Dr. Hal Herzog, a PhD psychologist specializing in behavior and human/animal relationships (see Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat), recently wrote an article for Psychology Today that got my attention. Before publication, he talked to me about it briefly, with the following question: Did I find that anxious owners tended to have anxious dogs?
My response was a bit different than some of the others he interviewed, who said, “absolutely!” In contrast, what I remember most are the multitude of clients I saw who had healthy, happy, well-behaved dogs until they got “that dog,” the one who barked at everything or paced all night or was terrified of his own shadow. Often they would say things like: “I’m sure it’s my fault. Every time we see another dog approaching, I get nervous.” Given that they’d just told me that their dog had recently been attacked by another dog while out walking, or that their dog has been dog-dog aggression since the day they got him, that hardly seemed surprising. Part of my protocol was giving the owners and dogs both tools that helped them relax in that situation. (See Feisty Fido, for example.)
However, Herzog quotes a number of studies that bolster the idea that anxious owners have more anxious dogs than more relaxed owners. Many of these studies are based on a what are called “The Big Five” personality traits: extroversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness and neuroticism. (More on that last category in a minute.) Each category is a continuum, and each of us can simultaneously have traits on each extreme. I, for example, am both extroverted (like to meet new people, start conversations) and introverted (tired rather than energized by social interaction.) Thus the categories contain a lot of nuance, but they hold up across every demographic imaginable.
I’m happy to say that recently there has been push back on using the term “neuroticism,” given its association with “irrational anxiety.” A better term, suggested by some, is “emotional stability” or “emotional resilience.”
Here’s how the Big Five relate to dog owners and dogs, from a segment in Herzog’s article:
“Over a dozen studies have now found relationships between at least some Big Five traits in owners and the behavior of their pets. The most consistent findings, however, focus on the factor usually labeled “neuroticism.” People who score high on this factor often experience negative emotions such as fear, guilt, anxiety, and stress.” The studies quoted found correlations between anxious or fearful people and dogs with behavioral problems, especially aggression. For example, researchers at the Clever Dog Lab and the Family Dog Project found not just correlations between personality traits in people and their dogs, but that “the owners’ and dogs’ personality scores were most similar for neuroticism.”
The question, of course, is what’s going on to create this correlation. Are anxious people more attracted to anxious animals? I don’t think that’s out of the question; I loved working with flighty horses and spent most of my professional career working with nervous or fearful dogs. I’ve always felt like I understood them. But I think the best hypothesis is that of “emotional contagion.” Emotions are “catching,” as we all know (and studies support); it makes sense that our reactivity has effects on our dogs.
I wrote about this in The Education of Will:
“But there was something else—something that I hadn’t allowed myself to talk about. I was just as jumpy as Willie. While his reactivity set me off, I knew that my own startle response did the same to him. We were living in a vicious circle, each making the other worse. In my heart, I knew that in spite of my professional expertise, my own problems meant I wasn’t the ideal owner for Willie. Heartsick, I leashed Willie, and we went out the door to the car. I put him in a sit/stay behind the car while I hauled the heavy ramp from the backseat and placed it so that he could climb in without jumping and reinjuring his shoulder. It was hard for Willie to sit and stay while I lugged the ramp around. When I turned to Willie to release him, he sat big-eyed and trembling, almost overwhelmed by the energy it took to make himself obey and control his almost-out-of-control impulses. His face was desperate with the need to leap forward—to move move move, oh-please-I-have-to-move—countered by his desire to be a very good dog, the very best dog anyone could ever have.
That was when it hit me: I knew Willie like I knew myself. I knew what it was like to fight the demons inside and still want so badly to be good. To be so fearful that the slightest noise blows you off the ground as if a bomb has gone off under your feet. I knew what it was like to be happy and friendly on the outside and yet spend much of your life in fear.
I looked at his imploring face, and my heart opened up so wide and fast that my knees went weak. As I released Willie from his stay and he climbed into the car, I knew that I could never send him away. I sat beside him while he licked the tears off my cheeks, and I whispered, “I will, I will, I will, Willie, I will move heaven and earth to try to help us both.”
On the other hand, Maggie was a more fearful dog when I got her than she is now. My previous dogs, from Border Collies like Mist and Lassie to our Great Pyrenees Bo Peep and Tulip, had none of Willie’s fears or over reactivity. My guess, just a guess, is that certain dog/person pairs are more susceptible to emotional contagion than others. Make sense?
On the other hand, I’ve always been fascinated by people who would be classified as exceptionally high on “emotional stability.” We all know one or two of them–people who are comfortable in their own skin, who seem to radiate a sense of peace and assurance that stands out and attracts us like moths to a flame. People want to stand beside them. Dogs adore them. Are you one of those, or at least know what I’m talking about?
The bottom line is that I find this entire issue fascinating, and can’t wait for your input on it all. Join the discussion–I will love reading what you have to say.
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Whew, we are back, again, having been gone more in September than we’ve been here it seems. Last weekend we were at the Star of the North Stockdog Trial at Gayle’s Woods in Minnetrista, Minnesota. It’s one of my favorite trials, because the field is huge and gorgeous and surrounded by trees teasing you with fall colors. I hereby admit it: Part of why I love trialing is the aesthetics of it. Some fields are beautiful, some are flat and brown and boring. Guess which ones I like best.
I scratched Maggie after deciding she was ready to retire, but she got to work on Sunday morning. We helped tuck the sheep into the rest area after the Novice runs, and moved part of the flock down the field to get set up for the Open runs. I love volunteering at trials as much as running in them; it’s a joy to let your dog do real work in different environments. We moved slowly so that the sheep could get a chance to graze; Maggie is perfect at moving sheep slowly and carefully, so this was a perfect job for her.
Skip ran in ProNovice, or the Intermediate class on Friday and Saturday. His first run was, simply, bizarre. I walked off the post and asked “who switched out dogs on me?” He did nothing I asked, and flanked around his sheep so big and wide he completely lost track of them. An experienced handler had a rational explanation–Skip and I had watched a ewe split off from the group like a deer, and ran behind a hill far away. Shannon Wolfe thought perhaps Skip was thinking about her, having never seen her being brought back to the group, and was looking for her.
I’m happy to say I got the dog I thought I had back the next day. Skip listened, and stayed right on the sheep but paced well. We tied for 3rd in overall points, but ended up 4th because ties are broken based on the “outwork,” (outrun, life and fetch) and Skip and I had lost more points on the fetch. Here’s the run:
If you’re into it, we got 76/90 total points, 17/20 outrun, 10/10 lift, 16/20 fetch, 23/30 drive and 10/10 for the pen. I knew we were close to being out of time, but had no idea how close til I watched the video. We lost a few points on the outrun because I gave him a slow down whistle (40 sec) before he got to the top, but I think it was the right choice. He had overrun the day before and I wanted to be sure he slowed down and thought about finding the sheep. He over flanked on the fetch (sec 58) which lost us some points, but he tucked in once he got closer and we got the line straightened out. I was slow when the sheep got to the post (sec 224) so we lost points on a semi-wide turn at the post. Starting the drive was a struggle for every team; ours wasn’t smooth but we got the job done and made all the gates. I closed the pen gate at the last second–you can see I was rushing cuz I knew it was close.
