The Other End of the Leash

Patricia McConnell, Ph.D., a Certified Applied Animal Behaviorist, has made a lifelong commitment to improving the relationship between people and animals.

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Welcome to an ongoing inquiry about the behavior of people and dogs.
Blog Home >> Animals and the People Who Love Them >> Empty Stairs

Empty Stairs

July 13, 2020 >> 104 Comments

No one needs the stairs to the couch anymore.

Goodbye Tootsie, our adorsable, baby-faced, sweet-natured, always-underfoot, silken-bellied, ear-flapping, anime-eyed, cocaine-infused tiny Dumbo dog who could bark like a seal on laughing gas and whine like an abandoned orphan. No need for the stairs to the couch anymore, but I can’t bring myself to take them to the garage.

We put Tootsie down on July 7th, 2020. She was 16+ years old, had congestive heart failure, was deaf, going blind, and increasingly couldn’t stand up by herself. She couldn’t begin to get up the stairs to the couch by herself anymore. How many times, while sitting on the couch, did I look down to see nothing but huge, pleading eyes in front of a white, wagging tail tip? “Please would you pick me up and help me up to the couch?” Tootsie’s face, in full begging mode, could melt the heart of a stone. But if it didn’t work, she was fully prepared to switch from “Please, sir, may I have another?” to “PICK ME UP or I’ll destroy your ear drums”. This of course, is on me, not her. I let Tootsie train me without hesitation. Reflecting on her seven years in puppy mill hell, I decided I simply didn’t care if a small, sweet, docile dog was a little spoiled. Someone asked me once if I wasn’t giving her “small dog privileges.” I answered: “Yup.”

She was smart, as smart as any Border Collie. The difference was that she used her intelligence in pursuit of three goals: 1) Food, 2) Getting picked up, and 3) More food. And she was sweet–as sweet as spun sugar, cotton candy, cherry pie. I have never known a dog, and I’ve probably known tens of thousands, who I trusted completely, totally, to never hurt a child at the UW Children’s Hospital, where she was a “therapy dog” with the Pet Pal program. (Note: I still put safety first, both for the children, and for her.) She charmed each and every one of our visitors to the farm with the same happy face and sweeping tail. She had no fear of any dog, and spent every evening in her last few months trying to beat Maggie for the kibble that Maggie had worked out of her frozen Kong. (Maggie was a paragon of patience with her.)

Tootsie had an amazing life, from pumping out two litters a year in a puppy mill while living in a filthy corn crib, to raising the spirits of families in crisis at the Children’s Hospital, to being exactly who I had wanted when I got her–a dear, sweet, lovely little creature, whose belly fit my hand as if they were made for each other. Every night for nine years I have sat on the couch and stroked her silken tummy. She was my very own private therapy dog, and my hand, and my heart, ache for her.

We buried her beside Tulip’s grave, in a small, circular flower garden. We will get a stone that says, Tootsie and Tulip, The Great and The Small.

Goodbye my littlest love, my EverReady Battery Bunny dog, who kept going and going and going. I miss you more than I can say.

Toots 9-30-19
Toot's ears 11-2018
Pet Pals outfits
Tootsie hot 10-8

MEANWHILE, back on the farm: It feels so wrong in the house. Too empty. Empty stairs, empty kitchen, empty arms that have carried Tootsie almost everywhere for six months.

It has helped that the two week nightmare of heat and humidity finally broke on Friday after a two inch rain. The  garden is very happy thank you. The photo below is one of the gardens outside of our living room window.

Skip and I got to work on Saturday at a clinic outside of Portage. I’m covered up like an English maiden avoiding the sun because I’m on Doxy due to a bulls-eye rash after a tick bite. Pay attention to the instructions to stay out of the sun while you’re on it: I got a bad sunburn on my back through the shirt. Yes, that’s what I said: Through the shirt.

We’re working on driving here. Skip is a talented dog for sure, but he’s young and, like all dogs, isn’t perfect, and I have my work cut out to up my skill level to bring out the best of him.

