This post is inspired by Katha Miller-Winder’s new book: Practicing Partnership: A therapy dog and his person. My favorite part of the book (definitely recommended for anyone with, or about to have, a therapy dog), is on page 7 and 8:
“If I’m being a true partner for my dog, I’ve given the dog the skills to recognize whether complying to a cue to sit is one where it’s important that the dog comply, or whether the cue is one that is at the dog’s discretion whether to comply. One way I do this is to consistently preface discretionary cues with “can you” or “will you.”
I LOVE this perspective, especially when working with a dog who is being asked to participate in work that could be frightening or stressful. I have seen way too many “therapy dogs” be pushed into situations in which they are clearly uncomfortable, based on their whale eyes, tongue flicks, etc. Asking dogs what they are comfortable with in these contexts is invaluable. Katha’s book advocates (and celebrates) having therapy dogs be true partners, which means they have agency and autonomy, rather than expectations of being “obedient” over all else. (FYI, I’m using the term “therapy dogs” loosely because it is so pervasive, and saying “Animal Assisted Activity Dogs” is cumbersome.)
Dr. Miller-Winder’s book just came out, and the timing made it especially interesting to me. I had just been talking to some new friends about my cues being either “Now! cues,” or “Sometime Soon cues.” Here, for example are Maggie and Skip responding to my “Stand” cue. It means “Stop moving and stand still. Now.” I use it when the dogs are working sheep, and sometimes as a safety cue, to keep the dogs out of trouble or danger. When I say it, I need them to respond right away. It wasn’t all that hard to teach–I said “stand” right before I stopped and froze myself when we were playing, and reinforced with more play or with moving up on the sheep.
But another cue I use with Maggie, “Leave it, House,” is never used in an emergency. I use it when Maggie is trying to vacuum up bird seed, which is not exactly great for her gut. Usually she’s been out walking, or playing with Skip, and she takes a detour to the bird seed before coming into the house. For awhile I expected a response the instant I used it, but she resisted. Besides going back to some good reinforcements for complying, I realized that this isn’t like “Stand.” I don’t need instant compliance, and if I just let her have one more sniff or lick, she’d come willingly. Now I say “Leave it” and “House” (come to the porch to go inside) and trust that she’ll comply soon enough. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t do it the instant I ask. You might note that I lowered my voice when I said “leave it,” which is another way of modifying what the cue means. In this case, “you really do need to leave the bird seed, but not this second.” (But, of course, if she was eating something truly dangerous I’d likely say something else, probably “Hey” in a sharp, low voice.)
This is another way of giving dogs “agency,” or the ability to have some control over their lives. Lives which are, if we analyze them, full so many constraints: Wait at the door, walk only on leash, sit for your dinner, etc., etc.
Both perspectives–asking versus telling, and expecting instant compliance or not, are important ways to give our dogs choices, and the feeling of some control over their lives. This is not trivial. Feeling a lack of control in one’s life is extremely stressful, and is especially problematic for individuals who have been traumatized, whether human or dog. We all, any individual with choice that is, wants to be able to use that choice, and not having any can lead to frustration and aggression. I love the increasing focus on giving dogs choices, when safe and appropriate.
What about you? Do you have an “asking” cues versus “telling” ones. Do you expect instant compliance in some situations, but not others? If so, tell us about it. Surely this is an important conversation for our village to have, yes?
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Recently the dogs and I got to help do “set out” and “work the pens” at the Cedar Stone Trial outside of Cambridge. I was too busy to get any good photos, but was over the moon happy to be strong enough to work a short shift helping out, and say hi to some dear friends. I was pretty much a puddle afterward, but so grateful to be good enough to do what Maggie, Skip, and I love. Thanks to Merry and John for letting me work a short shift. Here’s Skip asking why I am not walking back to the sheep to get the next group: (Have I mentioned he is the most beautiful dog in the entire world?)
