What Dogs Want For Christmas, Revisited
Pondering about what to write in this week’s post, I thought: I know! I’ll write an article about what dogs REALLY want for Christmas. Deep from within my dusty, cobwebbed brain, a thought emerged, like smoke arising from smoldering embers. Have I ever written about that in the past?
Oh, she said, having checked previous blog articles, “Just last year!” And so I dismissed it as a topic, but couldn’t resist reading through what I’d written before. And changed my mind, because, 85%, I think it’s truly important, and 10%, I need the reminder myself and will use it to motivate myself to do better by my dogs, and 5%, I really love the way I wrote it up AND I am deep in the middle of working on revisions to my novel as suggested by my editor and can’t wait to get back to it. (Dear Santa, see how good I’m being, so honest and all?)
Here’s what I posted last December, with some tweaks and comments from me about how I’m going to ensure that my dogs get what they want for Christmas, and 2025. Please inspire us all by adding your own ideas in the comments!
Chew bones and tasty snacks are nice, but here is what I think our dogs really want for Christmas:
1. CLARITY: Our dogs are living with aliens–us. They may love us deeply, but they still spend much of their life confused. After all, dogs are living in a world in which we yell at them for eating poop, and then pick it up and hoard it ourselves. We have five synonyms for one command, change the rules day by day, and say one thing with our voices and something different with our bodies. The best gift you can give your dog is to spend some time during the holidays and ask yourself: How can I make life more clear, and thus easier, for my dogs? No matter how brilliant we are with our dogs, surely every one of us could pick one potential source of confusion and clear it up in the new year.
Mine: Put a sock in it, Trisha. I “talk” to Skip too much when he’s working. It probably just tires him out. (Note: Alert readers might recall I have mentioned this in the past. Please keep this to yourself lest I crumble with angst and embarrassment.)
2. OUR PATIENCE: What, you say you couldn’t find any of this at the store this season? And the cupboards are bare of patience at your house? Ah, but wait, I see some hiding in the back closet, just waiting for you to pull it out from behind those jeans that you can’t wear anymore. (The jeans that you can’t throw away because someday you’ll be able to wear them again? See? You ARE patient!) The fact is, we all can profit from valuing patience as a virtue. Patience that our Corgi still pulls socks out of the laundry even though we developed a brilliant training plan and followed it to the letter. Patience that our Great Dane insists on pooping in the middle of the driveway where our visitors always walk to enter the house. And, most challenging of all, patience with ourselves for being human, as in “To err is human, to forgive divine.”)
Mine: What, am I writing this article solely for myself? The woman who is the first to admit that Patience comes to visit but never likes to stay long? In truth, I can be super patient about some things–using the bucket game to teach Skip to let me squirt a nasty ointment into his eyes, or Maggie to have her nails dremeled. But dealing with Skip’s super strong “eye” that causes him to over flank when I desperately need him to get the sheep down the steep hill and into the barn when it’s raining and I’m tired and Maggie could do it in a microsecond? I’d give myself a B. Going for an A in 2025.) Yours?
3. A BALANCE OF PEACE AND EXHILARATION: Just like us, dogs need a balance of rest and stimulation. Of course, every dog needs a slightly different balance, but sleeping all day and night on the couch isn’t any better for dogs than it is for people (with exemptions for the elderly or the infirm). Being bored isn’t fun for anyone, and it’s not good for any animal who needs stimulation to keep the wheels of mind and body well greased. I’m not saying your dog needs to go to graduate school and get a degree in engineering. I am saying that dogs can get bored, just like you, by walking the same walk every day, doing the same thing every day, and never having to think about much of anything at all, except when the dinner bowl is going to get filled. At the same time, dogs need peace and quiet, a chance to refresh and lay down the confusions and complexities of living in a social system that often makes no sense. Lately I’ve seen an increasing number of dogs who I suspect are exhausted: Between agility and trick class and the dog park and doggie day care, the poor things need some time to just chill out. Being happy is often about finding the right balance, so ask yourself: How is the balance for you right now? How is it for your dog? Do you need to do some re-balancing?
Glory halleluyah, Skip and Maggie have it pretty good here. Working sheep, endless belly rubs on the couch at night, walks through our woods, walks off the farm, chew toys . . . And yet, I know that Skip would love to spend more time outside. He spent his first 3.5 years in Ireland and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t on someone’s couch. I think he would love more time to just be outside. I can work on that.