 

And finally, this is a grainy photo because of low light, but it’s the last picture we have of Toots, and so I will always treasure it. Goodbye Tootsie, Toot Toot, Tooters . . . We are so lucky to have had you in our life.

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Comments

  1. Tammy says

    July 13, 2020 at 9:34 am

    So sorry for the loss of your Tootsie. Thanks for sharing your love for her with us.

  2. Diane says

    July 13, 2020 at 9:44 am

    It seems all your dogs tug at my heart. So when you lose one, I can’t help but cry.
    Sweet little Tootsie.
    I am sorry. I am glad she found a wonderful home and life with you.

  3. Ashley says

    July 13, 2020 at 10:10 am

    Dr. McConnell, I’m so sorry for your loss and so grateful to you for sharing what you loved about Tootsie. I am currently reading your Puppy Primer to prepare for a new arrival–a small-breed purebred dog (due to a desire to limit allergens in our home). I’ve only ever had medium to big herding-mutt dogs before and I’m so worried that I won’t know how to love this new one in quite the same way. This post is ample testimony to the ability of a little one to capture your heart and provide, if not the same experience, then different pleasures than my previous loves have. A great reminder to focus not on what I’ll miss out on but what I’ll gain.

  4. LisaW says

    July 13, 2020 at 10:19 am

    Ohh, so sorry for you all. I will always think of her as the Andy Rooney of dogs. Peace, Tootsie, good girl.

  5. Frances says

    July 13, 2020 at 10:19 am

    I am so sorry – even when we know the time is right it hurts like hell. I remember when you first brought her home – can it really be 9 years ago? You said you wanted an oxytocin pump dog, and that is what you got – and she got 9 years of bliss, with a trainable human and lots of food and treats. One wonders who she could have been had she known nothing but kindness and fun from birth, but her gentleness with children is testament to the depth of her kind nature, and her happiness to your skill as a trainer and behaviourist, guiding her into a bigger, more challenging world than she had ever known.

    And Oh, I hear you on the food obsession. Poppy has always been a gannet with a deep love of food, but since she has been on steroids it has become her primary focus. I knew life was going to get difficult when she wolfed the pickled cornichon I dropped… On the plus side it makes giving her all her various medications very easy!

  6. Kayla Fratt says

    July 13, 2020 at 11:10 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about Toots. She always made me smile. It’s clear you were fabulous for each other. Give Maggie and Skip a bit of extra love – and yourself too, of course.

  7. Christine says

    July 13, 2020 at 11:51 am

    You have written so beautifully about Tootsie. Despite her horrible start to life, she had a wonderful life with you and I can tell how much you loved her. I hope the memories you have will help you now and in the future.

  8. Debby Gray says

    July 13, 2020 at 12:22 pm

    So sorry about Tootsie. What a little love bug! And how wonderful that you made the second half of her life so full of love. I hope she totally erased her early years from her memory..
    What an appropriate resting place she has. I hope all of you recover soon from the acute feeling of loss. I know we never recover completely from that hole in your heart even as we fill it with many happy memories.

  9. Barbara says

    July 13, 2020 at 12:55 pm

    What a gorgeous photo of Tootsie! Your little sweetheart actually looks quite regal and attentive with her nose in the air. Might there have been a piece of chicken nearby? So glad she could spend the final years of her life being loved and treated the way she deserved to be. Sorry for your loss.

  10. Janice in GA says

    July 13, 2020 at 1:09 pm

    They stay in our hearts forever. Especially the good ones.

    Run free, sweet little dog.

  11. Kat says

    July 13, 2020 at 1:31 pm

    You gave her an amazing life and a long one. It seems on the one hand strange to shed tears for a dog I’ve never met but on the other very fitting since I’ve known her through your stories for so many years now. With deepest sympathy.

  12. Vicki in Michigan says

    July 13, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    I am sorry for your loss. It’s always so hard when they must go on without us. She was a good little dogger. Thank you for sharing her with us.