I also spent some time cooking, thanks to the bounty of our tomato plants and the basil and chard from friend Sally’s garden. First, my Sunday quiche made up of what’s in the frig–in this case, bacon, chard, and roasted tomatoes:
I made lots of pesto from Sally’s garden, which I freeze in ice cube trays for individual servings. (My early basil got tossed after contracting some nasty disease, the seedlings are just getting going, but I have high expectations in a month or so.):
Here are the carmelized, roasted tomatoes from our garden. I put on a little too much brown sugar this time, probably should call them tomato candy:
One crazy ass last thing. I don’t get manicures. I have lousy nails and short, fat fingers. But after getting silly manicures with daughter-in-law Rachel on vacation just for fun, I ended up doing this last Saturday. (Or, I should say, having some one do it for me.)
I keep looking at my hands and wondering whose they are. It won’t last, and I don’t care, because right now it makes me smile, and takes the sting away from all the things I can’t do right now. That’s a really, really good thing, yes?
What makes me smile in your world, and what ways do you use your cues to your dogs differently? Ask or tell? Instant compliance or “sometime soon?” I can’t wait to hear.
All Thungs Collie says
Thank you for sharing, it was very timely, as I just had my youngest colloentake the Therapy Dog test this past weekend. I will definitely check this out,
Trisha says
Congratulations on your collie, glad the book rec will come in handy!
Diane says
Thank you for this interesting perspective. I will try to keep prefacing cues in mind when I don’t care if the behavior happens immediately. I had to laugh when you mentioned using the “Hey” command. Now there’s a command that comes way to easily for me, but it works!
Frances says
I think for my dogs it comes down to tone of voice – most cues are requests or suggestions in a conversational tone, but just occasionally I use the I-Really-Mean-It voice learned as a child from my mother and they know the difference. Just the other day Freddy, the dear fluffy little thing, took a terrier friend off to show him the wonderful rolling spot he had found on the far side of the field and they both came back stinking to high heaven. Fred really did not want the bath that ensued and got quite vigorous in his objections especially when it meant washing his ears. ENOUGH! in That Voice stopped him fighting me and risking a fall from the sink and kept him still long enough to get the worst of the muck off. The reward was a snuggle in towels and a good zoom to finish drying.
My problem is that Sophy, my now elderly papillon, is increasingly bossing me. She has progressed from a stare or a gentle murmur to a peremptory little bark and is using it more and more often to tell me that I am late with a meal, that she needs to go out NOW, that she has decided it is time we all went to bed and is upstairs waiting for me to lift her onto the bed (at 8pm, as often as not), and any other time that I am slow in doing what she has decided is necessary. And it works often enough to reinforce the behaviour, of course – I don’t want puddles or worse so up I get. Two way conversation is a wonderful thing but I need to teach Sophy the difference between Asking and Telling!
Sabena Lund says
Tone makes all the difference for us. As much as possible, I let my dog Bindi choose where we head for our walks. If I’m not sure which way she wants to go, I’ll ask her in a questioning voice, “which way?”. If I need to take the lead I use a firm, confident tone “this way”.
Bridget says
I use this all the time. I’ll say “can you sit, please?” or “would you like to go out?”
They do, eventually!
Ruth Rothstein says
Fascinating! Your pointing out how your voice lowered in volume and pitch for “Leave it” makes think about volume and pitch with cues. Our Jojo definitely tends to respond when we lower the pitch, like when we say, “Uh, uh” if she starts walking off the path into the woods. But I’ve never thought to look for overall patterns around pitch/tone and cues and how quickly or seriously she complies. As a first-time dog owner who’s working very hard to keep anxiety low around the dog, I struggle to find the right balance between seriousness of tone and showing my stress. Training a dog is an amazing journey. I knew it would be fun and challenging, but I had no idea how deep of a process it would be! Your writings help a lot!!
MinnesotaMary says
Great perspective! This hit home and I didn’t even realize I do it. It’s mostly my tone with my dogs, especially my therapy dog. Sometimes it’s a happy “wanna come inside?” and sometimes it’s “come on” or “let’s go” with a lower, firmer, more sharp tone. For me, the “leave it” command is especially important for my therapy dog to obey immediately. We have walked past pills on the floor in some of the nursing homes we visit. Who knows what they would do to him if he ate one!
