Kindness and Happiness
Photo by Nick Berard, Willie and Lassie, 2008
Happiness can be elusive. I first added a variety of phrases starting with “especially when . . . ,” but decided that those four words were enough. No one can be happy all the time, but who doesn’t want to be happy at least part of every day? Surely the same is true of our dogs (and all other sentient creatures). I found myself thinking about this while looking up something in my book on comparative emotions in people and dogs, For the Love of a Dog. Chapter Seven, “Happiness,” talks about many things related our mutual happiness, including how happy dogs can make us, how our expressions of happiness are similar, how we know that both species are often happiest when they anticipate something good, even more than when they get it. (See my post in 2014 on that topic). I go on to write that perhaps the most important way to make a dog happy is to understand it–what it is trying to communicate, what it wants or is afraid of, along with, of course, keeping a dog healthy and safe.
I stand by what I wrote, but nowhere, to my surprise, did I use the word “kindness.” I was so surprised that I looked in the index in The Other End of the Leash, and found no entry for it. Intrigued, I checked out some of the books on top of a nearby table–Who’s a Good Dog by Jessica Pierce, Dog Smart, by Jennifer Holland, and The Year of the Puppy, by Alexandra Horowitz. You can count on each of us, including a long list of other dog training/behavior experts, to talk about the value of positive reinforcement, and the importance of avoiding harsh language and physical corrections. But none of us used the word “kindness,” at least not in a way that it ended up in an index of important concepts.
My best explanation for the lack of that word being found in these books is that “be kind” seems so obvious. Didn’t we all grow up being told to “be kind to animals?” But, of course, some members of our species are, tragically, not kind to animals. We all know the examples; there is no need to list them here. Nor are some people kind to other people, especially those with less power. That’s always been true, but it does seem like kindness, as a value, seems to be under attack lately.
I thought it might be a good time to look into the science of kindness . . . what do we really know about it’s value? Here’s a study, one of many, that confirms its power: “A range of kindness activities boost happiness,” by Rowland and Curry, which concluded this:
“ . . . we compare acts of kindness to strong social ties, weak social ties, novel acts of self kindness, and observing acts of kindness, against a no acts control group. The results indicate that performing kindness activities for seven days increases happiness. In addition, we report a positive correlation between the number of kind acts and increases in happiness [my emphasis]. Neither effect differed across the experimental groups, suggesting that kindness to strong ties, to weak ties, and to self, as well as observing acts of kindness, have equally positive effects on happiness.”
In other words, it doesn’t matter if you are kind to close friends or strangers, being kind makes you happier. And the more often you do something kind, the happier you are. This is just one example of the value, and power of kindness to others, you can find multiple examples easily. Random Acts of Kindness, for example, is a great resource if you want to read more. (Apologies . . . a quick search didn’t turn up what acts the authors in the study above defined as “kind,” and I’m late to getting this posted. I’ll look later if life allows me to. If you have access to the study, jump into the comments section and let us know.)
For years I’ve known this, and am in the habit of handing out something–an unexpected tip perhaps?–when I am feeling blue. Here’s my favorite story about what goes around comes around: Several months ago I’d gotten some depressing medical news and was feeling down. I stopped at a Subway in Madison for a sandwich, and was discouraged by a long line. But I noticed that 5 or 6 people in the line were young Latino men, clearly all friends. I snuck around to the cashier, and whispered to him that all their lunches were on me. I told him to keep it quiet. I meant it, I truly didn’t want any attention, just to brighten someone else’s day, because, I knew it would brighten mine. (Which makes me wonder how kind I really am. Sigh.) He didn’t stay quiet–he immediately called out–Hey, guys! This lady is buying your lunches!!”
I got back to my place in line and watched as a bunch of healthy young men ordered sandwiches large enough to keep me going for a couple of days. The one closest to me asked why I was doing it. Usually I would have just smiled and said why not, but I shrugged and said I was having a bad day, and I knew it would cheer me up. The guys all got their sandwiches and sat down at a nearby table while I ordered my little veggie sub. Imagine my surprise when one of the guys appeared in front of me with a HUGE bouquet of flowers, that he had sneaked out and purchased from the store next door as a thank you from the group. And to cheer me up. Yeah, I cried. Here I thought I was doing a kindness for others, and it bounced back to me like, well, a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. I could practically cry right now thinking about it.
