A thorough answer to this question is too complicated for any one article, but it’s a common and important one. Actually, the question I am usually asked is this: “What breed of dog should we get?” The quick answer is simple: “It’s not about the breed.”
Well, but, of course it is in some ways. A working-line Border Collie in a small apartment with three children under the age of 7? Perhaps not. (Of course, one needs to say in this case “Let’s talk about why you want a dog in the first place, at least right now.”) Perhaps a Labrador/Mastiff cross for your 90-year old grandfather? Maybe not. So yes, breed, in terms of size and activity level, among a few other things, is relevant.
But as important is the deeper question, which is: Who do you want your dog to be? What made your last dog the best dog you’ve ever had? (Or vice versa.) It wasn’t necessarily because it was a Sheltie or a Boxer or a Dachshund. It was because he was the happiest dog you’ve ever met. Or because she was the sweetest one, who loved everyone of every species. Or was a clown who was often disobedient but funnier than hell and got you laughing and what could be more important than that?
So that’s the first question I think needs to be asked. Who do you want your dog to be? A super cuddly dog? A silly, trickster of a dog who steals the dirty laundry but makes you laugh every day? An active dog that loves to learn new things? Dig deep: What made you happy about your last dog, and what do you need to do to try to find that again?
As an example, here was my criteria when we were looking for a dog after Willie died: I wanted a happy, expressive dog, because happy, expressive dogs make me happy. I wanted a dog that Maggie liked and could play with, because it’s great exercise for her and watching dogs play makes me happy. I wanted a dog who had experience working sheep so I wasn’t starting from the ground up, and I wanted a dog who wasn’t thunder phobic, because we live in thunder alley. When Skip’s previous owner said, during our first phone conversation about him, “He’s the happiest dog I’ve ever known,” I hung up and booked flights to go meet him. And because I knew what mattered most to me, we kept Skip even though he has a malformed heart, is cat obsessed and not as far along in his sheepdog training as expected. And I simply don’t care. Neither of those problems were enough to out weigh the fact that he is indeed the Mr. Rogers of dogs, loves to play with Maggie and work sheep, and is easily conditioned to ignore thunder. (Maggie and Skip adore each other, but see last week’s post about the saga of getting Maggie and Skip to play well together, some things do take time.)
The questions that follow, in my experience, need to be specific. Very specific. There’s little information in the answer to “Is he friendly?” He could be uber friendly to his family, and truly dangerous to visitors. Rather than asking a general question, the question needs to be precise, as in: “What would he do if an unfamiliar man wearing a coat and hat walked into the house unannounced?” “Is he good with kids” needs to be drilled down to “If he had a bone and a 2-year old child tried to take it away, what do you think he’d do?” Granted, many owners, rescues, or foster homes aren’t going to be able to answer that question, so if they say “I honestly don’t know,” give them points for honesty. If they say, “Oh, I’m sure he’d be fine because he always lets my husband take his toys away,” they are telling you that they don’t know.
Because every home is different, it’s hard to create a generic list for everyone, but there are some basics things to ask about that relate to common, potential problems. Do we know if the dog is relaxed when left alone? (And does the place he is living now know the answer to that if they have other dogs in the house and the dog is never really alone?) Is the dog’s body loose and mouth relaxed when you reach for a toy or piece of food? If a large male dog ran up to yours on the sidewalk, what would the dog in question do? Can you predict something that would make your dog growl?
In other words, think through your life, and sort out the difference between what would be nice versus the deal breakers, and go from there. Think through what common behavior problems you’re fine handling, and which ones you are not. Ask yourself what you easily forgave a former dog for, and what you never want to deal with again. (That said, pretty much every one who has had multiple dogs will tell you about the one dog who was exactly who they didn’t want that they ended up falling in love with . . . But still, even those stories have lots of information in them, right?)
I could write forever on this topic, but today has turned into one of those days, and I’m simply out of time. But I’m confident that you’ll add to this with your own thoughts and experiences. If you are presently looking to adopt a dog who has had a previous home, be sure to read the comments as the days go on; there will be a wealth of information in them. You might also want to check out the book that Karen London and I wrote, Love Has No Age Limit, about bringing an adopted dog into your home.
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Snow. Cold. More snow. Colder cold. Snow. Colder than colder cold. Not that it’s starting to drive me crazy or anything. Thirteen below Farenheit this morning, high about 3. It’s been well over two weeks since it’s been way too cold, so much so that my poor dogs have signs of frostbite on their paws. (Look for areas on the pads that are lighter in color, even white or yellowish, assuming they are normally black.) I feel truly awful that I didn’t check their paws sooner. The few times the dogs raised their paws, as dogs do when it’s very cold and their paws start to burn, I took them in right away. And they only did it once or twice. But while working on their nail trimming (going great! videos to come next week), I noticed pale patches on their pads, sure signs of frost bite. Skip’s are worse than Maggie’s, but either way, given today’s high of 3 or 4, I’m using Musher’s Secret, just delivered, before they go outside (very briefly, just to potty) and Udder Balm also twice a day cuz it’s great for dry, chapped areas. I am on the hunt for booties (out just about everywhere I look but, hey, what else am I going to do given the weather?) and working on forgiving myself for letting this happen. I have a way to go on that front.
Waaaay too cold to take photos outside, so here’s a little cheer from the farm house:
My amaryllis continue to make me happy, with a second set of buds from the same plant.
Jim gets a million points for bringing me gorgeous flowers for Valentine’s Day. He knows how to get to my heart!
Ah, but I know how to get to his, right through his stomach. I made a different kind of no-knead bread yesterday, and it’s pretty damn good if I do say so myself. (Recipe from Cooks Illustrated, “Almost No Knead Bread.”)
Last, just for a laugh, I spent some time yesterday, during our “lock down within the lock down,” going through old photo albums. Thought you might get a laugh out of a photo page from my first wedding album. That tan guy beside me, (I’m the ridiculously young blond girl-woman), is my former husband, Doug McConnell, a well-known environmental journalist in the Bay area. He and his wife, Kathy, came to visit in the Before Times, and all four of us had a fantastic time. (Yeah, that’s where the name “McConnell” came from.) The man with glasses is the middle is my Daddy, George Clarke Bean. Miss him bunches.
I’m off to try to create home-made booties for Skip, who has no idea what all this fuss is about and why I keep massaging his paws.
I hope you are managing throughout this current weather drama without too much trouble yourself. Do please add your experience and wisdom to the question of “what to ask” before adopting a dog. People will read your comments for many years to come, and be grateful for them. As will I.
Diane says
The bread looks delicious.
My last dog (Lab Poodle mix) was so responsive, and happily so, he made me look and feel like I knew what I was doing. I wanted the same in my current dog (selfish me).
My current dog was 3 years old when we brought him home. He’s a 90 lb. Golden Poodle mix bread (I mean breed – darn bread picture, I’m hungry ) . Obviously we were looking for a similar “breed or mix breed” with the same characteristics as our last dog.
However, our new dog was, no surprise, different. He wasn’t all that happy when we first got him – of course, he was displaced from his previous home. He was quick to arouse – to the point where I was not sure if it would become aggressive. I worried about resource guarding – not horrible but once he had something, he didn’t want to give it up. . He is bolder than my last. He exhibited a lot of male bravado toward other males – high tail set, tall stance, direct stare.