  13. Rosemary says

    July 13, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    My heart hurts for you. Tootsie is very lucky to have found you to spend her golden years with. She always looked very happy in your posts and pictures of her. All dogs go to heaven.
    I just had a scare with my golden and this post literally brought me to tears. I am so sorry Trisha.

  14. Marc Scher says

    July 13, 2020 at 10:02 pm

    I am sorry for your loss Dr.Mcconnell. Thank you for sharing all your stories with us.
    Marc Scher

  15. Chris from Boise says

    July 13, 2020 at 10:46 pm

    Ah, Trisha – so sorry to hear that Tootsie has passed. That little girl leaves a surprisingly big hole in the world. You both won the lottery when you found each other. Peace be with you all.

    And glad you’re taking care of that tick bite.

  16. Nancy says

    July 13, 2020 at 11:35 pm

    It hurts like heck when they go and I’m so sorry. What a blessing you were to Tootsie, to give her a great home and to spoil her.

  17. Phoebe's Mum says

    July 14, 2020 at 4:21 am

    Dear Trish,
    So sorry to read you’ve had to let Toots go. It’s always such a painful decision but how lucky she was to have found you: her years with you were already like heaven and now she’s gone on to the next step of heaven. Only you are suffering. She’s just fine now. And your heart will mend in time.

  18. Teddy says

    July 14, 2020 at 4:34 am

    I am so sorry to read this. But it feels like a very long time ago now that you wrote that this day might be coming soon, yet you managed to lovingly give her quite a bit more time. When I saw what today’s post was about, I felt so sad for you, and your description of belly rubs and your empty arms finished me off. It took me several days (how long? I don’t recall now) to take up the mosaic of yoga mats we’d put down for our dog with DM after we let her go, so I can understand leaving the stairs for a while. I am so glad you have Maggie and Skip (who look like they are grieving too, in that first photo). Take care of each other. Good, good girl, Tootsie!

  19. Nada Chebib says

    July 14, 2020 at 4:57 am

    What a lovely life Tootsie shared with you all! And a lovely tribute xx

  20. Jean carr says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:00 am

    Ok. Made me cry.

  21. Corinne says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:10 am

    How very fortunate you were to have each other, and how wonderful that your beautiful Tootsie was finally appreciated for her gentleness and pure heart. Our time with them is never long enough and I’m sorry.

  22. Allison says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:10 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. Words won’t make it better, but at least you have tons of memories to keep her alive in your heart.

  23. Lisa says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:17 am

    I’m so very sorry. Big hug.

  24. Barbara A Body says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:29 am

    I have it on good authority that Tootsie was met at the other side of the rainbow by an honor guard of animals, including my dogs. She could see again and move every which way, including jumping onto St Francis’ lap! St Francis told her she could eat all she wanted she immediately gave him a love nudge and asked for a treat- no pleading eyes necessary. He can read everyone’s thoughts. She thought about being a young dog but decided that life was best put away forever. She’s decided to be 7 – forever because that’s when you came into her life giving her the first heaven.

  25. pat says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:30 am

    So sorry to hear of tootsie’s passing/Like all your dogs, I know how you loved her

  26. Mary says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:38 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain is one of the prices we pay for loving these wonderful creatures that never, never live long enough.

  27. Mel says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:39 am

    I am so very sorry for your lossPatricia. Daisy was my mill dog, and my heart still aches for her two years later. I hope the happy memories comfort you. Tootsie clearly had a wonderful life with you. What a lucky girl she was to escape the mill and have such a blessed last half of her life. Sending you love and understanding.

  28. Christine says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:42 am

    I’m so sorry to read of your loss of sweet Tootsie. What a lovely tribute you have written about her and your life together. I will pray that St. Francis holds her in his loving embrace until your paths cross again. I am doing the same for my girl, Minna–an 11.5 yo GSD with late-stage DM who we plan to say good-bye to on 7/22. She has been our faithful companion, a healer during times of grief, and a source of pure joy and love throughout her life. Your poetic words bring home all the emotions at play when these wonderful creatures leave us–thank you for sharing your thoughts and reflections. My best to you.