Our biggest challenge is that he tends to over flank (circle to their heads rather than a short flank that keeps him on their, well, flank). He’s a relatively strong-eyed dog who is attracted to their eyes as if magnetized, and I have to work on his short flanks. It’s all compounded by the fact that I have tended to stopping him short because of it, and then he loses control of the sheep. I also am working on a “speed up” signal; he paces too slowly for a dog his age and it makes it hard to get around the course before the time runs out. You could hear me encouraging him on–usually runs are punctuated by Lie Down! Lie Down! versus Speed Up! Work in progress . . .
I hope you had something good going on last weekend too, and I hope you chime in on the issue of “anxious owners, anxious dogs?” I’ll be looking for your comments, illuminating, as always.
LisaW says
My first thought on reading the title was people with certain personality traits are — either subconsciously or consciously — attracted to dogs with similar or complimentary traits or body language – something sparks a reaction. However, our first dog was the model of what a great dog is and has not yet been matched in temperament, patience, forgiveness, soundness, kindness, or intuition. We had no clue what we were doing and picked her from a litter sleeping under a cement staircase. She also did not have the restrictions or limitations on her life (for better and worse) that our subsequent dogs have had. And in some important ways, she had a more challenging life than our subsequent dogs. I wonder if some of her amazing traits were born from necessity having to live with two young people who didn’t always make the best decisions? Was she able to adjust her responses in order to adapt to our chaotic lives?
My second thought was life with Olive. We have literally rearranged our lives (for better and worse) to create a life with Olive so she can have more calm days than worried ones (these days it’s more fun and pain-free days than not, we seem to have mostly moved through the majority of her anxiety). I remember our vet behaviorist telling me that for the time being, the goal was to do nothing – meaning when we go outside, we just are outside, when we are hanging out, we’re just hanging out. No need to keep Olive busy or redirected but simply be. That advice and some relaxation protocol tips were invaluable. So, did that calm us both down? Yes, and it allowed us to learn to share the same space and be together. To create a place to move on from eventually.
I do think Olive has more emotional resiliency than most. Even with her ptsd, noise sensitivity, anxiousness, and worry, she has learned to trust, love, smile, grunt, roll on her back, look to us for information, collapse on us in bed, and ask us for what she needs. I’m not sure how many people I know could do the same given the emotional and physical state she was in when we got her. I’d say that in context, she’s pretty darn resilient and open.
Recently, I was visiting a friend and dropped something and it made a big noise. I automatically said out loud, “Sorry, Olive.” even though Olive was not there. I think we have imbedded responses due to living with her, and I’m actually grateful for those. I’m much more aware of many things and more sensitive in a good way. I think we move around on the spectrum of personality traits as we move through our relationships.
Lisa says
Patricia, first off – love your books, love your blog and all your wonderful insights! I have followed you for quite a while but this post has prompted me to add my voice to the conversation for the first time.
This topic has been in my subconscious mind for a while but your words and my current dog, Tucker are making things more clear to me. I adopted Tucker when he was six weeks old from the Elko, NV animal shelter (he is almost nine now). He was found wandering the streets of Elko which I have to believe given his “dietary indiscretion” as a puppy, especially bugs. The consensus is that he is part Golden Retriever and Collie – super sweet and super smart. He is connected to me in a way that I’ve never experienced with my prior dogs. He is always watching me and knows my emotions, even when I don’t think they are visible to others. During the past year and a half during Covid with increased stress and anxiety, this became even more apparent.
Since I’m tuned into Tucker too, here is his gift: when I start to get anxious or stressed, Tucker signals to me his displeasure/concern to me and this helps me to gather and calm myself. I, of course, reciprocate and help him with his stresses, knowing his physical cues too. I know the “emotionally stable” dog people that you speak of in your post and am lucky to have a couple as friends. They (and Tucker) inspire me to be a better person every day.
Emma says
This is really interesting.
I guess I have two anecdotes regarding this. My dog from my childhood was, although problematic in terms of certain kinds of aggression (impulse control, occasionally dog selective, sensitivity to handling and resource guarding), remarkably cool and collected about most things. Firefighters and trucks, cats, loud noises he did fine. When I moved out with him by myself at 19 he pretty much became a security blanket for me. Even though he stressed me out in a lot of ways, he was an overall comforting presence.
On the other hand, interestingly, I had a cat for four years who brought out just the absolute WORST in me. He was cuddly, obsessed with me and the aforementioned dog, and just very sweet but pushed all my panic buttons like clockwork. He died at the age of 4 from polycystic kidney disease (he was part Persian) and I spent all 4 of those years feeling completely unhinged whenever in my own home. Almost as soon as he passed away and it was just me and my current cat (his adopted brother) those feelings dissipated. I miss him but our dynamic was toxic.
Ricki says
Thank you for mentioning “that dog”. Love your posts and your whole approach to life. We brought home Golden Retriever littermates at 10 weeks (our second go at littermates which was highly successful first round).
Lilly has been “different” her whole life, now 5 years. Wild in the sense of not particularly interested in humans and easily intimidated by them, a huntress, aggressive to other dogs (barking only) and as sweet as can be when she does connect and totally loyal.
Her sister Maddy is your typical happy-go-lucky, affectionate, easy-going Golden. So do I own Lilly’s anxiety? Of course I have my own–don’t we all? I love her to pieces and have learned to reassure, reassure and to work kindly and gently with her rather than try to control her. She still is highly reactive, barks at neighbors, rips everything up, and I am just an owner, not a trainer. But if it were me, wouldn’t her sister be like that too?
Frances says
I am generally pretty easy going – I don’t cope well with stress these days so I have organised my life to reduce it as much as possible. My animals are also easy going – Poppy was nervous as a puppy and still hates me leaving her with anyone else, but mostly she draws confidence from me and from Sophy and we bumble along in rather lazy contentment. But there have been several occasions when I have seen how my own emotions can affect the animals, particularly confident, level-headed Sophy.
There was the time I convinced myself Sophy was in anaphylactic shock following a wasp sting. I dashed 10 miles to the vets, carrying in a dog that was shaking, barely able to stand, unable even to look at a treat. The vet nurse took her from me, examined her carefully, and said there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. My shoulders dropped, my heart rate returned to normal, and within a second or two Sophy was prancing around our feet demanding biscuits. Then, when Poppy was so ill with acute liver failure, my stress induced digestive upsets were followed within hours by the same symptoms from Sophy, a pattern I have come to recognise over the years. The vet feared a zoonotic disease, I knew it was IBS.
Knowing the impact panic and anxiety have on them makes me work to control my breathing and heart rate as far as I can. I can’t do much about disruptive pheromones but slow, steady breathing helps to relax all of us, and keeps the worst symptoms at bay.
Pamela Grath says
In the past 30 years, my husband and I have had three dogs. Nikki and Sarah came from Humane Society shelters, Peasy from a county pound. I chose all three.