We have had each other in our lives for 3 years now, and yes there is quite a change in him. He is comfortable in his home so I am seeing happy dog face! He has basic obedience, which is used to give him something to do instead of winding up.
Although I admit to having my doubts about him initially, he challenges my teaching ability and forces me to understand that set backs are all part of learning. He is also teaching me to be more patient…and yes, be happy and enjoy that he is young, strong and all the dog he is.
Although I would NEVER think of re-homing him as he is our family, if I were to consider it, I would not recommend him to a family with small children. Just his size and exuberance may result in accidental injury. Sometimes I think we’re not the best for him because we are older – he’s living with grandparents! But maybe that is best in helping to control his quick arousal. And I would really exercise caution if the other home had a male dog in the household….might work in some circumstances but best to make sure it would.
Fun to look at the wedding pictures. When I look at mine I was so young. Thought I was so mature and ready for marriage – yeah got that wrong (not the marriage part – just the mature and and ready part) ! Stay warm
HFR says
I know this will be considered shallow and selfish to consider, but I find that looks are of some importance to me in my own dogs (not for other dogs at all). I grew up with a dog that looked just like a flat-coated retriever altho was a mix. When I decided to get my first dog as an adult I got an FCR. And every dog that I’ve had since has looked like my first dog (well, one a little less so than the others because when I picked her out at the shelter at 7 weeks old she looked like she would turn out like that but didn’t). And I think I will always be partial to black dogs. I do think that the look of a dog triggers an emotion in a person and probably predicts the temperament of the dog to a certain degree.
Obviously the look of the dog should be the least important thing on the list and plenty of dogs are adopted for looks and it turns out terrible, but I’m always surprised at myself by how much a dog’s looks will influence how much I am attracted to them. (Altho I have yet to turn away from any dog.) I would even suggest that if your average dog owner adopted a dog he connected with on a superficial level he would probably be more patient with that dog in the long run. Which is a good thing in the end.
Trisha says
HFR: Not shallow at all. If you get all melty when you look at them it’s a lot easier to forgive the puddle on the carpet, right. I too love certain kinds of looks, no question about it. And I’m particularly guilty of liking girlie dogs and handsome boys. Good grief, what an admission!
Margaret says
The first question I’d ask would be, “Does the dog bond with people?” That I have to have–an aloof, disinterested dog and I would not make it. And the second would be, “Any sign of a work ethic? Willing to work for treats or toys?”
But then we break our own rules all the time. When I got Kate my only criteria were that she be a companion for Nina, the separation anxiety poster child, and that she not eat cats.
It was a pure lagniappe when she turned out to be wonderfully trainable, and also very snuggly.
Tammy says
I’m so glad you wrote this post, Trisha. So many good and important questions to ask.
Here’s another: “What do you mean by that?”
It’s a good question to ask when someone uses a vague term to describe the dog. We’ve only adopted rescue mutts for decades and two adoptees ago we brought home a little poodle mix, Missy, knowing we were about to be her 5th home in her two years of life. We expected a fair amount of work with her and felt up to the challenge after so many behavioral challenges over years of adoptees from tough circumstances (street dogs, abused dogs, etc).
When we visited Missy’s foster family with our other dog, to see how they’d get along (they got along famously in an instant and became best friends forever), the foster mentioned that Missy was “a little mouthy.” Both my husband and I thought she meant that she nipped, and we shrugged off the comment, knowing that was in our positive training wheelhouse.
That wasn’t what she meant. We got Missy home and discovered that she. never. shut. up. If she was awake, she was barking, and it was that awful high-pitch fingernails-on-chalkboard bark of some little dogs. I am not exaggerating — she barked at everything. Birds flying by, cars going by, people walking by. And after they were long gone, she kept barking. We thought we’d lose our minds. It took me two months of sitting with a bowl of kibble and a clicker anytime I had a moment, and slowly widening the time gap she had to pause and look at me before she got a kibble.
Missy turned into an incredible family member and wonderful companion for us and our other dog. But we learned our lesson: Check out vague terms and make sure you know what they mean!
LisaH says
PawZ for dogs … Have 2 BCs & not a boot in the world stayed on their feet but I too live in WI in the country and have found Pawz to be the ticket. And Mushers Secret when its not quite as bitter cold or I know we will also be on cement.
HFR says
Glad I’m not alone! Just curious, what does a girlie dog look like? I’m picturing bows in the fur and nail polish on paws but I know that can’t be it. 😄
Alison Jane Bailie says
HI –
1st – what do you suggest on frost bite – I just checked my dog and she has some whit-ish on one paw pad. We live in Canada and it has been -30C or colder at time, especially with wind chill, I think that is almost as cold as -30F. I do use boots but seems we need an extra layer. Luckily warming up tomorrow (they say). Do I just leave for now, or contact the vet?
I loved the joy my last dog had in going hiking but did not like her fear/reactivity/teeth baring+ to other dogs and people. For the current one, I had read your advice on specific questions but ended up asking more general ones, to my (slight) despair. I wanted weekend-active but OK in apartment and asked “is she friendly with other dogs” “is she friendly with people” I was more concerned about the former since I live near downtown and sooo many people on the street walking dogs, I figured I could communicate with humans to stay away but so much more effort to communicate to dogs.
I was told she was fine with dogs on the street, she was fostered with two other dogs – but truth be told, I had waited for more than a year after saying good-bye to my previous dog, I had fostered 2 dogs for a rescue group, and I had already enquired about other dogs through rescue groups and been told “no, already gone” “no not for apartment”. It was time, right then, for me to have my dog.
I chose medium age, medium size, medium hair length, pointy ears, white with splotches – kind of border collie looking but not really. And yes looks are important but I had asked about a wide range of dogs when contacting rescue groups. But always in the 20-40 pound range, I wanted one that I could lift if needed.
So I drove out to meet this one, asked a few questions while she sat at my feet and melted into my body. Was told she was fine on seeing dogs when on walks etc. They thought she was about 50 pounds. A week later, we came home and she promptly informed me and others that 1. walks are stupid, we have food at home and 2. dogs must stay out of my personal space. She weighed 65 pounds, sigh.
She had lived off leash with a pack of 8+ other dogs, they had an owner but were not always well fed or warm. And I soon got the diagnosis of hip dysplasia. Couldn’t really blame her attitude to walks or dogs. And of course many of the neighbourhood dogs are socialized to being on leash and barging up to others – not my girl’s initial society. But she is sooo amazing with people of all shades and sizes and not a peep in apartment living, takes to elevator like a queen.
Almost two years later, she is on good meds and food, enjoys many short walks a day and is about 53 pounds. She likes to go exploring for short adventures and is OK with staying at home when I need more exercise. Maybe not ideal, but perfect – I only wish that we could get her exploring the option of therapy dog work, maybe soon.
So I really think your questions on “what does the dog do when…” are super helpful. Turns out when I reached back to the foster family after adoption they said “she snarled at our male dog whenever he was close and ignored the female” and the rescue co-ordinator had only seen my girl with her own puppies so thought she was fantastic with dogs. Maybe if I had asked that I would have said “no”.