So. My job, after I am done writing this is to add to my To Do list: What kindness am I going to do for myself today? For Skip? For Maggie? For Jim? For a stranger? Just thinking about all this makes me happy. I already know what Maggie gets, it’s easy: A small of bowl of vanilla ice cream, also known at the farm as Maggie’s Crack Cocaine. (She starts jaw chattering if you bring out the ice cream container.) Skip is harder, because he wants more than anything to work sheep, but the fires in Canada (My heart breaks for my beloved Canadian neighbors) have made the air unsafe, so I think I’ll spend time teaching him to LOVE getting his belly shaved to keep him cool in the summer. Jim is trickier–I do promise not to shave his belly, no matter how many brownies I give him (besides, HE made the brownies!). And, he had hand surgery today (carpal tunnel), and needs some spoiling. For strangers–I’ll look up how I can best help the people forced to evacuate in Canada.
For my act of kindness to myself? Easy! I’ll read your comments about your acts of kindness and feel full up with love and happiness. Can’t wait.
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: Some days it’s like a Disney movie out here, when I all but feed birds and butterflies from my hands. Beautiful flowers, gorgeous birds, like Rose-breasted Grosbeaks, Orioles, as well as Bluebirds nesting up the hill.
Rose-breasted Grosbeak by Julie Gidwitz / Macaulay Library, Cornell All About Birds
We have several families of Grosbeaks, and a raft of other beautiful birds. But now, like a movie’s music switches from cheerful to threatening, it’s become more like a Steven King horror movie. Our feeders are overwhelmed with Grackles, Redwing Blackbirds, and worst of all, Starlings. It’s like a bunch of thugs moved into the neighborhood and are threatening all the locals.
(Thank you Wikipedia for the image.) Starlings are non-native birds who are aggressive to many native species (they love to eject bluebird eggs–is that why our BB nest up the hill is now empty?) and take over feeders. Right now they are busy chasing away other species, making horrifically ugly screechy calls, and feeding their babies the suet and seeds massive quantities that I spend a fortune on. Grackles and Red-wing blackbirds can be aggressive, but nothing compares to the all-out thuggery of Starlings.
Also in the movie is the woodchuck who is nesting again behind the barn, the one who no doubt last year ate all of my lilies, and an entire massive patch of sunflowers, along with many other beloved plants. (Skip just ran into a teenage woodchuck (also called ground hogs) this morning on our walk. I am so so proud of him for coming when called away instantly.) Add in the unseen actor who ate all of my peas, spinach, romaine lettuce, and chard in raised beds when I was distracted with company (deer, probably, but woodchuck is a possibility), and it’s like being under seige at the farm. The rabbits and I have mostly made our peace–I’ll just stop planting crocus and they don’t seem to care to leap up into the raised beds.) And, of course, there’s the chipmunks, the squirrels (could you PLEASE stop burying walnuts that sprout and send down roots to the earth’s center within days?), the mice, the voles, the . . . (no rats at the moment in the barn, thank heavens).
I’m laughing as I write because the milk of human kindness was curdling in my veins while I was writing the section above about, yeah, kindness. I kept running out to the kitchen window to see Starlings chase off Red-headed Woodpeckers, Cardinals, and the Phoebee mom nesting in the carport. I also am recalling that I am, ahem, a zoologist, who should hardly be surprised that Jim and I live in a neighborhood of many other species whose interests do not align with ours. Not to mention that, like Starlings, our ancestors are from Europe too. Neither has our species been particularly kind to most of the natural world. So I will laugh at myself, find humane ways to protect our interests, and continue on.
Here’s some happy photos from the farm: Maggie loves to play with toys as much as any dog I’ve known. Want a happy face? Go outside with Maggie and toss her toy. (I am so sorry I cut your head off, Princess Margaret. Had to restrict the amount of time I was outside.)