  29. Rona says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:42 am

    So very, very sorry for your loss. It is the very hardest and saddest part of sharing our lives with these little furry companions.

  30. Margo Harris says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:48 am

    Your last photo of Tootsie is a treasure.
    My condolences…my heart goes out to you.
    Such a lucky little doggie to have a wonderful life with you!

  31. Sue says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:56 am

    You gave a puppy mill Cavalier 16 years!?!
    (nine of them in heaven sharing your life after her seven in hell)
    Trish, you are magic as well as love.

  32. Susan Hinson says

    July 14, 2020 at 6:10 am

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Their passing is the only time they break our hearts ❤️🐾

  33. Jodi Grzeczka says

    July 14, 2020 at 6:34 am

    Patricia, so sorry for your loss. Each of our animals are so special in their own way, and this baby was no exception. Find peace in knowing the last nine years were a gift for her, and she certainly earned a Place of Honor beyond the Rainbow Bridge. Hugs.

  34. Nana911 says

    July 14, 2020 at 7:08 am

    Oh Trisha, I am so sorry! You gave her the BEST life! And she knew you rescued her from hell. So know that even though she was blind, every time she gazed up at you, she saw nothing but love.

  35. Jen Gibson says

    July 14, 2020 at 7:13 am

    Darn it! Crying alongside you and everyone else. You were lucky to have each other. Virtual hugs.

  36. alk says

    July 14, 2020 at 7:30 am

    Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Through your stories and photos it appears that both of you gave each other your best. I am so glad tootsie spent her post puppy mill life in your wonderful care.

  37. Jaye says

    July 14, 2020 at 7:36 am

    Fly free, Tootsie…and land ever so softly.

  38. Fran Berry says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:08 am

    Oh Trish,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. These beautiful animals are never here long enough.
    Sending good wishes to heal your broken heart.

  39. Heidrun says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:14 am

    I’m really sorry for your loss.
    But I want to thank you for the love letter you wrote about Tootsie to all of us.
    To be able to see what makes a particular dog special and wonderful is a true gift.

  40. Ayn says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:33 am

    My fondest thoughts and prayers go out to you on loss of Tootie. As always, you have over the years so eloquently recorded her sweet life. What a lucky little dog to have had you in her life. Thank you for sharing her with us. May she find all the food, friends, and pleasures she could ever desire over the rainbow bridge.

  41. KC Wilson says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:35 am

    I really do feel your pain and loss. You give your dogs the best life ever and for that they thank you each and every day.

  42. Claire says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:36 am

    I am so very sorry. You were so lucky to have each other.

  43. Tiffany Yates Martin says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:41 am

    Losing them is the hardest part of loving them. How lucky you both were to have had each other. ❤️

  44. Tracy Fitzpatrick says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:52 am

    My heart goes out to you and yours!

  45. Steph B. says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:52 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I loved hearing stories about Tootsie. Our first dog was a Cavalier and I hope we have another someday – there’s so much to be said for having a cheerful, sweet little dog in the house. I empathize with the feeling of emptiness, and hope that it passes for you and turns to memories of where your dog used to be instead of gaps where your heart feels she still should be. Wishing you and Jim peace and strength.

  46. Shari Goldfarb says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:57 am

    I’m so sorry… You gave her a wonderful life, and she gave you lots of love and laughter in return.

  47. Ralph A Matacchieri says

    July 14, 2020 at 9:18 am

    So extremely sorry for your loss I understand completely

  48. Christy Paxton says

    July 14, 2020 at 9:45 am

    Oh my, I am feeling this acutely having lost my precious girl on June 17 (16 years together, not one day apart). I am slowly clearing out her things. Have not touched her leash and harness, and don’t know when I’ll be able to. Hugs to you.

  49. Trisha says

    July 14, 2020 at 10:02 am

    I’m so sorry Christy. I so get it about her leash, etc. I buried Tootsie without taking off her collar and I’m sick about it. I have all my dogs collars, even those of my mother’s dog. Take your time, and hugs back.