But I am happy I have my Aspen and the experience with my previous dog and many of your books and DVDs meant that I quickly had Aspen’s reaction to seeing another dog as being to calmly step to the side and wait for treat. I really hope to find a trainer to help us negotiate play with other dogs at some point.
simply cheryl says
I love my present dog (a havanese) but one thing that would make it a LOT easier for training purposes is if he were food motivated. He doesn’t care for food (even steak) or toys…..he likes people. Especially visitors. It’s really difficult to train him to be calm the first 10 minutes that people come. Nothing is as important and as rewarding as the visitor
M.H. Deal says
In May, 2016, I put down my late, great, geriatric, rescued [from the North American Dutch Shepherd Rescue, NADSR] Dutch Shepherd, Jiri[year-she, which is Czech for George] at 17. I traveled from Ohio to Virginia to see him in May, 2013. Little did I know he’d be the dog of a lifetime from whom I’m still learning. His early story’s not uncommon. Acquired as a puppy [born March, 1999], he became too much for the woman who had him, even though he went to a trainer. So, he was sold to a kennel where he spent the next 12 years of his life as a stud as well as training for agility and drug detection. In 2009 the kennel owner and dog trainer moved on to other shiny objects, so Jiri and several other dogs were essentially neglected, indifferently fed, in the hope of the kennel’s manager that they’d die. They didn’t. In 2013 the woman who cleaned their kennels rescued all the neglected dogs, keeping Jiri for herself. She got in touch with the NADSR on whose website I saw him, advertised as being 9 years old. Over one weekend he suddenly “aged” to 13, which probably meant that no one, no matter how handsome he looked, would want him. Except moi.
The NADSR had a question on their adoption application about what the adopter planned for the dog. They suggested because of his vast, excellent training and equitable temperament – he was trained not to bark and did only three times in our association – he’d be good as a therapy dog. So, we passed the Therapy Dogs International test; he did over 100 therapy visits to the elderly, libraries, and children. He was a striking dog in looks and temperament who’s still remembered by all who met him.
Unfortunately, people keep asking me when I’m getting another dog. I always explain it doesn’t work that way for me; a dog is not like a refrigerator, to be replaced as early as possible. And, my experience with Jiri has left me with lots of considerations, not the least of which is Jiri’s opinion himself. He had such unusual habits which no one could fathom that after his death I got in touch with
Diane Weinmann, an animal communicator, to ask what was going on. His answers to my questions through her puzzled me; fortunately I was in touch with his devoted assistant trainer in Virginia who laughingly made complete sense of his puzzling answers. Since this first session, Diane has served wonderfully as a go-between for not only Jiri but for other dogs as well. However, Jiri has told me that he will vet any dog in which I have an interest because he feels he knows what I’m looking for. So far he’s turned down several, saying in one case “he is not for you. He no listen, like me when young.” Others who might have been possibilities were on the West Coast which stood in their way on their end but not on mine.
So, here’s my criteria. A middle-aged dog, preferably a Dutch Shepherd, who’s not been spayed or neutered. That’s difficult to find. Jiri wasn’t neutered until he was rescued which meant that all people who saw him, save one, never guessed his true age. Retaining his hormones was a blessing. I’m somewhat skittish about dogs who’ve been totally fixed at a young age. In one case I offered to pay for a vasectomy/hysterectomy to preserve the hormones, but was turned down. Kind of picky, eh?
I may never get another dog. When I asked Jiri through Diane what I should say to those who ask when I’m getting another dog, the Clown Prince, as we cal hilm, said “when you’ve had the best, it’s hard to find another.” Very true, Jirisku, very true.
LisaW says
I love this topic! In spite of living with my dog behavior and training skills coming up very short for the past eleven years (since we got Olive), I am drawn to “troubled” dogs. Dogs that have that look in their eye that says, “there is something deep that we can get to, if you have a decade or two.” We [used] to meet dogs on occasion, and the ones with certain looks in their eyes or body language had me at hello. Not the dangerous dogs but the difficult ones . . . hmmm.
However, if we ever get another dog when we are dog-less [no more two at a time], I will do all I can to look for the one that is less troubled and more of a smarty pants. I like a dog that has wit and loves a good joke. Smart does sometimes = troubled, but the goofy, doe-deo-doe dogs don’t make my heart sing like the dog who can out trick me. More of a jester than a clown. A dog that surprises me in good ways [and probably bad, too].
However, one can’t deny looks are powerful. For years we had red dogs — mostly because we loved Goldens but then we had a bloodhound for a bit, and Phoebe was a red labby type [although we didn’t actually pick her, she was a needs-a-home-asap case]. We have often said to Olive that she is lucky she is so darned cute, it has softened our fury on more than one occasion. Our two that were black, brown, gold, white mixed were also the two that were cleverly difficult and not easy to train but never forgot.
I will need this village’s help if that time ever comes. I’m not sure I trust myself to know what makes good sense versus what is incredibly appealing. I’m a fool for scruffy, blocky, wiggle butts.
PS. Margaret, thanks for the word of the day. I thought it was an auto-correct mishap, but I learned a new word. Love it!
Jean carr says
I also feel a little guilty about caring about looks – but even more I care about how they MOVE. A loose, fluid stride gives me such joy! Our geriatric BC will soon be history (tears) and I think we need the next dog to be smaller so we can lift them. Thinking about adopting a bonded pair so they can adapt together to a new set-up.
Wendy K says
I’ve been thinking about how to select the next dog (Juni just turned 11), while hoping I don’t need to for years! Happy is at the top of my list too. And sociable, after life with my stranger-danger dog. I do enjoy the creative, slightly naughty ones!
I’ve fallen in love with no-knead bread. I’ve been experimenting with adding a bit of millet flour and other exotic ingredients to the basic recipe. It makes great cinnamon rolls too. The best thing about it for busy people is that the timing is so flexible – as in, leave the dough in the fridge for a few days and it gets even better. Oh! Pizza too!
Do you have any vet wrap on hand? I just saw a video about using it to give senior dogs traction on slick floors. Might that help with the cold till till you can find booties? The Vital Vet YouTube channel has a video: “Wondering about traction aids and vet wrap…” Juni has been sliding a bit in our icy Kentucky yard, but not enough to make it worth the effort of getting her to accept something on her feet. Especially since she has an indoor toilet area as a fallback.
Carole Krajeski says
As always, a great thought provoking post. I have been on the other end of this as a foster home. Along with an enormous Rottweiler/St. Bernard mix I adopted when he was 9 weeks old (I gave absolutely no thought to this… I was grieving the unexpected loss of my beloved Rottie.), I have two ‘foster failures’ . One of my fosters – an Aussie mix – came to me because she was seriously declining in the shelter. Cammie had come into the shelter pregnant, gave birth, and all of her puppies were adopted. She wouldn’t eat, and was scared of everyone. She thrived here, bonded with my two male dogs, regained her appetite, and was happy. Still… she refused to walk on ‘shiny’ floors, and fled to the safety of her crate when anyone came into the house. Several prospective adopters were interested – solely because of her breed, I suspect – but I was honest about her issues, and none of these people wanted to take on the challenge. I was Cammie’s foster home for nearly a year, and was resigned to keeping her. Then a wonderful couple came to meet her. She hid from them, vomited when he came to sit beside her, and generally made herself as undesirable as possible. Still, they were up for the challenge and adopted her. I am happy to report that three years later, Cammie is happy and healthy with her beloved owners. They send me updates and pics and every communication makes me happy. After Cammie came Dusty. (DNA test revealed she is Rottweiler/Chow/Pitbull/GSD… what a mix!!) I knew I would be fostering her for a while before, during, and thru rehab for her knee surgery. When I picked her up after her surgery, the orthopedic surgeon told me her other knee and her hips were also screwed up. He suspected she had been hit by a car and never properly cared for. Even before her surgery Dusty had become the reigning queen of the canines here. She is very dominant and my boys are easy. When she was finally well enough to look for a permanent home, I sang her praises. She is housebroken, crate trained, and loves any human she meets. And again, I was honest with prospective adopters. It took her a long time, and careful introductions, to get along with other dogs. She has a VERY strong prey drive. No homes with small children… she loves kids but if a child played too rough, accidentally fell on her, or pushed on her hips, I was afraid she would snap purely out of pain. The shelter made her the “Dog of the Week” with no adoption fee. She is pretty, so we got more calls about her, but no takers. I adopted her.