Skip and Maggie looking sort of noble: (Looks like Maggie would like to lie down but Skip’s hip is in her way.)
There is some good garden news–the strawberries are prolific. And covered with netting that we hope will be enough to protect them from the hungry hoards.
Still lots of flowers; the iris are especially gorgeous this year. And I just learned that Columbine flowers are good to eat. They are! They are super sweet. What a fun thing to learn.
I’ve gotta call it quits, but I can’t wait to check in and find out what kindnesses you are going to bless the world with today. Thank you in advance, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself, maybe the hardest job of all?
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About the Author
Patricia B. McConnell, PhD, CAAB Emeritus is an applied animal behaviorist who has been working with, studying, and writing about dogs for over twenty-five years. She encourages your participation, believing that your voice adds greatly to its value. She enjoys reading every comment, and adds her own responses when she can.
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I happen to have a soft spot in my heart from reading “Arnie the Darling Starling” years ago, and I love that you came around to the fact that many of us are non-native transplants from Europe, too. Thank you for pointing out kindness’ correlation to happiness; I will work harder at finding opportunities!
Michelle McM: I will find that book and read it in order to get some perspective! Thank you for the kindness of suggesting it!
One of my favorite ways to extend kindness to strangers is to offer an unexpected compliment. If I see a someone wearing particularly beautiful shoes or a hat or carrying a nice bag, I’ll tell them how much I like it. It’s amazing how such a small thing can really cheer both of us up. I don’t know if it also works for men but I only do it for women.
Sharon: I love the unexpected compliments too! I’ll often say s/t about a blouse or bag–never about their hair or their body, and it does seem to make the recipient happy (and me too.) My one exception is at a cafe where I told a waitress “I’d like an order of your eye lashes.” Could’ve been a tad rude but she seemed to love it
Ah, I wondered where all our starlings had gone! Urban starlings have really declined as (understandably) buildings put up spikes to deter roosting. London’s West End used to be one of the places to see all the starlings trying to roost on the theatres on summer evenings.
We still get some amazing murmurations in some parts of the UK though. So many of our birds are dull in colour (BBBs – boring brown birds), but the starlings add subtle colour. They are also the clowns of the bird world.
Charlotte K: Thanks for the perspective! Starlings here are dull as dishwater compared to so many other native birds. Don’t know how they act there, but here they are so incredibly aggressive. Once I watched them pull a entire nest of birds (forget the species) out of a nest cavity, one by one, and kill each one. I can get that they are clowns though! Smart smart birds. Remind me a bit of humans… send them to a foreign land and watch them take it over.
Your kindness in the subway made me tear up, especially the quick turnaround. So many opportunities to share kindness especially in our “today”. I have a t-shirt that reads “kindness is free” but I will try to look more deeply for ways to express it. Those who have no voice or is limited need our voice, especially our furry friends ☺️.
Dianne, yes yes, kindness is especially important now, for sure!
A heartfelt THANK YOU from Canada !!!
❤🇨🇦
Eh! back MaryAnn F: Sending love from your neighbor, lucky to live close to you.
The only sheep and sheep stories that I “know” are those that I read in this weekly column where sheep have names and quirky behaviors. That said, I was laughing out loud at the sheep in the book “Big Bad Wool, a Sheep Detective Story” by Leonie Swann. Aubrey, the goat, has a starring role, too. Again, from following this blog, I’m guessing that you’ll enjoy Ms. Swann’s off-the-wall humor.
Sandy M: I loved that story! Thanks for the smile
I read every word today. I’m so glad that we are friends. I look forward to sometime this summer or fall when you and Jim and the adorable dogs come to our cabin for a stay. I’m missing our dog Dart every waking moment. So far I haven’t been able to find a replacement. It’s just me and Don and the best cat in the world. Kindness is catchy!!!
Barbara G: Dart was such GREAT dog, I so understand why you miss him! We look forward to seeing you again too. This summer is full of family visits (which is heaven for me), but fall is looking good!
I always cry when someone is kind to me and I cried when those young men bought you flowers. Even second hand kindness gets to me.
I don’t do enough kindnesses but I do offer to help anyone who is having a knee replacement since after I had one I realized just how much help I needed.
