The title of this week’s post is from Mary Oliver’s perfect question: “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Here’s one answer: Become a Size 4, develop washboard abs, win the National Sheepdog Trials, cook perfect dinners that are perfectly healthy, rescue 1oo homeless dogs, and write a new book that wins the National Book Award. And oh yeah, Save the World.
Well, maybe not this year.
I’ve thought about my actual answer to my plans for my one wild and precious life a lot lately. Not surprising, given that life has been sucking us all into a black hole of chaos and crises, and I’m not getting any younger or healthier. It is also true that I live in a little paradise, and am overwhelmed with gratitude that my life is so rich and full of wonderful, talented, funny and loving people. And dogs. Thank god for the dogs.
So, what ARE my plans? I find myself so full of scattered thoughts and emotions that I don’t know where to start. So I’ll just start.
First, as you may know, I’m not big on New Year’s Resolutions, given what we know about how ineffective they are. I’ve written several first posts of the year that avoided them, or listed silly ones. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of the oft-quoted “Reflections, not Resolutions,” and using this time of year to think about my “one wild and precious life” feels like the right thing to do. (I’ve always remembered the precious, but not the wild. Definitely need to remember that.)
My one wild and precious life needs FEWER TO DO LISTS. I made a commitment over the break to not start the day with a To Do list. It was heavenly. I did have a few things I wanted to do–I really do love/need to clear out clutter, being borderline ADHD means that I am exhausted by it–but I had no timeline to do any of it. If I felt like cleaning out a closet or desk, I did. If I didn’t, I didn’t. It was heavenly. I’m not knocking the value of listing what needs to be accomplished each day, I couldn’t function without doing it in reality. But I don’t need to write one every day now, do I?
I love the idea of a DAY OFF, a Sabbath as it were. Mine is going to be Sunday. Yesterday I realized that walking the dogs every single morning and evening, up a steep and very long hill, is wearing me out. (This doesn’t count all the times I walk up the hill to work the dogs.) It’s good for me physically, and it’s good for them too, but what is also good is taking a day off from it. Yesterday we took the dogs out just to potty, made a big breakfast, and then later in the day took all four of us on an excursion to new places. It was fun, and different, and wonder of wonders, did not involve climbing a steep hill. Later, I lay on the couch and watched Aaron Rodgers be magnificent in the late afternoon instead of trudging up the hill in the snow. I made gyros from the lamb roast I made Saturday night. (I made the flatbread too. Hey, I didn’t say I wouldn’t brag sometimes.)
BE KIND. That’s my mantra for 2021. I often begin my day writing in my journal, and lately, this is often the last thing I write. Be Kind. In general, I think it’s accurate to say that I am mostly a kind and compassionate person. I’m pretty sure my friends would say the same thing. However, that doesn’t mean I am kind and compassionate every single moment. One doesn’t get to edit out things they’ve thought or said in life, as we do in something we write. There are times I have been impatient, or snarky or thoughtless. Like most of us, I have the hardest time being kind to myself, and forgiving myself for being less than I want to be. But I am reminded by those wiser than I am that self-forgiveness is as important as eating well and exercising. The Dali Lama talks about having no regrets, but rather forgiving one’s self and committing to doing better in the future. That’s my plan going forward.
Maggie at 8 years and 1 day, unaware a celebration is to follow later today, complete with lots of her favorite foods. Please don’t mention to her that cat poop won’t make the menu.
CELEBRATE! That’s the last plan I’ll mention today for my one precious life. Yesterday was Maggie’s 8th birthday, and I didn’t remember that it was on the 3rd of January until I read last year’s January post. So we’ll celebrate today and love every minute of it. There are many ways to celebrate, and I intend to add in being silly and playful more often (it’s good for us!), celebrating all the wonderful things that Maggie and Skip are capable of doing, and fussing less when my training comes up short. Every day can have even just a moment of celebration in it, right? Tomorrow I’ll celebrate being able to afford the new car I sorta had to buy, even though cars aren’t my thing and the techie/multimedia system in a new Toyota appears to have been designed by 3 engineers and 2 IT specialists locked into a room with bowls of cocaine and a whole lot of cannabis. But I am so lucky to have been able to buy it, and eventually I’ll get it figured out.