4. HELP LEARNING EMOTIONAL CONTROL: Dogs are like people–some come with an inherent ability to react to life’s challenges with calm, noble stability, while others bob around like a boat without an anchor. The latter is a far more common personality type, and just like us, most dogs need to learn to control their emotions lest they sink the ship. I remember watching a five-year old boy have a melt down in a restaurant because his mother cut his sandwich IN HALF instead of in quarters. He kept scream-sobbing “YOU CUT IT IN HALF!!!” and while we all watched with sympathy for his mother, and amusement at the extremity of his distress. We also remembered what it felt like to have your world destroyed because, well, someone cut your sandwich in half. (And it better be on the diagonal, just saying.) Children learn, as they mature, that frustration and fear and anger are all a part of living, and that they’ll find ways to cope with them and damp down their intensity. Dogs learn the same–or they don’t. I’ve seen dogs lose it, just like that little boy, when they were pulled away from a window, or prevented from running up to another dog. Dogs don’t scream-sob, at least not very often, but they do turn and bite when they are overwhelmed with frustration. Helping them learn to cope is a priceless gift that only we can give them.
Both Maggie and Skip do a great job with this. But sometimes I have the opposite problem sometimes with Skip when working sheep. He is so worried about making a mistake that sometimes he chooses not to choose. “I’ll just stand here and not do anything.” He came that way,and ever since I’ve been working hard to let him work on his own (a challenge, because of that strong eye and that weird neuro stuff he has going on). Finding the balance between letting him work on his own but not practicing bad habits will be my challenge til the end of our days.
5. PLAY. Silly, goofy moments of pure foolishness, with no pressure to perform and where absolutely nothing matters except having a good time. It’s true that not all dogs play in the way often we define it; Tootsie had no concept of object play at all, for example. But every once in a while she would tear around the yard in circles, after watching Willie do the same with a toy in his mouth. She looked overwhelmed with joyful abandon and finished by running up to me with her eyes sparkling and her face shining. Of course, none of us know what was going on inside her head at that time, but I’d bet a lot of money that it can be summed up as “Wheeeeeee!” Tootsie was a good reminder for us to define play loosely; just because a dog doesn’t play fetch doesn’t mean you can’t play together. There are so many games we can play with our dogs, like “Can you find the sausage I hid in the tree bark?” Tootsie and I, for example, used to go on Treasure Hunts, where we looked for the treats scattered in the grass or the snow. This year, metaphorically wrap up the present of play for your dog, and think about ways you can add some more games to the mix. You don’t need to buy anything, all you need is some creativity and the motivation to take the time. I’d write more, but it’s time to go play some more with the dogs…
Oh, lucky, lucky me! We have two dogs who love to play together, BUT I am always having to make adjustments. Maggie and Skip played tug together for years (which stopped Skip from freight-training into Maggie to stop her forward motion. S0 fun!–for Skip). I decided vigorous tug games are too much for Maggie’s almost 12 year old spinal column and hips. They play chase games some together, but Maggie especially misses having a toy in her mouth. She’ll stop and pick up the tiniest stick, and then Skip will try to grab onto it, it’ll break off in their mouths and I’ll imagine mouth-stick impalements . . . So, see below for my solution. It’s working great. How about you and your dog(s)?
Okay, village–your turn. Tell us your reactions to any and all of the above. Add your own ideas to the list. You know we all learn as much from your comments as we do from the post, right?
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. At least, inside. Outside it’s a dull, dreary, soggy mess of grey and brown and orange and green grass that looks totally out of place. Unlike much of the country, I sure would love some snow.
As promised, here’s Skip and Maggie playing chase/tug/not tug with the two perfect toys I bought them. What’s extra fun is that the orange color is basically brown to them, and makes the toy literally invisible to Maggie when we play “find it” every day after I work Skip.
My Santa friends are back to gracing the dining room table, along with Rebecca the reindeer.
Two of my most extravagant and crazy purchases are the two Santas below, each with beards made of wool. I saw them in a friend’s gift shop, and for some reason they called to me. We drove away without buying either, but I couldn’t get them out of my head for a week. First, should I even buy one? So expensive for such useless things. But, if I bought one, which one? Next thing you know, they both came home with us a few days later.
I call the guy below The John Lennon Santa. You can’t see them well, but he wears rimless glasses, a la Lennon.
Below is a detail of our tree, which was knocked over the night after I put all the decorations up. I suspect that Skip tried to investigate the back of it and knocked it over. Two very special ones from Jim’s mom broke and I got all sad about it because they are irreplaceable, but life goes on and no one is bombing my house or threatening my children, so I got a grip on it, just grieved for all we lose when our dear loved ones pass on.
That’s it for me for 2024, I’ll write next in early January. May your holiday times feel joyous, and warm, and loving, and restful, and fun, and relaxing . . . Does anyone else feel like the expectations of this season feel a bit, uh, unrealistic? Burdensome even? How about this: May you and your dogs be as healthy as possible, may you get some rest and relaxation, may you see some dear friends and family, may you find exactly what you want to watch on Netflix, and may you get your refrigerator cleaned out before that thing in the back evolves into a leading character in a horror movie.