Julie-CR: What a good way to help out others! Thanks for the smile.
We have 2 corgis, one Pembroke and one Cardigan. The Pem is a high drive-nothing-stops-me while the Cardigan has initial fear and hesitation on new things (and most everything new is scary). While giving him ample opportunities to check out scary things at his own pace, I discovered that telling him how wonderful he is makes an amazing difference. And to the Pem, too. Just a moment of honoring their awesomeness, that moment of extra kindness for very little things, has given me 2 dogs that appear super happy almost all the time. Finding that works for people too, as long as it comes from the heart and not just the mouth.
Well, Sandy, you are wonderful too!! For knowing what your Cardigan needs. Skip responds the same way; if I tell him what a wonderful boy he is (aka, Mr. Wonderful), he truly seems to love it. Maggie likes treats and massages, thank you very much.
I love starlings – what is more beautiful and ethereal than a murmuration? Someone told me to put only sunflower chips in my feeders if I wanted to discourage starlings, and it has worked for me for decades now. One will occasionally try them, then move on. My personal nemesis is Eastern gray squirrels. For reasons known only to themselves, they have chewed through the power cables on my house. Twice.
I was presented with the opportunity to do a very good deed for a desperate young woman in need (I didn’t know how much need until we started talking) – a stranger – and although this was years ago, I still glow with happiness every time I think of it. Surely there is no greater joy-bringer than performing acts of kindness.
Dixie, ah, it is all about contest, isn’t it! Earlier this spring I said “Hey, Starling and Grackles and Redwings are birds too. No reason not to feed them. I wouldn’t mind, but they have literally taken over all 7 feeders. They chase away all other birds, and have been ransacking (ie, killing) the eggs in several nests. Their young have an obnoxious screech when begging, and when 20 of them are at your feeders screeching and chasing away all the other birds, it’s hard to like them. I’ve been advised to switch to safflower seeds and am trying that now. But taking down the suet feeders especially is hard–now I look out the window to see hungry woodpeckers, who I know have babies, looking everywhere for the food they’ve learned is always there. Hopefully, things will balance out soon. But thanks for the reminder about murmurations! They are indeed magical.
A month ago, I got a 9 week old puppy who had zero exposure to the world, people, etc. To help remedy that, every day we go out together and explore, see new places, have experiences and mostly meet a few new people.
Her natural response to people (and many other things) is vocal (barking) all while her tail is wagging. Every single person – well over 80 now, and 95% of them complete strangers to me – has shown a gentle sensitivity to her, taken it slow in approach & in general allowed her the space to get comfortable & eventually sniff, be touched, accept treats that I hand them, etc.
Their kindness has meant so much to me – and has reminded me that (in this so volatile world we are living in right now), innate goodness is all around!
Wonderful story Julie L, thanks for sharing. And good luck with your pup!
Hello, from Ontario. 😊
Here in Ottawa, the starlings are not aggressive, and sit in huge flocks in trees, chattering away delightfully. That reminds me that we all behave differently, depending on where we are and who we are with.
The other day, un Halifax, I paid fir a coffee with a twenty, and told the man at the cash, to apply the change to the meals of a Ukranian family behind me in line. I still feel happy about it, four days later!
Jennifer T:And now I’m happy too, just reading this!
I so enjoy this blog. There, done. Your kindness to a stranger is sorted. Thank you.
About fifteen years ago, during a rather lonely time in my life, I adopted a dog who turned out to be highly reactive. We had a very rough beginning, and then an even rougher time as the true dimensions of her limitations began to take shape.
I was determined that I could help her if I just learned enough about dog behavior & training, and so amassed an incredible reading pile. Book after book about fear, reactivity, counter-conditioning, fear, shyness, reactivity, fear, stress, fear…
At some point, overwhelmed and probably in tears yet again, I picked up “For the Love of a Dog,” likely intending to re-read the chapter on fear. Instead, I found myself turning to the chapter on Happiness. I was amazed by how much lighter I felt just a few pages in. Just *reading* about happiness had a noticeable, much-needed effect on my mood…which was a first clue into what effect reading & thinking endlessly about fear & stress might be having!