That’s it: A day off. Fewer To Do Lists. Kindness. Celebrations. Sounds like a good start to the New Year to me. You?
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: I took a break between Christmas and New Year’s, and it was peaceful and sweet and sometimes sad and sometimes rich with love and laughter. I cooked a lot, ate a lot, worked the dogs a lot, cleaned out closets, Facetimed with friends and family, read a lot and watched TV every single night as if hypnotized. (Holy moly, have you seen Bridgerton yet, she asks, fanning her face and clutching her pearls.)
Yesterday we took the dogs on walks to places they’d never been. I thought the novelty would be good for them, and we were ready for some time away from the farm in safe, healthy places. (What, MacDonald’s drive up for lunch on the way back isn’t healthy?)
I was yearning–no idea why–for water, so we walked first along the Wisconsin River, where I took this shot along the bank. This is pretty much our world right now, a muted mix of black, brown, grey and white. But it still can be beautiful.
Next is a wider shot of the same place. I played with the filters in the Photo App (can’t use Aperture on my new laptop, sigh) and ended up with this “cool” scene. A little prettier than in person, but hey, why not?
Different place, different light, something about this ice looks prehistoric–dinosaurian?–to me.
It’s been cloudy and dull for days, but there are areas with frosted trees that make up for it. This was on Highway 60 between Spring Green and Sauk City.
But you know I’m a fool for color. The African Violets are making me happier than I can say. Note that the purple one in the back, the violet of the mother of a friend, flown from the east coat after her death, has been blooming for AN ENTIRE YEAR WITHOUT STOPPING. (I apologize for yelling, but it deserves a shout out. Nothing blooms for a year straight, right?) Now that is something to celebrate. It’s about to take a well-deserved rest; I remain stunned that it’s bloomed for so long.
Tells us what you are going to celebrate this week, and/or what you plan to do with your one precious and wild life? We will love hearing from you.
Aurora says
This is a hard week for me. My grandmother is dying and my grandfather is hard to navigate around, emotionally or practically, and I’m feeling a little flayed. Today is my spouse’s mother’s birthday, who died ten years ago while her husband shut one of her children from the room.
And also the woods are beautiful. And also my hands and eyes know how to put beauty onto paper. And also my own little family–my spouse and my cat and my dog and I–know how to love each other more kindly than the generations before us, and we are making our home and our lives work better all the time. For our children and grandchildren, when we die, it will not be this particular kind of hard. I’m holding to that, and celebrating each little piece of our lives that shows me that it is true. I can’t spend my life trying to heal the wounds in my family that were made before I was even born–not for the ones that came before me–but I can go some long way towards healing them for me, and for the children I don’t have yet. That feels worthy to me of life, and of celebration, and the path to that healing runs as deep with joy as with pain.
So, for today, it’s off to the woods with me, to let whatever is be under the sky.
Trisha says
Aurora, I am full of gratitude for your words of wisdom. “That feels worthy to me of life, and of celebration, and the path to that healing runs as deep with joy as with pain.” Gorgeous, along with your efforts to be who you want to be. And I am so sorry about your grandmother, here’s to life and death and love and the whole catastrophe.