Deborah Mason says
Perhaps asking how that react to hugs. Our second dog, a Golden Retriever/Samoyed mix, was 2 when we got him from a rescue organization. It was bad on our part, but we took him to a party that evening (Super Bowl). Because we didn’t know him yet & the host had cats, we kept him on leash & close the whole time. He did so much better than could be asked for, but we found her did not like to be hugged. And toddlers love to hug. I was able to desensitize him to hugs (in self defense). To his huge credit, he didn’t react when the toddler wakes on his tail a couple times during the evening. Max needed 2 years to realize we were his forever family & let down the barriers. Once that happened he was a real life sponge, “living in the car outside my office & getting live & cookies from most of our coworkers. He lived for car rides. Any car rides. Any car. But that’s another story. We didn’t know enough to ask questions. In the end, glad we didn’t that time.
Terry Baer-Brooks says
Hi Trisha-
Thank you as always for your post- they always get me to thinking and reflecting about all the wonderful dogs I’ve had the honor to know and love. Just an aside about booties- none of my boys have been fans of boots but there have been times when they were necessary. Years ago we vacationed on Lake Champlain ( loads of zebra mussels to slice pads)with our golden Jackson. Since swimming was right up there with breathing and eating for our boy : ), we had to figure out how to let him do it safely. We used Kurgo boots with vibram soles to protect his feet. Walking from grass to lake was a total comedy , but once in the lake to swim he was a happy and safe boy. Our Jack russell- Russell used to wear Pawz rubber (balloon boots) when our upstate NY winters got below 20 degrees or so. They really worked but he was not a happy camper during the putting on stage! Our current Jack mix- Willie is not a fan at all of the Pawz balloons- tolerates them going on but I decided that I won’t make him frustrated with me (life’s too short and the older I get, the more I really do want to stress cooperative relationship with my boys- ). I found MountainRidgeLLC pet dog boots to be the best for Willie- they are cloth with stretch velcro and are perfect for running on/in deep snow. They are styled after boots used at Iditarod ( not a race I support- reading too many things about dogs being pushed too far in and not treated well) but they really do provide Willie’s feet with good protection while letting his foot have contact and good propriocepton with the ground surface. They are pretty easy to put on, too. They come in really bright colors if they come off(which is rare in my experience- even in deeper snow). They even sell them individually just in case. I wish that I had known about these types of boots a long time ago- Russell would have appreciated it! During evening neighborhood walks in suburbs I always just use Musher’s secret as a buffer from salt and chemicals on side walks and crossing streets. Anyway- that’s my unsolicited two cents! Hope you stay warm- wish that warm bread was here in my house!
Thanks!!
Charlotte Kasner says
I offer pre-purchase consultations (prevention is better than cure right?). Of course, it’s difficult to get to people before they buy and they don’t always take advice (although some have been gracious enough to admit that they should have after the event!), but at least I hope that they will go into purchasing and ownership with their eyes open.
In non-Covid times, I would ask that everyone in a household be present for the session; we usually end up sitting round a table so that it’s a bit like playing a board game.
Obviously I cover the ethical sources of dogs and legal requirements, but I start with asking them what their ideal dog would look like and what they expect to do with it. I always do the exercise with them and explain why I have made the choices that I have about my ideal kind of dog. I would them make recommendations based on their answers which may include attempting to steer them away from potentially inappropriate choices.
Once we have discussed the type of dog, I produce a large sheet of paper on which I have written a series of questions about looking after the dog, paying the bills, training etc. Each person is given a block of sticky notes (different colours for each person) on which to write their answers. The questions are really specific, for instance not “Who will walk the dog” but “Who will walk the dog first thing in the morning, during the day and last thing at night” for instance.
Everyone places their answers in the space by the question and then we compare them. This enables people to have a realistic idea of what living with a dog entails and can enable disagreements to be at least aired before the dog is in the house.
So many dogs are relinquished by owners with unrealistic expectations of dogs and of themselves. Some do end up becoming behavioural clients but I only wish that I could do more before the harm was caused.
Debby Gray says
I laughed at the topic this week and thought ” if only”.
I was presented with my first dog, a dumped puppy, one of a litter of 4 left in a box by the side of the road. I didn’t think I wanted a dog but fell in love on a “trial” weekend. He was funny and playful and my companion for 13 years.
I was determined to be thoughtful and responsible in getting my second dog. I chose a Lab rescue. I wanted a Lab because playfulness is often considered a breed characteristic. Unfortunately as Trisha has said MeMe didn’t read the book on Labs. She was serious, never learned to play , didn’t the know what to do with a ball, and was slow to warm up to people.
When MeMe died after 12 years, I made a list of my ideal dog, playful, people friendly, and male since my first dog had been a male. I was going to be deliberate and take my time choosing my next companion.
Then a friend texted me a picture of a dog on a porch each of his ribs stood out,every vertebra could be counted. So I said I’d come and meet him and then decide… oh yes…
Monty already looked better than he had in the picture. The couple who found him had taken him to their vet and they were feeding an enriched diet but because their own dog had cancer and expensive treatment, they couldn’t afford a second dog.
While I was visiting a neighbor drove by and said he’d like to take Monty home and chain him to the porch as a watch dog. I spoke up and said that Monty already had a new home. And that’s how this male dog who is people friendly but reactive to other dogs and very sound sensitive came to live with me. I am very glad Monty is living in my house and not chained to a porch. He is not my ideal dog but I love him dearly and I have a great trainer who helps me help Monty with his anxieties.
JMM says
Best dog shoes I’ve found – https://dogbooties.com/ They are for sled dogs! The lightest weight has been enough to protect from the dreaded frozen foot (for potty breaks at least) and they stay on a skinny greyhound leg.
Alexandra Horowitz says
Trisha, A timely post indeed! I very much like your question “Who do you want your dog to be” — first because you use “who” of course :); second because it highlights that we *do* have specific hopes for our dogs that we don’t sometimes articulate.
Even so, since there are no guarantees with dogs (by breed or prior report) that they will be the way we hope, I also find interesting the “What behavior might be so unacceptable that you’d consider re-homing this dog” question that our last rescue organization asked us. Without endorsing the notion that one can just “return” a dog, it does force you to highlight for yourself what is the most challenging behavior for you. If you know that, you can work to fend it off from the get-go.
thanks as always for your thoughtful posts, applicable to new dog people as well as the rest of us 🙂
Vicki in Michigan says
The last time I chose a dog, I told the person he couldn’t bark too much, chew too much, or lick too much. (One of my friends had a dog who NEVER left off licking *something*……)
My dog fit the bill, and fit neatly into our family, after he got used to being a pet dog rather than a kennel dog. And he had three fatal conditions in his middle age, one of which took him out. I Degenerative myelopathy totally sucks.