Warmest wishes,
Trisha, Jim, Maggie, and Skip
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About the Author
Patricia B. McConnell, PhD, CAAB Emeritus is an applied animal behaviorist who has been working with, studying, and writing about dogs for over twenty-five years. She encourages your participation, believing that your voice adds greatly to its value. She enjoys reading every comment, and adds her own responses when she can.
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Oh, how those Christmas dog wishes speak to me! Freddy, now three and a half, started being unpleasantly bolshy with other dogs some months back – something I thought we had worked through successfully earlier in the year. I took a long, hard look, not so much at Freddy but at myself, and promised to do better. Management – a long line whenever I cannot be absolutely sure there are no other dogs around; more exercise – two short walks despite weather and my wonky hip, and at least one silly game of Piggy Fetch; redirection – a game of With Me with lots of treats and play and praise as we pass dogs; frustration control – waiting politely for treats and NOT stealing Sophy’s; and most of all more attention and more fun. It is paying off, and I am hoping we can join a fun class next year as well. And for Sophy more focus on her changing needs as she ages, including accepting with patience that if I fail to take her out frequently enough it is going to mean another (washable) rug in the washing machine – rugs are now on rotation in this house!
Wishing you and everyone here a happy, peaceful holiday – and feeling virtuous that last week I temporarily banished the evolving life form from the back of the fridge. I am ignoring the possible tendrils behind the washing machine, though…
Sniff walks – sooo stimulating and also sooo calming!
Let the dog take the lead and choose sometimes – who knows what the nose is following?
Watch your dog and just enjoy the emotional signals – there are always going to be more than we think
Some people are stuck with limited areas where dogs can be off lead with more and more being added by the day it seems (at least in the UK) but it can still be spiced up with variety by providing scattered treats and surprise hidden treats/toys etc
But, having said that we want more access, remember dogs may not enjoy being with us everywhere. Someone carried a miniature dachshund into the Royal Albert Hall for a carol concert (I was singing). No, really, no. Not fun for the dog with 2 hours of excitement from 5,500 noisy audience members, 80+ people making noise in the orchestra, 200 singers ditto, pyrotechnics etc etc
Acknowledge that not every dog wants to be the life and soul of the party – it’s OK not to socialise with other dogs too
Meanwhile, 16 more carol concerts to go before duvet day for me (and hopefully no more unhappy dogs in the audience)!!!
Structure and routine are also great gifts. My two get plenty of it, and they know what to expect throughout the day. I foster dogs for a rescue, and within a few days, they pick up on the routine and also relax, knowing what’s coming next. We get plenty of outdoor exercise and indoor relaxation, as well.
Happy Holidays to you and everyone in this community! Still training every day with the dog who tripped me on a walk trying to get to a passing dog! 85% improvement so far, we have been training for months every day and I suspect will be until either of our demise. Playing ball every day for a few minutes, this dog did not know what a ball was when I adopted her at unknown age. More exercise for both of us, we currently walk at least 2 miles per day, need to tack on an extra mile at least. Maintain both our weight, I show love with food! Appreciating a lovely holiday season this year, lost my mom in February and my sister moved in November, different, but as an old friend said years ago…different can be good! Thank you for an insightful blog and a wonderful community of animal lovers here!
Wonderful message and brought the point not to forget about the dogs in the holiday hustle and bustle.
Even after 25 years, it is still hard to have Christmas in the south after living in Wisconsin most of my adult life. We have a blended pack with an 11-year-old Aussie/Border collie mix Skye, 4-year-old Ausie Piper, and 1 year old Border Collie Belle (Memphis Belle -B-17) I’m a pilot so there is the theme. Never a dull moment around the house.
Merry Christmas to all and to my northern friends, have a white Christmas for us down here in palm tree land, Sebring, FL.
The point about finding balance between peace and exhilaration spoke loudly to me. When the dogs do well in a trial, I get motivated to trial more. Soon, I find myself having entered trials every single weekend. Is it fun? Sure. But so is hiking and just being together. Earlier this year, I made a commitment to have as many weekend days NOT trialing as trialing. My dogs, I, and my budget are all the better for it. I wonder, how many people here have seen burned out dogs? If so, what are the signs, and how do you respond? Thanks for reading!
Thank you so much for an especially wonderful column today. I really needed to be reminded about changing up my playtime with my dog, as well as consistency and patience. I love your writing, and of course the way you experience your dogs- human relationships. You are masterful at weaving togetherall of the research you have done over the years and all of the experience you have gained over the years with real life scenarios.
