While feeling a bit reflective, and thinking about what to write today, I went into the archives to see what I’d written this month ten years ago. I ran into this post, which I’d forgotten about, and decided it deserved to come out of moth balls, like some Christmas tree decorations stashed in the back of the closet. Here’s what I wrote on December 23, 2013, slightly updated:
Chew bones and tasty snacks are nice, but here is what I think our dogs really want for Christmas:
1. CLARITY: Our dogs are living with aliens–us. They may love us deeply, but they still spend much of their life confused. After all, dogs are living in a world in which we yell at them for eating poop, and then pick it up and hoard it ourselves. We have five synonyms for one command, change the rules day by day, and say one thing with our voices and something different with our bodies. The best gift you can give your dog is to spend some time during the holidays and ask yourself: How can I make life more clear, and thus easier, for my dogs? No matter how brilliant we are with our dogs, surely every one of us could pick one potential source of confusion and clear it up in the new year.
2. OUR PATIENCE: What, you say you couldn’t find any of this at the store this season? And the cupboards are bare of patience at your house? Ah, but wait, I see some hiding in the back closet, just waiting for you to pull it out from behind those jeans that you can’t wear anymore. (The jeans that you can’t throw away because someday you’ll be able to wear them again? See? You ARE patient!) The fact is, we all can profit from valuing patience as a virtue. Patience that our Corgi still pulls socks out of the laundry even though we developed a brilliant training plan and followed it to the letter. Patience that our Great Dane insists on pooping in the middle of the driveway where our visitors always walk to enter the house. And, most challenging of all, patience with ourselves for being human, as in “To err is human, to forgive divine.”)
3. A BALANCE OF PEACE AND EXHILARATION: Just like us, dogs need a balance of rest and stimulation. Of course, every dog needs a slightly different balance, but sleeping all day and night on the couch isn’t any better for dogs than it is for people (with exemptions for the elderly or the infirm). Being bored isn’t fun for anyone, and it’s not good for any animal who needs stimulation to keep the wheels of mind and body well greased. I’m not saying your dog needs to go to graduate school and get a degree in engineering. I am saying that dogs can get bored, just like you, by walking the same walk every day, doing the same thing every day, and never having to think about much of anything at all, except when the dinner bowl is going to get filled. At the same time, dogs need peace and quiet, a chance to refresh and lay down the confusions and complexities of living in a social system that often makes no sense. Lately I’ve seen an increasing number of dogs who I suspect are exhausted: Between agility and trick class and the dog park and doggie day care, the poor things need some time to just chill out. Being happy is often about finding the right balance, so ask yourself: How is the balance for you right now? How is it for your dog? Do you need to do some re-balancing?
4. HELP LEARNING EMOTIONAL CONTROL: Dogs are like people–some come with an inherent ability to react to life’s challenges with calm, noble stability, while others bob around like a boat without an anchor. The latter is a far more common personality type, and just like us, most dogs need to learn to control their emotions lest they sink the ship. I remember watching a five-year old boy have a melt down in a restaurant because his mother cut his sandwich IN HALF instead of in quarters. He kept scream-sobbing “YOU CUT IT IN HALF!!!” and while we all watched with sympathy for his mother, and amusement at the extremity of his distress. We also remembered what it felt like to have your world destroyed because, well, someone cut your sandwich in half. (And it better be on the diagonal!) Children learn, as they mature, that frustration and fear and anger are all a part of living, and that they’ll find ways to cope with them and damp down their intensity. Dogs learn the same–or they don’t. I’ve seen dogs lose it, just like that little boy, when they were pulled away from a window, or prevented from running up to another dog. Dogs don’t scream-sob, at least not very often, but they do turn and bite when they are overwhelmed with frustration. Helping them learn to cope is a priceless gift that only we can give them.
5. PLAY. Silly, goofy moments of pure foolishness, with no pressure to perform and where absolutely nothing matters except having a good time. It’s true that not all dogs play in the way often we define it; Tootsie had no concept of object play at all, for example. But every once in a while she would tear around the yard in circles, after watching Willie do the same with a toy in his mouth. She looked overwhelmed with joyful abandon and finished by running up to me with her eyes sparkling and her face shining. Of course, none of us know what was going on inside her head at that time, but I’d bet a lot of money that it can be summed up as “Wheeeeeee!” Tootsie was a good reminder for us to define play loosely; just because a dog doesn’t play fetch doesn’t mean you can’t play together. There are so many games we can play with our dogs, like “Can you find the sausage I hid in the tree bark?” Tootsie and I, for example, used to go on Treasure Hunts, where we looked for the treats scattered in the grass or the snow. This year, metaphorically wrap up the present of play for your dog, and think about ways you can add some more games to the mix. You don’t need to buy anything, all you need is some creativity and the motivation to take the time. I’d write more, but it’s time to go play some more with the dogs…
Here’s the photo I attached to that post in 2013, the one I used for our Christmas card:
MEANWHILE, back on the farm in 2023: It’s cold and blustery today, but it’ll be up in the 40’s and even the 50’s soon. Too warm for the plants and animals around us. Cloudy. Grey/brown. Rain on Christmas Day. Humbug.