I read that chapter many times over, usually at bedtime, just as a kind of medicine. And have always meant to say thank you! I love the story about the sandwiches/bouquet, and I agree that kindness and connection are tremendous tools for getting us through difficult times (or any times, really).
lynn, what a gift you just sent me! And ironic–Yesterday I was thinking about another topic for the blog, picked up For the Love and ended up doing exactly what you did. I read the chapter on Happiness, found the recent study on its effects, and the blog then wrote itself. Another irony… I’m having one of those frustrating mornings, and your comment lifted me up. Thank you!
Dave and I thank you for kindly signing a copy of “The Other End…” for Meleesa to give to me. I’m having a particularly grueling work day, which gives me a good opportunity to compliment my coworkers. Dave will get to walk and/or catch his disk tonight.
We just bought a new car and instead of trading in our old one we gave it to our catsitter who has been so worried about being able to continue doing her business because her very elderly car kept giving out. Our old car is four years old, a very good model, and we kept it in good shape. She was just overwhelmed by our gift, she said she couldn’t sleep the night after we gave it to her, but honestly it really felt like the right thing to do. I also always tip generously no matter what, it’s such a small thing to do but I know it can make a big difference.
Elizabeth P, what a wonderful, wonderful thing to do! And yes, yes re tipping generously. I waitressed once (busy bar in Ketchikan, Alaska–hard, hard work–and so appreciate what servers do. Every once in a while (wish we could do it more), besides tipping well, Jim or I will drop $100 as a surprise. Maybe once or twice a year, but feels WONDERFUL! Just wish I had more to give.
This may be off the wall, but when I see a creature (cockroach that’s outside, a spider or a tiny flying somebody) I remind myself that, ‘ I don’t have to kill that.’
While resisting the impulse to do so doesn’t exactly make me feel happy, I know it makes me feel better than if I squashed it for no good reason.
Gayla, not off the wall at all. Good for you!
Thank you for thinking of us Canadians during the wildfires. There is a fantastic organization in Alberta called Parachutes for Pets that is helping care for people’s animals while they flee the fires. They also do amazing work every other day of the week. The Alberta Animal Rescue Foundation (AARCS) also brings in pets that need to be evacuated. https://www.parachutesforpets.com/ http://www.aarcs.ca ❤️🇨🇦🐾🐾
Lorelei: Thank you!! I’m on it right now!!!
There is a wonderful organization focused on taking actions that make us and others happy, and most of that is focused on kindness. Action for Happiness has daily reminders, monthly calendars, webinars, online courses and a host of resources to help the world be a kinder and happier place. https://actionforhappiness.org/
My act of kindness- I took in a 19 year old woman when her abusive mother kicked her out of the house. She is officially going to stay living in my house and go to school and work. The dogs and cat love her and having an extra person in the house to help with their care and happiness is a blessing.
And I did shed a tear when I read your subway story. You picked a good group of young men to treat!
I, too, loved your story about the Subway sandwiches & the floral bouquet. You are a remarkable person, in so many ways, as well as a mentor for those of us who crave living with dogs.
My main act of “kindness” was agreeing with my husband’s desperate desire to adopt a puppy, even though: a) we’re both still grieving over the recent death of our beloved Sheltie, Kammeron; and b) I’m still recovering from a very traumatic hip break & still cannot ambulate without a walker and electric stair-lift.
I knew I’d be treading on very “thin ice” if we had a tiny new puppy racing around us as I anxiously maneuvered my walker. (Especially when he gets the “zoomies.”) Brian picked out a tiny toy poodle who initially weighed only 3 pounds in the hope that the poodle will remain small enough to fly with us when we go to CA to visit our younger daughter after she gives birth to our first (and only) granddaughter in August.
But seeing my husband’s face when he greets “Toto” (not very original, I know, but it fits) every morning & then tries to keep the puppy from removing his sox or teething on our shoelaces convinced me that he needed this act of kindness (& that it was kindness for both of us). And when Toto does something sweet or funny that’s reminiscent of our Sheltie, we turn to one another and say at the same time: “Kammie’s sending us greetings through Toto.