Nikki was very shy and nervous when I got her. She was roughly three years old but had no idea how to play. Her startle reflex could be set off by a fly landing, and she was terrified of men or boys in billed caps, brooms, sidewalk mailboxes, etc., etc. She learned commands quickly, however, learned how to play, and became highly attuned to me. I tried to keep her stress level low. She was a great traveler, no trouble at all on the road. Losing her hearing in old age contributed to her quality of life: The world was no longer such a scary place! She lived to be 17 years old, and losing her was a heartbreak for us both.
When we were ready to look for another dog, after swearing we wanted a smaller dog one time and definitely not a puppy, we got Sarah when she was four months old and already as big as Nikki had been fullgrown. Sarah was energetic, confident, learned quickly, and had almost no startle reflex at all. She loved the world and everyone in it, and everyone fell in love with her. She was the easiest puppy imaginable! “Do you think it’s the way you trained her, or was she just born a great dog?” a friend asked. I think Sarah was born great. Our hearts were broken again when Sarah died at age 13.
I understood Nikki’s social nervousness and lack of confidence because it mirrored my own, and I was able to help her with it. Sarah was more a model to me of how to be happy and relaxed in the world. Each in turn had been my constant companion. And now there is Peasy. But not easy-peasy!
Picked up as a stray, he’d been in the county pound for months. No socialization, no social skills. Maybe about a year old (beautiful white teeth!). Skittish in the extreme, afraid of everything but especially people, he had Sarah’s good looks and Nikki’s fearfulness, and I saw a dog I could bring around. Well, he has been a much bigger challenge than I anticipated. He quickly fell in love with me, and he learned an enormous lot in his first few months, Now, eight months later, he is also in love with my husband, which makes home life happier for all three of us. With us, he is happy and relaxed and very affectionate and responsive. A little snuggle-bug! He continues, however, to be highly reactive and untrustworthy when it comes to meeting other human beings. Dogs don’t scare him, but people? I’ll be working on his social skills this winter (summer is our busy season with work) but am beginning to wonder if he will ever be truly comfortable with anyone but us, and it’s a sobering thought — and does make me anxious!
Charlotte Kasner says
I think that we need to go back to Bowlby and attachment theory because it is also affected by the style of ownership. I certainly found it surprising that true separation disorder seems to be linked to under-attached dogs for example.
We now put a huge emphasis on dogs being some kind of emotional cushion for us without always considering the dog’s emotional needs.
Meredith says
For personal reasons, I’m very interested in the concepts of neurodivergence in people — as opposed to neurotypical; neurodivergent people (ND) behave in ways that are often either misunderstood or just flat out rejected by the majority of others. ND people can often learn to mask, to adopt behaviors that aren’t reflective of who they really are, but which allow them to function and sometimes to fade successfully into the background. Point being, that I think there are dogs like this, too, who just don’t seem to ‘fit in’ to expectations — and that they’re very aware of that. These qualities often run in families, but it’s almost = likely that they will be hit-or-miss within a litter. As with ND humans, it helps, as all dog lovers do automatically, to look for and support the qualities and behaviors that give their dog pleasure and where they can see that the dog is being himself/herself/is comfortable… Then, to work with the more difficult behaviors in the same ways you would w/any positive behavioral program, trying always to set the ‘different’ dog up for success. Just some thoughts which aren’t very deeply thought-out at this point; but I’ve seen dogs like this and it reminded me of people. 🙂 As they almost always do, anyway.
Carole K says
“We all know one or two of them–people who are comfortable in their own skin, who seem to radiate a sense of peace and assurance that stands out and attracts us like moths to a flame. People want to stand beside them. Dogs adore them.” This perfectly describes my late father. Our dogs when we were children were always well-behaved and happy… all due to my Dad’s influence. (My Mom was a very nervous person.) When I grew up and became involved in dog training, I asked my Dad how he had trained our dogs to be so amazing. Not one of them ever left our un-fenced yard, had accidents in the house, or showed any sort of anxiety or aggression. He even trained one Cocker Spaniel to pick up laundry and deposit in the hamper. He never raised his voice or punished anyone (us kids included). His answer as to how he trained dogs? “Well, I just talk to them.” He taught psychology at a college and was beloved by his students. People wanted to befriend him and every dog he ever met wanted to go home with him. He is very much missed.
Sara Billings says
Great article and I agree that anxious owners make anxious dogs with some concessions for dog breeds. Case in point. I grew up with lots of dogs, all terriers, and a very anxious mother. The dogs were all poorly trained and a bit high strung, so much so that all of us kids grew up to not have dogs as adults. Flash forward a few decades. I meet my husband, a very calm cool guy. We now have a mini golden doodle who is the most chill dog I have ever known.She is now fully trained as a therapy dog and hospice patients are her specialty. She never went through a hyperactive phase. She was very well behaved and calm at 3 months. She is now five years old and loves everyone. When I walk her, I get a little anxious when we are approached by strange dogs as she has been nipped a couple of times. She is a bit submissive unless she senses a friendly dog. When possible, I hand the leash off to my husband as I do not want her to feel my anxiety. Recently I had foot surgery and was unable to walk her for several weeks. Now that I have returned to being the primary dog walker, I noticed that she is more indifferent to strange dogs. I am the one that needs training from her!
Kelly says
This hit home! I am pretty certain that my negative experiences with dog aggression from my first dog, combined with neighbors who refuse to use a leash, have led me to infuse anxiety into my current dog, Nico. He is constantly looking behind him these days, and that was not the case in the beginning. It becomes self-sustaining monster as I know that my anxiety will make any reaction from my pup that much worse, which then feeds my anxiety and desire to prevent any bad scenarios. Time to dust off that copy of Feisty Fido and take some deep calming breaths!
MinnesotaMary says
What an interesting post! Before the pandemic, I would have classified myself as one of those people scoring high on emotional stability. I rarely get rattled, and when something does startle me, I usually remain calm and assess the situation before responding. The stress of the pandemic has made me a little more emotionally driven. I also consider myself an introvert, but a highly social one. I meet people easily and start conversations in small groups, but need time alone to recharge. I have had over 70 foster dogs and only 3 that were aggressive. I’ve had several fearful ones that blossomed out of their fear and became amazing pets for their new people. The aggressive ones managed to stay in my house longer than most people would have put up with them. I have a series of safeguards to protect my own dogs and myself, plus a steady routine, tons of activity outside and calm energy. But at some point, it becomes unsustainable to live with an aggressive dog and I have to ask for the dog to be placed elsewhere. Interestingly enough, a few of my foster dogs have come back to me in worse emotional condition than when they left to go to their new people. They were stressed, reactive and not happy at all. A few weeks in my house and they relax and calm down enough that I can find them a better home. Hopefully post-pandemic my emotional stability will return to its former status. One of my dogs and I are taking the TDI evaluation soon (cold – no training or CGC, but I’ve done that successfully before). That enables me to get back into the hospice pet therapy, which I did with a prior dog for seven years. I honestly believe that the pet therapy with hospice patients contributes immensely to my emotional stability. It keeps the fact on top of my mind that there are more dire circumstances I could be facing, and that in the grand scheme of things, my current challenge is not worth getting worked up about.