Here’s something more cheerful: A video of Skip and I working on his driving, me outside of the enclosure, trying to take myself out of the picture so that he focuses on just moving the sheep forward. You’ll see I’m working the sheep against a fence, which makes driving easier for the dog, since one side is protected already. My goal is to have him become more comfortable working on the right side of the sheep. As you know, he usually “cheats” to the left when he’s driving (probably because of his recently diagnosed vestibular deficit.) But, OF COURSE, because I was having a friend video it, he didn’t this time. Yet another example of the “The “McConnell Method!,” which eliminates a behavior problem as soon as you try to video it. (But only when videoing, no carry over.)
He does start to drift around second 104-5, but did much better than usual. Maybe, could it be, that this practice is helping? Doubtful, frankly, I’ve done it often, but still, he looked pretty good and we both had fun. (Note: He also flanks too wide at second 42+, his other serious flaw. But, one thing at a time, right?
That’s it for me this week, I’m deep into baking, and presents, and get-togethers with dear friends. I’ll leave you with this:
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
May the New Year be full of peace and exhilaration,
in just the right amounts, at just the right time.
lak says
Merry Christmas and & Happy New Year! It’s me and dog for christmas this year and I could not be happier. Had many early parties I attended, but got some goodies, books, and movies, and looking forward to lounging after long walks with my dog.
Kat says
Thank you for this timely reminder. Falkor Bash would definitely like some clarity and patience under the tree. The problem is I can’t seem to find the key to what makes him tick. Once I figure out what makes a dog tick I can use that to explain why cooperating with me will be a good thing and the rest falls into place. We strongly suspect that Falkor is a Golden/Pyr and I sometimes wonder if the personality conflict between the friendly enthusiastic Golden and the independent reserved Pyr is where the key is but I still haven’t found it. The result is a dog that is all too often confused about what’s wanted. We explore a lot of parks most of which are really interesting places for dogs and people alike. Unfortunately some of them turn out to be not much more than a parking area and boat ramp. I wish I could explain to him why we want him to get back in the car so we can try another park. And I get impatient because I can’t explain. Sigh. We’ll get there eventually but it’s weird having this delightful dog and feeling like we don’t understand each other most of the time.
In contrast, D’Artagnan was easy. Once it was clear that the fastest way to get to do what he wants is to do what I ask and that I have useful information about things we began to understand each other very well. Only occasionally does he have confusion about what’s going on and we usually work it out pretty quickly.
Frances says
Such excellent reminders – I have been coping with a cancer scare in my now elderly papillon Sophy which has been particularly hard after losing toy poodle Poppy and Tilly-cat this year. But her vet is hopeful that it was caught in time for surgery to be curative and in any case these are the good days – recovered from surgery, no signs of recurrence or spread, and it is time to set worry on one side and seek out those moments of exhilaration to dream about during her long snoozes (and that might, with luck, tire her enough to sleep past 5am… What did you say about Patience?!) . Young Freddy is delighted that my physiotherapist has advised I should practice getting down on the floor and up again as often as possible – if every exercise involves play bows and silly games while I am down there, and perhaps finding balls in the Lost Lands Beneath The Sofa then it becomes much more fun for both of us. You have reminded me that there can be so much joy in the little things – thank you.
Zabby says
What a lovely post. Thank you–and Merry Christmas and biscuits all around!
Melissa Bell says
This is such a great reminder that:
1. Our dogs, just like us, don’t need more “things”.
2. Time spent with our dogs doesn’t need to be giant chunks.
3. Fun. Don’t forget the fun.
Thank you for this great post!
Carole says
Thank you for this! I definitely need a large dose of patience for my ancient Shih Tzu Baxter. I took him in two years ago [because why settle for three dogs when you can have four? :-)]. He was living in a retirement home and was about to be put down because he was ‘an unnecessary expense’. He has a grade four heart murmur that requires twice daily medication, is blind, and no one knows exactly how old he actually is. At the retirement home, he was largely ignored and not fed or taken outside regularly, which of course resulted in accidents. From the first day he moved in with us, he has barked and stomped around when he needs to go out. My need for patience comes for when he wakes me up at 4 or 5 in the morning when all I want to do is stay in bed. He has to be carried in and out. I need to have the patience to realize he is being a Very Good Boy by telling me he has to go, and not resent being pulled out of my warm bed. Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from me and my pack!
