Oh my, the paperback version of The Education of Will comes out February 27th. It’s hard to imagine that one year ago the hardcover came out after five and a half years of work (not to mention lots of therapy!). I love the new version (new cover, new subtitle), hope you do too.
As many of you know, the book is about how a dog named Will taught me that will power is not enough to heal you when you are broken. As hard as it was working with Willie in our first years together, I owe him so much. Here’s an excerpt from page 120 in the paperback:
I felt sick to my stomach. How could I even think about not keeping Willie? The dog who moaned when he pressed his head against my neck; whose happy face could only be described as radiant. When Willie was good, he was very, very good, and by now I loved him as much as I’d ever loved any dog. But at his worst, he seemed miserable, living his life on the edge of terror, quick to fall into a rage so extreme he seemed crazy.
I didn’t have any of the barriers to effective treatments that my clients had. I knew how to condition dogs to assuage their fear of loud noises; I taught people to do it on a regular basis. Willie’s health-related problems were exhausting and expensive but not insurmountable. I had access to the best veterinary care in the country. I’d literally written the book on how to handle a dog who was aggressive to other dogs. I had a raft of dog-loving friends who were happy to introduce their dogs to Willie, or to teach him that unfamiliar men were harbingers of toys and treats instead of fear and danger. I’d seen hundreds of dogs who had caused serious injuries to people or other animals. One client had stitched up a long gash in her own forearm herself, afraid that if she got medical care, her dog would be taken away from her. Willie had never hurt anyone. But there was something else—something that I hadn’t allowed myself to talk about. I was just as jumpy as Willie. While his reactivity set me off, I knew that my own startle response did the same to him. We were living in a vicious circle, each making the other worse. In my heart, I knew that in spite of my professional expertise, my own problems meant I wasn’t the ideal owner for Willie.
Heartsick, I leashed Willie, and we went out the door to the car. I put him in a sit/stay behind the car while I hauled the heavy ramp from the backseat and placed it so that he could climb in without jumping and re-injuring his shoulder. It was hard for Willie to sit and stay while I lugged the ramp around. When I turned to Willie to release him, he sat big-eyed and trembling, almost overwhelmed by the energy it took to make himself obey and control his almost-out-of-control impulses. His face was desperate with the need to leap forward—to move move move, oh-please-I-have-to-move—countered by his desire to be a very good dog, the very best dog anyone could ever have.
That was when it hit me: I knew Willie like I knew myself. I knew what it was like to fight the demons inside and still want so badly to be good. To be so fearful that the slightest noise blows you off the ground as if a bomb has gone off under your feet. I knew what it was like to be happy and friendly on the outside and yet spend much of your life in fear.
I looked at his imploring face, and my heart opened up so wide and fast that my knees went weak. As I released Willie from his stay and he climbed into the car, I knew that I could never send him away. I sat beside him while he licked the tears off my cheeks, and I whispered, “I will, I will, I will, Willie, I will move heaven and earth to try to help us both.”
[Awkward Note: If you have a favorite radio show, podcast or publication that you think would be interested in the book, send me an alert in the comments section and I’ll try to get a preview copy out to them. Thanks bunches.]
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: On Friday the path to the barn was so icy that I had to keep the dogs on heel every foot of the way. Thank heavens they have a good heel on them. Maggie stayed glued to my side and never took her eyes off me. She looked worried, as if she sensed something was wrong. At first Willie tried to forge ahead–he always wants to be ahead of Maggie, but soon he slowed down and we all penguin-walked out to feed the sheep. A dear friend fell last week and shattered her ankle and broke her knee cap after falling on an icy hill. The combination of rain and freezing temperatures has made southern Wisconsin into a nightmare for people who like or need to go outside. Mexico will be such a welcome relief (where no doubt I’ll worry about the dogs every hour of every day).