Ellen says
Seconding LisaH’s suggestion of PAWZ. Those things were a lifesaver for the infrequent occasions that we needed extra paw protection for snow/ice/salt. Easy to put on and they stay in place. I don’t love using disposables though, and probably would have invested in some quality booties if we actually needed them more than a few times per year where I live.
Here’s the adoption wisdom I keep telling myself: Be brutally honest with yourself when identifying what kind of dog will be a good fit.
I’ve known several people who, before getting a dog, really liked the idea of training in agility with their future pups. That level of training and practice was unlikely to happen in reality, but their dogs were selected with that hopeful future in mind. The dog is generally the loser in these situations – never quite getting enough mental or physical exercise while the owner struggles to keep them out of trouble.
Aim for a dog that is good for your current lifestyle, not an aspirational one.
Trisha says
Ellen, great point about being realistic. Get a dog for your current life, not “an aspirational one.” Perfect.
Trisha says
Vicki: Argh, so sorry.
Trisha says
Alexandra: Love that second question. In other words, what are the deal breakers such that you just couldn’t keep the dog? Of course, we might find out that we are wrong, and be happy with the dog to our surprise, but a great, great question to ask.
Trisha says
JMM: Thanks! They look great, but their website says not accepting any orders until March. It’s been quite the adventure trying to find anything at all. Thank heavens for vet wrap!
Trisha says
Debra: Monty is a very, very lucky boy! (And how about your buddy Jordan!)
Trisha says
Charlotte: This is brilliant, I wish everyone would do this before they got a dog!
Trisha says
Thanks Terry B-B for the boot recommendation. Can’t find any Mountain Ridge boots available but will keep working on it. Buying winter booties for dogs this year is not the easiest thing to do. (Why have I never had this problem before? Why didn’t I have boots on hand for heaven’s sake?)
Trisha says
Deborah Mason: After all my suggestions, I’m the first to admit that sometimes ignorance is bliss!
Trisha says
Carole: Wonderful stories! And very very lucky dogs…
Trisha says
LisaW: Love the ‘jester’ versus “clown” distinction! And when the time comes, the village is here for you!
Trisha says
MH Deal: Thank you so much for sharing Jiri’s story. What a saga. Tell the Clown Prince (I adore that phrase!) hello for all of us.
Trisha says
Great point about food motivation ‘simply cheryl’. It makes training a gazillion times easier!
Trisha says
Alison re frost bite on paws: It sure never hurts to contact your vet! My guess, just as a non-medical person with little experience with frost bite, is if it’s just a whitish area on one paw pad that all you need to do it protect it and keep it moisturized. But, again, I’m not a vet. I have been putting Udder Balm on Skip’s paws (Maggie’s too, although hers are much better than his) twice a day (then they go into their crates on a towel), and taking him outside for literally seconds to pee or poop. Tonight I’m going to wrap his paws with vet wrap and let him out a little longer because it’s over 20 degrees now. The sites I found on frostbite suggest that mild/moderate frost bite results in whitish spots, severe frost bite can result in black tissues that are necrotic and will die off. Maggie’s paw are clearly in the very mild category, Skip’s pads have a few areas that aren’t just white, they are brown, as if burnt. Those are the areas I’m most concerned about, but protection, time to heal and moisturizers seem like the best path from here.
Trisha says
Ha! HFR asks a good question! What is a ‘girlie’ dog to me? Small face box, narrower jaw than a male, smaller boned. No ribbons required!
Trisha says
Thanks LisaH: Got them on order! Should arrive tomorrow. Hard to find them now, some sites say “No orders til March 26th” or some such. Tonight, it’s vet wrap!
Trisha says
Tammy: Love the “what do you mean by that?” Great way to get specifics. And yay for you for hanging in there with Missy. That would be a challenge for me too!
HFR says
Ah, I get it. You mean Maggie. 😃
Toni says
Getting specific with questions is so important. I also let some comments fly by when adopting a dog recently–for example, when the foster mom said that she was “stubborn,” I should have asked–“In what way?” I only heard what I wanted to hear: “She’s the sweetest dog in the world.” And she is! When the info sheet said “35 lbs” I should have asked “When?” I didn’t know the dog had been starving when she got to the shelter two years earlier. (I didn’t get to meet her in person until it was time to adopt; I’d seen videos, and it was Covid time. By that stage I wasn’t about to say no because of a few pounds.) She’s closing in on a tall, muscular 50-60 lbs. now, which, because of her stubbornness, makes it difficult for me to walk her (she stops all. the. time, but she’s a tripod so I’m still figuring out if she’s tired or just, you know, stubborn). I ignored the remark about her wanting to go outside at 3 am in freezing weather. In reality, she never wants to sleep in the house at night (is fine inside during the day). And so on. Now I’m about to adopt another dog so she can have a companion. Since I’ve learned to get very specific with my questions, one rescue group accused me of looking for “the perfect dog.” Not at all, just one whose issues I can work with or who fits my physical needs (I’m 67, but healthy). After all, the one with me now is hardly perfect, and that’s fine by me.
The what would cause you to return a dog question I agree is good to ask yourself in order to really hone in on what you are looking for in a dog. My deal-breakers are dogs that would be a danger to me or my cats. I temporarily had a fear-aggressive dog and it really frightened me. Some can work with that, “you can train it out,” as the rescue group said, but I’m not the one to do that. I can do other things, work with shy (non-aggressive) dogs, for example.
It’s so helpful reading others’ experiences here, thanks. And the rescue group I’m working with now cites Patricia a lot so I know they’re great!
For those looking for loving/adoring dogs, I can say that Elsa arrived very aloof, and they did warn me it was typical of these street dogs, but that is something I can work with. I love the challenge of forging a bond with her and am making progress after only 8-9 months.
Michelle says
I remember when we were looking for our first dog, I took a page out of something I saw a counselor do with a friend of mine who was having trouble finding lasting relationships. I wrote down on a piece of paper three things: What I MUST have in a dog, What I really could not handle in a dog, and things I could bend on.
So I had things like size (30-60 lbs), activity level (active enough to go on hikes, long walks, and maybe dabble in some dog sports), dog and people friendly or tolerant, etc. in must haves. I had things like separation anxiety, fear aggression, age (no puppies, no seniors), size (no giant dogs!), certain medical issues (like blindness, as my husband and I are NOT the most neat with things we leave sitting around the apartment! lol), and because of our landlord at the time excessive barking in the cannot have. And then other things like color, various medical issues (ok with a deaf dog, or a dog who was diabetic as my husband was too, etc.), various behavior issues (could work through house training issues, mild fears/phobias, lack of confidence, afraid of children, etc.) all went into the “can bend on/work with.” So I had that in mind when we were looking for a dog and would, as hard as it was, cross a dog off the list if they had an issue I couldn’t live with.
We ultimately ended up with the perfect dog for our home, so it worked well for us!
Kaari says
Trisha, I see you got booties–yay!–but if in future you’re in need, and you can sew, apparently the sled-dog velcro type are easy to make. Not for me, who can’t sew, but they were for my friend who can and who took the “fell off a real sled dog in the northern Minnesota woods” bootie that I gave her for a sample and made some really nice ones for my dogs. Just a polar fleece pocket with a velcro strap around the top.