One of our neighbors remarked that we’re “too old” to be raising a puppy; & we certainly are feeling our age. But our grandsons are thrilled and — given today’s craziness and meanness — there are days life doesn’t seem worth living without our new puppy to love.
I love reading your column every month. It always gives me lots to think about. I’m definitely a city girl but I really enjoy hearing about stuff on your farm and especially seeing pictures because I’m way too lazy to maintain anything larger than my teeny city garden plots. Except for suet blocks I haven’t fed the birds in a while cuz I’m afraid of attracting you know, rats. Maybe I’ll give it another try. It is amazing how easy it is to be kind to strangers and how happy they are and in turn how good I feel seeing them smile. Trisha you show kindness to everyone who reads your column. (And to those of us who remember you and Larry on WPR.)
Joseph Goldstein, a Buddhist teacher, reflects on practicing “right action” that when we feel an impulse for generosity…act on it…don’t think it through. Seemed like a relevant idea to this conversation.
Also, another Buddhist thought…”When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.”
You know it is funny but here in Michigan the red wing blackbirds are the mafia around here. They chase away the starlings who just happily eat the bugs off the grass for me (all the ants). The red wing blackbirds hog everything from March until they leave the end of July. Then things calm down again.
Thanks for the lovely reminders of the simple, yet lovely, parts of the world around us. I forget sometimes to appreciate all the beauty and good people.
such an excellent blog post. I have had feeders up for a few years (Covid) and found the Starlings around here to be aggressive too. I tried Safflower but none of the birds liked them so I switched to peanuts (the woodpeckers love them) and sunflower. The starlings found other things to do and left. It took a bit but they haven’t been back, as long as I don’t use the mixed seed.
Thanks Holly! I switched to safflower and that is helping a bit, glad to know about the peanuts. (My squirrels say thank you I’m sure!)
If you’ve ever owned a VW Bus, you know first-hand how many kind people are in the world.
I had a dear friend (who sadly passed too soon) whose mere presence made me a kinder person. She saw the intricate way things were interwoven, and she exuded grace and curiosity. She saw such wonder and awe in the natural world and extended that to many species including humans. She is missed by scores of friends, and I still try to be as kind as Sherry, although I don’t quite have the instinctually gentle approach she did. Trisha, I see you in that same way (albeit from a distance).
I have done those little acts of kindness now and again, and I also did a check on the motivation. And really, does it matter? Kindness isn’t limited to the giver or recipient, it’s one of those things that spreads evenly, I think.
Now happiness, that’s another story. We have the national gross happiness scale we apply to our decision-making processes in our little ecosystem here. And Daisy has brought joy back into the house, and often with that, kindness comes in right alongside.
LisaW: I call you one VW Bus and raise you an evil Ford Mustang that repeatedly and relentlessly broke down at the worst of times. It’s brakes went out going down a steep mountain pass—not making this up–we actually had to use one of the “truck pull outs that go uphill to stop run-away trucks. But your line made me laugh, spit take literally. And, I’m pretty sure you are high on the kindness chart, always good to see you here.
I try to throw out little acts of kindness wherever I can. They are small acts but I think they add up:
Letting the person with just an armful of items ahead of me and my cart at the grocery store.
Finding the name of a good dog walker for my 86 year old friend who’s about to have a hip replaced and has a timid dog who was rescued from an abuse case and offering food delivery and a ride home from the hospital if needed.
Holding a door for the person coming up behind me.
Letting someone merge ahead of me in a long line of traffic.
Just saying hello or making friendly comments to people in a crowd (it’s amazing how people light up when you do that!).
All small things, but …
A timely reminder that it is the times when I feel I have been less than kind that I regret the most, and of how often it is stress and impatience that undermine kindness.
Sophy is getting old, and requires much patience and much kindness. This morning she announced she was hungry, and finally accepted cooked chicken with a tiny bit of beef liver and a sprinkling of minerals, but only when I served it completely separately from the extremely expensive canned food which today is Not Food. Then she wanted her blanket back on her bed, so I fetched that. Now she is mithering because she needs a poo and wants me to take her to the furthest point in the gardens to do it, and does not want to use the small back garden despite the door being open. I am awaiting a land line phone call from the hospital about a possible change in the date of my long awaited and carefully planned for hip replacement (cue major stress!) and I cannot leave the house. Thank you for reminding me that patience is at the root of loving kindness!