But there is still beauty to be appreciated here. If you have read my memoir you might remember that an important part of my recovery was finding things that made me feel safe and happy. The easiest answer was flowers–perhaps you’ve noticed how many flowers appear in my photographs in the last two years? My flower adoration/obsession continues, including my unabashed pride at getting my African Violets to bloom. I’ve had them for years without any blooms, but finally decided to get serious and moved them to what I hoped was the perfect light, started feeding them regularly and watering them from below. Voila! (Or, as I wrote once in a draft of a booklet that Dr. Karen London and I wrote, Viola! It’s become one of our favorite exclamations.)
Two of the plants have bloomed several times each, but a third hold out has grown lush and lovely, but never developed a bud. It’s the plant in the back. (Don’t miss the dog hair on the left of the reddish flowers. Don’t you think it adds something?)
Ah, but look what I discovered this morning!
There is color outside on occasion too, here’s a lovely sunset a few nights ago:
Here’s to some loveliness in your life too. I’d love to hear about it.
Tanya says
I loved this book! Related to a lot of it and wonderfully written.
Chris from Boise says
Trisha – I say it again: thank you for sharing so much of your inner self in “The Education of Will”. I first read a library copy, then promptly ordered copies for several dear friends who, like me, have struggled with similar issues. (Now that it’s out in paperback, I’m going to splurge on a copy for myself!). Habi has been my mirror, as Will has been yours. I’m glad we both stuck it out, our far-from-perfect selves with our far-from-perfect dogs.
Boise State University: Reader’s Corner radio program.
Stay upright! Enjoy Mexico! And keep those flower photos coming! Viola!!
Trisha says
Dear Chris & Tanya: Thank you so much for your comments about my memoir. Words fail when trying to express appreciation… But here’s something I can easily say: Viola! Some one else is now using our exclamation! I’m emailing Karen right now to tell her. 🙂
Karen London says
I am so happy that our spellcheck just would NOT leave “Voilà!” alone and insisted on the far more musical (if absurdly out of context) “Viola!” It pleases me that we are no longer the only two who use the term.
Minnesota Mary says
I have read “The Education of Will” and re-reading the excerpt you just posted brought tears to my eyes again. The “aha” here is that dogs who are tuned in to us on a personal level, can mirror our own emotions, from joy to love to pain. What a strong connection you must have with Will. And what a blessing to have that insight into your own emotions and how they are being reflected by Will. And how lucky you are to have realized that mirror in Will in the moment before making a decision that might have set your own healing back. I’m so glad you kept your little troubled pup and that, in doing so, have gained a path to your own healing. What incredible courage you have to share this beautiful and raw story with the world!
Jenn D says
Read the book, loved it. Saw your talk in PA and became even more convinced of your awesomeness. Thank you for all you do!
Elliot of EITM (Elliot in the morning) is a dog owner, dog lover, and often interviews authors. https://www.facebook.com/pg/EITMonline/about/?ref=page_internal
Corrina says
I have been dying to read “The Education of Will”, Trisha, and it’s on my Amazon Wish List right now. This excerpt made me think I shouldn’t wait for someone else to get it for me, though. I am sitting at my desk in my office with tears streaming down my face–it is a beautiful thing to share raw vulnerability, and your readers do not take it for granted. Thank you.
Paula Ehlers says
I’m reading the book right now, and I love it! As I’ve mentioned, I too live in Wisconsin – Green Bay – and had the same icy weather last week. After living with a 3 legged Doberman for over 3 winters, we’ve discovered Chicken Grit (gotten from our local Fleet Farm, or any feed mill) is an invaluable tool to help with traction and is safe for animals.
Paula
Trisha says
Ah, about to fly off to Mexico City, but thank you so much for the kind words and interview ideas. I’ll pick up on them soon as I get back!
Trisha says
Who could not love the sound of chicken grit? Sounds like it should be the title to a country song. Or a comment about a politician. (But I get it, I had ducks who also have crops and needed grit.)
Amber Bach-Gorman says
Trisha:
I listen to a regular podcast called PureDog Talk….they cover everything from confirmation, to performance, breeding, to therapy work. I would love to be listening to a podcast of you!! Ordering the book now!!!
Barbara says
Trisha: I have the book twice and have since loaned it to a friend. She and her husband once lived in a secluded neighborhood where an unstable man killed several people including a deputy sheriff. The man held the gun at Richard’s chest and pulled the trigger but it misfired. So he stabbed him instead. Both are physically okay but are still dealing with PTSD. I so hope your book helps them.