For who I want my dogs to be…sighthounds are it for me, specifically Staghounds (in Minnesota, fur is essential). I love their look, their sweet, laid-back personality, their 1001 goofy sleeping positions, and their sheer joy in sprinting around the dog park. We got super lucky with our 3 for-real Staghounds and our one “probably a Greyhound mix”–all have/had quirks, but nothing difficult. Our current 2, littermates, were described as “very shy” by the rescue (rescued coyote hunters), and I realize that we are so lucky that both of them are doing as well as they are…but I also realize that our lifestyle is pretty well suited to typical sighthound personality, and particularly to timid dogs. We’re middle-aged introverts who hang out at home a lot and prefer peace and quiet…perfect for a couple timid dogs with some sound sensitivities. Our dogs would struggle with young, active homes just as we would likely struggle with high-energy, loud dogs. That said, 3 of our 4 dogs were in situations where any questions we might have thought to ask would have been hard to answer–the first was a vet school “practice dog” who lived in a vet school kennel before we got him; the next was in a foster family for a bit so she was probably the most “known quantity;” the third was so timid at the rescue that it was hard for them to know her personality except that, even in her fear, she was never aggressive; and the fourth, her sister, was struggling in an active family in a noisy suburb and we just had to hope that, when she joined us quiet boring people and her sister in the country, she’d relax enough to actually go potty outside. So we really took a gamble on 3 of the 4, and fortunately for us they have all been wonderful dogs. Not necessarily the way you want to approach getting a dog, though!
Kat says
I had very clear expectations for D’Artagnan when we were looking for a successor for Ranger and Finna. I wanted an independent minded dog. Finna was so attuned to me that even a second of irritation with my husband and she’d go bark at him. She lived to be near me and I didn’t want that again. I wanted a smart dog since I have a real weakness for the smart ones (fortunately for me D’Artagnan is smart but not the same level of terrifying brilliance as his predecessors). And I wanted big. I thought about it carefully and considered my genetic heritage what I’d be like physically in 10 or 12 years. I decided I was likely to be able to handle the needs of a giant in another decade or so. I wanted an adult, I do not have the patience for a puppy. And most important I wanted another dog that could be a Therapy Dog so the dog needed to love all people and be tolerant of other dogs.
We heard about a Great Pyrenees looking for a new home and since I’d grown up with a pair of them I agreed we could take a look. It was not love at first sight. But there was something there so I agreed to meet him again and this time I liked what I saw better. The smartest thing we were able to do was to pick him up and bring him to our house for a few hours several times a week. We did this for nearly a month. The day he moved in to stay he came to me to check in about the time we’d normally be taking him back and I told him he lived here now. He heaved a sigh and flopped down next to me to sleep. It was the easiest transition ever, no stress at all. He fit into the household so easily that we imagined that Ranger and Finna had left him notes on appropriate behavior. It was like he’d always lived here. I’d love to be able to give any future dogs I adopt that same smooth transition. And D’Artagnan is everything I was looking for in a dog. He loves me but he’s got his own life of protecting the yard and doesn’t need to be next to me all the time. He’s smart and learns quickly when I manage to communicate to him what I want. He loves people and other dogs. I found what I was looking for.
Kerry McDonough says
I heart this post. I will also say that when I adopted my current dog back in the Fall, it was really hard to get rescue groups to engage on these questions. They wanted to know what breed I wanted and when I said that I don’t care about the breed but here is the temperament that I’m looking for, it just caused confusion. In the best case, they didn’t understand how to work with me. And in the worst case, I think they thought I was just being difficult. I say that not to discourage, but to encourage anyone looking for a dog to persevere through this if you experience it and find a group that is truly able/willing to work with you. In my case, I had the best luck with the local Humane Society and my local shelter. I felt they spent more time trying to understand me and what I was looking for.
As for my list, really wanted a dog who would be able to go places with me. Whether it was out for a day of hiking or chilling at an outdoor park – what I most wanted was a dog who could just be in public. Maybe this was even more important to me because of Covid. I just needed to have a dog who didn’t keep me in the house because that was the only place he was comfortable. I did ultimately find him. And he has a few quirks that we need to either work through or I need to accept, but he did fill everything on the must list.
Kerry McDonough says
Oh. Also since finding a new dog was quite the journey for me that took several months, this is now my new icebreaker question. If I’m meeting someone new, I asked them how they got their dog and how they decided they were the one. It is an amazingly interesting question or an amazingly awkward question. Awkward is when the person is super confused by the question because their answer is: I just went and got a dog.
Sue Forde says
This topic is so timely for me-after 5 years without a dog (oh, I’m retired now and going to travel too much, etc.) this pandemic has really taught me that I miss have a companion. I had decided that an adult or even senior dog is what I wanted but I met a puppy at the shelter where I volunteered who was so delightful that I put in an app. Prepped the house to bring him home, but on the day the app was to be approved (after a long, sleepless night of honest evaluation) decided a puppy was not right for me. He, of course, found a home in 2 days and I continue my search. Thanks to all of you for reinforcing to me that the right thing to do is first determine what is most important to you-because the dog deserves to have the best home for him/her as well
Beth says
Most of these questions only apply to adult dogs. If you are buying a puppy, you don’t know if it will be thunder phobic or dog social, happy go lucky or serious.
Our next Corgi will be a puppy (if we are fortunate to get one; Corgis have wait lists). We will tell the breeder what we are looking for and hopefully socialize it like crazy and hope to end up with what we want.
And this is why breed (and breeder) DOES matter. If you are getting a puppy, breed traits become much more important. If I want a dog that tolerates chaos, I shouldn’t get a sheltie. If I want a running partner, a beagle is a bad choice. If I want a funny clown of a dog, I probably shouldn’t get a Chessie. And so on.
Alison F. says
Last time I was on the hunt for a dog, I wanted a young 1-3 year old, female herding breed who would make a good agility and hiking partner. I ended up with a 6-year-old male mystery mutt couch potato who’d rather snuggle or go for a drive instead of a 10 mile hike. He’s now 13, the most expensive dog I’ve ever had (in vet bills) and I wouldn’t change a thing. There are so many other reasons why he was a good fit for me (and I for him). 🙂
Lorie Coenen says
In regards to boots for dogs. I’ve had no luck keeping them on my dog so I got creative and made something that has worked. I took some fleece scraps and sewed a sort of tube sock. Nothing fancy just a tube and sewed one end shut for the toe end. Left the seam on the outside and put it to the top when I slip it on his paw. Then I completely wrap his paw in vet wrap and go up high enough on his leg to really secure so they don’t come off. They are not water proof but that’s not the issue when it’s in the single digits. He looks ridiculously but his paws are protected and we have been able to go out. I warn you this is a commitment. It takes about 15 minutes to get all 4 paws wrapped up but I had to do something because my border collie was driving me nuts!
If you are going to try this make the sock short and wrap the vet wrap above so it is directly on his furry leg. Seems to cling to the fur and hold the sock up.
Oh lord! What we do for our dogs.