Martin says
Tone of voice is two-edged for us. On the one hand, it can be great to pack in more information. On the other, both my siblings and I don’t always have the spoons/ability to talk in such a dynamic way. Sometimes we talk in monotone, sometimes not at all. Thus, we spend a lot of energy making sure the dogs know both visual cues and verbal cues and that they understand that verbal cues always carry the same meaning, no matter what tone of voice we use.
We try to train them to do their tricks immediately after hearing these cues. If we’re asking them, we tend to just ask them in plain German (but always with the same words). I usually accompany this with a clear head tilt. Sometimes there are gestures involved instead of or in addition to words. For example, if I’m inviting them to come to me but want to make it clear that it’s not a “command,” I crouch down and open up my arms. I can’t always tell if Ria wants to be pet, so sometimes I’ll ask her by putting my hand in the vicinity of her head for a few moments. She’ll press the top of her head into my hand if she wants scritches.
I hope it’s okay if I make a request for a topic. See, I’ve often heard that dogs “need a job.” However, the examples I hear sound more like play to me. Do dogs really need a job – do they really need to feel like they are making a useful contribution to their community? Or do they just need enough mental stimulation/entertainment?
Trisha says
Martin, I LOVE this question! (Do dogs need a “JOB”.) My quick answer is that they need mental exercise, not so much making a contribution. But it’s a great topic for a post, thanks for asking.
Carol says
Agree on the tone. I’ve always striven for a partnership with my dogs and encouraged more ‘independent’ thinking and I think have tried to get breeds that are are known for that. Similar to your ‘leave it,’ when walking, I have a ‘c’mon,’ which is, ‘take your final sniffs but hurry it up.’ Is that agency? Maybe? Because they still ultimately need to come, right? Just like Maggie ultimately needs to stop eating the birdseed 😀 But like adolescents, maybe it is a courtesy you extend to recognize their agency.
I like your immediate response distance cue and I need to firm up that response. I use a ‘stop’ but I don’t know that it’s hard-wired enough.
Fun nail polish! I find it so distracting on myself. Your garden products look delicious! Yum!
Michael says
Hello Patricia,
You may remember Midnight, the fence jumper, and therefore me.
Use MDR (MilDew Resistant) basil seed. Prospero is one variety that comes in three sizes. Otherwise in Wisconsin, basil will die of mildew way before the first frost. Also, very little water, preferably none except for rain.
Dogs will find their job depending on our lifestyle and their epigenetics. It may be as simple as keeping woodpeckers from the house siding, or tree rats from the bird feeders, or feral cats off the premises.
Bitsey Patton says
Tone of voice works here. Thanks for the therapy dog book recommendation. I have had therapy dogs for 26 years, and it is common to see dogs miserable in that job. It breaks my heart. Sometimes the human ego doesn’t consider the dog enough. True partnership means you both have to be comfortable.
Elizabeth Handwerker says
I think the main difference between ‘ask’ and ‘tell’ is the tone of voice. But somehow, I think Cap knows as well as I do which situations are serious, and demand immediate compliance. He is so biddable that if he’s in work mode, he will always comply instantly. Even when we are just out walking in the beach, and my ‘asks’ are casual, he pretty much complies instantly.
Chris Johnson says
I give choice for lots of things and generally the difference is a change in tone as with your “leave it”. For example, I use “here” for my recall, said in a lighter tone when it’s not urgent but forcefully and in a lower register when I mean right now. I worked that one a lot as it’s so important, using every day treats for the not urgent “here” and the best stuff for the get here now “here”. I also trained using a whistle in the same way. It naturally transfered to other requests as well, like “wait” for example. I found this approach to be a bit easier for my training clients as well. Instead of having to decide on and remember 2 different cues they just need to change their tone which I think comes more naturally.
HFR says
When my puppy started showing some serious signs of guarding (snapping at me when I tried to take a bully stick away), I ran to my trainer. She gave me lots of suggestions but the one that stands out is “asking” for the bully stick first. I had been more or less tricking her by giving her a treat and then grabbing the bully while she was taking the treat which is when she snapped at my hand taking the bully. Now I come up to her with a tasty treat and ask her “Can I have that?” and point to the bully which she has walked away from to get the treat and then take the bully and show it to her and say “Thank you!” and then give her the treat (which is very high value). And, of course, sometimes I give the bully back to her. She’s never tried to snap or showed any signs of guarding since I started this.