Julie H. says
I think humans usually take a little too much credit (or blame) for what’s happening with dogs. While I definitely believe that we can affect a dog’s behavior with our own – a super-stressed-out person could make a dog be stressed out too – I know that each dog is an individual and has their own personality and temperament. Think of how some dogs can be such amazing therapy dogs while others could never manage the work. Maybe we just notice more when the dog’s qualities match their human’s. I know I’ve had dogs who were so much like me and others who were very much not.
Gerry says
While Butters was with a very apprehensive foster, she couldn’t even be approached by strangers and a trainer was nearly bitten. Just weeks after moving to a bubbly happy foster, that all changed.
In a somewhat different case, I worked with the dog’s fears while the owner had covid, but after she recovered many of the issues returned. Now, with other dogs the owner seemed fine. However, this dog would become a bit nervous, and instead of calm reassurance the owner also then became nervous, and on that went. When I had the dog, she was fine meeting dozens of new dogs. Back with her owner, she began attacking some of them.
This 2nd case may relate to your different response to Dr. Herzog. It also corresponds to results from attempting to teach many people how to work with anxious dogs. Where some of the people appeared generally calm, and were fine with other dogs, but seemed to react to and magnify the anxiety of scared dogs. Some of them could not even approach the more difficult cases, and no amount of discussion and demonstrations could change their body language.
Is this related to personality traits? Of course. But, perhaps the more accurate focus is on the owner’s reactions to various actions from the dog. Something which can be easily tested. If you cannot change them, they will be your limits.
As for what creates this correlation? Look at any intense workplace with a strong manager. Look at some married people who separate. This is a large part of your daily environment where you will develop and habituate reactions for dealing with it.
BARB STANEK says
I don’t know about the anxious dogs/anxious people equations, Trish. I guess I’ve never seen a calm owner with an anxious dog. So glad that you mentioned this topic. You’ve got me thinking.
I just lost my 11 year old to cancer. As those who know both of us agree, he was a very serious dog. My two year old, when she came as a puppy, taught him to play with dogs — mainly herself! — toys, and basically to enjoy! Needless to say, my girl is up to the task! She is FULL OF HERSELF. Don’t know if I’d call her anxious, but impulse control is hard won.
I’m intrigued by the interaction between her and me. I’m not particularly anxious or the life of the party. I am facinated training her. I’m sure that if I tarnish the joy in any activity we do, it will be harder for her to learn it, and certainly harder for her to enjoy it! True, it’s probably that way for any dog, but with my boy, the task could be fetching cardboard, and he would be duty bound to do as I asked. The girl clearly has said, “Cardboard? You know it’s cardboard, right? Why on earth would anyone want that? I’ll bring the leaf instead!”
Will love the journey.
Trisha says
Wow, Carole K. I wish I’d known your father. Thanks for telling us about him.
Trisha says
So sorry Barb about your 11 year old. Sending hugs.
Jen A says
Fascinating subject. At a guess, I’d say “emotional contagion” can probably go both ways. I know that I react very strongly to signs of anxiety in my dogs. We currently have 5 dogs, all related, and the eldest (mama & gramma to the others) can be anxious at times. This seems to happen primarily in the evenings, and I find it excruciating to listen to her whine, pace, etc., which amps up my own anxiety. The other dogs in the house seem largely unaffected by Gramma’s little outbursts. Really difficult for me deal with her.
Bridgette says
I have a young dog with a leg injury, requiring a lot of Veterinary care. I’m grateful for the Fear Free movement as I find myself more relaxed about the clinic experience. This morning was our 9th visit in 4 weeks, a 15 minute laser therapy session. My pup wiggled her way into the clinic, greeted the team with sweeping tail wags, and appeared to be reinforced by the cheerful “Ipo! Hi!” she received. I choose to relax and breathe and she seems to benefit.
rita says
Lisa, a golden retriever/collie mix dog is going to likely be a super empathetic animal. I had a collie many years ago. I used to say about her, “when I get stressed, the she has diarrhea”. She was very bonded to me, I miss her still over 30 years later.
Cathy Weber says
So glad to know I’m not the only introvert/extrovert around 🙂 my younger dog is nervous and twitchy, and I wonder if I’m feeding into that somehow, though my older dog is calm. I know I was much more nervous and unsure of myself 5 years ago when him first started training with him. So I conclude my younger girl just has a twitchy personality. Like your Will, she has a hard time containing herself, waiting for release.
Martin says
I’ve seen it so many times, clients trying to avoid conversation or on leash greetings to give their dog space and walk in peace, just to be told ‘he’s like that because you are anxious’, whilst the client only became stressed or angry because it’s the 20th time that day someone intefered with their training. Having a anxious dog can be very stressful, it requiers a kind of hyperviligence to ensure you can keep your dog under threshold, but dogs have a temperament of their own, we can’t take credit or blame for how our dogs feel. I do not believe at all that owners in a way create their dogs anxiety by being anxious as a character trait, nor that they attract similar. I worked at a training centre which helps people with anxiety disorders and ptsd train their own adult dog to be therapydogs – shouldn’t those dogs suffer from tremendous fear if that were the case? Or what about the people who are of the very emotionally stable kind, who end up with the highly reactive anxious dogs? I often hear that they had those same prejudices until they became the owner of a troubled dog. They had given themselves credit for their dogs emotional stability, but now see that it doesn’t add up. What I do believe in, is that we all can relate to fear, anxiety, anger and stress. And that we can see those parts of ourselves in our dogs and when we do we connect with them on that level and better understand what motivated their behavior.
Trisha says
rita: I so get it. I call Maggie “Trisha’s mood ring.”
Linda says
Two and a half years ago, we adopted a dog that I knew was “excitable” but not the full extent of his behavior issues. Our previous dog was calm and totally indifferent to other dogs. For the first year+, our current dog would react from 200 yards away, and within 100 yards would spin, bark, and lunge at another dog. After $$$$ of training and vet behavior consultation, we can get to within 60′ of another dog, as long as the meds have kicked in, his mood is good, and there is no trigger stacking. Prior to all this, I was a low-key, non-reactionary person but now I get unsettled quite easily. I have an upcoming vet behaviorist appointment at a busy animal clinic and I jokingly told them I’ll need to be medicated in order to bring him in because we’ll see other dogs in the parking lot and going in and out.
I practice management for him in terms of avoiding triggers, which means generally not going more than 100 yards from home on our “walks” (thank goodness we have a huge fenced yard) for fear of getting trapped or having an off leash dog approach us (of which there are many). Management is as much for my benefit as his. After a neighbor dog jumped the fence a year ago and attacked him, I am constantly on alert. I haven’t pursued medication for myself but there are times I think I need it.
DJ says
I learned from horses that they pick up on your slightest emotions so on a 1200 pound animal you must control yourself. I try to be that way for my dogs but it doesn’t always work. I rehomed my cattle dog because we made him crazy worrying about being able to manage him around people and other dogs. When I met with his new owner, who had his sister and was experienced with the breed, I was shocked by how calm he was and how calm my dog was with him. I loved him so much but it wasn’t healthy for either of us. It’s nice to see how much he’s thrived in his new home.
Gayla says
Fascinating discussion! Do thoughts generate electromagnetic vibrations? Aren’t ‘unhelpful thoughts’ a factor contributing to a lack of emotional resilience? Couldn’t one being be influenced by the emotional state of the other without reading any outward signals?