Amanda says
I currently rent, and when I was looking for an apartment (pre-dog, but was up front with landlords about my intention to adopt a dog), many of them had breed restrictions. I don’t agree with those, but because I will be renting for the foreseeable future, it was important to choose a breed that doesn’t make it onto breed restriction lists simply so I can find housing for both of us more easily. Same goes for boarding – there’s enough places with breed restrictions that I would have had a much tougher time finding good boarding options for him.
So I went with a very friendly border collie/aussie mix who (it turns out) doesn’t like being left alone and takes me on A LOT of walks. Probably could have been wiser about selecting a less active breed, but my sheer love and adoration of his intelligence and personality sidelined any other priorities – a perfect example of having key characteristics that aren’t a great fit, but I’m head over heels anyway and we do pretty well together most of the time.
Bruce says
Trisha, thanks for the lovely bread, flower, and wedding pictures, and good luck with the cold. This too shall pass!
What to ask? Hmm. Probably ask open-ended questions (“What have you noticed when you take Spot out on a walk?” “How does Spot act around other dogs and children?”) rather than leading questions (“Is Spot good around other dogs?”). I think people are going to say what they think you want to hear.
Mostly I depend on observing the dog, and how he/she responds to people, to other dogs, to training, and to the outside world. Often you can get a pretty accurate insight into how a dog will fit into your life fairly quickly. Or maybe we have just been lucky.
I generally prefer mutts, so breed is a guesstimate at best. I also like getting dogs around a year old, so their personalities are usually pretty well developed. Some examples:
We met Red Dog at the foster’s house, which included several other dogs, a cat, and a parrot. I sat down on the couch and Red Dog immediately threw herself on her back and started playfully gnawing on my hand. That pretty much revealed her personality immediately. I also was able to watch her interact with the other dogs (very important because I assumed “Boxer mix” meant some percentage pit bull), and take her out on leash and do a little obedience work (trainable but no Border Collie, lol).
My first dog was from the pound, and again her personality was obvious very quickly: super-friendly to people and dogs, but (as it turned out) smarter than I realized and with her own agenda. That was fine; training her made me a better trainer.
Second dog we met as a stray, and he immediately played beautifully with my first dog, had no hesitation about me approaching him, and happily hopped into the car with us. He was a sweet, simple dog and unfailingly loyal.
Before we met, my wife adopted her dog from the pound. He was caged with his brother, who barked incessantly. Her dog kept looking at his brother as if to say, “If you don’t shut up we’ll never get out of here.” Future wife was immediately smitten. One of the smartest dogs I have ever met, and incredibly attuned to people.
Maybe I should be more trusting, but I value observation more than questions.
Heather says
Ugh: now I think one of mine has some frostbite on a paw too.
Yes, the list of questions and going deeper than breed is a great service to folks seeking their next dog. I found my niche in malinois rescue taking in dogs that couldn’t make it anywhere else. Medical and behavioral issues welcomed. After about 10 years of that, I was ready for a healthy puppy without significant issues! Our needs, our desires – they change as we grow. So does our skill at handling issues and our knowledge. I’m delighted with my newest pup but a decade ago I would have passed on her: too healthy. Too normal. Funny how our deal breakers shift and change.
Anne says
I have a lot of questions, but my questions are not normal people questions, since I’m a breeder and need a dog that works livestock and I’m only really interested in owning one breed (although I like a lot of breeds). I ask about genetic clearances. I’m not even talking to someone about their dogs without seeing the pedigree. I ask to see them work (video, generally). I ask about temperament around strangers. Personality around the home as far as hyper/calm. Strengths and weaknesses as a working dog. I want to know some of the littermates/nieces/nephews/cousins, and what are they like. If I’m looking at an adult I need to know about how they get along with dogs and kids.
Trisha says
Nailed it! (And Lassie, my Lassie….)
Sheila joss says
I so agree about “what do you mean by that?” I see it on facebook “this lovely boy loves to be with his humans better than anything” “Looking for a home where someone is around all day” And I immediately think why don’t you just say the dog has or is at risk of getting SA?
Ashley says
I found my dog dumped by the side of the road. I knew I wanted to get a dog “soon”, but I backpack and camp a lot. I wanted a dog I could reliably have off leash. Instead I have a terrier mix with insane prey drive. Some birds in the bushes, or a squirrel in a tree, or a tree that once had a squirrel in it that he chased two weeks ago, and it’s like I don’t exist. We’re working on recall, but every time I think we’re making progress, we’ll have a hike where he’s just overstimulated by some deer trails and a woodpecker, and he loses his mind and wont listen to me at all. So I’m resigned to keep him on leash when I go in to the woods. In many other ways though I’ve lucked out, he loves to go hiking with me, doesn’t mind long car rides, and is also /almost/ just as happy to cuddle on the couch and watch TV with me when I don’t feel like going outside. I don’t think I would have realized any of these things about him even if it had been a planned adoption – I’ve had him about four months now and he’s just starting to show more of his personality. He’s a pretty shy dog so I think he’s now finally convinced that I’m not secretly planning on eating him, and he can let his guard down.
Now you have me worried about his paws! I don’t have a backyard, so I have to take him on walks in this cold weather. We’ve been going on 2 hour long hikes when it’s about zero F (and we went to an almost completely empty dog park last Sunday when it was -10), and he hasn’t had any issues besides snow getting stuck in his paws. The cold doesn’t seem to bother him at all. I just checked his pads for frostbite, but he’s got all black paws anyways so I’m not sure if I could tell if he’d gotten bad frostbite.
Pam Lowrey says
I agree with Heather in how much our desires/deal breakers change as our life situations change. My first dog (as a kid back in the 1980s) was a Rat Terrier & barked at absolutely everything, but he was smart & I loved him like crazy. Fast forward to getting my first dog as a semi-adult in graduate school & I wanted an adult (didn’t want to house train a puppy), Rat Terrier (or mix). So I put my name in with the local humane society’s Match-A-Pet program for one & they called me about a litter of Rat Terrier mix puppies… Of course I went to see the puppies & ended up with my heart dog Ginger, who was the most amazing Terrier/Basenji mix. And then I ended up getting into the Basenji breed. My biggest pet peeve in a dog now is incessant barking. It grates on my nerves & I just can’t handle it. I can handle total house destruction, howling like a wolf when left alone, some aggression, house soiling, & a host of other issues, but not barking. I would have never realized something that minor to many people would end up a huge problem for me.
Trisha says
Ashely, yay for you for checking his paws. If he has frostbite the black parts will turn white or at least a lot paler. It is, argh, easy to see once you notice on your dog.
muttzrule says
The things I look for have remained pretty constant over time: young adult of a breed or mix I have some familiarity with (everyone so far has been a glorious mutt, about 18-36 months at time of adoption). Friendly, gentle, chill personality who would be a good buddy for my current dog, once they meet to see if they are compatible. Opposite sex to that of current dog, which I have found minimizes risk of jealousy and fighting. Medium to large size, so far all in the 40-60 pound range. I tend to fall in love with retrievers, sighthounds, shepherds, collies. Absolute dealbreakers are excessive barking or excessive attitude. Most likely will be a rescue or shelter dog.
Occasionally I have found a new breed to learn about and love once I knew what my new dog was. When I first saw Meg, she reminded me of a greyhound but was too small to be one. Took me a bit of internet searching for dogs who resembled her to remember whippets. And when a neighbor said she “looked like she had some Rhodesian ridgeback in her”, I literally thought, “cool, what’s a Rhodesian ridgeback?” Then Meg taught me what awesome dogs they are.