Amy F says
I love this post sooooo much. Hoping the person I forward it to will actually read it and heed it. (And, it’s a good prompt for me to make a new fun house tunnel of cardboard boxes for our bun for Christmas!)
With my ethologist’s hat on, I have a question… Do sheep ever show signs of learning the meaning of the whistles? Like, “That oooo-ee means the predator is going to come at us from the other side now,” kind of thing?
Merry Christmas to you, J, M, and S!
Sandy says
Love this! Love to watch my dogs play and their styles are different but even tho there’s a (good) chance for injury or over-craziness, I adore watching my pups with zoomies (and yes – we stop them before someone gets hurt). Talk about utter abandonment to joy, especially with the 1 year old. As a fairly non-competitive person, I’ve learned from my 7 y.o. corgi that one day doing NASDA sports and she needs a day of rest before another competing day — and being relieved as I also need that day of rest. Titles can wait or never even happen but the joy of a happy well rested dog doing her thing is immeasurable. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!
Sue F says
When my girl came to me two years ago as a rescue she brought me the gifts of companionship, laughter, purpose, and the opportunity to experience a rare virtue-patience. As we discovered each other, patience taught me to step back and realize the things she “wouldn’t” do were probably because she had never been asked or shown before. So many things she picks up quickly, some she still prefers not to on a regular basis. We often look at each other, trying to suss out which one of us will demonstrate competence at a particular behavior this time. The results are not 100% in my favor….
The glorious thing is that patience is an endless well disguised as a puddle. There is more, I just need to go and get some.
Pat Anderson says
Thank you Patricia! I am going to share your five points with my fellow volunteers at Oregon Humane Society. They are excellent reminders to stop and think, and relax.
As usual, I can barely follow what Skip is doing– more so this time, and it demonstrates the energy level of this type of dog, what they can do and what they NEED to do.
Trisha says
Sue F: “Patience is an endless well disguised as a puddle?” That is BRILLIANT!! Is that your line?
Trisha says
Amy F: In answer to your question: Yes, yes, the sheep can learn the meaning of the whistles. Once, when Willie was injured an unable to work, I just whistled “walk up” for two days until the sheep started looking around like cartoon characters. “Wait! Wait a minute! There’s no dog here!” Suddenly easy tasks became a whole lot harder. I’ve never appreciated a working dog more than then.
Trisha says
Carole: It sounds to me like you have the patience of a saint!
Trisha says
Kat: I too need to dip into the well of patience when Skip does things that just MAKE NO SENSE. Even when they do (drifting left on a drive NO MATTER WHAT), I still struggle. Patience is simply not my virtue, but lordy, I am trying. Good luck with Falkor, he is lucky to have you. (I forget — hold old? My Pyr’s were basically idiots until they were 2.5 yrs old.)
Betsy says
Merry Christmas and thank you for this year’s gift of your knowledge and humor!
I would love to play some puzzle games with my almost year old Great Dane! So far, all the puzzle games I’ve seen are designed for smaller dogs. I’m afraid Levi will literally eat the pieces! Are there any ideas for indoor mental stimulation games or puzzles for the giant pups?
Anne says
Your columns are a wonderful gift to all of your readers — especially today’s insightful comments about 5 points to keep in mind as we interact with the dogs we love. And your video filled me with admiration for what you and your wonderful dogs have accomplished together. Reading this post was a lovely holiday treat – Thank You So Much!
Kat says
Nominally Falkor Bash will be 3 in February but in fact we have no ideaa. He was picked up as a stray and the only thing all the various vets that examined him agreed on age – wise is that he had all his adult teeth. Age guesses among the various vets, shelter, rescue, foster, and our own, ranged from him being picked up at 10 months to being 18 months when he was caught. Our vets agreed that a year seemed pretty accurate so we made his birthday his gotcha day February 5. Part of our problem is simply that we lost a year of working together when I wrecked my shoulder. A Pyr that is just beginning to learn leash manners and is still inclined to pull like a freight train and a handler with only one good shoulder do not mix. Now that the shoulder is functionally about 90% recovered we’re doing more together.
