonated for many of us .
To your questions: I do make resolutions, but not the “New Year’s Day” kind. Mine are more like a traditional to-do list , but on a bigger scale. They focus on things I’m pretty sure I can do, and will do – if I focus on them. When I check one off, I don’t wait for the New Year – I set another.
That being said, this intentionality about feelings is very intriguing. I’m someone who is really, really good at pushing feelings out of sight, so this kind of bonked me on the head (in the heart?), and it feels (!) pretty wonderful to open up to it.
The ‘Where’s Skip?’ photo: I think I spotted a very tiny, very black-and-white Skip in the upper left portion – don’t want to give away more than that in case others are still searching. That was really fun too! He is NOT obvious!
Tel Aviv's feral cats says
I also can’t and don’t attempt to solve the world’s problems like climate change and abuse. I leave that to experts, and charity begins at home. I took three feral cats home and gave them a better life. I don’t need to change the world.
Dogs are just like humans in many ways. They give and receive love, too. And they make this world a better place for many people. And service dogs must feel accomplishment when they help their owner.