  50. Judy says

    July 14, 2020 at 10:07 am

    can’t read about losing a dog without tears. it’s the hardest part of living with dogs and I wouldn’t trade a minute for skipping the hard part. Love to you and the rest of your family.

  51. Charisse says

    July 14, 2020 at 10:08 am

    So sorry that Tootsie is longer beside you physically, but now forever in your heart. Some dogs seem to get under our skins in a different fashion than others, and it sounds like your sweet girl did just that. You were both better for having each other in your lives. Spaniels are just so darn sweet, yet demanding but entertaining. Hard not to indulge them, and I bet she knew she lived the good life with you.

  52. Judy Rivard says

    July 14, 2020 at 10:18 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am too well acquainted with the pain, so will pray for comfort for you. We are so blessed to have these treasures in our lives. Virtual hugs.

  53. Carolyn Turner says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:02 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s such a hole when they leave, even when it’s definitely time. You gave her an absolutely wonderful life.

    We lost one dog May 19 and another June 5, leaving us with one. One June 28, we adopted a new girl. Supposedly a lab (Embark test has been mailed). Maybe it was too soon, but the house was so empty, and our one guy was so lonely.

  54. Edith Chase says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:10 am

    I’m sorry for your loss. Sending comforting thoughts.

  55. Vickie Julka says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:26 am

    Find comfort knowing that Tootsie will meet our gentle yellow lab, Jack in doggy heaven. He will take care of her and make her smile again. Hugs to you and your family, both humans and animals. Tootsie will be missed.

  56. Linda Gallacher says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:29 am

    So sorry to hear about Tootsie! Hugs to you at this difficult time.

  57. Trisha says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:39 am

    Hugs to you Vickie, please send my regards to Mr. Jack. So sorry he’s not with you, but Toots and Jack and cuddle up . . .

  58. Trisha says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:41 am

    Carolyn: Two in less than a month? Oh god, I’m so sorry. Congratulations on your new one though, how exciting!

  59. Karen from Oregon says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:41 am

    My condolences to you and Jim and the BCs. My b&w Shih Tzu turns 11 next month and I can’t imagine my life without her in a few years. She’s my everything!

  60. Bitsey Patton says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:46 am

    Tears here. You were both so lucky to have each other.

  61. Sarah Johnson says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:50 am

    Oh Tootsie. RIP funny angel. Peace to you Trisha.

  62. Maure3n says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:06 pm

    I cried while reading your post. Tootsie knew how much she is loved. They just don’t live long enough, I still miss my last border Collie everyday. Prayers

  63. Françoise says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:22 pm

    I’m so sorry. We miss them so much when they go.

  64. Tails Around the Ranch says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:26 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. They may be gone physically but they always remain buried deeply in our hearts. May all the tender moments of your sweet companion provide a measure of comfort as you stare heartbroken at those stairs. 💔

  65. Maegan says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:31 pm

    So sorry for loss, Patricia. You clearly gave her many wonderful years. Absolutely love “Tootsie and Tulip, The Great and The Small.” ♥

    Beautiful garden; clearly thrived from a good watering!

    Thinking of you xx

  66. Leanne Werneke says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:36 pm

    I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

  67. Laura says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:51 pm

    Sending huge hugs! I am so sorry that you lost your baby girl. I can’t say anything else which hasn’t already been said here, they are never with us long enough. Hug the other dogs, and give yourself time.

  68. Molla Braunstein says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:55 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. We have two CKS and had two others that we miss dearly. What a long life for Tootsie who was not only from a mill but a breed with so many medical issues. What is your secret? Mine are eleven now and I am grateful for each day left. Prior to our Cavaliers, I had two Border Collie mixes, so reading your posts has been very special. I don’t know what I would do without the company of my sweeties. Our third Cavalier passed away last year and I still miss him very much. We adopted him at age nine (we were told he was seven) and he was just the best friend to my other two. I can see him running body to body with my boy; such sweetness. Hoping for another border collie or border collie mix in the future. Again, I am so sorry for the loss of little Tootsie.