I never thought of this as giving her a choice just that it seemed much more honest. But clearly it does give her the power of choice. Very interesting post!
Trisha says
HFR: Love this!!!
Debbie Zombeck says
It is tone of voice for me as well. I have three dogs with varying degrees of timidness.
I learned several years ago that if I speak to them in a high light voice they respond very well (from The Other End of the Leash). I use this tone most of the time. One of my greyhounds has a pretty high prey drive and will go after any thing that moves. I use a lower and louder leave it to call her off. This morning she went after a live cicada in the grass and picked it up, yikes! My leave it tone caused her to drop it immediately, thankfully. I was able to pick up the cicada and drop it over the fence with Rose the greyhound watching me every step of the way.
Faye Da Costa Aguiar says
Hi Trisha!
Thank you for sharing this ! You made me feel better about the fact that I too give some commands in an “askful” tone (sorry I know that’s not a word!), and my Flora knows the difference quite well even though she isn’t yet six months old! For that I use the same tone that I did when my kids were little and didn’t want to leave the park right away, and the instruction is usually followed by a singsong “come on!” that lets her know it’s not an urgent demand.
When I do need her to respond immediately my tone is firm and clear, and, like you, I usually start my request with a sharp “Hey!” (again very similar to what I did with the kids).
We’re still learning, Flora and I. She responds well for the most part, unless whatever she’s doing involves having someone’s slipper in her mouth, or tissue paper).
It isn’t always easy, but I’m loving every second.
PS: your hands look beautiful!!!
Jenny Ruth Yasi says
Nice nails, lol, but wait til you find out what sort of chemistry you need to get rid of them! Context is really important to my dogs, but generally I ask much as you do. When I don’t need an immediate response and I want to allow a dog some more seconds to check something out, to sniff etc., I go to Leslie McDevitts 123 game. I can draw it out as long as I want so I often say 1…..2……….,and wait for my dog to glance at me 3! And they get a treat. So dogs playing playing playing 1… (still playing ) 2…. (still playing)….. 3! They are 100% with me ready for a prize! Leslie is a brilliant trainer, her Control Inleashed program changed so much of my perspective! Made me a much more effective teacher!
Samantha Finch says
As half of a therapy dog team I definitely plan on looking for that book. Now that I no longer compete in obedience and there is no need for crisp, precise compliance I have become much more casual about my expectations. Yes, leave it and drop it must be obeyed instantly for safety, and I expect a prompt response to “stay” or “come”, but I also teach “wait” and “here” which are much less formal and don’t require immediate action. I much prefer our relaxed, mutually respectful relationship over the demanding almost dictatorship that competitive obedience expects.
Beth Staley says
I like to support agency by offering a choice, and will sign which one, when playing, and allow her to choose, such as which toy, or which game or reward.
Carole says
As always, a great thought provoking post. I agree that the difference is in tone of voice. As someone else said, that ‘Hey!’ is telling them that immediate attention is required. I too used that with my houseful of kids. 🙂 When I walk my dogs, I say ‘Let’s go’, only using ‘Heel’ when I need them to stay close by my side. They know ‘Let’s go’ means they are free to amble along beside me, pausing to sniff or hike a leg. They know ‘leave it!” means right this instant, (as when Jax has killed yet another poor rabbit) whereas ‘Are you ready to come in?’ allows them to take their time. I think a lot of this depends on the dog’s personality. Brody (my giant Rottie – St. Bernard mix), responds to everything I ask or tell him immediately, regardless of tone. Dusty, the Chow mix, came to me first as a foster with the most reliable recall I’ve ever seen in a dog. Even if she is trying to climb a tree after her squirrel nemesis, she flies to me when I call her name. And then there’s Jax (Pitbull-Husky mix… and another foster fail). He has a truly ferocious prey drive and his life mission seems to be ridding the world of rabbits (and one skunk… ugh!) He will respond to my ‘Leave it!” pretty quickly, but walks away from his victim quite reluctantly when I ask him to come inside.