I do not envy you your weather. I am fortunate enough to live where our weather is so boring it rarely gets mentioned on the national news. How much can you say about cloudy with occasional rain and perhaps a sun break? That’s northwest Washington state!
Jann Becker says
Congratulations to that little violet! Give it a piece of string cheese!
em says
Congratulations on the paperback! I read and loved The Education of Will last year, and now I’m feeling an impulse to pull it out and read it again. Thank you so much for sharing your story (and Will’s).
I feel you on the weather, and the soul-healing properties of flowers. Our snowdrops are up and out now- I love to tilt the blossoms up to see their lacy little faces, but I’m also always a tiny bit disappointed in snowdrops, pretty as they are, because they’re white, and by this point in the year, I’m desperate for a blaze of bright color.
I’m trying not to buy every blooming thing in the florist’s while I tap my foot in frustration over the next month, waiting for hyacinth (the hottest pink ones I can find are my favorites) and daffodils and my rainbow of tulips. Your indoor garden looks like an utter delight!
Margo Harris says
Our weather in Ontario has been similar to what you have been experiencing. How awful that your friend was hurt slipping on the ice. Our place is made up of various slopes everywhere, and my path to the barn was a bob sled run last week! I was so afraid my horses (let alone me) would fall on the skating rink of a paddock. I threw pee-soaked bits of hay all over, which I find although messy (who cares, at that point) works well to coat the ice. I had to carry water down for my horses, because my barn tap froze. At some moments I had to slide on my bum and slide the big water bottles along with me! Never done THAT before.
Thank heavens it seems to be thawing now. As for loveliness, well the bluebirds have arrived, as well as the robins, Canada geese and red-winged blackbirds! Seems kinda early, but I won’t complain, that’s for sure.
Patricia, I just ordered the book! Thanks for the reminder! Yay!! Boy, can I EVER identify with the excerpt. Wow. Something tells me I’ll be getting a lot out of your book, on many levels.
Your violets are gorgeous. I especially love the dog hair. Yesterday while I was doing spring cleaning I found one beautiful hair from one of my old dogs, Charlie, who died a couple of years ago. Yes, doesn’t say much for my devotion to cleaning. However, I taped this one hair into my journal, to keep. It is distinctive… he was a sort of german shepherd-ish mutt, and some of his guard (?) hairs were so cool… half black and half silvery-tan. Ahh yes, how we grumble about all the dog hair flying around…until our old darlings are gone, then we long for that hair.
Rosemary Teetor says
Trisha,
First, and most important, I want to call out you enormous courage!
Thank you for sharing you journey, and Will’s.
Over the years, I have learned to live with, and appeciate, my highly fear-filled dog, and she is calmer now than ever. I thank you for whar you have shared. Sally thanks you too.
All the best to you and yours.
Rosemary Teetor
Gresham, OR (in the Pacific NortWet)
nikki says
I would love to hear you on Fresh Air on NPR!
Mel says
Dear Patricia,
months ago I saw an interview on Facebook about you and Will and I knew I had to get your new book. Now I just started reading “The Education of Will” and the description of your relation ship between you and your soulmate Luke made my cry again.
I lost my souldog Lady many years ago. She was a German Shepherd-Labrador-Mix and we were really connected to each other. She was my endless reliable partner, calming my fears, making me feel strongly supported and protected. She died almost ten years ago of colon cancer, but I still miss her so incredibly.
I can’t wait to read on about you and Will and your very special relation ship.
Kind regards from Germany!
Laura says
Thank you so much for your lovely book.