  69. Linda says

    July 14, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    A beautiful last photo. Reminds me of a child’s most loved toy. Thank you for sharing her with us.

  70. Gayla says

    July 14, 2020 at 1:33 pm

    She was so blessed to have had you and Jim save her, and then continue to protect her from all harm, for the rest of her long life…
    My heart goes out to you both!

  71. Margo Harris says

    July 14, 2020 at 1:42 pm

    Trisha, sorry you don’t have Tootsie’s collar…but you do have HER in your heart, always.
    Maybe her stairs to the couch are what you can keep near by to smile over! Sometimes I sort of “re-purpose” some article that one of my animals used, and that way I feel closer to them. Or I simply keep whatever it is close. I would say that the stairs she used to get up close and snuggle with you, are wonderful.

  72. Robin V says

    July 14, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    So so very sorry for your heart wrenching loss. She had a life of blissful love with you. It couldn’t be any better than that. I think the couch stairs look perfect right where they are. ♥️♥️

  73. Kandy says

    July 14, 2020 at 1:55 pm

    So very sorry. She sds like a beautiful soul. They teach us all of the important lessons of life and leave way too soon.
    She’ll be waiting at the Bridge as I pray all of my angels will be.
    Hugs to you!

  74. Carolyn DeFiore says

    July 14, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    That final photo, final comments, made me teary and I never even met her. But I have 2 Cavs, and they are everything you describe Tootsie to be. You may have been lucky to have her, but she was also very lucky to have you come along and give her the best final years. Sending you a hug for you broken heart. Run free little Tootsie.

  75. Erin says

    July 14, 2020 at 3:23 pm

    My deepest condolences for your loss *hugs* to all.

  76. LisaW says

    July 14, 2020 at 3:26 pm

    We just had to put Phoebe down, I’m more than sorry to say. She was a dog with no hip structure who lived 15+ years. She was seriously allergic to bee stings and part of the DHPP vaccine. She loved to goose people who were silly enough to wear skirts, and she was a true space-cadet peacenik. She forgot to read the chapter in the good dog book that said labs love the water. She was stubborn, irreverent, and goofy to the core. She was the one who led me here as I searched for ways to work with her that would be relevant and last, so thank you for everything, Phoebe. I am forever grateful for all of it.

  77. Trisha says

    July 14, 2020 at 3:54 pm

    Oh oh oh Phoebe! LisaW I am so so sorry. What a novel Phoebe wrote with you. She was such a lucky girl to find you.

  78. Roberta says

    July 14, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss of Tootsie. I didn’t realize how old she was, but did know she was endearing. I sent my own Energiz-Her Beagle, Miss Annie, to Heaven last month. Will always miss her as you miss Tootsie and Tulip. What great hearts they give us! Godspeed, Tootsie!

  79. Heidi says

    July 14, 2020 at 4:17 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss of the sweet Tootsie. I loved the wonderful pictures you shared of her in your post about “loving not always liking our dogs.” Tootsie was certainly a charmer. Your stories of her remind me of my Cairn Pixie who came from a puppymill when she was three. Pixie was so shy and sweet when she arrived in my home to be fostered and then just blossomed into a lovely, feisty little terrier. She was truly my happy thought — every time I looked at her, she made me smile. She passed away in 2015, and I still miss her. Sometimes these sweet gems come to us at just the right time to be treasured in our hearts forever. What a blessing to know that you made Tootsie’s life complete in giving her a loving home and letting her be just a little bit spoiled.