lak says
I realized that most of my life I have fallen into things, both good and bad. While I went back to school taking a class at a time, impulsively I quit my job, got into the program I desired and then graduated a few years later and have been working in my field ever since. I am qualified to retire in 16 months, I am not sure I will but I love the freedom of knowing I can! I adopted my dog almost 9 years ago on the way to the mall, I wanted a CGC for my dog so I told everyone I was going to get it and started training, I fell in love and eloped, and many years later divorced, but I had a great time. I think I believe that old saying “life happens when your busy making plans”. I realized over this quiet holiday, that most of life is spent striving; school, mate, kids/no kids, house, financial establishment, whatever, I have reached those milestones, I now have the freedom to savor life more, knowing things will be ending and life will change. I love this! Often times I hear “60 is the new 40”, I hope not. I like my life in my 60’s, while I am not a 100% sure of what I will fill my life with, I have been approved to foster dogs in my home and also dogs with medical conditions, so volunteerism will continue, and god willing I will be able to do many of things I wished I could do all the years I worked as a nurse, like have an entire holiday off with family. I look forward to being surprised!
LisaW says
My precious and wild life has been more wild than precious. I seem to run on the idea of why not try it? This had led to many different jobs, a few true vocations, lots of adventures (pooling our last dollars to buy enough Vermont Christmas trees to sell in Boston with no permit or saw and realizing that most people can’t bring home a 15’ tree or buying a VW bug for $300 and driving it across country to dear friend’s wedding the next day or . . .) For years we lived on the motto: “It’ll be great.” As I look back, sometimes it was truly great, sometimes it was okay, and sometimes it was spectacularly bad. But I have very few regrets – hindsight, yes; regrets, no.
Our last “why not” was this past summer when we realized that we liked our house but were very uncomfortable living so close to so many other people (we were trying to be village people). We sold the house, eventually found one to buy, bought the cutest camper on the planet to live in while the house was getting renovated, and moved inside just as the first snowflakes started flying (Olive loved the camper, she thought we were all living in the nicest dog house ever). It was a long time in limbo, (zooming from a camper banquette with a dog on my lap and a partner two feet away drinking coffee is interesting), it got a bit too cold, my back went out, all while maintaining our pandemic safety protocols, but we love this house and our surroundings. We have the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets every day. Olive and I go for an orchard walk twice a day and see who has visited during the night; often we stop to look out to the high peaks in the distance and the farmland in between.
I, too, know how deeply lucky we are to have such freedom to make so many (good or poor) choices. Despite ourselves, we’ve managed to dust off for the next adventure. I am keenly aware most people do not have that luxury. I wake up in this place of beauty and say a quiet good morning to the land and the mountains. It’s my way of making sure I don’t forget my good fortune.
Happy Birthday, dear Maggie.
Karin Crawford says
Woah! Thanks for the Wisconsin River pics! I want to know where on the river you walked. I am so excited to read that you were between Spring Green and Sauk City!
My family has a cottage on the South side of the river, off the West end of Laws Drive, between Mazomanie and Sauk City. We love to spend time in the summer there. We didn’t get to this year. How fun a connection!
If you would be so kind to email me at crawford.karinl@yahoo.com as I go back to work tomorrow and my blog reading drops off so much .. unless your blog is set up to email me automatically when you reply here.
Christy Snedeker says
Love, love, love your post for this week!
We all need to slow down and reading your post helps me to remember the important things like “it’s ok to not do the daily routine for a day and not feel guilty.”
BARB STANEK says
I have a Toyota Sienna. It’s my second dog van. I loved the first one totally. Everything about it was intuitive for me! So I bought the second.
I could not have described the new-van-multimedia/tech center better! I have learned what I need to. My list of requirements is small. The rest can remain shrouded in button- pushing mystery.
Reading the manual didn’t even help! I couldn’t figure out what they called the feature that I wanted and where it was described!
But the van is reliable and warmer than a horse and buggy or sled. I will be grateful for that! Happy New Year all!
Aurora says
Thank you Trisha, for your kindness and all your words and wisdom over the years. I don’t comment often, but your writing has enriched my life and my connections. I appreciated the invitation to write to you, and doing it moved me through some of the hard into a day with more space and movement than I’d expected. Thank you for all that you do. Happy new year to you and to all of us.
Adrienne K. says
As I age I want only to spend my life with my precious husband and dog and wildly in my very messy garden.