On a more practical note, I too have a farm and livestock to care for. I fear falling on the ice and breaking something also. Check out Stabilicers, they are like sandals with ice cleats built in. You strap them onto your boots and it’s amazing, you can almost run safely on the ice! Have a great trip to Mexico
Ayn says
Thank you for writing The Education of Will. Thank you for being so open and honest. I read the hard cover last year in one sitting. At the time I was grieving a rescue that was all kinds of shy and traumatized. Even after having several rescue dogs in the past, I never felt so inept and helplessness as I did trying to help him. I turned to so called expert trainers in my area. It is such a shame that practically anyone can hold themselves out as trainer and expert. At the time I did not know any better. I also tried some alternative therapies. In the end before he died only a few years later of an extremely rare disease (immune mediated neutropenia), I think we finally connected and he showed me some joy. What I appreciated most about your book is your willingness to let us know that even someone like you, someone as educated and experienced and qualified, doesn’t always get it right or know what to do or how to help the easiest or quickest or least painful way. I appreciated that you showed us that hanging in there can be a good thing even when it is hard or painful and even if things are not as rosy as you think they should be. Thank you.
Kat says
I read The Education of Will when it first came out and as soon as I finished it I lent it to a friend I knew needed to read it. She returned it a week ago. She was a serious bookworm growing up but reading was one of the things she put aside to cope with her own traumas. This was the first book she’d read in years and she couldn’t stop singing your praises and thanking me for lending her the book. She’s insisting her therapist buy a copy and read it because so much of what you describe is exactly what she’s been trying to articulate to her therapist. My friend is slowly healing and your book was a big help to her for putting into words what she’s experienced. Thank you.
Trisha says
Thank you Kat and Ayn so much for your comments. I’m in Mexico right now and can’t write much, but I want you to know that your words mean the world to me. So many of us need understanding and acknowledgement for what trauma can do to us, and to be able to forgive and support ourselves while we recover.
Caroline says
Bought it. Read it. Still overwhelmed. Thank you
Andrea says
Dear Trisha, I didn´t read this book already, but I will for sure in the next time. I am really glad there are people out there like you, who encourage others to get through their own special effects (I found for me it´s more likely to call it like this then to say just problems;) and to take up the responsibility to recover some special effects dog. Just have a great time in Mexico!
I´ll send you a lot of power and positive thoughts 😉
Greetings from Germany
Misty says
Thank you for sharing.
I already read the book, but I really needed to see this… I am considering returning my “anomaly collie” to his breeder. He’s a 7 month old smoothie, sweet as sugar, and smart. Comes from lovely working and agility lines. He is reactive towards other dogs and some people. While he is certainly not a hopeless case, I told myself I didn’t want to do another reactive dog right after my last Border and I have noticed a sharp increase in my anxiety as a result. I am definitely set off by his reactivity. He’s my love, but I can’t help thinking that he would be better off with someone who accepts him completely and is willing to help him without any resentment. Hopefully we can find a solution best for the both of us.
Thank you for your words and bravely putting forth your story.
Lisa Desatnik, CPDT-KA, CPBC says
Hi Dr, McConnell, I am already a huge fan and admirer of yours..and I just love the excerpt. It so speaks to my heart. I shared a link to your excerpt on social media and would love to get a preview copy to read and write a review in my blog if possible.
Thanks for sharing your knowledge and life experiences with us!
Warmly,
Lisa
Mary Ellen says
Dear Dr. McConnell,
I adopted a dog from the shelter in late November 2017. She is reactive to other dogs, when someone comes to my home, etc. I found your book The Education of Will, obtained the hardback from my library, and have been reading it for the last couple days with only about 60 pages to go. It is wonderful! I have also downloaded The Cautious Canine to my Kindle. I know now that my little fearful rat terrier mix sweetheart can be helped. Coming from a shelter, I don’t know what types of trauma she may have experienced in her life, but I intend to do all that I can to help her so that she has the best life possible with me.
Juniper says
For radio/podcast suggestions:
My local public radio station, KQED, has a 2 hour weekday program called Forum. They often have authors discussing their books, including memoirs. I think they interviewed Alexandra Horowitz. It would be awesome to hear you on their show.
toll free call-in: (866) 733-6786
email us your comments forum@kqed.org
comments line: (415) 553-3300
kqed.org/forum
I listen to a podcast called All The Books! that is about new releases. It’s produced by Book Riot. I’m sure the host (Liberty) would love an advance copy.
https://bookriot.com/contact/