I don’t know the answer to my first question.But I believe that, in some pairings, the last two are true.
Chris says
Thank you so much for this post (and for all you other writing!). My first dog as an adult was the sweetest collie you could imagine. She was totally well behaved in every way, and I credit genetics 90% and myself with 10%. My current dog is a Heinz 57 who has leash aggression issues in town and is so insecure he barks at stumps in the woods. After going to an aggressive dog class and learning the potential for my dog and I to cause each other’s emotions to cycle, COVID hit and I was subsequently diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
So, what came first? Would my dog be more secure with another owner? I don’t know, but I’m working hard on positively supporting him with tons of praise and treats when we see other dogs in town, and on keeping myself calm. And I’m working hard on my own mental health.
It’s a learning journey, but we’re both trying hard and we’re both doing better. Thank you, Trisha, for sharing your wise thinking on the topic.
Kat says
As someone who is highly empathetic living in a world filled with pain and conflict the space I inhabit daily and those I surround myself with daily MUST be a source of calm and steadiness. I desperately need that anchor to function in the wider world. My first dog, Ranger, was basically a portable source of what I need; he was calm, confident, happy, and very emotionally resilient. And then we added Finna who was none of those things. But what she needed to live her best life was the same as what I need in order to function. She needed a place of calm without conflict or drama. Her world never stretched beyond our neighborhood but it was a safe and happy world where she could live her best life even if it wasn’t the life she might have had if her beginnings had been better or the life I would have chosen for her if things had been different. I almost passed up D’Artagnan because while he was happy and calm I didn’t feel that he was really confident in himself. But he ticked the other boxes of what I was looking for so he joined our family. We’ve given him a much bigger world than the one he had before and an important job working as a Therapy Dog and I’m watching his confidence bloom. I’ve been documenting each of our Therapy Dog visits as we make them noting what went right, what needs work, disasters that could have happened but somehow didn’t (when he turned away from someone relying on a cane that had been petting him and narrowly missed swiping his 103 lbs into the cane and toppling the person). Looking back through the entries I can see his confidence growing and our partnership developing. I’m hoping these, for want of a better description, journal entries will become a book in time. But if nothing else it’s helping me observe his development and our deepening relationship.
All of that to say I think there is something to the notion that people are attracted to dogs that fit them and that the way they interact with their dog reinforces those traits. I want and need calm and even my highly reactive Finna was calm and relaxed at home. I know people that to all appearances enjoy drama and they all have dramatic dogs.
Sarah says
I’d had dogs my whole life, including a 6-year stint fostering for a local rescue group, before I ended up with my anxious dog. She didn’t have a sad backstory; she’s just wired that way — I got her as an 8-week-old pup from a reputable breeder. I may have made things worse at first by not recognizing or understanding her differences, but I know I’ve made things better with her in the last 3 years by focusing on calm and creating positive emotional responses to novelty. I “joke” (but it’s true!) that I am my dog’s emotional support animal. I’ve learned how important it is for me to stay calm and positive and not express the anxiety that having a reactive dog brings. If I’m worried, she can’t hold it together. Recently we had a very busy week with lots of houseguests for a wedding, and I was so proud of my dog — she managed to settle in spite of the chaos, with the help of her “puppy pen” (though she’s 4 years old now, I think it will be in my kitchen forever😆) and lots of food frozen into Toppls. I’ve learned so much about dogs from her, and I love her, but I so hope to have a “normal” dog again someday.
Kalia says
Thank you for this and all your other great posts. The first thing I thought of when reading the title and opening was : Caesar Milan. And then my next thought: nothing he does is good and most of it is based on outdated or incorrect thinking and he talks a LOT about the dog’s problems being caused by their owners. So, no, I don’t think anxious owners cause anxious dogs, at least in general. Yes, I’m sure in some situations this happens, and it depends on the owner and the dog. But overall, Dr. Herzog seems like he’s out to promote the myths of alpha owner, and pack mentality, and those other damaging ways of controlling dogs with fear and dominance. I certainly hope he doesn’t perpetuate those myths, and I hope you can set him straight.
Kalia says
Martin said it perfectly. Thank you Martin.
Marcia says
I kept my singleton, a female Golden Retriever puppy, in hopes she would be a positive addition to our breeding program. She was always a confident youngster who loved all breeds of dogs and all people. The challenge she presented was a desire to “scream” bark needs such as when she needed to eliminate or say hello after being separated. Even while being present and attending to her needs, she was so insistent in her emotions and communication , she often produced foaming saliva.
During this time of rearing her, I identified myself as a hypersensitive person. Now, looking at my young 11 month old, I see the very same traits. I don’t think I made her that way, but I do believe I could have exacerbated these traits in her had I not sought the help of an animal behaviorist who gave me tools to lower her concern and reactions.
I work daily on being in the present moment with and without my dogs. We spend a minimum of 30 minutes in each other’s company calming ourselves into a deep relaxation each day. This has proven to be life altering and necessary for a calm, peaceful, and emotionally healthy relationship. ♥️
Maureen says
I am lucky to be one of those who tends to connect with nearly all dogs on an emotional level. This stands out most notably when I work with clients and their dogs. The client and I are often frustrated because the dog’s challenging behavior isn’t exhibited in my presence so we have difficulty addressing the issue effectively. We attempt to address the issue based on description and context, but nothing substitutes for seeing the behavior. I’ve been a school counselor for nearly 30 years so I am sure this has helped, but others have told me I had this connection as a child. However, both of my parents had mental health challenges so I am unsure how this emotional connection developed and how I’ve been able to be a secure base and safe haven for both people and dogs. I do know I’ve intentionally tried to build that ability as an adult through my work with my own animals including my dogs, horses and parrot.
JL says
Interesting topic. My anxious dog is nearly 12. When he is with me I am vigilant for possible triggers and manage his environment. When I am with my others I do not worry so much. We have had many bad dog dog experiences where unleashed dogs threaten our dogs. This has colored my behavior when out and about in general. However one of my current dogs is very calm and centered. She is naturally that way.
Barb says
You get the dog you need? I often wonder if my Stewie, so stable and well trained when I adopted him, has become more anxious as he ages because he lives in a house with me and others who have some degree of anxiety built into our personalities. And then….9 years later, I chose Sophie whose somewhat traumatic background created fear and fear-based aggression in my otherwise sweet girl. Why did I choose her? It’s been an exhausting two and a half years working with her but wow have I learned so so much from the work with first Stewie and now her. Was I attracted to something in her? Or did we both just need each other? I often joke that I’m enlisting a more stable friend to pick my next dog for me 🙂
Martin says
In my experience, not all dogs are equally vulnerable to emotional contagion. I got Drifter as a trained psychiatric service dog. He was never affected by my emotions, no matter how extreme. It’s not that he didn’t care – he certainly wanted me to be happy and healthy, and he was more than willing to help me. But he had great emotional boundaries and knew my depression and anxiety were mine and not his. He would comfort me, but stayed happy and relaxed while doing so. In our relationship, emotions only rubbed off in one direction: His joy was contagious.