Your humor always makes me feel much less guilty about what I have forgotten or what I didn’t know in terms of making my dog’s life happier. Even though dogs have been crucial family members for all of my life, I forget things frequently, and I have big holes in my knowledge when it comes to how best take care of my beloved dogs. Thank you for so generously and so dependably sharing with us every month. Happy holidays, and I hope your family’s 2025 is a fabulous one.
Wishing us all a peaceful holiday season and a new year filled with joy. My dogs stockings are stuffed with treats from Saint Roccos. I may even sneak a bite 🙂 They are also enjoying the benefits of a fresh cooked diet with a focus on traditional chinese medicine. Can’t wait for my new tcm book under the tree.
I feel like I deserve a medal having made it through life’s universal challenges this year — death, illness, aging, and just plain life. So I am sinking into a comfy chair, loving the dogs at my feet, and basking in the joys of the season. No pressure on me or the dogs to do everything. Endless gratuitude to the dogs for sharing their lives and their love with me.
2024 won’t go down as one of my better years for dogs since I lost 2 this year. First was Spot – a bright, happy 6 year old. He contracted pancytopenia and wasn’t responding to treatment so I had to make the decision to let him pass. Then last month was Sean, my almost 15 year old handsome split-face blue-eyed boy. He was like Skip – talented but overcome by fear of making a mistake so he would just take the wrong flanks until I would put us both out of our misery and retire from the field. So I’m down to Pete, almost 14 and Micah, just turned 9. I’m 90% sure that I’ll be looking for a puppy (notice I didn’t say “getting” a puppy) in 2025 once I convince myself that it’s a good idea. I’m turning 70 in 10 days and my health isn’t what it used to be and I’ve grown complacent in my quiet, calm house and life. Not sure if I want to release puppy chaos on all of us but Micah might like someone to play with (Pete would rather stare at his cat) and maybe some chaos might shake me up as well. And yes, it would be another border collie because they are my breed. I have dreams of doing some recreational sheepdog trialing because I miss that bond and the sheer joy of watching my dog do something quietly spectacular. I think I’m inching closer to 100% sure of the puppy decision.
With all the HOT weather here my dogs would like to go swimming more often but life gets in the way, maybe over the Xmas period I can take them to the beach.
It’s very reassuring to hear that others struggle with patience as well. My rescue terrier came with a bunch of little quirks that I have never encountered before and it seems like one step forward two steps back many days. Still, the joy that comes when we have the perfect walk i.e. no going crazy when we see another dog, maybe even two?three?!! A gift.
Thank you for all the positive information all year long. Happy holidays and peace to all.
Thank you for another thought provoking message. This season has been difficult. Over this past year I lost my wonderful cat, my sweet cockatiel, and my irreplaceable giant boy Brody, who took my heart with him when he left this world. I am grateful for the three dogs who remain here with me, but I needed the reminder that, while they can’t fill the huge Brody-shaped hole in my life, they still need love, attention, and some fun in their lives. Wishing you, Jim, and your wonderful dogs a merry Christmas!
Daisy is showing me a very different wish list than Olive had. I’m loving sussing out how we jive in different situations. Daisy’s nature is essentially so sweet, and as a terrier, a bit stubborn but always happy. So far, her wish list is: more snuggle time, more belly rubs, more neck scritches, did I mention more snuggle time? I do want to enroll us in a Nosework class for uber-beginners and then maybe a CGC class.
On the more material side—a dear friend came to visit and brought Daisy Lamb Chop! (Remember Sheri Lewis and the sock puppet Lamb Chop?) Well, I call Lamb Chop the gateway toy. Daisy had been shy about playing with toys until she got a sniff of Lamb Chop. Now, all toys are fun and great to shake but Lamb Chop is the paws-down favorite.
Then we saw this NYT article, so fun to be in the know! https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/04/business/lamb-chop-dog-toy.html
(Okay, safe space confession: I did buy her a coat, the very first one in 40+ years of dogdom. She has no undercoat just some thin, curls, and it seemed . . .)
Happy Solstice Everyone.
Happy Holidays to everyone! Trisha – I love your “John Lennon” Santa! I have always collected ornaments. As a youngster in the 60’s I received a glass Paul McCartney Xmas ornament. I still have it! Instead of putting it on the tree I put it out of danger and hang it on the wall or from a light fixture, out of “paws way!” Hoping for a great 2025 for everyone 😉
Nothing in particular to add. Just want to say that I actually enjoyed slowing down long enough to really read and enjoy your article and savoring what’s truly important to us and our best buddies. Thank you for sharing your thoughtful insights and the fun way to look at things. Wishing you and your readers a magical season.