Cindy says
Love your blog Patricia; always such great info giving us something to be aware of or think about. We are now six months into the ownership of our latest Golden, named Franny, from a rescue here in Ontario, Canada. We have had the privilege of living with six Goldens, of which three were adopted from rescues. Re this blog post, for us, I agree with the other followers in that I think it is all about the tone/urgency. With rescues, as with our latest girl, she came from a puppy mill and had been kept in a pen in a barn with others whose soul purpose was to churn out puppies for profit. So in her situation, with zero socialization skills at age 5, we found setting trust was the first hurdle, along with LOTS of TLC. Walks were a whole new world (with a Martingale collar), meeting people, sniffing, meeting other dogs of which she is dog selective… Tone was everything but urgency is also used for safety (ie. crossing streets). We have always been committed to the 3 days/3 weeks/3months average for older adopted dogs to adjust. PATIENCE is key. But we always started the key training words with positive reinforcement and routine. Sit, stand, stay, come, leave it, let go… and OKAY! for a joyous release! 😊 The dog journey continues with us always watching her cues in what Ms. Franny is telling us, and we are loving every minute. ❤️ 🐾
Linda Keast says
A slightly different perspective: Because our therapy teams work with at-risk kids, “tell/ask” has additional ramifications. Context: our dogs are off-leash, and the kids are learning/practicing social skills as they learn how to train the dogs. Two key things our handlers model are “clear communication” and “offering choices” (both things frequently missing in the kids’ history). Our dogs may have a full repertoire of “tell” cues — particularly for safety reasons — but there is a second set of softer “ask” cues we give the kids to use. In parallel, our language choices and activities offered to the kids themselves are in “ask” mode.
alice moon fanelli says
Love this post! I raised my Arabian x ASB (my 1000 lb border collie 🙂 )from the day he was born. I always approached handling etc by “asking”. I can’t say it was a consicous choice, but he made it cler from day 1 he’s a horse that much prefers to be asked and to be part of the conversation. We’ve gotten on very well this way for 18 years and I have to say I strongly prefer this type of relationship. Of course I have rules for safety and he must abide but for general stuff I ask and we have a conversation. We are partners.
Last summer after many requests I let one of the ladies at the barn ride him. Oh Lord!!! She got on, grabbed the reins, wrapped her legs around him and I believe that was the first time I saw a horse with whale eye. She was going to show me what she could do with my horse. Already far too long story short, she finally was able to sit a 20 meter circle with him. Got off and said “He’s seat-trained. I can’t ride him”. Yes he is seat trained, but he knows all the aids you know. The only thing you don’t know is to ASK, not tell. That’s where you lost the connection. I’m still apologizing to Sharif 🙂
Chris from Boise says
Wow, this is “our” Kat and her D’Artagnon! Despite having dogs completely unsuited to therapy work, I look forward to reading this – Kat’s comments are always thought-provoking and so well written.
That “Stand” video is amazing – to be able to respond immediately in the middle of play! And what a reward – to go back to playing!
We too are more conversational in our relationship with our dogs, but if we need a prompt response the cue is a tone change as well. We learned that from The Other End Of The Leash (book), which was a life changer many years ago. Trisha, you may never know the number of people (and their dogs) you influenced with that book, but it must be in the millions. Thank you!
Janis Bradley says
Wow! There are so many potential conversations here, even talking entirely about pet dogs, without getting into therapy dog issues. I’m not sure that we can even use the idea of “compliance” in relation to cues for example, since a cue is simply a signal–information about what’s on offer at the moment. My recall cue, for example is “Cookies!” which I explain to questioning people is one version of my policy to always tell dogs the truth, and has worked just fine to get reliable recalls from Greyhounds jetting at 40 mph after a rabbit. And the latency requirement for getting the reinforcer is just a parameter in my particular Rashomon world. Am particularly struck by the use of social learning in your own freezing with the “Stand,” cue–brilliant! This is the new barely explored frontier in human/dog communication. Am working on developing a pet owner friendly protocol for this. It dovetails profoundly with the whole huge topic of agency. So, anyway, thanks for this one–marvelous food for thought.