When he was getting old, I got another golden retriever, Dolce. She was far more sensitive and took on the emotions of others. Nevertheless, I was able to help her overcome a wide variety of specific fears and helped her become more confident in general. Maybe that’s because I didn’t share her specific fears?
My current dog, Nanuk, is reactive. I have it on good authority that his leash reactivity towards dogs is due to frustration, not fear. Now that I’ve had him longer, I can see that. But when I first got him, I read it as fear. I think my own anxiety contributed to that misreading, though past experience with fear-reactive dogs (my childhood dog, Lupita, had fear-based aggression towards dogs) probably played a role as well.
…This isn’t as coherent as I’d like, but I need to go make dinner.
Roberta J Graser says
After reading your comments I started to wonder if a dog can sense your distress when you are separated. I have a Vizsla rescue. Early December 2019 I was hospitalized unexpectedly for severe knee pain. I was in the hospital for 6 days and then moved to a rehabilitation facility for a 3 week stay. I was very stressed in both situations and didn’t seem to be improving. Belle stayed with a friend that she knew well but she had never been to her house before. The friend is a retired vet tech. After 10 days Belle started to become anxious which is understandable but her anxiety worsened and she developed endocarditis and had a fever of 104. She stopped eating and lost about 4#s. I asked that she be brought back to our house thinking this might give her comfort. She lost the ability to climb on the bed or sofa and was limping badly. My friends thought she might die. I checked myself out of rehab immediately and returned to my home. I barely made it up my 2 front steps and had to sit down as soon as I could. Belle dragged herself out of her bed on the floor and limped over to me and leaned on my knees. She gradually improved over the next 10 days–we were both receiving IV antibiotics, but she now has heart issues and a Grade 3 murmur. I have her vet records from her previous owners and there is no mention of heart problems or a murmur.
When I adopted her it was my intention to foster her and find her a new home. I’ve owned dogs for many years but the level of her distress was unexpected and I was under duress my whole hospital stay.
Could their be a correlation?
Bren Axon says
Most of my clients have reactive dogs. They usually have been dealing with the reactive dog for quite some time before they decide to seek help. Sometimes it’s years. This means the client is well and truly stressed out by the time they contact me. I can empathise because back in the 80s we had a highly reactive GSD. I remember how stressful it was. None of the sort of behavioural training available then that there is now. We spent 10 yrs or so dealing with this dog.
I’ve got a background in helping people on a voluntary basis who are suffering from stress and anxiety and I have a counselling qualification. This I believe helps me enormously when helping my clients. After all, I’m teaching clients how to train their dogs.
One of my approaches and one of the things I say on my website is that part of my job is to help relieve the stress and anxiety that the client has been experiencing because of their dog’s behaviour. I explain to the client why/how their stress is affecting their dog and that it’s a vicious circle.
Knowledge certainly is power. I’ve found over the years I’ve been doing this that the clients are much benefitted from understanding why and how a dog reacts and what goes on in that dog’s body when this is happening. Most people believe they have an ‘aggressive” dog when in fact this is usually far from the truth, and to find out that their dog isn’t aggressive is often a great relief to them. It helps them to understand that most of the time they either have a dog who is anxious and afraid, or one that is frustrated. I believe that giving my clients the knowledge of how to deal with their dog’s reactivity so that we either get to a dog who is neutral to other dogs (or whatever it is the dog is reactive to) or a dog that is more easily managed, can enormously relieve that stress and anxiety and therefore in turn, also affect the dog’s behaviour.
What is interesting is that when I first meet a client with a reactive dog and we are out and about, the dog often behaves differently. The client will often say “oh, well look at that. He’s not being as he normally is. Normally he would lunge and bark at that person/object/dog but he doesn’t seem too worried. Murphy’s law that when you want to observe it, he isn’t doing it!” I explain the reason is most likely because they are with me. I explain that what I mean is that the client is far more relaxed when they are with me because obviously, I’m “the professional” and in their mind they think that if something happens, they don’t need to worry because I’ll tell them what to do or I will deal with it. So they relax. What happens? The dog relaxes too!!! Mostly the client then has an “aha” moment 🙂
Once the client has an understanding of how to reduce the reactivity (DS and CC), we get the client to change their mindset and body language from scared and anxious to more confident, and also get the dog listening much better to them using”watch me” techniques and checking in when walking on leash, you can see them gain confidence as the dog starts learning and the reactivity gets less. I do explain that I cannot guarantee that we will be able to completely remove the reactivity. That is the goal, but in a dog who has had a long time to practice this behaviour, I explain that we might only be able to get to the point where the reactivity is more easily managed because they know exactly how to deal with it instead of floundering. This seems to make clients happy.
Lindsey says
When I saw this on IG, the author of The Other End of The Leash discussing what most of the pioneers of Positive Reinforcement Training , know/have seen this to be true.
Well, either my experiences with DOGS (other peoples) or my adoration of anything Dogs & Patricia, has skewed my take on this topic, OR, all these ladies (and a few men) have never had one issue EVER WITH their Dog(s). Sweet!
I’m a Dog Walker
/Pet Sitter, but have a somewhat different model than normal. I work with the nicer hotels in downtown Charleston that are Pet Friendly. BUT, most of these fancy Hotels, do not want you to leave the Dogs alone in the room, as the owners rarely can keep them from YAPPING when they hear ANY noise or accidents that they have to clean up, so this is where I, (Pet 1 is Mac + the black one is Jet,) come to save the day, week, night, week.
The tricky part is I DO NOT get to meet these Dogs before I pet sit. I have to meet the owners and pup(s) in the lobby, earn their trust immediately by bribing him, make the parents feel trusting enough to leave me alone in their suites, with all their belongings and with their Dog(s) out on the Town with a stranger walking them at night.
Never, ever, ever is the mom or dads “description” or “preview” of what to expect from their Dog is correct. When that hotel room door closes, it’s a new ball game. I also work Weddings now that the ceremony is incomplete without their dogs. My goal is to spend as much time with the Dog(s) PRIOR to the Wedding, as my experience this has been proven time & time again when the Dog(s) know me (just 3-4 days) it makes a huge world of difference. The point is , these aren’t regular, locals whose relationships with me and their Dog(s) can change over time, with love, trust, fun, and positive reinforcement training, (usually what rescues, just in my experience, need.)
Lots.
I didn’t realize people GOT dogs, that made Them nervous. That’s not what I thought this conversation was about: I thought we had been discussing how a Dog (or Owner) Usually, resemble their Dog(s) attitude towards other people & Dog(s). Is it my memory messing with me or did everyone Miss PM’s words in “The Other End of The Leash”: or {paraphrasing} as soon as you, the human takes hold of the other end of the leash a bond is made! Your ENERGY literally goes down the leash: your Dog(s) it’s said-to know our emotions before we even think of having them, why did my moms brain tumor get slept on by her Maltese Havanese for 4 months before she was even diagnosed? Because DOG(s) assist in EVERY way-emotional support Dogs, Service Dogs, (really aren’t ALL DOGS emotional support Dogs?)
So I see this theory/fact/“opinion” can be a tad discussed but DEBATABLE…with a PhD in Dog Behavior , well Animal Behavior, I don’t know ALL THE CERTS AND DEGREES SHE HAS
BUT SHES THE FIRST person who brought this behavior , To my eyes.