  80. Betsy says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:12 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Tears seem so close to the surface these days, don’t they? I will always remember your long patient journey to housetrain Tootsie. I used your stories to keep encouraging my clients to stay patient and loving with their dogs through the process. So Tootsie helped many far away dogs as well as people too. ❤️

  81. Leslie Sachlis says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours for your loss and for that bulls eye rash. Tootsie was such a lucky pup to go from a puppy mill to a little piece of heaven here on earth living with you, Jim and the pups. She could not have been better understood or loved. Now she leaves all of the trappings of age and illness behind her. One day there will be a grand reunion and then she can have a very special tummy rub. I am so sorry for your loss. Please take care of everything that goes with that bulls eye. I had one in 1998. It changed my life. I pray your heart and body heal completely.

  82. Serisse says

    July 14, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear about Tootsie, and even sadder that she had to be put down on the 7th as that was my birthday :(. I hate that a happy day for me had to be a heartbreaking one for you.

  83. Andrea says

    July 14, 2020 at 6:53 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Tootsie and so much of yourself and your knowledge with the world. You are a beautiful soul.

  84. Ishy Creo says

    July 14, 2020 at 7:49 pm

    Sending love from Southeastern Ohio. We should all be so lucky to die in the arms of those who love us the most.

  85. Chris from Boise says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:13 pm

    Oh LisaW – my deepest sympathy on Phoebe’s passing. How will Olive handle being solo dog? I have loved hearing about your journey with both. Phoebe was a wonder dog who never let her infirmities stop her, and a masterful teacher in her own right. Big hugs.

    And to all the others who have lost dogs recently (or not-so-recently): my sympathies to all of you, too. This community knows how hard it is to let them go.

  86. Liz Oplatka says

    July 14, 2020 at 8:36 pm

    Thank you for sharing Tafi’s charmed life. I am sorry for your loss.

  87. Nicola says

    July 14, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    Hugs to you Trisha, and Jim (Maggie not so much, I think). You did a wonderful thing bringing Tootsie into your home and giving her the best life possible after her awful start. Think on that when the blues come. And give yourself time to grieve. I lost the first of my old dogs 7th November 2014, the last 28th May, 2018. I just took down their three caskets from my living room. They had formed a private ‘chapel’ area for those years. I still would walk by and pat them, or whisper sweet nothings to them after all this time. Even though it has been less than a week, I miss those rituals. But for me, it is time to say the final goodbye and put them in their boxes with special toys, coats and certificates and ribbons. Rest in peace, Tootsie, Buffy, Poppy and Tam

  88. Adrienne K. says

    July 15, 2020 at 6:53 am

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know that feeling of emptiness and sorrow all too well. Many of us have experienced losing a four legged member or our family not once but several times throughout our lives. Recovery from their loss is not our goal but rather cultivation of the memories and lessons that have been lovingly granted to us from sharing our lives with them.

    ut no matter what we seem to always go back for more. Because we know that is who we are, pet parents, and life just is incomplete with our companions.

  89. Maria says

    July 15, 2020 at 7:07 am

    Oh, Trisha, you have my deepest condolences on your loss! Sweet Tootsie, sweet as candy, sweet as sugar. I think it’s a Cavalier breed trait, because I’ve never met a Cavalier that didn’t have at least a touch of that sweetness, no matter what other mischief may have been shining in his/her eyes.

    I’m weeping for you and your loss of Tootsie, but I’m also weeping for the loss of my own Cavalier, 5 years ago now. You never stop missing your beloved dogs.

  90. Alice R. says

    July 15, 2020 at 7:34 am

    There are no words sufficient or big enough to speak to this, but dog lovers know heart to heart. I’m so sorry.

  91. Jeanne says

    July 15, 2020 at 8:26 am

    Trisha & Jim, our hearts hurt with yours. No amount of time is enough, even when it needs to be. Lucky pup, to be so loved.

  92. Wanda says

    July 15, 2020 at 11:35 am

    Those final good byes are heart breakers for sure. I, too, rescued a puppy mill Cavalier, Jewel. Through lots of patience, we managed to get her potty trained. After checking on line, I was convinced she suffered with Cushing’s disease. Told the vet I would pay for the expensive test no matter what. Once on the proper meds, she perked up and was almost a different dog. A person can know true love by looking into the eyes of a Cavalier. Loved her to the end when she breathed her last breath in my arms. I feel you loss. Surely your sadness can be relieved by knowing you gave her the best years of her life. People who love dogs and are loved back, especially by a Cavalier, are blessed.