Frances says
I have been thinking long and hard about this. When I took a self funded sabbatical aged 50 it was with the intention of doing just that – six to twelve months space to think, breath, learn, and decide what I wanted to do next. Then stuff happened – the illness and death of both my parents, my own breast cancer, a complete change in priorities from being a fairly high earning, productive consumer and colleague to thinking more about family, friends and my growing pack of animals. Nearly 20 years later I still feel some guilt at not using my skills and experience to be “useful” and “productive”, but Oh! the bliss of not lying awake worrying at 3am! Of having long, empty days to do just as I please, to follow rainbows or chase the sun. Of not having to deal with other people’s bolshiness, of having few people dependent on me, and those only the people I love and have chosen.
Perhaps I am just not very brave – I can no longer cope with even fictional jeopardy, and avoid conflict even when I should possibly stand my ground. I feel, though, that what the world needs now is more kindness, to all other humans, animals, and the earth itself. I look back and the only times I really regret in my life are those when I failed to be as kind as I should have been. So that, I think, is what I will concentrate on in the years head. Not very wild, won’t change the world, but might make a tiny, incremental difference to the preciousness of life.
Anne Johnson says
Dear Trisha,
So funny and oh so appropriate that you ask your followers what it is we will do with our one precious life! I asked myself this as I was lying in a hospital bed and came to the realization that I was sick and had lost part of my left leg. I asked my creator at that very time what was I going to do with the rest of my life now that I had been given a chance to live on earth instead of die?
It’s been quite the journey but I would have to agree with most of your goals as similar. Live each day to the fullest, but be true to yourself. Be the best representation of yourself to those you meet. Be kind, even when you don’t want to. Enjoy all that has been given to you, especially those four-legged creatures who love you unconditionally. Be at peace with your decisions, realize that life is short and must be enjoyed.
I don’t always have to be in control of my future and like to leave the driving to someone greater than myself.
Peace to you and your family.
Beth says
Everyone here is so eloquent and has helped me to remember the preciousness and wildness of my own life. I can’t voice it in the same way, but I can reflect on it. Trisha, thank you for this community!
cyd millar says
hi trisha this is the first im writing on here (not very hi tech as you can see!) my wild and precious life has definitely been wild and now i feel blessed to live in this beautiful place on a hill with 10 acres around me a few cows and my dogs and 2 chickens who give me eggs daily with gladness!after reading your book the education of will i was surprissed that there was someone who seemed to have lived a similar life!so many parallels0 so grateful that i wasnt the only one who felt/feels the ways i do! i live in the hills of jamaica and so i cant make angels in the snow but this morning was 59F so i put on 2 sweaters to walk the dogs down and back up the steep hill with tingly cheeks and frosty breath!!! my resolve for this year is to help more street dogs with my monthly spay days and educate more people on the need for compassion and kindness to animals and for me to take an hour a day(must can manage to find that!)to start writing !!! well see what happens ! if you ever come to jamaica let me know think you would love it here at the farm!!! x love cyd
Kat says
I’m still not sure what I want to be when I grow up but I continue to take on projects and such that interest me and challenge me and help me grow. Perhaps the best answer is the one my daughter used to give when she was a little person and people asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She always said she wanted to be bigger. That’s what I want to do with my wild and precious life, I want to get bigger; bigger knowledge, bigger wisdom, bigger understanding, bigger caring, bigger. So I keep muddling along getting bigger, growing, learning, trying new challenges, taking new risks, and becoming more and more myself.
This year, in a typical burst of madness, I signed up for a course at Canine Principles to learn to write my Dog Biz Book in 30 Days. I’ve toyed with the idea before and others have encouraged me to do it but I’ve never taken the plunge. So, at some point in the future there will be a self-published book working title Becoming a Therapy Dog Team: Guidance and Advice. The idea is to cover all the basic questions I typically get asked about Therapy Dog work; how to get started, what your dog needs to know, how to choose which organization you want to work with, what’s a visit like, etc. Practical advice heavily sprinkled with stories of my own Therapy Dogs and other TDs I know. If nothing else I’ll learn a lot along the way.