Think your Dog(s) have Separation Anxiety, when you leave? Well, when left with an awesome Pet Sitter whose interactive and knowledgeable, turns out most “Separation Anxiety” is a trait the Mom or Dad comes up with and THEY miss their Dog. Fido just yaps when they come in the door, just like everyone does. Also, these traveling Dogs, are under stress from the car or plane. My job is to get that stress out of them, discourage medication on the Big Day, walk them till they drop.
I whole heartedly believe Dr. A Dog(s) Behavior is not only a direct result ,caused by the owners , it’s usually uncanny.
I point this out almost Everyday (3 times usually at LEAST that I am dealing with Dogs and ALL my regulars have come to see and finally agree, they act like it, and KNOW.
Lonnie says
I have had so many dogs in my lifetime at least 60 yrs. We lived with a pack of 8 shepherds. Most of them were calm and even-tempered dogs.
I fostered for rescues and one rescue gave me an adult male collie/mix of some kind. I was told to follow Cesars methods to stop his food aggression. The dog had only been fed in a crate.
I worked with him, he was usually tied to my car while I removed and returned his food as Ceasar did. Praise and affection. I did this almost 3 months. Finally I let him offleash as I removed his food bowl, he attacked me, bit the thumb muscle so hard and wouldn’t let go. So where am I supposed to have gone wrong? I never owned a dog like this. I used a foot to shove him into his crate and growled at him getting the same response. I told the rescue to get him the hell out of my house.
Ceasar kept the food aggressive dog and gave the couple a nice dog from his pack. This dog was crazy.
Elizabeth P says
My experience is only anecdotal but it does make me question this. We have had one reactive dog, and I do think my lack of experience and the incompetence of the trainers I consulted contributed to her reactivity. But the one anxious dog we had came that way to us as a small puppy. She was always shy and anxious and while I think I may have made a few mistakes I just don’t believe her anxiety was in any way my fault – it was how she was wired. The next puppy we got when anxious Daisy was five had not a jot of anxiety, in fact she was a good support dog for Daisy. Our current six-month old isn’t showing any anxiety either – despite the fact that for the entire time we’ve had her we’ve been emotional wrecks from the loss of our son. She is the most self-confident dog we’ve ever had! I did have have one vet tell me that only English-Canadians had anxious dogs, it just wasn’t an issue for French-Canadians – maybe you can guess which she was, which I am, and also why she became our former vet soon afterwards…
Trisha says
Oh dear Lonnie, I’m so sorry to hear about this. I prefer different methods than the ones you describe. I hope the rescue is having better luck with him. Food-related aggression can often be managed or treated completely with the right methods, but every dog is different of course.
Kris says
Could it be that it is not an either/or proposition? In other words, part owner/environment and partially innate or genetic? My husband and I have had many dogs over the last 24 years, most of which have been rescues. We have had as many as 5 in our pack at a time, different sizes and breeds. After adjustments and training, we always had a happy, well balanced pack. We liked to think that was the result of our calm energy and the connection we had with our dogs that made us sensitive to their individual personalities and emotions. Then Loki entered the picture and I learned how much we didn’t know.
Loki was 8 weeks old when he came to us from a stray mom. Part Collie, pyrenees, shepherd, and a bit of golden retriever. We knew immediately that there was something wrong because we had a fearful, willful puppy displaying aggressive tendencies from the outset. I spent extra time on training and attempting to get him well socialized and adjusted. The rest of the pack (a golden/lab mix and two pyrenees) welcomed him and tried to play and teach him, but he began displaying aggression towards them, so they ultimately just left him alone. Then the resource guarding began. After two bites, I searched for a behaviorist but the only truly qualified person in town was booked solid for four months. The entire time, we were baffled… what were WE doing wrong? We assumed it had to be us and our energy because we had never encountered this type of behavior before. The vet could find no physical reasons for the behavior.
I couldn’t wait four months, so I began reading everything I could find (and thank you Dr. Mcconnell! I am so grateful for all of your books. They are not only informative but gave me hope and made me cry all at the same time). With some repetitive conditioning, I was able to get the resource guarding under control (we now trade items). Throughout the process, I found myself tuning into Loki’s moods and feelings and trying to give him what he needed at the time—calm loving energy or space to be alone, or sometimes, just a walk to divert his thinking.
When he was two, he had an episode that went beyond fear and nervousness, and the vet diagnosed him with Addison’s. He now receives monthly injections and daily medication, so the hormones are under control. The underlying issues, albeit managed, remain. I’m relatively certain that Loki will always be like this, and while we can adjust our behavior to his needs, it seems that he just came wired this way.
In short, my experiences suggest that it may be a combination. If we are in tune with our dogs, they feed off of our energy and feelings and vice-versa. So it seems logical that human neurosis could also be learned/adopted by a dog. On the other hand,not all behaviors and emotions. I love a good thunderstorm, but Loki and one of our other dogs hate them. My sense of peace and calm means nothing to them; they just look at me as if to say “clearly you do not appreciate the gravity of this situation.” So my layman’s response to the question posed would be “sometimes, but it’s not that simple.”
Gayla says
Typical Trisha… the perfect, kind, diplomatic response.
Rontuaru says
I’ve had over a dozen dogs in my life, including one that was a big challenge in many ways. He had that ‘deer in the headlights’ look at 13 weeks and because I’d never encountered a problem I couldn’t fix, I kept him anyway. Huge mistake. Let’s just say I think he wagged his tail for the first time at around age seven or eight. To say he was a serious dog would be a gross understatement. No sense of humor in that boy at all. I learned a lot from him though. Not because I wanted to, but because he forced me to question everything I thought I knew about training and living with dogs. Next dog I made a vow to teach him the basics and then just let him grow up and be a dog. No trying to push a square peg through a round hole, no over-complicating things. He’s five now and probably the best adjusted dog I’ve ever raised. I do think genetics, breed and environment play an enormous role in final outcomes. I have another pup that the breeder almost kept because she was so timid. She started to come out of her shell and was placed (cautiously) with us. Holy cow, she is a wild child. No fear of anything or anyone anymore. I’m exposing her to situations gradually and I try to make things tons of fun. So far she looks to be on the right path. Zero credit taken though. I also think having a solid “anchor dog” when raising a pup really helps too, and I credit my middle dog for being just that. I think if the genetics for a solid temperament are there and they are given lots of support, things usually will work out OK with minimal stress or surprises. I’ve promised myself that I will never again keep a dog that isn’t a good fit for us. Life is too short and stressful to spend 10-15 years living with an animal that is miserable or dangerous. I know my limits now, which is why I thank God for reputable breeders who help keep me from getting into that tight spot to begin with (because they breed for solid temperaments), and will come to MY rescue if I ever get in over my head again.