Tails Around the Ranch says
Having been the 2-legged half of a couple of pet therapy teams for 10 years, I love asking vs. telling. Sometimes hospital visitors would comment that my dog was stubborn but I knew better in that moment. I’d say he was just tired (which was often true and more diplomatic than telling them my dog is uncomfortable around you. I always trusted Sam and then Norman to know what was the correct/best response. 💙
Barb Stanek says
Hadn’t thought of asking a command as a signal for “some time soon.” I like it! I have mastered the multiple command system. In other words, my dogs seem to know when I’m serious and when it’s okay to fool around before complying. In the meantime, I tend to fall into the multiple command trap. (Like they didn’t hear me the first time!)
I’m happy with the compliance or non-compliance that I get from my dogs. However I can see the wisdom in formalizing the compliance scale a bit more. Thanks for the idea.
I’ve rarely had my nails done, but I do so enjoy it when I do! A treat! Yours look great.
Jann Becker says
Many years ago our first dog “obedience” class was the old “choke chain jerk” with an instructor who said “Leee-VIT!” and we still mimic her (minus the chain, of course.) That’s the non emergency version.
With something hazardous, of course, it’s “LEAVE IT!!” sometimes followed by “DROP!” The startle factor alone gets their attention away from the object of interest. “Leave it” and “drop” are a pair, the latter used when it’s too late for the former.
I had hopes for the late Kira to become a therapy dog, but when she got to be about two she became less enthused about meeting new humans. She already knew everyone she needed to know, in her opinion and it didn’t seem right to put her in a position of having to deal nicely with so many strangers. Her successors are firecrackers at home but too shy in public to consider therapy dog work.
Julia S says
Our dog is very nervous and touch adverse, and she used to dislike us putting on her collar and leash. Not we ask her if we can put on the collar by using the word “collar” in a questioning tone, and waiting until she comes to us to put it on (and at the beginning we gave a food reward after putting on the collar too). If she doesn’t come to us (aka opts put of getting her collar put on) she can just pee and poop in the fenced yard, no problem. Now that she controls when the collar is put on she’s much less worried by the collar. Sometimes it takes her a few minutes before she opts in, so we plan time for this, and if we have to put the collar on right then for some reason we don’t use the cue. It has really helped make the leash/collar a non issue, whereas before it was a daily stressor for her.
Trisha says
Chris: Awwww!
Trisha says
Alice MF: First, cracked up at “Arab x ASB = 1,000 lb BC. Too funny. And love the story, good for Sharif to make it all clear…
Beatrice says
Hi there,
from the beginning, I asked myself, what emergency proof commands I want my dog to follow (hier-come right away, warte or the leash ist falling down- stay at the spot you’re at, um- turn 180 degrees and come back to me, hinten- Go behind me, stay there and let me handle the Situation)?
One of those my dog learned due to my tone.
He, a second hand dog, was playing with me and a toy when he spits out the toy and heads full speed towards a road with a lot of big trucks moving. I was horrorfied and screamed everything I could think of to stop him. Luckily, he was aiming for the river right next to the road. I could recollect my dog drinking there. I was shaking all the way home.
The next day, I thought of the situation and offered my dog ‘um’ as new signal. We shaped the signal and he got it within 3 repetitions.
And I etablished a set of signals for behavior I want my dog to so, but these allow to take time and finish important things like sniffing around, marking a three,…
I much prefer give my dog different signals instead of using ‘that tone’ on him.
I love shaping behavior in different situations with my dog. He started to offer it pretty soon after I taught him a marker word similar to the click in clicker training.
Everyday life example:
Unfamiliar dog with owner is walking towards us, I want us to pass without trouble. My dog will walk somewhere on the side of me where the other dog will not pass. If he really wants to say hi to the other dog He will sit down and wag his tail. If the situation and the other owner allows it, I let him go greet and eventually play with the other dog.