  93. Honey Loring says

    July 15, 2020 at 12:46 pm

    My first little dog was a rescue poodle mix He taught me that there is a spot in your heart that only a little can fit into. Still miss him a lot.

    Isn’t it amazing that Tootsie lived to be 16, a puppy mill dog, when our well-bred cavaliers hardly ever do? What a life you gave her and what comfort and laughs she gave you. It’s so terrible having to say goodbye, but I couldn’t/wouldn’t want to live without dogs.

    Heartfelt (and socially distant) hugs, Trisha, Honey Loring

  94. j says

    July 15, 2020 at 6:31 pm

    Don’t move those steps. They’re still fine right where they are. Your heart will tell you when they are not needed anymore. Grief moves on its own time.

  95. Diane Mattson says

    July 15, 2020 at 9:17 pm

    I’m so sorry to read about Tootsie, but glad she had good years with you. I’ll miss the Tootsie tales and pictures.

    And yes, she deserved to be spoiled. ❤️
    Lovely, sweet little girl. I have tears in my eyes.

  96. Debra Moody says

    July 16, 2020 at 3:08 am

    I remember when you wrote about the loss of Tulip…How incredibly fitting that Sweet Tootsie is laid to rest next to the Gentle Giant. The Great and The Small, indeed. Bless you, Dr. McConnell, for sharing your world with us. We are the better for it.

  97. Trisha says

    July 16, 2020 at 8:32 am

    Honey: “… a spot in your heart that only a little can fit into.” Perfect.

  98. Barb Stanek says

    July 16, 2020 at 3:07 pm

    Please accept my most sincere sympathy at this sad news.

    Barb Stanek

  99. HFR says

    July 16, 2020 at 9:54 pm

    I’m just seeing this. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I will always remember your post about Tootsie’s eyebrows and the side by side pix of her with and without. For some reason that’s always stuck with me as a very clear lesson in how easy it is to misjudge impressions. Run free, Toots.

  100. Marlene says

    July 18, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    I, too, am late to read this but soooo sorry for your loss of such a sweet angel deserving of your spoiling.❤
    Your losses touch my heart as I follow their lives & adventures with you. Thank you for always sharing. Hug your Borders & let them comfort you in the ways that all our dogs do.

  101. Margaret Eckert says

    July 23, 2020 at 7:01 am

    So very sorry for your precious Tootsies passing, I wonder if we will be able to get over the rainbow bridge for the throngs of our babies waiting for us. Prayers and hugs!

  102. liz says

    July 26, 2020 at 3:17 am

    My heartfelt condolences.
    Irish and Celtic lore explain black butterflies as carrying the souls of the departed, visiting the places that made them happy on earth. If so, we could view your Eastern Black Swallowtail as Tootsie joining you in the garden.
    So sorry for your loss.

  103. MJ says

    July 26, 2020 at 10:49 am

    Empty stairs, couch, bed here, too. Just now. Rest well, baby boy.

  104. Nic1 says

    August 28, 2020 at 11:49 am

    Ah, that’s sad news indeed Trisha. My thoughts are with you. She was so lucky to find her way into your hearts and your lap. Run free Toots and say hi to Willie. 🌈 🌉 I loved reading about her over the years. Dogs just don’t live for long enough do they….but they live on in our memories and hearts.

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About the Author

Patricia B. McConnell, PhD, CAAB Emeritus is an applied animal behaviorist who has been working with, studying, and writing about dogs for over twenty-five years. She encourages your participation, believing that your voice adds greatly to its value. She enjoys reading every comment, and adds her own responses when she can.

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Patricia is known the world over for her clear and engaging books and DVDs on dog training and canine behavior problems. You can also “meet” Patricia in person on her seminar DVDs, from The Art & Science of Canine Behavior to Treating Dog-Dog Reactivity.

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