Alice R. says
I’ve hesitated adding to this one because I’m not sure I have a lot to add, but I do think it’s important to get the idea out there that it’s not always so simple, and that saying to someone that it’s their fault which is what we’re saying if we posit it’s that clear cut, is enormously hurtful to someone who’s going through a hard time. I’ve had several different dogs in my lifetime, all different mixes and breeds, and so have had both calm and nervous dogs. None of these corresponded to periods in my life that were crazier, more stressful or calmer. I do think that maybe this has to do with predispositions: if a dog is genetic or environmentally predisposed to anxiety, an owner who has the same predisposition or outright anxiety could bring that out. Conversely, a very easy going, laid back owner could lend the confidence needed so that predisposition in the dog is not actualized. A very calm, laid back dog could do the same thing for an owner who tends to be anxious. The answer may be therefore to make sure an owner has the tools to feel confident in their handling and raising, and teach calmness as a behavior to both people and dogs.
Uta says
Dear Ms McConnell,
First of all, many thanks for all the great books and DVDs you published over the years and many thanks for sharing your knowledge in this blog. It is such an invaluable source of wisdom and good advice, as are the interesting and well-informed discussions.
Being a person that is not falling into the category of emotional stability, I asked myself what I might be doing to my dogs, when I first came across this research some time ago. Of course, a dog should never be placed in a position where they suffer from the inner battles of their humans. This said, after evaluating my personal, non-representative study (read: life), I would indeed suspect that things are not black and white.
After having grown up with a Newfoundland dog and having been around rather easy-going, steady dogs all my life, ten years ago, I adopted an adult terrier-papillon-mix from a shelter without having been able to meet him before. It turned out, he was the embodiment of an anxious dog. He was so terrified of life that he could not go outside in daytime and we spent long night hours on the steps of the house so he could at least get used to the sounds of suburban life. I suffered from insomnia at the time, what petrified the dog who seemed to assume the world was on fire when I woke up in the middle of the night. Consequently, he forced me to achieve better sleeping patterns to provide calm for him, which I worked on and managed because it was so very important for him (by then, I practically had given up over the years, but he made me try harder).
Being terrified of everything (dogs, humans, surroundings), this dog of course was highly leash-reactive (I read Feisty Fido religiously time and again) and the very picture of the yappy small dog.
This very same dog died last Christmas, having been a confident little fellow for years, known as “the dog that never barks”, who went everywhere with me (work, hotels, trains…), who greeted other dogs and strangers politely and even accepted being padded by the latter. He lived through several family crises with me (one being the long-time illness and death of a parent). We became extremely tuned to each other, and despite living with an emotional not-so-stable person, he became an emotionally stable (or at least well-stabilised) dog.
At the beginning of last year, another rescue dog dropped into my life (again, I did not know this dog beforehand). A hyper-nervous, extremely high-strung 9-year-old German Spitz (he probably came from a puppy mill where he was used as stud dog). Today, “my village”, the people who travelled with us on this journey (God bless them!), note how surprisingly calm this fluffy tornado has become. No doubt, he still has a nervous disposition and needs a lot of management (extended walks, trail and retrieval work what he loves to do), but he has improved considerably while living with a human with emotional stability issues.
So, from my (very limited) experience, this topic is indeed deeply nuanced.
Sorry for this being such a long post and for the faulty language (not a native speaker).
Again, many thanks for all the insight and knowledge you made available to dog owners all over the world!
Trish says
I am an anxious person and my last border collie was “soft,” as they say and highly reactive to other dogs and to people and ESPECIALLY to people at the door. I have no doubt that I gave her the message–“I am not sure I like people, they make me nervous” (because they kind of do!). That said, she also trusted me to “ok” people and dogs in most situations. She looked to me for the ok and when I gave it, she eased up. But never at the door! The good news is I now have a new border collie and he is an extrovert. He is giving ME the message: “I love people and other dogs and I need them, so please bring me where I can meet them.” And instead of me making him anxious, he is making me more social. So I think I agree: anxiety is contagious sometimes in some pairings and not in others. That’s definitely been my experience.
Martin says
There’s an Austrian book that’s supposed to help humans prevent transferring their anxiety to their dogs. I haven’t read it and am not sure if I should buy it. I know this is an American blog, but I think that a few other readers are German-speakers as well. Has anyone read „Psycho-Kiste für Hundehalter: So trainieren Sie Ihre innere Stärke“ by Elisabeth Beck? If so, what did you think?
Jenny Haskins says
Just and anecdote, but I think very relevant to this discussion.
I found over the years, that my German Shepherds “acted out” when nervous people came close to them. I learned to be very very careful to stop these (silly) people come quivering up to my dogs to pat then. But I stop them at a distance and tell them that the dog is “timid”.
When people ask IF they can pat my dogs, if they look like sensible people, I tell then to ask my dog. I’ve never had any real problems since.
Except for one friend, who is a highly stressed individual. My ‘insecure’ bitch, bit the back of his jeans once as he turned away from her. Now we put all the dogs away when he comes.
Jenny Haskins says
That being said dogs really DO vary wildly in their temperaments. We need to be vary away of our more nervous dogs, that we never take them into situations where WE feel nervous. For my Nervous Nellie I talk to her the whole time – many times so other people can hear and so know that she is timid without being ”ordered” to not come closer. It also calms her, as I talk as I would to a toddler or young child. Tone of voice matters SO very much.
Shana says
This really is a fascinating subject and something I have thought about before. I have a Vizsla which can be really crazy pups. While Hobbes has his crazy moments for the most part he is very calm. My breeder was convinced it is because I tend to be pretty calm and even tempered. However, when we started running agility I was so nervous I was going to mess up that we had terrible runs. Finally a trainer told me that it was my uncertainty that was the problem, Hobbes knew exactly what he needed to do I just needed to be more confident in both of us and voila we have been so much more successful and have so much more fun. Additionally if I am worried about a situation in my mind thinking what if that dog coming toward us on the trail is aggressive it seems that Hobbes picks up on it and acts as if the other dog is aggressive and needs to be barked at even if it did nothing. If we walk or run on by as if it is no issue he does not have any pre-emptive reaction even when the other dog barks at him. I am convinced he is picking up on my anxiety and reacting in kind.
Steve says
My 1.5yo ACD has become more skittish and at times anxious around other dogs, whereas I’m the opposite. My previous dog that passed in August, was the opposite, rarely ever anxious or skittish around other dogs, much like me.
So I would argue it’d definitely not a 1:1. From watching other owners at the dog parks I think there is a very very strong correlation, but while I greet all the other dogs with love and fascination, my pup will hide behind me as I’m sitting on the floor greeting, petting, and playing with the other dogs.
I’m trying to impart my comfort with all the dogs we meet on to her, and maybe as she ages she’ll warm back up to them, like she was when she was <1yo, but we shall see as time goes on.
Pam says
What a great post, thank you! Several years ago we got a GSD from a breeder. She had come from Germany, had some Shutzhund training but had lost 2 litters of puppies. She was an emotional mess…whoever trained her had been harsh and physically disciplined her, you could tell. She was fearful, and exhibited a lot of fear aggression toward visitors/strangers.
She bonded with my husband like nothing I had ever seen. He was her whole world (and vice versa). It turns out she was a great teacher of puppies lol! She was patient but diligent, firm but gentle. As she aged, she became less aggressive and much, much sweeter. I always felt she was super anxious, but over time she calmed and mellowed. She became the perfect dog in many ways…ideal for us, but woe to the intruder lol!