Sally M says
My early morning eyes fell on “Sally’s garden” and a picture of quiche. I got all excited. “I have a garden? And there’s quiche? yum!!! breakfast!” Then reality started to ooze in. Still, not a bad beginning, so thank you very much!
Re asking vs telling: YES! Not dropping the ball was a huge issue with the neighbor’s French Bulldog. He got a genius trainer (who knows it’s the people need the work) who said, regarding the ball: high value treats most of the time at the beginning for a quick drop on command, practice at least five times a day. If she keeps the ball, you MUST dive down her gullet and get it back. If she wins it once, you are done. The little bully WANTS to get along with us but that ball is super precious – it started with a slooww response – slow only because it took her a while to overcome her machinery – you could see the wheels turning to enable her to disengage her jaw. After we made some progress, we developed a game. (Pretty sure it was her idea) If I say “wanna play?” that’s a commitment on my part to throw it for her (better than steak for a reward). If I say “Drop!”, she must put it down immediately and won’t necessarily get it back. (She does get massive praise and best treat in my pocket of course) I work several Drops throughout the session, with five times as many Wanna-plays and now she is perfect at Drop. Wowza. AND she and I have more fun and more “range” in our interactions. (Thanks & Love for all your youtubes, dvds, books & posts! xoxoxo)
Diana says
I have done something similar with my dogs. I use the word “go” to mean move. I have Great Danes that like to be near me, which results in them blocking me. If I use a normal command, I want instant compliance. But if that is not necessary, I saw “go down.” This is my suggestion for the dog to go lie down, but he can choose the place. For an alternative to “come” which is supposed to be mandatory, I say “this way.” The dog does not have to come to me, but is supposed to change directions and come towards me.
I also have 2 negatives. “No” is for something that should never happen, such as biting, jumping up, stealing food from the counter or table. “Eh” is used to mean “wrong choice.” I want the dog to stop doing what it is doing, even though his behavior is something he can do at another time. I sometimes use “wait” & “stay.” Both mean be immobile, but one means stay put until I give you another command, the other means stay until I return to you. I am not sure if the dog understands these nuances, but they make sense to me.
BTW, very pretty color of nail polish, and I didn’t see any short, stubby fingers.
Ellyn Kearney says
Thank you so much for this article! I have had service dogs for 30 years now and the bond we develop is difficult to describe. We must trust one another explicitly and honor each others intentions. For example, my dog may be too close to me when someone is trying to assist me. If I say “place” or “crate”, he may not go there but will lay down out of the way. I don’t correct this behavior because he has understood the context and has acted correctly. On the other hand, if, say, a guest is over who doesn’t want so much contact with my dog, he will immediately go where I have asked. This shows that we understand one another on a deeper level and respect one another.
Bruce says
I have an independent-minded dog. She has a spot on the couch, so if we will be watching TV I ask her, “Do you want to sit on the couch?”
Sometimes she hops up right away, but often she says, “Nah” and then hops up when it is her idea.
This is different than “Hup” (jump up on something) which is a command that she loves, and frequently offers voluntarily / hopefully.
Mary Ellen says
What a great article! In veterinary care there are some hospitals that use cooperative care – meaning they spend time with the animals and let them decide what they can tolerate at that moment. The animals learn to trust the veterinary nurse and their care becomes much less stressful. I attended a seminar by one of the authors of the textbook and it was amazing what she did. I feel we underestimated animals for a long time.
GM Mallah says
I really enjoyed reading this article and learning about the difference between asking and telling our dogs. I agree that giving our dogs some choice and autonomy can enhance our relationship and communication with them. I also appreciate the examples of how you use different cues for different situations, such as “stand” for working sheep and “leave it, house” for bird seed. I think this is a great way to teach our dogs what we expect from them and when.
I have a question for you: How do you handle situations where your dog might be exposed to something potentially harmful, such as ticks or other parasites? Do you have any tips or advice on how to prevent or treat these issues? I have written a blog post about Lyme disease in dogs, which is a serious condition caused by tick bites. You can read it here: https://dogfoodfit.com/lyme-disease-in-dogs-what-now/. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic and how you protect your dogs from tick-borne diseases. Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences with us!