It’s been nine months and one day since Duncan the Mostly Golden Shepherd crossed the bridge. In the past when one of my dogs died, I felt ok enough to adopt a companion for the dog I still had after 2-3 months of waiting for the worst initial grief to subside, to welcome our new family member. This time is surprisingly much rougher. I think it’s because he was a lot younger than my previous dogs. He didn’t get to have a long gradual seniorhood like they did. And he was my velcro dog who always wanted to be by my side. For someone without human family, that is definitely comforting and affirming. Plus I feel guilty about the pain he must have suffered the last two weeks of his life when he went from a joyful puppyish 10 year old to a frail old man almost overnight. Plus all that against the backdrop of the entire world going nuts. So yeah, the grief has been paralyzing. I haven’t been adulting very well during these months. When I’d try to imagine another dog in Duncan’s home, living the life it feels like he was cheated out of, I’d collapse in tears. My sweet Missy is mellow and adaptable with a bit of an independent spirit. She can handle being an only dog better than most but I want her to have a brother again soon. The one thing that has helped me feel more ready is seeing how happy the people I know who’ve recently adopted puppies are. I’ll be looking for an adult dog, but their joy gives me some hope that maybe I will be ready to adopt soon.
Not long after Duncan passed I looked at adoption sites out of curiousity though I knew I wasn’t ready yet. It felt disloyal to even be looking so soon. There was one dog who has stuck in my mind. Blake, a yellow lab mix about 3 years old who reminds me of my Scout who passed in 2012. He has the “zen puppy” look that earned Scout that nickname, like a wise and gentle soul. A bit slender and rangy for a lab, I’d guess maybe a white shepherd or hound in the mix. His foster wrote a pretty specific description of his traits and needs. Somewhat shy, hesitant around strange men or noisy kids but warms up when he gets familiar with someone. Likes other dogs, would do best in a quiet home with a mature dog to show him the ropes and help him build confidence (Missy is 8). It sounded like it could be a near perfect match but I have chickened out so far. I bookmarked the site and looked a couple of times and he was still in foster a few months ago. I have to be prepared in the event he was already adopted and I waited too long. Or the foster might feel another home would be better for him. Should I try anyway, when I still feel like crying at least once a week because I miss Duncan so much?
Frances says
When I was finally in a position to care for a dog I made a list: small enough to carry; good with dogs, cats and small children; manageable prey drive; not a terrier (I find the terrier drive hard to live with); and no major health or behavioural issues. I quickly realised that in the unlikely event that a dog meeting those criteria came into a rescue it was adopted within seconds! So it became a matter of choosing a suitable breed, and a suitable breeder, and that is a whole other set of questions, as others have said…
The most important questions for the next dog or pup will be around temperament, to ensure a good fit with all the others. I can choose to turn my own life upside down, but I don’t feel I have the right to make life miserable for the canine and feline family.
Trisha says
Muttzrule: Yes! At least call so you are not in that pergatory of not knowing.
MinnesotaMary says
I have owned huskies for over 15 years. I have fostered over 60 huskies through a local rescue. I feel like I know the breed fairly well. When I see a FaceBook post from someone who wants a guard dog for their unfenced farm who will stay and obey and keep the chickens safe from predators, and they specifically want a husky, I have to wonder if they’ve done any research or if their desire to own a husky is from watching a movie…
Patty says
The criteria for our last shelter dog included: female, tolerant of cats and dogs, less than 15 pounds, and love love loved us (because our teenager hate hate hated us at the time). We used advice from Sue Sternberg’s book, Successful Dog Adoption . In particular, she has an exercise where you go into a room alone with the dog and ignore her for a period of time. Janie sat on my foot and leaned against my leg for the duration. Good girl! Even then, we waited 24 hours to make our decision. Teenager also doesn’t hate us anymore.
Roberta Ward says
We learned about a couple’s need to rehome their two-year old female boxer. We have now met Molly and have some reservation. But we would like to get professional help/input before making our decision. Wondering if you are available to consult on matters such as this.
Carol B says
I rarely comment but nearly half the dogs pictured in this post have flat-faces which humans consider cute. But “brachycephalic,” meaning “short headed,” dogs suffer a host of health problems. I think they should be pictured less and more education of the public (as you have done) is needed.
Also my dog that got moderate frostbite never tolerated cold and snow well after that and he had to wear boots regularly in winter.
Jean says
During the first polar vortex in 2014, we needed booties for Badger and being a sewer I decided to try, placing his large paw on a double lined fleece fabric and drawing around it and then sewing the “boot” fleece onto this sole. I left a side opening and used a long velcro tape to secure it. FYI securing it with a length of velcro around the entire leg kept these booties on through snowbank trawling. The only other bootie improvement I thought it needed was more grip so I took pieces of the “loop” half of velcro and sewed them onto the sole. This worked just dandy until we changed the wet weather mats in our entry…yes, Badger found his feet sticking to the hook-type carpet and had to skritch, skritch as he lifted his feet high above the dreaded mats. He gave me such a look!
So, sadly, Badger isn’t here for this polar vortex. He left us on December 3rd. It is easy for my husband and I to assert that we would brave any cold, inconvenience our dog and ourselves putting on booties and head outside for the 10th time in a day. But just to see Badger stand and sniff the frigid wind for much longer than we think necessary is achingly desireable right now. This dog community knows what we have recently learned and I voice it just to remind people that standing outside in the cold, in blowing snow and rain shows the care they give their pups so their pups can return the caring when everyone is inside, fed and snug.
Trisha says
I hear you Carol B! You’ve inspired me to write a post sometime soon about the multitude of problems that brachycephalic dogs have. (I should have paid more attention to the photo, no question.) I’ll write a post sometime soon in penance.) And I am afraid the same problem with cold will be true for Skip in the future. At least I’ll be prepared. (I’m writing next week’s post on that very issue, no surprise, hey?) I can say for myself that I had a frostbitten finger and for decades it turned white and got cold when all my other digits were fine. Sigh.
Trisha says
Oh Jean, I’m so sorry about Badger. Thanks for sharing one of his many stories.
Donna in VA says
I recall being asked by the shelter what would cause me to return my 1st Sheltie and my answer was “biting” (meaning anybody.)
13 years later I was looking for my 2nd Sheltie and had 4 criteria: weight limit, age range, must get along with cats, must tolerate car rides reasonably well. The first 2 questions were easily answered by the shelter/rescue groups, but last 2 questions just met w/ shrug & “dunno”. That is why I ended up going to a breeder to get my current dog, she had the knowledge to answer these questions. He was 2 years old at the time.
Julia says
Thank you everyone for the great advice! We’ve decided that our next dog will be an adult or a puppy from a well respected breeder so we can ask more of these type questions and understand what we’re getting into. Taking home a very cute 9 week old “lab mix” puppy from the humane society seemed like a great idea at the time, but now we’re dealing with severe anxiety, dog and stranger fear aggression, and allergies/IBS which takes high value treats off the table. That being said, I’ve learned so much and we’ve managed to give her a decent quality of life despite her many issues, and of course we love her dearly.
And if our dogs feet weren’t too small I’d send you all of our rejected boots, Tricia. Our pup has given boots a non-negotiable “no”, and now we have 4 different types sitting in a box 🙂