Orietta says
Thank you Trisha for this post, it’s so true but often forgotten.. Best wishes for a warmful festive season and for a New Year full of joy
Rose says
When I adopted Storm, my now 6 year old Siberian Husky, I became his 3rd and FINAL human at the young age of four. To say he has taught me the gifts of patience and grace is a understatement lol. He would definitely agree with this list.
And yes, he does scream sob!!
Barb Stanek says
Love the revisit with Tootsy! Such a fun dog! LOVE the video of Skip’s work.
What a strong team you and he are becoming. Great Christmas card picture!
Sending everyone wishes for a wonderful holiday !
Barb, Starshine, and Flash Gordon
Jeannine L Mallard says
Merry Christmas and happy New Year!
Thank you for sharing wonderful advice on humans, dogs and life in general!
Kathy says
I have 2. A Border Collie & a Border/Aussie mix. I am sure they loved your suggestions. I’m convinced what they would love most is a day that I don’t touch the phone or computer and spend that time focused on them.
Tails Around the Ranch says
Wishing you and your Happy Howlidays with best wishes for a safe and healthy 2024.
LisaW says
I just had to share the one thing I wanted for the holidays.
I stumbled upon this UK ceramics studio online: https://shop.christinecummings.co.uk/collections/frontpage
and commissioned an Olive-on-the-Hill sculpture. https://photos.app.goo.gl/owdYuxXbqUuGongY6
It is bringing me such joy on this darkest day of the year after one of the darkest years of my life.
It captures her essence so perfectly, and I am in love with the textures, colors, glazes, and scale. (As a former potter, I was immediately smitten with their work.)
Days will lengthen, time will pass, and Olive will sit tall on her hill.
Happy Solstice and New Year everyone.
Haley says
The whistling in that video woke my dog up from his nap! But he’s tired from being at boarding over Christmas, so he’s already settled back down for his tenth nap of the day before noon. I’m looking forward to our new year’s tradition of going on an outside adventure first thing in the morning – my dog doesn’t know yet, but we are going to THE BEACH! His favorite favorite! Should be a good 4th birthday for him and a new year for both of us 🙂
Pamela says
I have just recently found you (and some of your books) and it has been such a pleasure. That you were able to disclose those awful things from your past (my heart hurt for you) and your attempts to try to forgive yourself showed me your true courage. Brava ! The love you shared with us about your “Cool Hand Luke” was described so beautifully I could almost see you two together. The trying times you had with your Will really showed your determination to correct him and let him be a better dog with such loving attention was amazing ! Years ago I started my dog family of standard schnauzers and ended up with Mother Beauty, Father Buddy, older brother Max and little sister Eve. The several litters we had were easy and such fun to be there each time with Beauty. She both house broke and taught the puppies so much. I was fortunate to have them all to old age. Looking back, those years we had with all of them we will treasure always. I just really wanted to thank you for sharing all that you have within your books. I like the pictures of you through the years and think it’s no wonder you are the pretty one with such a lovely smile. Sorry to run on like I have but I am so excited to learn of you and your books. I will be out here looking forward to your next blog ! I am wishing you a Happy New Year filled with sunshine, love, and lots of laughter.
Chris from Boise says
In the very first moments of a brand new year (only up to keep the dogs company against the pops of the fireworks), I wish you and your readers and all our pets the very best. My wishes can’t top yours – peace and exhilaration in balance!
This is such a lovely post, Trisha. I’ve been musing on it since you posted it, have nothing profound to add beyond what your wise commenters have said. Just – thanks for helping us be better people for our dogs.
Ann Flegel says
We adopted a foster two years ago. He was so starved we’re amazed he made it. We love him dearly, and want to make up for past hardships. We have a house full of wonderful toys. We have tug toys we used when working on a BH for one of our Boxers. He seems “toy” blind. Balls, and soft toys are of no interest to him. Throw a toy, and he doesn’t move or pay any attention. No ball play, no squeeky toy interest. He’ll run and do recalls, but that is it. He’ll shake, down and stay when treats are involved. He’s interested in training. It makes me sad he doesn’t now what to do with any toys. Do you think we can train him to play. Would trauma be a facter here? Thank you
Trisha says
Ann: I’ve met so many rescued dogs who ignored toys! I wonder if there’s not something like a critical period for object play, and if dogs aren’t introduced to it during that time, they don’t seem to pay any attention. I have had a bit of luck using Kongs stuffed with food–stuff the Kong, throw it just a few feet away ad let the dog chew on it. Gradually increase the distance. I had a few client’s dogs who became interested in toys that way, but not many. If he was my dog I’d spend more time teaching tricks, which lots of dogs adore. They are light-hearted and silly and lead to yummy treats. That’s the quick answer; hope it is a bit helpful.