Steph says
Love the therapy dog book! A kind mentor helped me with my therapy dog years ago; technically, I suppose the trainer doing the testing did as well by accomodating my unexpected enrollment in her test and even slotting me into another class beforehand for a bit of acclimatization.
On the reflection end– I did some useful things in 2020. Packed some food boxes, made masks, shared science-based information, and did my job well. I learned some stuff– exhibited some resilience–and 2020 reinforced the value of structured social interactions for me. Their absence was noted.
My 2021? I’m going to become a Canine Fitness Trainer. And start tracking hours for maybe becoming a CCPDT-KA.
I’d like to work toward being able to foster one day and want a solid, systematic knowledge foundation. It’s a little silly, maybe, as I don’t intend to make a career out of it.
Kindness is lovely. Taking a day off is incredibly sensible. The body and mind need downtime, despite what our society of busy-ness suggests.
Melanie Hawkes says
Happy new year! I love your words of wisdom. Definitely celebrate the African violet blooming for a year. Anything purple is good, and you must be doing something right.
I’m loving the hot weather in Australia, going to the pool 2-3 times a week. It was 42.2°C here on Friday (almost 108F)! The pool is certainly the best place to be on those days. The snow photos look inviting but I’m so glad it doesn’t get that cold here!
Wanda Jacobsen says
“Bridgerton”. One word and I clutch my pearls too!
Trisha says
Pool, Melanie? I do not know of what you speak. Can’t even imagine one now.
Trisha says
Canine Fitness Trainer Steph? How cool is that?
Trisha says
Kat, I can’t wait for your book! How incredibly important and useful and good. Love the stories and the practical advice that are essential, and probably hard to find. Keep on going for bigger, we’re all here cheering you on.
Trisha says
Thank you so much for writing Cyd, lovely to hear from you. And oh, Jamaica sounds so good right now! Say hello to all the wonderful people, gorgeous birds (and great food) for me.
Trisha says
Holy god Anne, that’s quite a story for us all, thank you so for sharing. A good reminder to us all that hardship and challenges are relative… Yay for you for such an evolved and loving attitude.
Shivani says
2019 was the end of a long road with my mother’s dementia and death. I hadn’t planned on the depth of my involvement due to the trauma of my childhood and the subsequent estrangement with my mom, but nonetheless I was there during her last two years. Her death changed me on a very deep level. I felt out of place in my own life, like I was wearing someone else’s clothes.
Therefore, I made plans for 2020. I quit my job in January and planned to head to Italy in March and stay for 3 months or longer. Free from work for the first time since I was 15 — no schedule and no end date. But, alas, Covid came along and put the kabash on my plans.
It wasn’t the year I thought it would be, but it did bring a great deal of change. I have more free time than I have ever had, which is an incredible blessing (and curse). My sense of self worth has always come from being productive (i.e. busy), so I struggle to relax into free time. But I’m so grateful to have the chance to try and re-balance my nervous system, as I feel like I blew the circuitry with years and years of high-stress work.
With free time, and a move to a home with plenty of room, I adopted a dog 3 months ago (first time I’ve ever had a dog). I thought I knew what I was committing to, but…I didn’t. It’s 100 times harder than I thought it would be, but I fell in love in about 5 minutes flat. Auggie is so unbelievably precious. I embarked on a crash course and am making my way through a stack of about 30 books. He is an adolescent and experienced neglect — missing out on socialization, etc. He has separation anxiety, dog reactivity, and other challenges. But he is incredibly smart and learns quickly.
If you had asked me a year ago what I would be doing right now, I never would have guessed that I would be living in a rural area, and that my full-time “job” would be studying dog behavior and training, and that my day would revolve around a 22 lb corgi/aussie mix. I’m entranced with this little creature. I’m in love, a total goner. And there’s nothing else that I would rather be doing.