Oh holy #$%#% Frances, I am sorry to hear about your challenges. Difficult times indeed. Old dog, old bones, not an easy combo. And yes yes, me too (and the rest of the world? or 99.99999%) — stress, frustration, exhaustion make the milk of kindness curdle sometimes. Here’s hoping you got the call and Sophy got her poo and you can breathe a sigh of relief, even temporarily. (Now, to go check the guest room because 12.5 year old Maggie, who poos one schedule like a clock, didn’t do anything outside last night or this morning. Sigh. Life.)
Hurrah! Lovely young chap in the waiting list office has juggled me onto the same surgeon’s list on the same day at a different hospital – massive relief! Meanwhile more poos are obviously imminent – but after the kindness shown to me by someone wangling a way through one of the biggest bureaucracies in the world I am buoyed up to cope even if it is on carpet! I wonder if the people who do us a kindness remember them for as long as we do – there are many that still make me smile decades later.
Yay!!! Frances!
I value courtesy and goodwill. And dogs. And little kids. I sometimes find myself among a crowd of strangers, for example, in a grocery store or some similar environment that is proving unbearably boring to an energetic and imaginative young person. If that parent is experiencing annoyance or frustration from the young person’s actions, I am fond of saying,
“I can’t even remember the last time I had that much fun in a grocery store.” Sometimes, that brings a moment of relief.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. That’s been my mission for a long time and I’ve realized that being kind becomes a habit like anything else you practice a lot. When I’m out hiking, for example, I’ll move rocks and branches that have fallen onto the trail. I might not have any problem stepping over or around them but maybe the next person won’t be as robust so removing it is a kindness. I don’t really think about it anymore it’s just what I do but someone I was with asked the other day so it’s more to the front than usual.
I have a Little Free Library that I keep stocked with a variety of books. As my father was reaching his end and I was crisscrossing the state to spend time with him I noticed my LFL was getting messier and messier but I just didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with it. Then one day I had a bit of extra energy and time and walked up to the end of my driveway to the LFL only to discover that someone else had taken the time to tidy it and add some new books. That small act of kindness made my week.
I think that you share a hobby with me beyond dogs. One of my friends described my hobby as making the world a better place through kindness. I suppose it’s true, actively I have the Little Free Library, I Bookcross (Bookcrossing.com), I make hats that I give to homeless shelters, I volunteer with non-profits, etc., but mostly to the best of my ability I’m just kind to people.
And finally a story to make you smile. My Great Pyrenees don’t have livestock to guard so they decided that the squirrels that live in our yard are their livestock. I now have a number of very fat squirrels that have no fear of my giant dogs. The squirrels hangout with the dogs maybe 2 feet away.
Beautiful post at a time we can all extend kindness to ourselves and others. Even if we give to others to help ourselves feel better, many spiritual traditions would label this as being “wisely selfish”. You definitely created a positive ripple effect when you bought lunch for your new friends. I imagine they were a bit kinder to others the rest of the day.
XOXO
Thanks to these comments I just donated to parachutes for pets in Lorelei’s name – thanks for sharing this charity
If I could encapsulate in words the essence of what my heart dog taught me it would be this:
Be skilled. Be kind.
Move.
Be proud.
Have fun.
Know what’s important, and act like it.
I find it infinitely interesting given his breed mix:
Eskie, Foxhound, Chow Chow, and Labrador.
I surely have done my very best to be worthy of his precious teachings-in small ways often, occasionally when the stars align in big ways, and more recently I have even become able to be quite kind to myself.
Even in uncertainties, and while no stranger to the mean out there, by practicing Atlas’ teachings holistically I seem to have reached a point where my life feels structured enough in kindness on both the giving and receiving end and in many aspects of life.
All of this to say, shout out to all the doggos who show us and help us be our best kind selves!